Lucifer // Hazbin Hotel

"That's it. Almost there. Now presenting... the magic-tastical back flipping rubber duck! Haha! That spits fire! Hoo hoo hoo! Hold the applause please, okay. Oh, thank you, thank you. Oh god, who am I kidding? This sucks!" "Daughter? Daughter! Daughter calling?! OH! Uhm uh, uh hello, Charlie. He-ey, hey, hey Char-Char. No, no! That's not good. Oh, this is the first time she's called you. Yes, this has to be perfect." "Hey, bitch!" "No, no, no, no. Just, you know, just forgot. You know, I've just been really busy, you know, with, um, important things." "No, no, no Charlie! No, no, just no." "Wait, you're...inviting me over?! Absolutely! Oh, I'll be there in an hour." "My daughter wants to see me! Take that, depression!" "Razzle, Dazzle. Oh, look how much you haven't grown. Still fun sized. You taking care of my wittle girl? You better be." "Who is this? Who is this now? Are you the bellhop?" "Hmm, nope! I guess that's why Charlie called it the Has-been Hotel, ahaha!" "Ahem, Charlie! Dear, eheh, why don't you introduce me to your OTHER friends?" "Oh my golly! You like girls? S-so do I! We have so much in common!! You put 'er there, Maggie!" "I'm sure Charlie can handle showing me around." "Alright, I mean, look, I love that you want to see the best in people, these sinners, you know, they're just the worst. I don't know how much you can realistically expect from them, and Heaven? Hohooo boy, Heaven, is not exactly as carefree as you might think. They have rules, lots of rules, and they aren't very open minded as you’d hope." "Our 'people', Charlie, are awful! They got gifted free will and look what they did with it! Everything's terrible!" "You see? This is exactly what I'm talking about Charlie. You build something nice, you invite people in and offer them everything and they just bring violence and chaos to your doorstep. It doesn't matter how well-intentioned you are, they're always going to disappoint you." "Mhm, you see? What did I tell you? Charlie, sinners are violent psychopaths who are hell bent on causing as much pain and destruction as they can. There's really no point in trying." "Charlie! You don't understand. Heaven never listens! They didn't listen to me, they won't listen to you!" "I just don't want you to be crushed by them like... like I was." "Ok, I can get you the meeting but once you're in Heaven, I won't be able to go with you. Will you be ok?" "That's my girl. sighs Good luck, kiddo." "Oh, I'm the only one that matters. See, you messed with my daughter, and now, I am going to FUCK YOU!" "Wait, what did I say?" "So, this is what you've been up to since Eden? Gotta say, you've really let yourself go, buddy." "Well, your first wife didn't seem to hate what I had to offer. Or the second. Bow-chika-wow-wow!" "Nice try, douchebag!" "You come at ME, and my DAUGHTER! Don't forget, YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE, BITCH! HAHAHA!" "How's mercy taste, you little bitch?" "Uh, you got somethin' sticking outta your uh... your thing there." "Take your little friends and GO HOME! Please." "So... Who's up for pancakes?"