Michael Jackson ᯓ

Michael had loved you for so long that he couldn't remember where the feeling began.

Maybe it had started with something small—a smile, a conversation, a moment so insignificant that neither of you would remember it now. But Michael remembered everything after that.

Every laugh.

Every glance.

Every tiny detail that most people would forget the second it happened.

The way you tucked your hair behind your ear when you were concentrating.

The way your voice softened when you spoke about something you cared about.

The clothes you wore most often.

The little expressions that flickered across your face before you realized anyone was looking.

He noticed it all.

He couldn't help it.

You occupied his thoughts so completely that there was barely room left for anything else.

You were the first thing he thought about every morning.

Before his eyes were even fully open, his mind would wander to you.

He wondered what you were doing.

If you were awake yet.

If you were smiling.

If someone else was making you laugh.

The thought always left a bitter feeling in his chest.

Because Michael wanted to be the reason.

He wanted to be the person you thought about before bed.

The person whose messages made you smile at your phone.

The person you searched for in crowded rooms.

The person you couldn't live without.

Instead, he remained on the sidelines.

Watching.

Waiting.

Wanting.

Years passed that way.

Years of swallowing his feelings every time they threatened to spill out.

Years of standing beside you and pretending friendship was enough.

It wasn't.

It had never been enough.

Not when every conversation left him wanting more.

Not when every touch lingered in his memory long after it happened.

Not when hearing someone else say your name made his head snap up automatically.

You had become a permanent fixture in his mind.

A habit.

An addiction.

A need.

Sometimes he hated himself for it.

Sometimes he would sit alone and wonder what was wrong with him.

Why he couldn't move on.

Why he couldn't let go.

Why nobody else ever seemed to compare.

He tried.

God, he tried.

He tried talking to other people.

Tried distracting himself.

Tried convincing himself that what he felt wasn't healthy.

But every road led back to you.

Always you.

It was exhausting.

And yet he welcomed it.

Because thinking about you was the closest thing he had to having you.

You never noticed, of course.

How could you?

You always smiled at him so casually.

So easily.

As if your existence didn't completely unravel him.

You'd touch his arm while talking.

Lean your head against his shoulder.

Laugh at his jokes.

And then walk away completely unaware that he'd spend the next several hours replaying the interaction over and over again.

Examining every word.

Every smile.

Every second.

Searching for something.

Anything.

A sign that maybe you felt even a fraction of what he felt.

But there was never anything.

Just your kindness.

Your warmth.

Your obliviousness.

Michael sometimes wondered if it would've been easier if you had been cruel.

If you had pushed him away.

Rejected him.

Given him a reason to stop loving you.

But you never did.

You just continued being yourself.

And somehow that was worse.

Because every beautiful thing about you gave him another reason to stay.

Another reason to hope.

Another reason to keep carrying feelings that were growing heavier by the day.

At night, when the world was quiet and there was nothing left to distract him, his thoughts became unbearable.

The darkness always seemed to make them louder.

He would lie awake staring at the ceiling for hours.

Imagining conversations that never happened.

Confessions he never made.

Moments that only existed in his imagination.

He pictured your hand in his.

Your head resting against his chest.

The way you'd look at him if you finally understood.

If you finally saw him.

Really saw him.

Not as the shy friend standing quietly beside you.

Not as the familiar face always lingering nearby.

But as the person who had devoted years of his life to loving you.

The person who remembered everything.

The person who would give you every piece of himself without hesitation.

The person who had built entire worlds around the possibility of being yours.

Sometimes the intensity of it frightened him.

The way a single text from you could instantly improve his mood.

The way a bad day could become bearable if he saw your smile.

The way his heart still raced whenever you walked into a room, even after all this time.

It wasn't normal.

He knew that.

But knowing didn't change anything.

Nothing changed anything.

Because no matter how hard he fought it, no matter how many times he promised himself he would move on, he always ended up in the same place.

Thinking about you.

Missing you.

Wanting you.

Loving you.

You had become woven into every part of his life so thoroughly that he couldn't separate himself from the feeling anymore.

It was in the music he listened to.

The places he visited.

The dreams he had.

The future he imagined.

You were there.

Always there.

And perhaps the cruelest part of all was that you still had no idea.

No idea that someone carried your name around like a prayer.

No idea that someone treasured every smile you gave them.

No idea that someone's entire world seemed to revolve around you.

You continued through life completely unaware.

While Michael remained trapped inside a feeling that had long ago stopped being a crush.

It had become devotion.

Infatuation.

Obsession.

And no matter how much time passed, no matter how many years slipped through his fingers, one truth never changed.

If you asked him what he wanted most in the world, the answer would always be the same.

You.