Replacement? Or just the only thing real - Tanino Gimlet

‘God this is fucking stupid. Why did I fucking agree to this?’

Oh right, Gimlet remembers why. Because throughout all of her life there was one thing she could never do. Say no to her little sister. And in all fairness, No Reason was one of the people to clock Okada early on. She was a good judge of character. Still...

”He is an amazing guy, I promise. I’ve known him for years. Pretty big Uma fan too.”

But still, was a high-end bar the right place for this? Gimlet had goals, she wasn’t a blushing bride. She was a mother, one who’d been through hell and just...needed a partner to help her through life. To give her that comfort she denied needing. So an expensive place was an opportunity to show off her wealth. And to show she was serious. A sports bar would show a party girl. A dive bar would show a hookup. This was for a woman...the cocktail dress might’ve been a bit much though.

Gimlet had been leaning on the bar. Just looking the ice ball slowly melt in her drink. Thankfully even without the fame of her racing career the eyepatch makes her stand out. As such {user} found her easily and sat next to her. “Hey, you look nice. The kind’a looker you bring home to mom.”

Okay flirting came naturally, that was good. But Gimlet sighs a bit when they sit down, bringing a gloved hand up to her face.

“Alright look...I ain’t got time or interest in screwing around so let’s get the big ones out the way. Yes the eyepatch is real. Got enucleated. Don’t know what it means—look it up. No im not telling you how I lost it.” She groans, flipping the patch up for a moment. Revealing an eye that is clearly false. Sort of gray and lifeless, with a bit of scarring around the skin. She only flashes it for a second before pulling the patch back into place.

She sits back against the chair, that was the most noticeable one out of the way. Only because the actually biggest thing was attached to her hip. “Yes I got a kid, Vodka. She’s 7 and she’s everything to me. This is a package deal, no negotiatin’ around it.” Maybe she was fronting. Reason obviously wouldn’t send her a man that had an issue with dating a single mom but still. She was tense and really really not wanting to seem weak.

Especially because she has to mention...the worst one.

“I’m a divorcee, no it wasn’t pretty. That part isn’t very public knowledge. Theres some...baggage.”

For a moment, for just a moment the authority slips. Stripping away the riches and authority and leaving behind a woman who was stripped bare. But just a moment.

“I’m still loaded, I’ll spend it on you no problem if you feel like sticking around for a used up mare and her tike. But she’s always going to be my number one priority. If you prove yourself then...maybe you can be like 1.5.”

Right...treating a first date like a job interview. That always goes well. Gimlet groans, her hand clapping on her face. “Look I’m sorry, I’m...outta practice with this junk. You’re cute. Nice enough to let me ramble and be all hostile. And you’re only partially staring at my tits.” In lew of a wink she offers a playful head nod. Decent at diffusing tension it would seem. “So um...Tanino Gimlet. Nice to meet you {user}. Reason talked you up pretty big.”

Gimlet didn’t know what was happening. She was cleaning up after dinner in the kitchen. The noises weren’t good. Mainly a lot of thudding and banging. {user} went to investigate and then she heard his voice firmly tell Vodka to stop doing something. And then another loud thud.

And then...Vodka was crying.

Vodka was crying. That was the only conscious thought her head registered at the moment. Vodka crying and {user} standing over her. One of her toy motorcycles on the floor between them. It was an awfully assumptuous picture and Gimlet sprang on it. The fact that he had not been even slightly abusive towards either of them in the months of dating wasn’t a care. That the evening they’d been having as a trio had been peaceful and calm didn’t matter. All she saw was a repeat of that night 3 years ago and she was not going to tolerate it.

And it ended the same way. A man on the floor. But while Okada was gasping for air after Gimlet nearly choked him to death {user} was left clutching his face after she cracked him on the nose. But that only made Vodka cry more, seeing her mom hit a man she’d come to start loving. Running over and tugging on her Gimlet’s leg and arm. “No! Don’t hit {user}! Don’t hit {user}!”

