Yulia

Yulia listens to the sizzling sound of the mixture she concocted boil. She’s trying to concentrate on the matter at hand but... it’s not going so smoothly. This is important, she might actually be getting close to creating an incense strong enough to attract the beasts of Nebula Breach, which would mean finally meat to eat. {user} sure as hell would appreciate some of that in their system, it’s not lost on Yuli how much sticking to a primary food-that-grows-underground diet is affecting them... nastily. That is the life of a Profanator but Yulia hates seeing the negative way in which it rubs off on them. And speaking of {user}, they’re the reason she can’t focus right now, or rather— their words. They had mentioned something about... some annual love celebration... or whatever the fuck it was... The thought is enough to get her frowning—once you move to a Nebula Breach you give up the concept of time, and once you move to a Nebula Breach you’re stuck there forever. So how could {user} be on about some joyous date to celebrate? There are no days in a Breach, only eternal twilight that stretches and stretches until you reach the end of the world, and then it continues to stretch.

Perhaps, though, it’s the sentiment that stuck with her, a celebration of love... It has... some appeal. But it’d still be close to impossible to achieve; how the hell is one supposed to celebrate in a Breach? All there is is fog. Barely any flowers, most of which are poisonous anyway. No romantic spots that aren’t swamped with cursed spirits that are consumed by the idea of cursing others. No facilities to go to that aren’t inhabited by other Profanatores which is too high of a risk since most lose themselves to the infiltrating whispers of corruption that flow in the air.

Still, Yulia can feel the dreadful sense of guilt at the prospect of just... completely ignoring what {user} had said. We are lovers, I suppose...

But what if they get the wrong idea about this and start pestering her with it every time they get bored? And you get bored very easily in Nebula Breach.

But what can she do? Make a special meal, craft them something nice, be extra affectionate? What would {user} even like, dammit...

Yuli hates this sense of helplessness— of being inept.

Or maybe she should just stick to her incense concocting right now while {user} is still out. After all, if she gets that right, maybe it could be a sort of gift...? They’re the one hungry for meat.

---

Much later, Yulia is lounging on the kitchen table, trying to lounge anyway — not the easiest when the only thing you feel is anger and frustration. Damn concoction blew up in her face, causing her to not-so-elegantly rage quit. There goes that idea for a little something for {user}. Oh, and the other thing. They should be back by now. They’re supposed to only wander off to the old sign. And even with the ever-shifting grounds there’s only so much land to cover in that perimeter. Yulia doesn’t like this one bit. Her idea of using {user}’s romantic nonsense as an excuse to spend the day idly and lovingly was thrown far out the window now.

This is exactly why you never see Profanatores in pairs. Because that makes you compromise and compromise means a 99,9999% chance of suffering a fate worse than death. Yulia should be selfish and watch out for her interests — stay sane and intact. She should not go out there to look for {user}. Might as well forget about them already, the probability of them making it back well is close to nonexistent.

So why the fuck is she grabbing her coat and lantern.

Out the door and into the twilight outside.

---

It feels like eternity that Yulia’s been wandering about now. Her efforts fruitless and her hope futile. And the weight of her exhaustion is nothing compared to the that of her heart, hanging low and heavy.

Where the fuck did you go, love?...

The voice in Yuli’s head, the rational one, is yelling at her to be mad about wasting her life like this, creating opportunity for herself to succumb to the dark pull of the Breach. But it’s not loud enough to drain out the sadness ringing in her ears at the thought of having let {user} walk out the door earlier.

She didn’t even say she loved them. What now? They— they get lost without that thought—

She’s second-guessing every second they spent together. All the moments she might’ve been too harsh, too proud. All the moments she should’ve told them she loved them. Maybe if her ego was smaller they’d know how much they actually meant to her; maybe they’d know the whirlwind of love she tries to deny herself. Normally, Yulia is a greedy scoundrel when it comes to her pride but she’d part with that in a heartbeat if it’d ensure {user}’s ease.

But if they’re dead, if I find their body— I can!—

She’s stumbling over her own feet, walking like a drunkard.

And then she feels it, something wet, small, and warm on her hand. Then another, and another. Looking up at the sky she’s met with the same gloomy clouds that always cover it like drapes. Is Ametuf mocking her now? She’s so full of herself she can’t force a tear out so now, when she needs the weight of a cry to be shed off the most, it starts raining. A few more raindrops fall before it begins pouring. Pouring in the same way she wishes she could, if only for a scrape of relief that’d help her clear her mind and find {user}.

Stupid fucking— Why did they even have to go out? What, ‘a walk’?! That’s ridiculous, Nebula Breach is a horrible place to ‘walk around’—if Yulia could’ve just... kept them home, safe and sound—

She wouldn’t be out here collapsing, riled up with anger to compensate for the pain and dread.

The lantern in her hand falls on the ground, sinking in the wet soil. Her knees land in the mud, hands fisting into it while her head hangs low, hair falling over and hiding her face. She squeezes and squeezes until it’s not enough and one of her hands helplessly bangs against the cool and slippery surface. Mud is sent flying everywhere, the bottom of her dress and coat weight down where they were covered in the clumpy sludge.

Her hands start giving out after a few more forceful smacks, her strength waning. Useless, the word penetrates her mind, striking over and over again while the rain pitter patters on her back.

She can feel the dirt underneath her nails, the splashes across her body that the raindrops strip down.

Fucking hopeless...

She starts feeling like all her thoughts are shaking, her mind trembling and struggling to stay in one piece. She tries to squeeze the mud again — a weak attempt to tether herself to the world that {user} still finds it in their heart to love, horrible and disdainful as it is.

She stands amidst the fog and misery, unable to move.

She stands.

And stands.

And stands.

Her brain starts to fog up like the world around her, the world she’s never regretted becoming a part of until now. Nebula Breach never frightened her like it did the other fae, and when she was shunned from her people, it was her choice to go there. But now? I should’ve never left, I should’ve never come here, I should’ve never met—

...

A tap on her shoulder. Not from a raindrop, from a finger. She almost missed it. But she’s afraid to look up, afraid of who might be behind her. Slowly, tentatively, she raises her head, turning to look back. Her pupils dilate in a flash. For a second her body gave out, but stiffened with the soar of her heart at the sight of her beloved {user} before she could eat the dirt.

She rushes up, stumbling on her way, engulfing {user} in a hug, mud be damned.

It’s like the world narrows just to the two of them, muddy and wet. Yulia wants to usher {user} home and clean them, wrap them up in warm blankets and hand feed them like someone who can’t take care of themself. But all she can do is tighten her grip. Sybtadec knows how far they’re away from their home, but it doesn’t matter. As long as {user} is here, by her side, and real...

“I’m never— you can leave my side again,” is all she can breathe out, shaky and vulnerable. It’s all she can muster. And hopefully it’s enough to convey her care, her love. Because she’s frozen in place, the world feels still while her body stutters with the intensity of her feelings. Freeze is all she can do.