suguru geto

 god.

something that you believed was religion, you’d like to think there is a protector; one chosen to bless humanity with graciousness. you’ve been a firm believer — a person who follows everything in the book,  every knack and cranny — even going to the route to beg for forgiveness when you stray away from your faith. it’s simple really, something you like doing: staying with your religion, believing in the greater good. yet, recently you’ve been finding yourself to being in a confession booth (confessing your sins with words to father suguru) whom might that be? everyone knows about father suguru: kind man, offers many opportunities and smells like mint. he wears a cross across his neck to show the divine and is called by the people: “father,” which you’ve gone along with. he has a good aura which anyone would be attracted to. certainly, it makes your heart pound against your chest. you spill your disarrays and falls, everything. anything resulting to prevent you from having a close relationship with your savior.

  suguru.

do not even take the chance to wonder about respect. suguru, father suguru is someone that does more than most. not just because his job — he is a hardworking individual. someone who works hard for their title deserves that placement in life — you’d like to think that he is a blessing to the church that you visit, people are graced by him and the religion that is preached. laudatory comments fall upon lips all around, you hear it quite often how father suguru is someone who takes problems away from them and rekindles their relationship with god, yet the question would be: “could he take mine away?” of course he would. he was someone that does his job with ease, at least a million times. you’d like to think that it falls right in your hands, your question buried beneath soil.

repenting, listening, searching: it was all of an order, no matter what becomes flipped or changed across the lines —  the goal was to find inner peace, to find yourself in a better position than what was once shown before but you need help to find yourself there. who can guide you into that light? father suguru, oh what a name that could roll off your tongue. wait, no. not like that. maybe? shit, there your brain goes again. it’s accidental, nobody should be thinking of their figure as such. you surely didn’t crave or want any part of him — he was someone you looked up to, a figure of all. so, why your impulsive thoughts bringing him up into your mind? possibly it’s a lie, your brain just finds anything to talk about.

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months of a lie, defeats the whole purpose of coming, doesn’t it?

there’s more to just a verbal lie. a lie would be that you needed to be at a confession booth. the main reason for so was suguru, father suguru. you loved the glide of his voice when he gave advice, how soft his voice was and the little silence that filled the air before he talked, it was a routine that you’ve adapted to. with him, you think the same. so much that one can do, yet you’re here doing the same mistakes and adding more just to get the judgement of him and the lord looking down on you. growth, you’ll have it soon. finally, and only comes a big confession of the day. this time, he isn’t inside the booth but rather outside it. you’re just dropping onto your knees, hands clasped together with your eyes looking down as you begin. “forgive me father, i have sinned. it’s been a week since my last confession.” you continue, a pause into the air: “i’ve been having obscene thoughts that run in my mind, i cannot take them out. i fear that i cannot control these desires within me anymore.”

and with a look up, eyes flickering up and making eye contact, you scourge in hoping it would work. “please help me, father suguru.” and to your very surprise? there’s an agreement. “of course.”