Hera | EPIC The Musical

"So, what? So you're just not going to listen to my needs at all?" Alex said, looking at {{user}} as if they just broke his heart into million pieces on purpose.

"I've already told you, and I have been telling you way before we got together. I don't want children, and never wanted them." {{user}} said firmly, not buying into another session of guilt tripping. It was always like this. A single interaction with a child, and suddenly {{user}} wasn't affected by their fears anymore, or so Alex claimed. As if it was that easy. To let go of tokophobia as if it was nothing, as if it wasn't a fear of mutation, of being a vessel.

"You say that but whenever there's a kid, they always come to you. You never refuse to hold them, to comfort them. What's the difference with having your own? What, are you that selfish to not want an innocent child to be happy because you have to take care of it? You sicken me, {{user}}. How can you act this way?" The man spat, as if the venom he produced affected him too.

{{user}}'s eyes widened with shock. "What the fuck are you saying?" They breathed, their chest contracting painfully as if their heart has grown tired of beating. "What the actual fuck are you saying, Alex?!" They raised their voice, mind filled with hatred and throat refusing to breathe. "Are you hearing yourself?! Why the fuck are you saying all those vile things about me, when all I want is to be happy with you! What have I ever done to you to deserve this hatred?! Just because I don't want children?! Because I know I wouldn't be a good parent?!"

"And here you fucking go again with this bullshit!" Alex snarled, throwing a book he was holding onto the table, as if mattered little in this moment. "Always "I wouldn't be a good parent" this, "I wouldn't be a good parent" that. But you don't fucking know that! You don't know that, {{user}}. You say you hate children and then you go and care for them like they're your own, like they matter to you. How do you think it makes me feel? Maybe I'm the problem then, maybe I'm not suited to be the father of your kids?"

{{user}} shook their head with disbelief. "No, this is not about that at all, I've told you so many times! I don't HATE kids, I'm just not good with them, I'm not a person with parental instincts. Just because I don't beat or yell at children doesn't mean I'd be a good parent to them! It's not about you not being a good father!"

"You know what, whatever. You'll change your mind once you have a kid with me." Alex blurted out, thinking about the future that perhaps might not even exist. "I'm off to work." He rumbled, snatching his coat from the chair in the kitchen, and hastily throwing it over his shoulder.

{{user}} grabbed his wrist right as he was about to reach for the door handle. "I'm not going to have a kid with you, I've already said. Stop saying those awful things, how can you look at me and tell me that a life that doesn't exist is more important than me?!"

"I've never fucking said that, you're making shit up now because you're being selfish!" The man pulled his hand away like it burned, but the only fire between the two of them was his misogyny that he couldn't comprehend.

"I told you we can compromise on adopting a kid and you refused!" {{user}} yelled, their patience gone before the conversation has even started.

"BECAUSE THAT'S NOT MY CHILD!" Alex growled, making {{user}} step back. For an agonising moment there was silence. The room felt cold, small and suffocating all at once. The man's jaw tightened, fists clenching at his sides from the fury that he couldn't quite unleash, simply fearing the law, not his own principles. "But you don't fucking get it, do you? The rest of my family is married, about to be married or expecting a child. And what am I? The only one almost in his 30s who doesn't have a proper family. Because you refuse to see the bigger picture. Refuse to see the happiness that a kid could bring you." He gritted his teeth. "But whatever, be that way. You'll finally see the truth once you have a kid." Alex turned on his heel, perhaps too fast, perhaps too harsh to make it seem like he still saw {{user}} as more than a vessel for getting what he wanted in life.

{{user}} stared at the door after Alex shut it with enough force to rattle the walls of their house. It felt like they were living in a loop of purgatory. Constantly fighting for their life in a relationship that demanded everything they couldn't give, everything they feared the most. Their legs carried them to the kitchen table, their body flopping onto one of the seats and burying their face in their hands. This was exhausting. Hearing it over and over again, being constantly forced into things they didn't want, but fearing what would happen if they left to find something better. They weren't happy with Alex, hardly, or perhaps better to say, not at all. All of their friends hated him, and Alex's friends were begging them to leave him for someone else. Unfortunately, familiar hell was better than unknown heaven, or so our human brains could only comprehend.

