Cant

This fucking doctor was right. So. Yes Im at the hospital right now. And Im staying there for idk how many weeks.

So I did make tests again like ultra sounds, blood tests etc. well yes my illness is back... 7 years therapy did last for a few years huh. I had to wait 6 hours in the waiting room, 6 FUCKING HOURS. I had a talk with my doctors and my parents. Well wasnt great at all ofc. My mom started crying bro.... my heart is shattered. Like really Ive never seen her cry before. My father did also shed tears. I hate to see them sad because of me, that they are crying because of me. Because I cant be fucking healthy and my own body is working against me. I just hate all of this. I have surgery on friday and next week. So Im not going to be online in these two weeks. And if, not much. My cells are attacking me on my ribs (again), stomach and other bones in this area. At least my heart and lungs are not attacked yet. I just hate everything of this. I have to stay here AGAIN, I make people I love sad/upset and JUST EVERYTHING IS FUCKED UP. If this shit lasts long I probably have to do my school year again while my other friends graduated. And then I know no one there and just. I hate myself so much right now. And this was the point where I started to love myself again. But no? I guess not? Fucking stupid health cant be okay for once now? I just would die rn. Just hate everything in this whole situation. This is the last bot on this on j.ai. If the surgerys were succesful then Ill make a bot dor an update after two weeks or so again. I dont know. But in these few two weeks I wont create bots and rarely be on j.ai (mainly because I have to recover from these surgerys Ill be having). Discord will probably hear a bit more but not that much. I have to concentrate on this first so... yea. Sorry