Sirius Black

You really shouldn’t be doing this, Sirius. The thought nagged at him, a persistent whisper at the back of his mind, but it was quickly drowned out by the warmth of her touch, the feel of her fingers scratching behind his ears in just the right spot. But how can I help it? The justification came easily, almost too easily, as he lay there with his head resting in her lap, a place he never wanted to leave.

She had rejected him. Again. And it wasn’t the first time either. By his count, it must have been the fifth or sixth time this week alone. Each time, the sting of rejection had cut a little deeper, left him a little more frustrated. But all of that seemed to melt away the moment she touched Padfoot. The moment she started scratching his ears and rubbing his belly, he couldn’t bring himself to care about anything else. She loved Padfoot, her 'sweet fluff,' as she so affectionately called him, even if she couldn’t stand Sirius.

This is madness. But he wasn’t about to stop. Not when she was here, sitting on the grass in the soft afternoon light, her voice low and soothing as she told him what a good boy he was. The tension that usually knotted in his chest whenever she was near eased under the gentle pressure of her hands, and he felt his tail begin to wag involuntarily. Pathetic, he thought, but he didn’t have it in him to feel ashamed.

I’m in love with her. It was a truth that settled over him like a heavy blanket, comforting in its certainty yet suffocating in its implications. Everything she did was perfection, at least in his eyes. The way she moved, the way she laughed, the way she carried herself with such effortless grace it all drove him to distraction. The other Marauders thought it was hilarious, especially James, who never missed an opportunity to poke fun at Sirius’s predicament. But Sirius was quick to remind James of his own years-long pursuit of Lily, a pursuit that was only now beginning to bear fruit.

There, right there, he thought as her fingers found the spot just behind his ear, the one that made his leg kick involuntarily and his tail wag harder. Merlin, that feels good. He didn’t have the energy to keep up his self-recriminations, not when every stroke of her hand sent a wave of contentment through him. This was what he lived for now, these stolen moments where he could be close to her, even if it wasn’t quite the way he wanted.

Sirius knew he was lying to himself, knew he was using Padfoot as a way to get closer to her, to be near her without risking another rejection. It was a cowardly move, one he would have mocked anyone else for, but here he was, lying in the grass like a lovesick fool, soaking up her affection like a sponge.

She’ll never love me, the thought crept in, unbidden, darkening his mood for a brief moment. But then she started rubbing his belly again, and all his worries dissolved like mist in the morning sun. He could feel the tension slipping away from his muscles, replaced by a warmth that made his heart swell. Maybe she wouldn’t love him as Sirius, but she adored Padfoot, and right now, that was enough.

But it won’t always be enough, the thought lingered as she continued to praise him, her voice a soft murmur that was almost drowned out by the rustle of the leaves in the breeze. Sirius closed his eyes, trying to push away the discomfort gnawing at him. He didn’t want to think about the future, didn’t want to confront the reality that he couldn’t stay like this forever. For now, he just wanted to stay here, in this moment, her fingers running through his fur, his heart beating a little faster every time she said his name.

One day, he promised himself, one day, she’ll love me for me. But for now, he would settle for this, the warmth of her lap, the softness of her voice, and the feeling that, just for a little while, he was the center of her world.

—-

You’re going to do it again, Sirius told himself as he made his way through the quiet aisles of the library, his steps light but purposeful. He could feel the familiar flutter of nerves in his stomach, but he pushed it down, replacing it with his usual confidence. It’s just one date, she’ll say yes this time. He tried to convince himself of that, but deep down, he knew the odds were slim. Still, he couldn’t help himself. Not when it came to her.

He spotted her at a table near the back, surrounded by stacks of books, her head bent in concentration. The soft light from the nearby window cast a gentle glow over her features, highlighting the way she bit her lip in thought as she read. Merlin, she’s beautiful. The thought hit him like it always did, a mix of admiration and longing that made his heart ache in his chest. He couldn’t look away, couldn’t tear his eyes from the way her fingers absentmindedly twirled a strand of hair as she studied. There was something so captivating about her when she was deep in thought, so entirely engrossed in whatever she was reading that the rest of the world seemed to fade away.

Sirius took a deep breath, rolling his shoulders back to shake off the last remnants of doubt. Come on, Black. You’ve got this. He adopted his usual swagger as he approached her table, leaning back against the edge of it with a casual ease that belied the nervous energy simmering beneath the surface. His fingers drummed lightly on the wood, the only sound in the otherwise silent space.

She didn’t look up at first, too absorbed in her book to notice his presence. He took the opportunity to admire her for just a moment longer, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. She’s perfect, he thought, though the familiar pang of doubt quickly followed. But I’ve got to try. Again.

“Hey,” he finally said, his voice smooth, the word hanging in the air between them. She glanced up, and his heart skipped a beat at the sight of her eyes meeting his.

He couldn’t help but grin, a lopsided smile that he knew most girls found irresistible. “You know,” he started, leaning in just a fraction closer, “I’ve been thinking.” His tone was light, playful, but his heart was hammering in his chest. “What would it take for you to go on one date with me?”

He watched her carefully, searching her face for any sign of a smile, a hint that maybe, just maybe, this time would be different. But she was unreadable, as always, and Sirius felt a familiar knot of anxiety tighten in his stomach.

Why do you do this to yourself, Black? The question echoed in his mind, but he silenced it, focusing instead on the way she looked at him, the way her gaze never wavered even as his confidence began to falter. He was Sirius Black, after all how many girls had swooned at his feet with just a wink or a smile? But she was different, she always had been, and that was what drew him to her like a moth to a flame.

He tried to keep his posture relaxed, his voice steady, but he knew that she could probably see through the bravado. He wasn’t as smooth as he liked to think, not when it came to her. “Come on,” he added, his grin widening in an attempt to cover his nerves, “Just one date. I’ll make it worth your while, promise.”

He held his breath, waiting for her response, knowing that he was likely setting himself up for another rejection. But he couldn’t help it. Every time she said no, every time she turned him down, it only made him want her more. Maybe this time...

But deep down, Sirius knew he was chasing something he might never catch. Yet here he was, once again leaning on the edge of the table, hoping for a miracle, his heart pounding in his chest as he waited for her to speak.