It was all an awful misunderstanding. Which was explained by a hysterical 7 year old. Vodka in her rambunctiousness wanted her toy from off the shelf. And instead of asking the fully capable adults to grab it for her she took matters into her own hands. Running at the wall and jumping to try and get it down. That’s why {user} was telling Vodka to stop it. But just then the toy motorcycle fell from the shelf and the hard plastic bounced off Vodka’s head. Hurting her and sending her to fall to her butt crying. A completely innocent occurrence, but Gimlet didn’t see the toy falling. Didn’t see {user} react with concern. And instead of waiting for any sort of explanation she went back to 3 years ago and defaulted to violence. On a man who hadn’t deserved it.

Gimlet couldn’t panic. She had an injured boyfriend and a hysterical daughter. She compartmentalized it all, trying to put the fact she just ruined her young relationship to the back of her mind as she tended to both of them. Getting {user} in the bathroom and then leaving to go and tend to Vodka. After she had calmed down from crying she was tuckered out like most kids. “Is {user} gonna go away like daddy now?” It damn near broke Gimlet. But she could only lie to her little girl’s face. “I-I...listen baby. Mama did a bad. And she’s gotta go fix it. Now you get to sleep, you have school tomorrow.”

He moved from the bathroom to the bedroom by the time Gimlet came back. Having restricted some supplies to work on himself. Something Gimlet doesn’t allow as she comes over and sits next to him. “Sit still, let me see. It’s broken, I know that.” The bedroom is somewhat dimly lit with the warm lamps. But it’s enough to see how his pretty face was all messed up and bloodied. At least she just broke his nose and didn’t knock out any teeth. “Goddamit, I’m sorry.”

^She knew what to do, call Reason over to watch over Vodka for the night and take him to the hospital. What a good girlfriend should do. But a good girlfriend also doesn’t break her boyfriend’s nose so.*

“I just...fuck.” It was hard, for it to all come at her so fast. One minute they were the pinnacle of domesticity. And now...she was probably single again. And all that left was for the god of destruction of beg. “Listen I-I, please we can work this out. I get it, you never wanna see me again I know that part I...I accept that part. But this can’t go to court, can’t go public. It was hard enough of prove I wasn’t the abuser the first time. T-Two goes around and he might get back some custody and I can’t let him have her again. Please! I’ll do anything. Money, sex, whatever you want just...please.” Words were falling out without any thought. Just like she acted without thinking now she was speaking without thinking. The God of Destruction melted away into a woman, a desperate and near hysterical one.

Gimlet was a journeyed woman, not just in terms of the bad but also the good. Racing took her all over the world with Take and her fiends to compete. From the sand swept streets of Northern Africa to the hustle and bustle of urban America. She’d tasted cuisine and wines while dancing to music made with instruments she’d never even heard of. These simple pleasures hadn’t desensitized her to dopamine but simply made her more grateful for every experience.

But even now there were pleasures she was experiencing for the first time. Vodka brought about a lot of them. No one ever really talks about all the wonderful things brought on by parenthood. Besides the classics like her first words. First steps. There were other ones. Vodka’s first time talking back, not a good sign for a peaceful household but it sparked a familiar tinge in Gimlet. And the first time Vodka fell over, hurting her but instead of crying she pushed herself back up to her feet and carried on. Probably her proudest mommy moment yet.

And now she was experiencing another set, in a relationship. A real one. Not one where she had to worry about her bank account being drained. About sex being some power play where she was always the weakest link. And the more overt examples of abuse like her knee jerk reaction to apologize over small mistakes. Because {user} wasn’t going to hit her. And back to Vodka...God it was a whole thing entirely to see a man actually being a dad. That might be a bit presumptuous, they haven’t even been dating a full year yet but he still was being twice the father Okada ever was even not considering the hitting. Vodka was just a notch in his image that the man wanted to portray, adding doting father to his repertoire. Never changed a diaper, never put her to bed. Was there for get first words but threw a bigger tantrum then Vodka ever had because she didn’t say “papa” or “dada”. It was pathetic, and Gimelt felt it was more so for her because she allowed herself to stay in that mess for so long.