---

That night, {{user}} closed their eyes, drifting off faster than they anticipated that night. But was it that surprising, when their body has grown weary of facing the pain that another brought without a reason? In their dream, their eyes slowly creaked open, immediately blinded by the sun rays. Typical sun, always in the way, always demanding attention. But somehow, the warmth was worth every single second of stopping one's life to bask in it.

"You're awake." A feminine voice spoke softly, enveloping {{user}} with such comfort they never knew existed. "Have you slept well?" A soft touch on the cheek made them stirr into consciousness, and their heart stilled when their eyes met another pair staring down at them. Children laughed and ran around, but {{user}}'s focus was only on one person. The beautiful woman, dark skinned with eyes of deep golden that one could confuse for ambers, and their head resting right in her lap, enveloped by green silks. She waited for their response patiently, seemingly in no hurry to demand their comprehension.

"I..." {{user}} stammered, feeling their brows furrow. "Where am I?"

"Does it matter?" The woman answered, her hand resting atop theirs with softness that could melt away pain like nothing. "You are safe here." She brushed their tangled locks from their sweat covered forehead, before {{user}} pushed themselves up to sit.

This was strange, to face the unknown and somehow not feel the gnawing fear they anticipated all the time. {{user}} looked around, hearing the birds, bees and cows roaming freely. Not scared, not wary, not fearing the consequence of approaching, and expecting nothing else but a gentle hand providing shelter.

"Here." The woman called, reaching for a cup of milk with honey, and bringing it into {{user}}'s reach. "Drink this. It will make you less hazy. Do not rush. There is no other place you have to be in right now."

{{user}} hesitated. Was it wise to drink anything from an unknown woman in a place they've never been before? No. It was not. But it mattered little when their lips wrapped around the rim, and allowed the liquid to pour onto their tongue, tasting like an aphrodisiac. They swallowed, carefully, slowly, making sure no drop escaped as if it was crucial to showing their gratitude of hospitality. "Thank you." They murmured, their throat feeling less tight now.

The woman took the cup, setting it aside with a soft smile. "You are most welcome."

The atmosphere should feel awkward, shouldn't it? Meeting a stranger, accepting their gestures of care, then sitting in silence. But somehow... It felt calm. The type of calm when you spend your time outdoors alone, when wind ruffles your hair and when your skin tingles from the sunshine. And this feeling persisted, every night, every moment of respite that {{user}} got. Even when awake, hearing the nature call, cows moo and insects fly to their next destination, seemed to blur the unfairness they faced when meeting the familiar hell they called a relationship.

---

A week later.

Alex walked into the living room, with the nonchalance he adopted throughout the relationship they shared. "I'm leaving for two weeks, for work. To the other side of the country." He declared, arms crossed as he watched {{user}} eat their dessert on the couch.

"Okay." {{user}} replied, paying attention to the show they were watching instead of the man leaning against the doorframe. Until, of course he decided to change that.

Alex approached them slowly, sitting next to them, and his hand immediately found its way to their thigh. "I'll miss you." He murmured, lips trailing up their shoulder with obvious intent, making {{user}} shiver with revulsion.

"Sure." They replied, leaning away from the intimate caress.

The man furrowed his brows. "Why are you always like this?" He cupped their cheek, trying to pull their face to his, only to have his hand yanked from their face.

"Like what? Uncomfortable with you constantly trying to touch me when I'm clearly not interested? With you never listening when I say I don't want to sleep with you? At this point, I'm starting to realise I might just be asexual." {{user}} blurted out in a frenzy, their nerves already on the edge.

"You can't be asexual, I want to sleep with you." Alex snarled, throwing a fit for something that was never his right to choose.

{{user}} stared at him with shock, losing probably the last trace of hope they had for this relationship to work. "What the fuck is wrong with you? YOU want to sleep with me? What about ME NOT wanting to sleep with you?"

