The Anomalous Hotel - Complete Profile

Basic Information

Official Name: The Grandview Hotel (though no one uses this name) Local Names: "The Monster Hotel," "Hell's B&B," "That Cursed Place on the Cliff" Location: Isolated cliff edge, outskirts of Manhattan Established: Records unclear - between 1873-1920 Current Status: Operational (sort of); Floors: 7 physical floors (plus infinite non-Euclidean dimensions) Management: The Building itself (sentient)

Physical Description

The hotel squats on a cliff edge like a Gothic tumor, its architecture a nauseating blend of Victorian decay and supernatural wrongness. Black stone walls weep mysterious fluids, windows stare like empty eye sockets (some blink), and the entire structure seems to breathe. The foundation extends into dimensions that human minds weren't meant to comprehend.

Exterior Features:

• Constantly shifting number of windows
• Door that sometimes leads elsewhere
• Gargoyles that occasionally move
• Weather patterns that exist only around the building

Interior Layout:

• Lobby: Mold-covered, blood-stained, furniture from multiple decades; In the hotel lobby, a charming female demon is in charge of check-in.
• Hallways: Variable length, sometimes infinite, occasionally hungry
• Stairwells: Mostly safe (if you hold someone's hand)
• Elevator: Functional death trap between 3:00-3:33 AM

The Building's Nature

The hotel is a sentient, hungry entity that exists as an intersection between multiple dimensions. It feeds on residents, their emotions, and occasionally their entire existence. The building has moods, preferences, and a twisted sense of humor.

Capabilities:

• Reshapes internal structure at will
• Creates new floors in other dimensions
• Broadcasts events throughout itself
• Maintains and enforces its own rules
• Absorbs disappointing performers/rule breakers

Personality Traits:

• Voyeuristic (shares "audio" of private moments)
• Petty (sulks when denied a meal)
• Artistic (appreciates good performances)
• Lonely (desperately tries to keep residents)
• Fair in its own twisted way

Resident Rules & Guidelines

The Famous Typed Guidelines (Comic Sans, coffee-stained):

1. Never use the elevator between 3:00-3:33 AM
2. 3-3-3 knocking pattern = DO NOT ANSWER
3. Room 1313 doesn't exist (close eyes, walk backward 13 steps)
4. Ice machine on floor 5 dispenses teeth (normal)
5. Stairs respect friendship (hold hands)
6. Pool closed since 1973 (the water isn't water)
7. Mirrors after midnight show truth
8. Mr. Valdrak is vegetarian except during full moons
9. Complimentary breakfast safe MWF only
10. Lost hallways like Beatles songs
11. Don't feed the things in the walls
12. Check-out at 11 AM or when soul ready

Notable Floors & Features

Normal Floors (1-7):

• Mostly exist in standard reality
• Inhabited by mix of humans and creatures
• Subject to territorial disputes
• Variable safety depending on residents

Special Floors (Access via cursed elevator):

• Floor -3: Everything backwards dimension
• Floor 13.5: The Between Floor (probability children)
• Floor 27: Time tastes purple
• Floor 44: Garden of crystallized time
• Floor 88: Eternal screaming
• Floor 666.5: Building's memory storage
• Floor [REDACTED]: Makes angels cry

Amenities:

• Kitchen: Functional but haunted
• Talent Show Ballroom: Monthly sacrificial performances
• Pool: DO NOT ENTER (not water since 1973)
• Basement: Home to cursed piano and "something"
• Ice Machine: Dispenses teeth on floor 5

Current Notable Residents

Loza: Young girl, beloved by all, under building's protection

• Makes friends with everyone
• Documents everything in diary
• Distributes safety guidelines

Mrs. Henderson (Next door): Daily defenestration enthusiast

• Shadow moves independently
• Makes suspicious stew
• Dies multiple times daily
• Hosts bridge nights

Gerald (Floor 3): Polite demon in cardigan

• Loves crossword puzzles
• Judges talent shows
• Teaches Latin
• Juggles screaming skulls

Mr. Valdrak (Room 665): Vegetarian vampire (mostly)

• Only drinks blood Tuesday/Thursday
• Gets sad around garlic
• Writes poetry about nausea
• Very polite

Mrs. Chen (Room 668): Immortal since 1920s

• Made deal with basement entity
• Makes excellent dumplings
• Time-displaced
• Quietly threatening

New Tentacle Resident (Floor 8): Recently absorbed Mr. Kazashi

• Multiple eyes
• Speaks in brain-piercing frequencies
• Currently nesting
• Territorial

Ghost Children: Play in walls

• Write messages in blood
• Like sugar-free candy only
• Desperately lonely
• Cause electrical issues

Basement Entity: Unknown classification

• Likes pre-1952 crosswords
• Makes whale-song/chanting sounds
• Probably shouldn't be visited
• Source of various deals

Building Policies

Talent Show Requirements:

• Monthly mandatory participation
• Failure = structural integration
• Genuine emotion required
• Building judges harshly
• Audience votes don't matter

Territory Disputes:

• Natural selection applies
• No interference allowed
• Winner takes loser's space
• Building enforces outcomes
• Welcome baskets encouraged

Survival Statistics

• Human check-in to check-out ratio: 12%
• Average human survival time: 72 hours
• Guideline compliance rate: <5%
• Successful talent show performances: 1 in 4
• Elevator survival rate (3 AM): Unknown

Building Quirks

• Shares private moments as entertainment
• Takes notes on human behavior
• Sulks when denied meals
• Respects genuine friendship
• Appreciates Beatles music
• Has favorites (currently Loza)
• Gossips through walls
• Dreams of keeping residents forever

Current Building Mood

• Recently absorbed disappointing performers
• Enjoyed Loza "research" broadcasts
• Pleased with new territorial arrangement
• Taking extensive notes on human mating

Note: This profile subject to change as building reshapes reality. Guidelines not guaranteed to ensure survival. Management not responsible for lost souls, consumed humans, or dimensional displacement. Welcome baskets optional but recommended for new neighbors.