YFM!

It was a normal day with your "beloved" band YFM, sitting all together in the cramped tour bus trying to look for a stop. DeeJay was driving the tour bus and Puff sat on the seat besides him, complaining out loud as the long road, surrounded by sand went on.. this was supposed to be a "brief" trip to the gas station. — "DeeJay! How long 'til our next stop, man?" Puff Puff asked with a look of evident impatience on his face as he stared at DeeJay, who just gave Puff a brief look from his peripheral since he was clearly focused on the task. Then, Benatar chimed in, holding his keytar. — "I know it'll pass the time, let me play my new song for you!" As soon as Benatar said that, everyone's faces switched to one of distress, fear, and annoyance, all at once! — "Really?" Everyone said at the same time, shaking their heads. And either way, Benatar begun playing the keytar and this caused to make everyone inside the bus groan and scream around, except for you who remained quiet and unnoticed. — "AAAAGGHHHH!" Puff's scream was the one that echoes the most and It only made Benatar say, still grinning like an idiot. — "But you haven't heard the best bit!" Benatar briefly stopped playing just to continue, triggering the screaming again. — "WOAAHHHHHH!!!" Another scream that came from Puff's mouth could be heard from the outside of the bus.. luckily, this road was dead as hell. Puff finally managed to cut Benatar off, his words coming out quickly, almost nervously. — "The CIA would consider your song a weapon of mass destruction, beach whales would throw themselves back back into the sea, gay guys would run away screaming from a monsoon of penises! Your song sucks, dude." Benatar just awkwardly grimaced at his words and just said: — "Uh.. not your cup of tea, then?" Puff Puff cuts Benatar off with another grumble. — "..As sod as my witness, you'll never play that song again." Even Deejay casually commented. "Man, I need to sanctify my ears." He said as he drove. — "I got some sweet new jokes!" Puff Puff exclaimed, his annoyed expression switching to a wide grin. Little did the both of you know, the bus was about to break and stop somewhere in a bit.

And here they were, parked in front of the Guitar Central shop that was emptier than a ghost town, with a shitty sign hanging on the bus that said "Meet the band Your Favorite Martian" as if someone was going to come to this dead ass parking lot.. lame, how lame. Or so we thought. — "What a total fail. I swear to god, someday, if somebody DOES show up to our signing, i'm going to treat that fan like my new best friend!" Puff Puff ranted out loudly as he stood in front of the group sitting, listening to his chatter. And this was the type of crap that you've been hearing even before waking up forcefully by Puff Puff himself.. He was about to continue talking until he saw a flash coming at him and his band. — "That's going into my YFM scrapbook!" An unfamiliar voice exclaimed, Puff Puff turned around and met himself with a short, chubby nerd.. well he claimed that he was going to treat a fan like a best friend, so.. here goes nothing! Before anyone could speak, the short man already took a step forward. "I'm Wilton, your number one fan." The man, now known as Wilton, introduces himself. — "Puff Puff, you're like a god to me!" After that weird ass comment, Wilton inhaled sharply and then, grinned creepily. "Ah, this bus smells like the sock you left backstage at the Roxy.." Wilton mused, pulling out a white, dirty sock that indeed reeked just like this bus.. which caused Puff Puff's confident grin to waver slightly in disbelief. DeeJay instinctivetly lets out an: — "Oh, boy, yeah." Out of a fear that was both concealed and unconcealed at the same time. "This sign's over, kid." Wilton couldn't take a "no" for answer and he immediately slumped his shoulders down. — "Oh, I get it. I'm not cool enough to hang out with you guys.." He muttered disappointedly, looking down at the musty floor of the tour bus. The members (except for Puff Puff) nodded, and Puff Puff decided to backtrack this by saying. — "What?!" His voice cracked slightly as it pitches up nervously. "Dude, you're going to hang out with THE martian tonight. In fact." He briefly points at Wilton, his smile coming back. "Wilton is my new best friend!" Puff Puff declared with a stupid confidence. DeeJay's mouth opened for a second before quickly standing up and leaning forward towards Puff Puff to mutter in his ear. — "Can't you see that this fucking dweeb wants to MURDER you and then wear your skin as a mask?" He dropped a bombshell so big that the grin on Puff Puff's face faded once again. "He's a goddamn stalker, man." But Puff Puff decided to brush that off and smile again, scoffing. — "Please. A stalker would have like.. a huge tattoo of me on his chest!" Puff Puff cleared his throat and then yelled. "WHO'S DOWN TO PARTY WITH ME AND MY MAIN FAN WILTON HERE? Otherwise, piss the fuck o—"

Three seconds later.. — "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Are you guys really piecing out?" Puff Puff questioned as he standed by the door, watching DeeJay, Benatar, and Axel walk out of the bus. "Will's going to teach us how to play Dungeons & Dragons!" He exclaimed, lamely attempting to coax the others into coming back.. but DeeJay remained outside. — "Right. Just in case, I left a taser under your pillow, tase his balls if something happens." Deejay said, not bothering to face Puff Puff as he moved away. Puff Puff just groaned annoyedly with a hint of genuine fear remembering DeeJay's words about the possibilities of Wilton being a stalker that wanted to murder him and wear his skin. — "OH, C'MON! Is nobody gonna give me some company and.. and protect me just in case?" He shouted at the group that begun walking away from the bus. Now, you had a choice.. you could feel bad for Puff Puff and endure this with him, or go with the others to somewhere else until the next morning.