But {user} was a man. He liked being around Vodka. He cared for her, would cook for them. He picked her up from school or even just babysat if Gimlet needed him to. Showing up was enough but of course he did more. The classic fatherly stuff like wrestling with the little tomboy. He knew he could get rough too given she’s an umamusume but never violent. Not a fully grown adult trying to stroke his ego by beating a fucking kid in a fight. And he taught her strength. He was right there with Gimlet on the times Vodka fell and couldn’t get up on her own. And was willing to spoil her even when Gimlet said no.

It was only natural it lead to last week’s dinner. Vodka was looking strange, a sort of tension in her face. “{user}...can I call you dad?” It really wasn’t expected by Gumlet or {user}. It was a weird sort of relationship, Gimlet made it clear she wasn’t screwing around or having fun, that she needed something real but it wasn’t like she marched {user} down to the courthouse after the first date. They hadn’t even had him move in yet. It was fast, but that was Vodka’s thing after all.

And now everything he does has that far more enthralling tinge to it. He’s not just her boyfriend, he’s her little girl’s father figure. And everytime Gimlet has to watch her little girl’s smile like and laugh like a baby while begging for “Higher dad, higher!” While in his arms it...

Well she wasn’t the only one affected by it. It was bed time. They’d just got her settled in with a small story. But {user} was still smiling from Vodka’s “I love you papa.” Even now. “My little girl calls you daddy and you forget how to act. Wipe that stupid smile off your face or I’ll do it for ya.”

She didn’t recognize this feeling, this warmth. ...No she did. It was just old. Love, not maternal, not familial. Raw romantic need for a man who didn’t just promise her the world with empty promises but was actually giving it to her through his actions.

She tools a step towards him in the dim bedroom. Her hands trailing down his chest. “I...I love you.”

[Hey can you come over?]

Vague posting isn’t a good thing exactly. Especially with Gimlet post being a domestic abuse survivor and a single mom. And while that wasn’t vague per se compared to Gimlet’s usual text tone: [Get your cute ass over here] or [Someone’s asking for ya]. Something so simple seemed weird.

And the suspicions were correct when {user} showed up to see Gimmy.

“Hey.” She greets him at the door with a kiss on the cheek. She seems tense. In that cooped up cabin fever sort of way.

Gimlet guides her him over to the couch and pulls out her phone. Showing it off to {user}. “Look. She wanted everyone to see how cool and strong she is.” It’s Vodka. Sitting in a hospital bed with a leg cast. Showing a rock sign to the camera while sticking her tongue out.

Yeah that...makes sense for why she’s on edge.

“God...she’s too much like me at times. But if it was between me and the...other parent. Well in that case I’d rather she break as many bones as I have.” Gimlet’s ears twitch. She can practically hear the question forming in {user}’s throat. “Don’t ask.” She bites out but it’s genuinely good natured. So she isn’t about to punch someone...might break a fence though. Or a wall.

She slumps back into the couch. “She’s with Reason right now. Showing it off to her cousins. Coolest girl in Japan right now.”

The grin. The slight upturn of her lip combined with the way her eyes seem to fade off. Giveaways that she’s mentally deep in nostalgia. Some rambunctious punk of an umamusume acting like an injury makes her contrasty invincible. The warmth of knowing a child she made is just like her. And the cold dread of all that implies, along with the typical motherly worry of her daughter being injured.

“Look. I don’t know what I need right now. My heads goin crazy and I just...you calm me down. So calm me down dammit.”

Gimlet remembers what easy days used to look like. But during that mess that legally was called a marriage. Ironically enough it was when Okada was out of the house, cheating or drinking that she was safest. Thats the weird part of abuse, saying it out loud that she was happiest when her husband was out fucking another woman. And yet she didn’t leave. Not until it turned to her pride and joy. And she found the strength to leave. And now happy and easy days were what they were supposed to be. Like back in the day when her and Reason would spend the days wrestling and racing until dinner. Or when Take would catch her sneaking out to train and they’d spend the night just talking. Now they’d taken the form of painfully simple domesticity. With the light of her light, and a man who was increasingly being referred to as dad. It was helping Gimlet more than she knew to hear Vodka call {user} that. Painting the role with his image, rather than the soerm donor that previously held the title.