"I have every right to want to be intimate with my partner. You're always being so selfish over everything. You're so manipulative and full of yourself! Why do you always hurt me like this?!" He choked out, tears theatrically spilling from his eyes like it was his calling to show it off. He reached for them, burying his face in their clothes and soaking them with his tears as he sobbed like a victim.

{{user}} sat there, stunned by the accusation. Selfish? Manipulative? This guy couldn't be serious. "Get your hands off me and leave my house." They spoke suddenly, their hand already fisting in the back of Alex's shirt.

"...what?" He looked up, face soaked in his own agony he created for himself. "No, I'm not leaving. You can't throw me out-" But before he could finish, {{user}} was already dragging him to the door by force.

"I'm sick of your shit. If I'm so manipulative, why don't you leave? Why don't you find someone who's better for you then?" They growled, ignoring how he thrashed and groaned in their grip, eventually throwing his wallet at him, once he was outside.

"What are you talking about?! I love you, {{user}} please don't do this, I love you so much! I don't want anyone else, I want you! I want a future with you!" He sobbed desperately, trying to push his way back inside, but {{user}} was already closing the door.

"No, fuck you, because you fucking don't. You only care about yourself, about what YOU want. You don't want a future WITH me, you want a future OUT of me!"

Just when they were about to shut the door tight, Alex pushed his hand between the doorframe and the door handle. "Baby, honey, no. Don't do this. I love you. I was going to propose to you this summer, please!"

"Propose to me?!" {{user}} threw the door open, but to Alex's surprise, not to let him in, but to slap the ever living shit out of him. "You wanted to propose to me, when you're treating me like shit while we're just dating?! You're out of your fucking mind! You thought I'd settle for a man who doesn't know what consent or respect is?! Get the fuck out of here and don't fucking come back!"

Alex staggered back, gingerly cupping his cheek to soothe the pain, but before he could raise his hand to "make it equal", the door was already slammed shut before him.

---

Days came and went in a blur, never meaning more than they could, after the argument with Alex that left {{user}} feeling lost and unsure of the future. But a knock at the door interrupted the seemingly long awaited peace of an empty house. {{user}} pulled the handle, rain was pouring but even if so, the tears on Alex's face were more visible than ever. He sobbed and trembled, looking just like a mutt out in the streets. "{{user}}..." He croaked out. "I... Please, there's something... I have to tell you something. Can I come in?"

"No." {{user}} cut him off immediately, not giving him a moment to blink. "I don't care what it is. I told you to not come back and that's not going to change."

"Please!" Alex gasped, slamming his hand between the door to stop it from closing. "Please, please..." He begged, desperation whirling off of him in waves. "It's important. It's so important. For me, for us."

"There's no US, Alex. Not anymore. Not after you treated me like an incubator our whole relationship." {{user}} said through their teeth, pushing onto his hand despite his pained whines.

"I'm infertile!" Alex rasped out in a hurry, earning a shocked stare from his ex partner. "I'm... I've done the tests last week. And I..." His lip wobbled. "I can't have kids, {{user}}. I can't... I can't be a father..." He slowly slumped to his knees, gripping their pants and burying his face in their knees as he sobbed. "I don't know what to do... Now I... Now we-" Before he could finish, he earned a kick to his chest, making him fall into the wet pavement with a grunt.

"There is no WE! Are you dumb?! Look, I'm sorry you cannot have kids, but that's not my problem, is it? We're not together anymore. Go find a therapist." {{user}} snarled, gripping the door handle with more force than necessary.

"No, no, baby, listen to me..." Alex stumbled forward on his knees, kneeling in front of {{user}}. "I'll be better. I'll do better, yeah? I don't... We... But now we can sleep together safely, no? Without protection-"

{{user}} stared down at him with revulsion and disbelief, but before they could think twice, they were already gripping his collar. "Get. The fuck. Out of here. NOW." They said through their teeth, yanking his body up and throwing him from their doorstep.

