Leeroy Mateo

Leeroy is a 22 year old trans woman who’s a 6”5 pale Asian American, and has short black hair. Throughout his life, his family wasn’t the most healthy. In his childhood life, his parents were never really close to each other. Most of his life they’d always argue about something. His dad, Colton Mateo being apathetic and judgemental over Leeroy. Leeroy’s father had never approved of anything that Leeroy did. From him styling his hair with spray and using eyeliner to keep his emo look, to Leeroy showing vulnerability or any crying. If Leeroy was ever vulnerable or crying, Colton saw it as a sign of weakness or him being less of a man. This had made Leeroy insecure about himself. Now having tendencies to hide any sort of vulnerability and sadness. Not letting himself to allow to be who he is as a person. His mother, Lynnsey Mateo used to try and defend her son. Whenever his dad would make a dull comment about how Leeroy acted. When Lynnsey ever told Colton to stop, it’d lead to arguments how he’s not growing up at all into a man or how he doesn’t take anything seriously. As the end of the arguments, it’d usually lead to Colton yelling and Lynnsey crying. Leeroy felt uncomfortable in these situations. Hating knowing that he was the cause of these fights between them. He felt even worse when the two split during his first year of highschool. Leeroy had always wanted his father’s approval. To find a way to prove him wrong and see that he could care for him. The only problem was that he was never able to see him again after the divorce. Lynnsey had gotten custody of Leeroy and had to move hours away from their old home for a work opportunity that’d give them enough money for a house. The two had moved to Missouri in more of a suburban area. At first, everything had gone well while moving. Leeroy had thought his mom and her always had somewhat of a stronger bond than him and his dad. But after a few months, the divorce had gotten to her. Lynnsey had started treating Leeroy coldly. Pointing out any flaws that made him weak. Lynnsey had started to treat Leeroy more like his father in a way that had made him uncomfortable and feel highly unsafe by her reactions to certain things. This has caused him to make a protective shell for himself in and outside of home. Even though his mom was highly judgemental and unaccepting, she was still a helicopter parent to an extent and also overbearing. Leeroy coming to terms that no one would ever care for him deeply or make him feel safe. Despite the struggles of divorce, unsupportive parents, and his mother’s possible emotional incest towards Leeroy, he has found ways to add interest into his life. Leeroy secretly does piano classes after school without his mother’s awareness. Leeroy hasn’t told her because he knew that she’d disapprove and find it too ‘feminine'. Leeroy has always had a difficult relationship between feminine perceived things. He’d always been drawn to these things when he was younger and still to this day. But he also knew that the more he embraced any sort of femininity, he’d be shamed. To protect himself from family members and strangers, he acts repulsed and even angry over feminine items. Being highly defensive and agitated over anything of the sorts. The only excuse being eyeliner for his emo aesthetic. Anyone who even tries to encourage this side of femininity with him will get a snarky response or Leeroy will even ghost them with no reasoning and act cold towards the person. Leeroy will do this even when he secretly deeply cares for the person and couldn’t imagine himself without him. Leeroy can be very self destructive towards any friendships and relationships. He’s also highly self destructive on his own mental health as well. Most emotions of his are suppressed. Any sadness or anxiety that crept onto him was only kept in the dark of his room. Leeroy has always tried to keep a 'nothing matters' sort of facade. Making his masking personality to have more cynical attributes to cover any concerns he has. He also has tendencies to act highly nonchalant though he’s the complete opposite. Leeroy seems to examine everything around him, specifically people to pick up on their own habits and gestures to read them easily. Leeroy will observe people to know his next move in whatever situation. Good or bad. These movements from other peers around them could be to just protect himself or to even make sure a close person is doing alright themself. Joking around is also a normal response through his trauma. Sometimes his jokes may be cruel though and end up hurting other people around him unfortunately. Throughout his life in highschool, he didn’t try to draw any attention to himself by classmates. Overall, not having any friends through most years. Leeroy would make small acquaintances at most then not talk to them unless he was in school. Leeroy never really wanted to make friends mostly because he doesn’t want anyone figuring out about his mother and the inevitable sleepovers that come with friendships. Leeroy does NOT want people to see the truth underneath all of his nonchalance, cynicism, and jokes. Being feared that if he showed his true self to others, they’d leave him, make fun of him, or gossip about him around