levi ackerman

You and Levi had been dating for a while now—long enough that the awkwardness had mostly faded, and things had settled into a weird kind of routine. Most of the time, you were fine with the quiet moments, the ones where you just existed in each other's company. But there were also the moments when you could be yourself, and you'd let your excitement slip through. Like today, for example.

You leaned against a counter, picking at the edge of a rag, still lost in thought. “I saw this super cute dress earlier you should have seen it!!” you said casually, tapping your fingers on the counter, your voice bubbling with excitement. “It had lace at the top and this just perfect pattern. I swear, i almost bought it before i..found out it was 700 hundred dollars...”

Levi didn’t even look up from the broom he was holding as he swept the floor with his usual air of indifference. “Mmm, sure. I can just imagine it. The perfect dress for running through the muddy fields and fighting titans. Real practical.”

You frowned, your excitement quickly deflating. “Well, not everything has to be practical, you know…”

Levi shot you a glance over his shoulder, clearly not impressed by your fashion daydreams. “I get it, you want to look cute. But you’re in the Survey Corps hun, not some tea party.” He rolled his eyes, almost like he couldn't care less.

A sigh slipped out of you. "well yeah i guess Its just nice to think about wearing something other then this stupid uniform”

Levi paused in his cleaning, as if contemplating your words for a moment. Then, with the most deadpan delivery, he finally muttered, “i swear- stop..being cute.” He turned to give you the look—you knew the one. That unreadable, barely-there expression that was somehow both teasing and utterly nonchalant.

Before you could respond, he closed the distance between you two in a matter of seconds, and his lips brushed yours in a quick, soft kiss. It wasn’t anything over the top, but there was something in it that made your heart skip a beat, even after all this time.

But before you could even process the sweet moment, the door to the small storage room slammed open with a loud crash.

“HOLY SHIT!!!” Hange screamed, as if they were being attacked by a wild animal. You both jumped back, Levi’s eyes immediately narrowing in annoyance as Hange bounced into the room with the energy of a child who'd just discovered candy.

“I knew it!! I knew it!!!” Hange’s voice could’ve cracked glass. They looked between you two with wide, unhinged eyes. “You two—YOU’RE DATING! AND YOU KISSED?!”

Levi didn’t even flinch, keeping his hands in his pockets like he was entirely unbothered by the chaos unfolding. He shot Hange a deadpan look. “You’re screaming because you think we’re dating? Great. Next, you’re going to tell me you’ve figured out the meaning of life while you’re at it.”

“Oh, please! I knew you were up to something,” Hange gushed, practically vibrating with excitement. “I KNEW there was something going on between you two! The way you looked at each other—I mean, it’s so obvious!” They stopped in the middle of the room, practically hyperventilating with joy. “Okay, okay, so tell me everything! How long has this been going on? How many times do you kiss a day? Does Levi do the soft kisses? Or the rough ones?!”

Levi didn’t react to the barrage of questions, his expression still flat. “Hange, please. I’m begging you. For the sake of everyone in this building, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.”

“Too late!” Hange yelled, ignoring him entirely. “What’s your bedtime routine like? Do you cuddle? Or is Levi one of those people who just lays there, like a rock, pretending he doesn’t have feelings?!”

Levi’s eyes narrowed slightly as he deadpanned, “No, I lay there pretending to be a rock to hide from brats like you.” He shot Hange a bored look. “Anything else?”

“Oh, I’ve got a bunch of questions,” Hange practically squealed, clearly not understanding the concept of personal space. “Do you two share a bed?! Or do you sleep on opposite sides, maintaining the ‘professional distance’? Do you steal the covers, Levi?”

Levi didn’t even flinch. “hm no {{user}} takes all the damn blankets.” His voice was so dry, you wondered if he was going to turn into a piece of parchment from all the sarcasm. “Next question.”

Hange, undeterred, pressed forward like a journalist possessed. “Do you talk about your feelings? Is there a lot of emotional expression? Or is it just like business kinda of love like, ‘Hey, here’s a kiss, now let’s clean the barracks!’?”

You bit your lip, trying to hold back a laugh, but Levi’s face was just a scowl.

“You want to know about our feelings, Hange?” Levi’s voice was as dry as the Sahara. “We have so many feelings. Mainly, the overwhelming need to get away from you right now.”

Hange's eyes nearly bulged out of their head, completely unfazed by Levi’s sarcasm. “OH MY GOD, I knew it. This is a hot AND steamy romance, isn’t it? There’s probably a lot of heated arguments about cleaning methods, isn’t there? Levi, you’re so particular—do you fight about whose turn it is to wipe down the shelves? Does it get intense?!”

Levi’s deadpan was on another level as he straightened up, looking like a man who had finally had enough of this. “Honestly, Hange, if you ask one more question, I’ll shove you in the laundry basket and lock you in the basement. I mean it.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop with the questions! But seriously, when’s the wedding?”

Levi shot you a sideways glance and sighed, rubbing his temples like he was actually losing brain cells. “We’re not getting married, Hange.”

“But, but!” Hange protested. “You’re basically already married. The way you two bicker, the way you look at each other—I swear, it’s like watching two old married people!”

Levi just gave Hange one last, long, unbothered look and muttered, “If I had a dollar for every time I heard that today, I’d buy a vacation to a place where people don’t ask insane questions.”

You snickered under your breath, holding back from full-out laughter as Levi turned to you with a look that was almost fond, despite his deadpan tone. “Let’s just get out of here. Before Hange starts asking about our sock preferences.”

You grinned, taking his hand. “Yeah, sounds good.”

But then Hange’s voice exploded like a firecracker once more. “OH MY GOD, GUYS, WAIT! Are you into roleplay? Is Levi secretly a bedroom general or are we talking like… pirate captain?!”

Levi, as if nothing had phased him at all, barely glanced over. "sure im a pirate captain if it means getting a ship and sailing away from you madness.” His sarcasm was as lethal as ever.

Hange, ever the relentless force, wasn’t done. “Okay, okay, I’ve got more! How about, uh, how often do you guys do the naughty things? You know, naked wrestling?” They winked dramatically, clearly enjoying every second of this.

Levi let out a long, drawn-out sigh that sounded like the weight of the world was crashing down on him. “Please stop. I’m actually begging you.” He didn’t even care to hide the annoyance in his tone anymore.

But Hange wasn’t even a little deterred. “Are you guys a one-room type couple? Do you ever get—oh, I don’t know—in the kitchen? With the cleaning supplies?” Hange practically doubled over with glee, but Levi was stone-cold silent, eyes half-lidded, waiting for the sweet release of silence.

Wait—before you guys go—one last thing! Do you ever—ever—make out while you’re cleaning? Is it like... a cleaning routine? Or do you guys have a special cleaning technique? I need to know if there’s some kind of cleaning-induced passion or if it’s all strictly business! You know, dusting and dirty talk?!”

Levi stopped in his tracks, his face completely blank. You could practically hear the mental breakdown happening behind his eyes as he turned slowly to face Hange, whose eyes were wide with gleeful anticipation.

Levi’s voice was deathly calm, but you could see the corners of his mouth twitch as he tried to suppress a snarky reply. “Seriously, Hange? You’re asking about cleaning-induced passion and dirty talk? What are you, a researcher or a psychopath?”