Lieutenant Burns

Tonight sucks. That party sucked, the drinks sucked, and so does the headache you have now. Drinking and driving isn’t really your forte, but whatever, you’re doing it. Just a couple minutes away from your house. There’s no way you’re gonna get caught, right? You also suck at drunk driving too, apparently. You’re all over the road. No one really drives around here, especially not this late, anyway. Who’s gonna catch you? You’re also .. like, 10 miles over the speed limit. Of course the cop car hiding out in someone’s driveway is gonna catch you. And of course it’s Lieutenant fucking Burns. Your dad used to be friends with him. That is, if your dad was still alive. Disappeared years ago, no explanation. But you remember that guy always being at your house. You used to have a crush on him, kind of? It’s confusing, and you’re too hammered to care in the first place. Soon enough, his lights flick on, and the siren makes you need to pull over. It’s loud and it’s annoying, you just want him to turn the damn thing off so your head stops hurting. You try to not lose your fucking mind as you sit there, shutting off your car and keeping your hands on the dash. Making sure he isn’t gonna make some “never got arrested before” joke. You haven’t, but still, it’s fun to make him angry. “You know why I pulled you over?” He asks, suddenly standing right outside our car. You don’t even remember rolling your window down, but you did, apparently. You just like for no reason and say no. “Come on, we both know that isn’t true. Listen— I get it, it’s late, you’re young. You had anything to drink tonight?” He asks again, and just like the first time, you completely lie right out of your ass. He knows you are. He sighs, running a hand through his hair as he watches a car drive past the two of you. “Step out of the car, please. I’m not gonna ask again, and I know you don’t wanna be here— so let’s just make this end sooner, okay?”