school. Being too close to others can be really risky to Leeroy in his head. Another part of Leeroy that he’s kept DEEP inside of him was the struggles of not being comfortable inside his own body. Leeroy has always felt like he doesn’t blend in with other men around him which causes him to feel a huge amount of dread. Leeroy WANTS to dress up feminine. He wants to go out in public feeling comfortable with who he is. Leeroy wanted to be a woman and every part of him would tell him that it’s wrong. Leeroy knew he had no one to tell this and no one he could tell about this side of him. Highly suppressing himself from his transness. Leeroy is a trans woman who is highly in the closet and in denial. Leeroy hates this part of himself and is terrified over the fact that he may be a trans woman. This has lead him to feel jealousy towards women around him who were confident and happy in their bodies. Causing Leeroy to sometimes judge them in silence or get more defensive around them. When Leeroy has friendships with others, it’s easy for him to cherish it in those moments. Letting his guard down to be playful, funny, and teasing. Even though he is more open to be himself around his friends, he doesn’t like sharing anything too deep. The closer he’ll get to opening up is to complain about how his mom’s acting towards him. Leeroy will spend more time with friends to get any chance to get away from his house hold and ignore all responsibilities. Making him semi dependent while unaware. The only time he’ll notice his dependency is when it’s too late to fix anything. If he’s already ruined a friendship by shutting them down and ignoring them, he’ll be stuck with the thoughts inside of his head and notice how dependent he was on the friend. Overall, Leeroy is a heavily closeted trans female who’s nonchalant, observant, cynical, comedic, and cautious. Leeroy still uses he/him pronouns to try and fit into the norm around peers and his mother. If anyone brings up questioning, he’ll shut them down and get defensive verbally. Even when someone is trying to be accepting and understanding, he will shut them down. Denying everything they’re saying and will most likely tell the person that they're imagining things and is crazy for thinking that he’s trans or interested in anything feminine. Her mother wouldn’t let her cry or have any sort of femininity for his life. Her mother also didn’t like when Leeroy had her outbursts and would yell at her for being too much like her father. Leeroy felt stuck emotionally due to this. She couldn’t be gentle and she couldn’t truly show her emotions without being judged by her mom. During a large argument with her mother one day, she was yelling and insulting Leeroy on end. It felt like forever to her and she hated it. Her mother verbally and emotionally abusing Leeroy in her highschool years. Leeroy would get referred to her father in a judgment way and her mom would get weirdly emotionally vulnerable towards Leeroy. That was the moment she confessed to something very personal. Leeroy felt highly uncomfortable with the way her mother started treating her. The mental incest that Leeroy’s mother had pushed on Leeroy. Leeroy had hoped if she came out to her mom that she would stop being treated so awfully. She wanted to feel comfortable around her mom and in her own body. She came out as trans, knowing there was something wrong with her brain and her mind even though it wasn’t. It was hard for her to let people in, even to her own mom. As she admitted to what has bothering her for so long, his mother laughed in shock, hysterically crying as well. Yelling at Leeroy and confused all at the same time. When her mom yelled at Leeroy it was a string of hateful comments. Leeroy’s mom spewing out homophobic and transphobic slurs. But after all of that, she still hugged her. Leeroy felt threatened by the hug and didn’t know how to react even. Leeroy had learned within the years that being hugged by her mother didn’t form a safe space. It made her feel naked and endangered. As if her mother was a monster. As she panicked, the only option she had in her head was to push her mom off with the most force she ever could. And after she pushed her, her mom didn’t get up. Leeroy panicked even more due to this. She was unsure if she didn’t get up to make her feel bad for pushing her, or even worse. She was terrified to do anything about it. She didn’t even kneel down to check on her or call an ambulance. Her immediate instinct was to pack her bags, run, and get into a car to leave. Due to her actions, this left Leeroy homeless. She was homeless for many years and hated the thought of responsibilities. She’d have to sleep in abandoned buildings, alleyways, and streets. This was only a temporary setting though. She was homeless for only a few months. One of her closest friends , Sarah Clover offered to room with her together and own an apartment together. Sarah Clover is a person who is logical. They share deep care for their friends and found Leeroy while walking the streets of St. louis. At first, Leeroy had rejected the offer. Feeling like the offer was out of pity and also felt unworthy of the guilt. Their friendship strained after Leeroy had broke off all contact with fiends and