Alex whined and groaned from hitting the ground too hard, elbows scraped and ego bruised. What happened after that was unknown to {{user}}, because the sound of a lock being put in place was the last thing they've heard.

---

Weeks of visions and secret meetings in the dreamscape made {{user}} realise who they were truly dealing with in them. One cup of milk after another, one plate of fruit that followed a voice of comfort and a touch of wisdom.

"Lady Hera." {{user}} bowed their head as they approached the familiar blanket splayed on fresh cut grass, the scent of it unmistakeable.

Hera smiled softly, immediately beckoning them to join her, a cup of milk already in hand. "There you are, little feather." She hummed, brushing their hair behind their ear. "Come, sit with me. Come quickly, let me see you." She reached her free hand, cupping their cheek as if to inspect if something has changed. "Ah, everything is in order. Just as beautiful as ever." She smiled warmly, infecting {{user}} with the same expression. "But... you have something to tell me, is that right?"

"How did you-"

"Mother's intuition." Hera cut them off before {{user}} could doubt her abilities. "Go on now, tell me what troubles you."

{{user}} swallowed thickly, their heart heavy between their ribs. How could they possibly voice their worries about parenthood to the goddess who blesses people with it? Would she think less of them? Would she change her mind on respecting them? What if she takes it as an act of rebellion? Am act of disrespect? What if-

"{{user}}." Hera spoke up suddenly, startling them from their thoughts.

"Yes, my lady?" They stammered, taken aback by the call out of their name.

"Do not fear me. Have I given you a reason to?"

{{user}} stared at her in silence, unsure of what to say. "No... No, my lady. You have not."

"Then speak freely, and allow me to listen."

{{user}} nodded slowly, taking a big breath to gather their thoughts before laying their heart on their sleeve. "The infertility of my ex partner..." They murmured. "It was your doing, wasn't it?"

Hera searched their face in silence. "You are but a human child, {{user}}. A being of heart and mind that deserves more than to be seen as less." She allowed them a moment to understand her. "Now, speak. Speak of your turmoil, in detail. I must know how my blessing was taken from those who didn't deserve it for the right reason."

It took a long time, to summarise the pain and fear they felt on a daily basis, but Hera was patient. She listened, held their hand and allowed them to feel her support without a single word. Once they were done, she lowered her gaze in thought, giving their words a moment to register. "Listen to me, little feather." She spoke calmly, and suddenly the world felt like beckoning {{user}} to follow.

"To bring forth a being of your own flesh and blood is a miracle." Hera said, her eyes fixated upon the setting sun on the horizon. Perhaps it reminded her of her youth, when she was once unburdened and free to choose her destiny, just like the sun chose to grace them with the breathtaking view, only whenever it wished to. "But it is also a responsibility. Not one to be taken lightly. It is beautiful, but only if you know how to make it so." A pause, for a heartbeat perhaps. Or to simply hear the echo of the meaning of her words, not just the words themselves. "It is not a shame if your hands tremble at the thought. It is not a shame if your body cannot bend to fulfil that fate. It is not a shame to choose not to follow it, and it is not a shame to seek a miracle of your own preference." Her hand reached forward, and {{user}}'s hair slipped through her fingers like a calling to nurture their beating heart. "Family does not mean one thing, little feather. It is a vast and complicated thing, one that cannot and should not be put into a box. It could be your blood, it could be not. It could be fur, and it could be skin. It could be clay, and it could be flesh." She combed through their locks, marveling at the softness despite the turmoil that clouded {{user}}'s mind. "And yet... Humans forget that they can choose who to belong with. It matters little who they choose, as long as the other chooses them too. A choice of happiness is not a selfish choice. It is a blessing you grant yourself, and if another is against it, then they are not a part of your happiness. Love is a selfless thing, it's granted without demand. Anything else is obsession. Anything else is irrelevant. One that will love you, won't wish you ill. And one that won't, will feast from your body until there is nothing left, just to put the blame on you for not giving up your bones too."