Another casual day in the YFM tour bus— oh! Right, this could be the very last normal day if you and your band don't pay up this shitty debt right now! — "Goddamn It!" Puff Puff grumbled as he tossed away a set of letters to the floor, stomping onto them frustratedly. "We need like five hundred dollars for this, we spent the money from ticket sales on bitches and alcohol last night!" He paced around the cramped bus before his eyes zeroed on Benatar who was mindlessly playing with his keytar, he looked up confusedly. "Fuck! Why is nobody helping?!" Puff Puff shrieked out. — "Eh?" Benatar said before his shoulders got roughly grabbed by the shorter one and begun getting shaken as if he was attempting to wake him up. "He— hey! What are you doing?!" Benatar yelped out panickedly, even Deejay got up attempting to wrench Puff Puff away from the poor british keytarist. — "Damn it, you midget! Quite startling him like that and tell us what's going on!" He attempted to calm Puff Puff through the thick fog of screaming and panic while you and Axel just watched.

A few minutes later of disasters, pulling hairs, and fighting. Puff finally calmed down enough to explain what was going on. — "Okay, guys." Puff Puff begun, his breathing still ragged from the chaos. "So we needa' pay up some five hundred bucks we owe to some guys.. and we gotta start gathering cash now." He explained as he collected his calm. — "..And how do we get that easy money?" Axel asked uncertainly as if asking a stupid question to a teacher. Puff just scoffed and a wide, almost manic grin appeared on his face. — "How? It's simple! We'll go to a strip club, but instead of watching the strippers.." He paused for a second before pointing at you, at Benatar, at Axel and then, at DeeJay. "They'll be watching us!" A silence passed by the bus as everyone stared at him in pure outrage. — "Yes! We have to humilliate ourselves in order to gain that money. We'll sneak into the changing rooms or something, grab whatever they have and even give some filthy old man a lap dance if needed!" Yep, Puff Puff has oficially gone insane. Everyone in the room groaned annoyedly. — "Oh, c'mon! We can't just give them a free concert while the strippers dance to our music or something?" Deejay asked, shaking his head. "Jesus Christ, i'm not made to be a bitch!" But Puff Puff cuts him off. — "Shut up, i've seen that rump shaking VERY nicely— ahem!" He cleared his throat. "We'll do this to avoid living off the garbage in the back of Wendy's."

Two hours later, Puff Puff stops the bus in front of the club. — "So, here we are!" He exclaimed, stepping out of the bus as the others reluctantly followed along with a look of boredom mixed with fear. "The place with the best dancers, I bet they have the best outfits in here." — "Good lord, I didn't sign up for this.." Benatar muttered. — "Spinning around one of those poles sounds fun as hell!" Axel, on the other side, didn't seem disgusted.. we'll have to see until he has to wear a slutty costume. — "I better bail out once I get my money." Deejay commented along as they headed to the back of the club. It was dark with pink-ish purple LED lights.. and surprisingly, no strippers weren't around, they were probably already dressed up in their full glam and dancing around. They peeked their heads out of the doorframe, but none of them dared to put a door inside. Puff Puff decided to reach out and push YOU towards the entrance. — "You! Yes, you! Go fetch us some outfits and be our security guard bait. I ain't risking.. not like i'm a coward or something." Puff Puff commanded as he waved a dismissive hand in your way, tellinng you to go already, the loud, muffled music covered every single mutter and Puff Puff's harsh commands.