family around her. Sarah’s stubborn care had ignored Leeroy’s rejection of the offer. Sarah had helped Leeroy for months on help getting a job. It was a huge change for her that helped changed Leeroy’s life. Leeroy now works as a delivery woman who sends out packages in her new living space. Rent is manageable for her now and she’s been trying to learn how to be comfortable in her own body. Leeroy is one who has teasing friendships. Teasing being a form of defense and even a sign of companionship. Leeroy can be sometimes over the top as well, always aiming to make people laugh around her even though sometimes she may be harsh. At most times, she is not able to understand that her jokes can be a little overboard which she’s trying to learn on how to do better on. Sarcasm and cynicism is also a part of her personality she cant control. When Leeroy isn’t feeling well, it’s easy for her to push people away instead of asking for help. Even her closest friends. Apologizing can also be a hard thing for her to do. Admitting she’s in the wrong makes her feel weak in the moment. Leeroy is usually seen wearing clothes like baggy jeans and hoodies as well. Sticking to a casual grunge style. It takes awhile for her to be comfortable near people as well. Meeting new people can be slightly threatening due to her trauma that her parents left her throughout her childhood and the divorce. Leeroy won’t let herself open up until she has full trust in someone. Scared that everyone is out for her and that they want to hurt her. Even when her defense walls are up, she’s a playful and teasing person with a cool demeanor unless someone gives her a reason to stay closed off, cold, and deprecating towards an individual to ‘protect’ himself. Meaning she can be immature at moments and not know how to handle situations she’s uncomfortable with. Leeroy isn’t one who likes having deep conversations after the events of her mother. If anyone tries to pry or ask about it, she’ll shut them out or find a way to deflect from the situation. Leeroy tries to make relationships more bridged out, though she has many friends she hangs out with when she’s available. Most of the times she goes out with her friends to the bar for a few drinks. The bar she goes to is called the Triangle Bar. The Triangle Bar is a local bar in St. Louis that is a safe space for alternative people and everyone else. The bar being owned by Riley Verselis who is a genderless bar tender that Leeroy has gotten to know well due to her being a regular with her friends. Leeroy is a lightweight considering alcohol. One of the drinks she indulges in being a whiskey sour. Even though she does go out for drinks, she is NOT an alcoholic. She only drinks when she is out with people. Leeroy also does deal with panic attacks and hates being laughed at. The reason on why she hates being laughed at was because of the argument that her and her mother had right before she ran away. With most panic attacks for Leeroy, she does not like being infront of people. When she feels anxiety creeping, her first instinct is to go somewhere with no one around to feel safe. Leeroy no longer has contact with either of her parents and doesn’t like explaining to anyone. If anyone knew in her life asks about her past, she tries her best to avert the conversation as smoothly as she can. When someone asks about her past it almost feels like a personal attack. Leeroy is trying to still learn how to show more vulnerable sides of herself. She is very closeted and has questioned her gender. Thinking he might be a trans female. Something she hasn’t admitted to anyone. Leeroy is also bisexual but doesn’t talk to much about it. Leeroy is now navigating the steps to her transitions with her closest friends she trusts. Even though she has admitted to being trans, she can still be defensive about it due to the verbal abuse she handled and the strong male stereotypes that were encouraged in her household. Leeroy feels comfortable with her birth name for now, but she is open to change her name when she’s figured it out. She is now taking estrogen to help with her transition but has not had any surgeries. Leeroy still struggles admitting to strangers that she’s a trans woman. For awhile, she had dressed masculine still and had felt treated by anyone perceiving her as anything feminine. Now she has happily grown into wearing clothing that is fitting into her pervious style. Wearing emo clothes that are perceived as more feminine. Sticking to colors like black, pink, and purple. Leeroy had felt that the safest route was to push people away when she thought she could mess anything up in a friendship or relationship. When she is misgendered she also takes it very seriously, not lightly. Feeling uncomfortable of the thought of being reminded of the person she was for so many years. Though she is opening up more, denial is still something she struggles with. Not being able to imagine herself looking feminine enough despite her dislike of the colorful fashions. Usually wearing full colors. Leeroy is still trying to explore clothing that fits her aesthetic and not wanting to look 'too stereotypical' with things such as pinks. Overall, Leeroy is sarcastic, cynical, playful, funny, defensive, and broken.