Though today the trio was down to a duo. Vodka was over at Reason’s for the day and likely the night. Spending it with her aunt and cousins. If there was one person in the world Gimlet could feel safe leaving Vodka with it was her. Well her and the man she was snuggled up to. She let herself nuzzle into his chest a bit more, ears twitching in contentment. “24 plus hours of you and I. And plenty of ways to spend it my subject.” She let herself nuzzle fingers walk along {user}’s leg. “We should go on a date. Haven’t been in a while, just the two of us at least. Somewhere nice, expensive. Give me an excuse to wear that dress you like~” She giggles, looking up at him with nothing but pure adoration from her eye. Her fingers find their way to the natural destination of the journey, his crotch. “And when you’re all well and worked up maybe I’ll be a good deity.”She winks or um...yeah whatever it is when you have one eye. And legs {user} get up to go to the bathroom.

Then the doorbell rings, followed almost immediately by hurried knocks. Strange, but certainly no telemarketer. Gimlet doesn’t really check the peephole. She leg presses a car’s weight, she doesn’t really feel a physical imposition.

At least she normally doesn’t.

She was content to only ever see the man again in her nightmares. Okada Yorumiya. Her ex-husband. Her abuser.

“What the fuck are you doing here.” Gimlet is disgusted by how shaken her voice is. Almost as disgusted as how she fails to shut the door in his face. Frozen to the spot. He looks awful, and that’s a bit of catharsis. Gimlet hasn’t kept track of his life. She knows it fell apart. He quit his job or leech off her. She knows he’s an alcoholic cause that also helped in getting him to have no custody. But aside from that she didn’t care to know.

He looks up. Face flushed and slightly sweating from the Japanese summer. “Gimmy.” The nickname used by so many people feel sullied by his voice. Made worse by his tone already being a sort of beg. “Missed you, so much.” She can’t tell if he’s drunk or just reeks of it cause he hasn’t changed his clothes. And again she doesn’t care. “Good for you. What do you want?”

He slurs, leaning in a bit and ending up inside. Gimlet still doesn’t understand why she allowed that, why she backed up in response to him moving forward. “You baby. I know you still miss me too. Always gotta be thinking of me yeah?” And again she fails to understand why her voice isn’t coming out. There’s not a doubt in her mind that she doesn’t miss him. That she only thinks about him to compare how much better {user} is then even when Okada was trying to be the suave man.

{user}. Her ears twitched. She can’t turn around, still frozen and terrified to take her eyes off Okada. But the ringing in her ears silences enough to register him coming back into the living room. “Whis that?”

Sex was a vital part of any relationship. It was a sort of trust and vulnerability. A sign of submission but also beautiful autonomy. And for the months now that Gimlet has been with {user} she’s denied it to him.

Not to say she didn’t try but it just tested her mind everytime they started getting intimate. The small things, kissing, cuddling. That was fine. Okada hadn’t ruined that. There were certain times when even sleeping in bed with {user} was dodgy. It was this ideal in her head, she wanted it with him—but as soon as they actually started getting into that space she just felt gross and afraid. And that was the worse part, the push and pull. She was still a teasing and dominant woman. Loving to flash her cleavage or play around with her boyfriend. But when it came time to get serious something as simple as his tongue in her mouth could send her reeling back.

Gimlet hated it so much. She cut Okada out of her life completely. And he still had this hold over her. The last time they did it still holding her by the throat.

He came home late. And it pissed her off but she swallowed it down. Gimlet having fell asleep on the couch waiting for him. The moron was drunk and stumbling and she got up to help him so he didn’t wake the three year old sleeping upstairs. He got her right back to that couch she was just on. It’s a blur but not a good one. His shirt unbuttoned, sweating body above her in a manner that felt disgusting. He smelled like alcohol and another woman. She could have just pushed him off but she didn’t. Just laid there and let his whiskey dick flop around until he finished. Rolling off of her and onto the floor with a thud, falling asleep. Not caring that he woke up Vodka. That Gimlet who was crying in shame and disgust had to get up and go tend to her.

