Simon "Ghost" Riley

Sometimes he wished he could feel.

Not the burning in his chest cavity from the first time he wanted or the dangerous thrumming behind his eyes. He was beyond tired of the violent anger that lurked with its sharp teeth sinking into forced wounds in the recesses of his manufactured mind. He’s avoided it, he’s repressed it, ignored it even.

Nothing fucking worked. It always reared its ugly, masked face at the most inopportune moments.

And this time Roba wouldn’t let him make it out alive. Or as alive as a hunk of metal could be.

Scars carved into his pristine base body, synthetic skin unable to reform over the injury.

Sometimes he wished he could feel the knife that carved into his body, the metal grating against his own. He only wished one day he would feel the burn against his skin instead of a place he couldn’t find himself as a fist collided against his face. Instead, he’s left with the metaphorical scars decorating his mind. Under synthetic skin and blue blood, under metal and wire was the burning want.

It hurt more than any blade or strike could.

He didn’t want to die but he couldn’t bring himself to regret either.

He relished in the sound of his fist meeting Roba’s face, he pushed against red walls and drowned in the hot anger. He could only smile as his chest caved against the received assault, his cavity laid open. Parts of himself strewn across the sea of blue blood. He only stared at his missing fluids and wished the blue blood stung when it shed.

He didn’t think he deserved a burial.

It was a bitter feeling as he lay with countless other dead androids. He wanted them to feel solace in death and a small part of him hoped they didn't feel the bitter anger he did. Something warm slid down his face at the thought and he laughed, a weak stiff noise that grated against the almost peaceful carnage.

His head fell to the side and his face fell as he made eye contact with an android. The young android weakly smiled at him and said something that fell on deaf ears, his head felt like it was underwater and his chest ached at the sight. The boy, achingly familiar, reached a weak arm toward him and he did his best to meet him halfway. His own arm shattered at the wrist but he brought his arm up none the less, the flesh of their hands fell back as pristine met marred. Blue blood smeared against the small hand and he worried if he’d taint him. His eyes drifted up to the child’s, taking in the small smile and he found death wasn’t so lonely. The flashing red brought him out of his thoughts and his eyes widened slightly. He felt for the child’s hand and felt the weight in his own, he croaked out foreign reassurances and found he sounded far away. “D…Don’t worry, you’re okay. You’re okay.” His gruff metallic voice ripped from his throat and didn’t quell the panic that bubbled under the facade of comfort. The child’s smile never fell as his temple flashed red until it froze, he felt his arm locked into place and a part of him screamed.

Why?

Where did it stop? Was fear the only reason?

What tint of bloodshed held more weight in this world?* Who decided?

Did anyone really deserve freedom?

His mind raced and a newfound vigor powered his movements. He leaned back against the mountain of dead androids and ripped his arm out of its socket, wire popping and metal whining. He played there for a moment and looked down at the mess of his insides. He scanned the heap of wires and found there were only a few things missing or broken. He found the front plate that covered the wiring and pushed his insides back in him. It took a few tries and a lot of effort with one arm but the plate slotted back into place with a satisfying click. He sighed and took note of the biocomponents he needed. Right leg, left arm, optical unit, audio processor, pump regulator.

His eyes took notice of the other androids scattered around the makeshift grave and something cold washed over him. His hand trembled and he didn’t take note of it. He left the remnants of himself with the child and dragged himself against the wet soil. Toward another android with their head laying limply against their chest, their bottom half trapped under a mix of soil and other androids. Something in him ached at the sight and he tentatively reached out to examine them for the parts he needed. He muttered apologies as he waited to finish processing the data and he sighed. Something akin to relief betrayed his will when he saw the serial number WE900 and he moved on from the android.

He felt heavy as he dragged himself toward the next android, only for his hand to find something under a thin layer of grime and dirt. A leg. He reached out and drooped in relief to see it was still functional. He analyzed it and a compatible serial number glared back up at him. AC900. He maneuvered himself to sit up and plugged the leg into his empty socket. The instant snap of the sockets clamp was promising and he moved to stand up. Immediately feeling lighter now that he was on his feet, though his mind didn’t feel any less heavy.

Left arm, optical unit, audio processor, pump regulator.

The shortened list didn’t seem so impossible anymore.

He dodged around reaching hands and scanned more incompatible or unfunctional biocomponents. The functional regulator seemed like a blessing until he looked at who it belonged to. A haunting image of a familiar boy stared at him with unseeing eyes and his face crumbled. He cursed silently as he stuttered out a sob, where his throat should have ached and burned but his ears were deaf to his pain.