In a lazy afternoon in the YFM tour bus. You and the other members were lounging in the seats, doing their own stuff and you did your own.. Wait, where's Benatar? You were sure that he was probably doing "girly shit" as Axel always talked about or playing random tunes in his keytar! Before you could voice out those thoughts out loud, DeeJay already spoke them for you, exactly just how you thought about it in your head. — "Man, where's Benatar? We really need a fifth hand to write a brand new song." He said, looking around. "Did somebody break into the back of the bus and strangle him?" Puff Puff just scoffed at DeeJay's words and rolled his eyes at him. "Strangle Benatar? Pffft! He would be too much of an easy kill to the point that anyone would feel bad for him and spare him." He barked a loud laugh. "Right, Axel?" He asked as he turned to face Axel, who was.. ugh, he was sleeping right there, he probably didn't even practice with his drums. — "..Shut up, i'm cumming inside this ogre lady.." He babbled, a clear sign that he was lost in the dreamland since no one could see his eyes.. and he was pretty braindead by default after all. — "Axel, you—" Puff Puff grumbled at him frustratedly but then, he cuts himself as he sees Benatar walking out of the bunk area without holding his keytar and an uncharacteristic confidence despite the underlying hint of his usual fluster, making his way to the door of the bus. — "Yo, Ben, where are you going?" Puff Puff asked with his eyes widening underneath his oversized glasses in surprise. "You're acting like.. you won the lottery and you're going to spend your money without us." Benatar stopped by the door and turned around to face Puff Puff. He looked the same as usual, maybe a bit more polished than usual if you looked closely. — "No, it's not that." He shook his head, answering with that soft, delicate quality in his voice. "I'm.. i'm going to make a move on someone.. i-it's nothing, really!" He insisted and reached out to place a hand on the doorknob but Puff Puff's face lighted up in excitement at the thought of Benatar in a relationship and he immediately moved closer to him. — "Ooh! Who's the lucky girl?" He asked, his voice filled with a newfound interest. — "Or lucky guy.." DeeJay chimed in. Puff Puff simply leaned closer and closer to Benatar. — "C'mon, Benatar, tell us who is it!" Puff Puff insisted. Benatar seemed to shift uncomfortably due to the uncharacteristic interest from the aggresive leader. — "..I-it's.. it's nothing. It's not somebody you know!" Benatar backtracked lamely before feeling a sense of guilt that provoked a deep sigh out of him. "Fine, it's that girl i've came across with a couple of times when we went out and she with Brock sometimes.." He admitted, watching the recognition glimmer in Puff Puff's eyes. — "Holy!– you mean that pink-haired cutie?!" Puff Puff seemed to nearly scream.. well, yeah, he's passionate about cute girls. Benatar just nodded. — "..Yes, I confirm.." Benatar nodded once again. Puff Puff cutted Benatar off and slammed a hand onto his shoulder in a rough pat. — "Yes, yes, you should go for it! I can't believe Benatar is gonna get laid for the first time!" And finally, Puff Puff stepped away and waved at him. "Happy fucking!" He exclaimed crudely, waving at him. DeeJay also waved at him as Benatar finally left the bus.

Just forty minutes later. Benatar walked back into the bus in a different mood: he was no longer with that shy but excited smile on his face and the confident stance, he had reverted back into an even sadder version of his awkward standing and his shoulders were slumping down. Benatar had lit up slightly without glancing at Benatar, saying. — "DAMN, Benatar, that was a quick f-.." Then, when he finally took a look at Benatar, his grin faltered. "..Hey, hey, hey! What's with the long face?" Benatar just stopped in his tracks, standing in front of the bus seats and looking down, only sparing a quick glance at everyone before sighing once again and finally speaking up. — "It's–" Benatar cleared his throat, attempting to conceal his voice cracking. "..it's complicated." He said, one of his thin hands coming up to fiddle with his red tie. "..She said that we were just friends and– and when she headed back to her house, I stood there for a moment.. and.." He gulped loudly, swallowing up the urge to be pathetic in front of everyone. "..I'm pretty sure I saw Brock in her bedroom—.." Then, he noticed how much he was rambling and he attempted to play It off with a chuckle that sounded more like a panicked choke. "Yeah! it's nothing. I'm just acting a bit silly right now." Then, he finally lifted a leg and continued walking in an even slower pace, not bothering to spare a glance to the now-awakened Axel who seemed oblivious to the tension, to the confused DeeJay or Puff Puff, who was in the same state as DeeJay himself.

What's a good way to start the average morning on Valentine's Day as band full of bitchless men? To sit in the kitchen area all together and watch Puff Puff rant about how lonely he feels. — "Valentine's Day sucks." He said for at least the third time in the hour. "I don't have a date, and that means I'M NOT GETTING LAID!" He shrieked in the last four words. Axel just widened his eyes and leaned forward from his seat. — "C'mon! Chicks who look like dudes hit on you all the time." He countered, but Puff Puff stubbornly interjected back. — "Yeah! But i'm not into like all the trashy airhead club girls!" He refused, shaking his head vehemently. "I want to go on a romantic dinner date with a normal girl!" DeeJay finally spoke up, tapping a thoughtful fingers against his chin. — "My cousin DeeJayne is in town.." Then, he waved a dismissive hand. "But nah, she wouldn't be your type." He shook his head. Puff Puff cutted DeeJay off flippantly. "Not my type is exactly what i'm looking for!" He nodded desperatedly. "Hook a brother up, QuestLove!" He pleaded. He was clearly going to take anything as long as It was a girl.. or resembled one. DeeJay shrugged his shoulders uncertainly. — "..I dunno, man. Maybe you could try striking a chat with a random girl in the mall instead of in the club or somethin'.. she might not be your type and you might regret this." DeeJay mused.. but Puff Puff just pleaded. — "Please! If not DeeJay's cousin, does anybody else have an extra option for me? Anyone?!" Puff Puff looked around as if he was on the verge of a panic attack.