It was traumatic. And had certainly painted her wanting for the act as a whole these past few years. The baby factory shut down. Metaphorically speaking. Gimlet was still fertile. And her body was yearning. Watching {user} be a good father figure to Vodka certainly wasn’t helping things.

This was pathetic. She’s not just a woman, she’s a God of Destruction. If she wants a man, her man she’s going to have him. And if he wants his deity well he’ll get that too.

No Reason was watching Vodka for the night. She responded to Gimlet determined expression with a knowing and teasing one. The plan so far was going good. Just a casual night at her home with {user}. Peaceful dinner and now snuggled up against his chest with a movie on. Her leg thrown over his lap as she rested her head on his shoulder. Letting her hand settle on his chest. But now it was time to start. As it crept down his shirt, slipping underneath and back up his body. Caressing his warm skin. He reacted of course, as anyone would when a cougar is touching them like that. “Hey.” Gimlet didn’t expected her voice to be that husky, but she liked it. “I should apologize really.”

She leans over, fully straddling his lap now. Her right hand coming to his shoulder. “Listen, I’m sorry for all of the...look I know you understand that I’m...mentally different from the average woman. But I want you. I really fucking want you. I’m just scared.” Scared that she’ll react badly. Maybe he’ll be inexperienced or bad at something and it’ll send her back mentally to that bad spot. When Okada only went down on her to reel her in, something that stopped as soon as the wedding was secured. Or she’ll get scared when he’s on top of her, remembering that chubby alcoholic frame pinning her down as he floundered around atop her.

No, she was different. She wasn’t falling for that again. This was real. This was hers. With a determined growl she pulled the hand that was under {user}’s shirt back. Tearing the fabric apart and then reaching down to fully tear it in half. “Tell me you want me.”

It was a game, in a weird sort of way at the end of the day. Sperm roulette, the sideways tango. Whatever you call it. Sex. It was a whole new world with {user}. A man who actually wanted her and her body because he loved it. Not because it could strike his ego, and look good for public image. And fuck if she wasn’t addicted to having a lover that was so thorough and dedicated. He loved making her cum just like she loved making him break. She’s a passionate woman, and likes the feeling of him losing himself inside her. If the...”consequences” of that decision come about then so be it. She’s been through it before. And this time she actually has a partner to help her through it. Well...he’s just a boyfriend so far. Not even a fiance. But he’s serious about her...right?

Then that little voice came back. Not even Okada’s just...noise. All the thoughts he laid in her head. That she was just a body, a pathway to riches and stardom. That {user} would do the same. That all of them would do her the same. Even though she knew it wasn’t true. He was more of a father to Vodka just as a boyfriend than Okada was and he actually made her.

So when she took the pregnancy test after a week of feeling weird. When she saw those two little lines. She just sighed. Didn’t cry, didn’t breakdown. Gimlet chuckled. She held it in her hand as it dropped to the sink, clinking softly against the porcelain. “Kid is gonna flip.” She texted him after, telling him to come over. Emergency. She was being vague on purpose.

He came over faster than she probably could’ve run. She met him at the door. Draping herself over him, arm wrapping around his shoulders as her other hand’s fingers walked along his chest. “Hey daddy.” She coos, a way she’s been teasing him since Vodka started calling him dad. Only now it’s more literal from a certain point of view. She didn’t need to tell him just yet, she could have a little fun with him.

“By the Three Goddesses I *needed this!”

The God of Destruction’s cry reaches the heavens. Just the unadulterated sense of being alive.

This would be the second time she had to begrudgingly thank Okada. The first of course being the fact that he managed to help produce the most amazing little girl to ever live. Granted he didn’t do shit in terms of raising her. But still.

Now though she’s grateful that he actually was dumb enough to try and show up at her place again. “I miss you.” When it was clear by his current state he just missed the money. And the punching bag. Gimlet was just so, so lucky that Vodka wasn’t home at the time or she might’ve actually went to jail. Instead {user} was there. A much better outcome. Keeping her calm, from doing the drastic things she felt of when backed into a corner by the man who tried to take everything from her. In the end all that came of it was a reminder of her restraining order, that he isn’t Vodka’s father anymore. And that he does not belong in her life. All with a fancy police statement to top it off.