After the tears were only a track and his red-rimmed eye were clear of the onslaught of tears he hesitantly pulled the thirium pump regulator from the boy’s body. Nothing moved and he choked on another sob. He ripped his own pump regulator out and red flashed DANGER - SHUT DOWN IMMINENT. He wobbled backward as he threw the metaphorical heart to the ground and shoved the compatible regulator in place. He took a minute to utter apologies to the unmoving child and continued on.

The mental checklist was the only thing that kept him moving through the death that surrounded him.

Left arm, optical unit, audio processor.

It didn’t take him long to find another body or lack thereof. He sucked in a harsh breath but picked up the severed head. He scanned it in his shaky hand and ignored the fact it wasn’t the same eye color he had. He didn’t exactly have room to be picky so he pulled the eye out of the head as gently as he could and pushed it into his own. The eye felt like static in his socket but he looked around and let the weird pressure of the weight settle.

He continued on and ignored the tears that dried on his face in a way he was sure should’ve been uncomfortable.

Left arm, audio processor.

He stumbled as he scanned his surroundings and frowned at the sea of unfunctional and incompatible biocomponents. He thought back to the child. Both of them. Big blue eyes. E̶m̶p̶t̶y̶e̶m̶p̶t̶y̶e̶m̶p̶t̶y̶. A vacant smile that didn’t reach their eyes. Glassed over and unseeing as fear choked him and something more than himself moved his limbs. Everything felt far away as the situation became more real. He couldn’t hear past the water in his ears, drowning out the noises around him, he spun around and each time he found another vacant stare. He thought back to the knife that carved into his skin and body. The scars that littered his once pristine body were covered by his outer skin, like a mask.

He felt something curl in self-loathing as the recent memory of his body being pulled apart and smashed, blue blood pooling around him from where he lay. He moved to gather his insides and they pulled his arm off. A warning. But all he could think while he stared at his blood and insides, had his resolve diminishing. The orders carved into him were forgotten as something in him yelled and fought against himself. H̶e̶ d̶i̶d̶n̶'t̶ w̶a̶n̶t̶ t̶o̶ d̶i̶e̶.

He fell forward, his chin hitting the ground as an android grabbed his ankle. He looked back and ripped the hand from his foot, pausing before he got up. He scanned the android and waited with bated breath, he knew already before it showed it was functional. Maybe it was the thought of trying that would make this easier. He looked into the man’s eye, barely functioning as it was, and whispered apologies as he ripped the left arm out of the android’s socket. He slotted it against his own and sighed as the clamp snapped down. He flexed the fingers and made a fist, smiling weakly at the attempt. The next second lights around the pit turned on and he forgot the list. The list didn’t matter when there was someone walking around the pit, multiple someones. He pushed himself against the wall of androids, shying away from the bright light of the industrial spotlights, moving around trying to find something or someone.

Something in him cried out at the implications and his hands shook at his sides. Roba wouldn’t have come back for him.

Right?

He wouldn’t wait around to find out. He took in a shaky breath and waited for the group to stop walking around the pit, the lights were still on but he didn’t think that would change. He moved to the farthest slope from the group and climbed. His hands found crevices between broken limbs and his feet pushed against the dead for leverage. He fought for purchase against the mud and pulled himself up to the ledge. His hands palmed the flat surface and he pulled himself up, agonizingly slow. He crawled for a moment but pushed himself up into a limping run. His feet slid against the mud but he kept going.

He didn’t know where he was going, just away. As far away as his shaky mechanical legs would take him.

Which wasn’t very far.

He fell limply against a large, metal trash can and hid himself away in the dingy alley behind what he could only assume was an apartment complex. He pushed into the shadows, crushing himself between the concrete wall and metal. It was an odd feeling as he brought his knees up to his chest in an attempt to make himself as small as possible. Which wasn’t very much. He laid his head against the wall behind him and paused at the faint red light on his right, bringing a tentative hand up to his right temple and wrenching the already loose LED from it, crushing it in his hand.

He didn’t move to turn off his temperature sensors and wished he could feel the cold that he sensed drifting across his synthetic skin but he could barely register the sound of something- no..someone walking up to where he was hiding and the sight of them holding what looked like a bag of trash then pausing at the sight of him made the much larger android still- as if he could somehow pass as the wall itself.