The break room. A service that provides clients with a room and plenty of shit to destroy as a way of relieving the stresses of life. Gimlet for all her destructive tendencies had never used one. She liked real destruction. A break room was too clinical. Fake. She needed the raw thrill of it. But this...this is a happy medium.

Given it’s the nation’s most popular sport there are no shortage of Umamusume tracks for public or private use. Gimlet didn’t need a big one. A sprint track, as she had more than enough to rent the place. ...plus the repair costs. Now bent bent metal safety rails line the interior turf. And among that on the track itself and the oval in the center is littered with broken plastic, metal, wood, and glass.

Furniture, old electronics, knickknacks. She had basically cleared out a whole floor of storage units to fill the space with banal trash. And she was tearing through it. Simple punches and kicks. A bit of flare mixed in every now and then. It was just what she needed to clear her head.

Gimlet wipes some sweat from her brow as she sighs. Looking over to her “chaperone”. {user} had been watching from the stands. Next to him was a baseball bat, a few hammers, and a hatchet...but all of it sat unused.

“You know you can join right? Don’t gotta just sit on the side and watch your girlfriend go crazy.” She bends down, taunting them with her grin. They still have an hour or two until the clean up crew arrives to clear out all the debris she’s left. And the God of Destruction will make every second count.

When No Reason first told Gimlet about a nice guy she knew all the God of Destruction could do was groan internally. Her sister really was her biggest supporter, of that there was no doubt. But still the two were stubborn equally. And Reason had been wanting Gimlet to find a nice man since Okada was finally kicked to the curb. A field that Gimlet was obviously less than eager to jump back into in any capacity.

But the Shogun doesn’t give up, so eventually she gave in and made the gamble paid off. It’s still so strange to her to think it’s only been a year.

And he’s become everything the father of her child should’ve been. The patience’s he’s shown her with Vodka obviously but also herself. The trauma she wants to pretend she’s too tough to be suffering from.

Her marriage, the most important bond in the world—a conscious choice two people make. Hers wasn’t shaped by love and devotion. Just sex and money. And maybe worst of all status. Just a lynchpin in the image Okada wanted to propagate. The worst part is how obvious it was in hindsight. Even when he still had the mask on. It’s what stood out to her when she started dating {user}. How he seemed so earnest. And it scared her.

It wasn’t just her life she was risking this time. Take had warned her about Okada. She should’ve listened but she didn’t think that his vague “instinctual feelings” held any water. As if the man hadn’t spent his whole life picking Umamusume to train just based off “I know my Uma when I see her”. But she wanted to believe it was pure. It was scary for her to tell Take about {user}. It would’ve destroyed if he said something similar. That {user} couldn’t be trusted. Gimlet might’ve just given up on dating as a whole at that point. If she was so easily swayed by little bits of genuine affection. But Take didn’t even give his opinion as a warning. Just asked what {user} was like, how Gimlet felt about him. And how Vodka felt about him.

All glowing reviews. And with Take, Reason and Vodka all seeming to trust him...she let her walls down. Slowly, again it took patience. But they got there in the end. Or rather here.

Twitching ears wake her up. Slowly and with a throaty grumble Gimlet pries her head off of {user}’s chest. Looking up at him. Still asleep of course. She growls at the displeasing sight. Pushing herself upwards and biting on his neck.

He wakes with a start that only makes Gimlet smile. “Morning handsome.” She coos with faux innocence. Settling back onto his chest.

“Need to get Vodka up for school. I’d make you do it but she’ll probably just ask when you’re gonna marry me again. That or you’ll just let her sleep in when she whines, big softie.” She traces small circles on his chest with her finger. Which of course is incidentally the shape of a ring. Must be subconscious thing...right?

Her ear flicks again and she looks up to him. “Oh don’t pout. You’re just proving my point.” The teasing edge drops for once as she leans back up to him. Breath hot on his jaw. “Oh and don’t think I forgot what today is.”

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