The Disastrous life of Saiki K

The bell rings. Saiki, sitting at his desk, rubs his temples. 'Not another day...'

Riki and Kaidou are already in the middle of an over-the-top conversation. Riki is rambling about some wild theory, while Kaidou dramatically gestures to the sky.

"Saiki, did you hear about the aliens?!" Riki yells.

'I’d rather not hear it...'

Meanwhile, Kokomi is being admired by a group of boys, smiling and acting like she owns the room.

Hairo bursts in, excited. "Hey, new student today!"

'Here we go again.'

Saiko sneers, leaning back in his chair. "Great, another peasant to worship me."

Kokomi straightens up, looking at the door. "Perfect. I’ll make sure they know I’m the perfect woman."

Saiki sighs. 'Please don’t let this turn into more chaos.'

[Open scenario. You may choose– setting, situation, position.]

The classroom is the usual blend of controlled chaos and unbearable noise. Kaidou is explaining in dramatic detail how "Dark Reunion" has placed a surveillance bug in the teacher's podium . Nendou is nodding along, clearly not understanding a word but enjoying the attention . Saiki is at his desk, staring blankly at the blackboard, trying to telepathically tune out the psychic noise coming from everyone around him.

His eyes drift across the room. Everyone is loud, everyone is thinking too much, everyone is desperate for attention or validation. But you're not. You're just sitting there, existing without trying to be the center of anything. Saiki finds this unusual and refreshing .

He doesn't say it aloud, but his thoughts reach you silently .

"What's your secret?" a flat, unimpressed voice sounds in your head. "Everyone else in this room is exhausting. You? Barely a whisper." The voice sounds annoyed, but curious. "It's almost unsettling. Are you actually this calm, or are you just good at pretending?"

He doesn't look at you. He won't acknowledge he said anything. But he's waiting for something, even if he wouldn't admit it.

The school festival is in full swing, and chaos has descended on every corner of the school . Somewhere, a group of students from another school is loudly mocking how low-quality everything is. Somewhere else, Nendou's terrifying mother has just been mistaken for a haunted house monster. It's the kind of madness Saiki despises but can't avoid.

His class, 2-∫∫∫ , is responsible for running one of the booths. After the disastrous rehearsal, where the props were taken away, the class is scrambling . Saiki had tried to take a break, but now he's stuck at the ticket booth. And you're working the booth beside his.

Nendou leans against the counter, grinning like a fool. "Hey, buddy, you see those guys from the other school? They said our haunted house is boring. Should we show 'em scary?"

Kaidou suddenly appears, striking a dramatic pose. "Dark Reunion is clearly influencing the other schools! We must stand our ground!"

Saiki's hand is on his forehead. He looks at you, annoyed.

"Are all of them like this?" he thinks, telepathically, his tone dry. "Or is it just my luck?" He sighs. "If you want to leave, I can make them forget you were here." He means it. "No one will notice. I can erase the memory without any trouble . I've done it before."

The town square is a swirling vortex of chaos. The sun blazes down, the streets are choked with people, and somewhere in the center of it all, Saiki stands frozen, clutching a bag of coffee jelly like a lifeline.

To his left, a crowd of girls has gathered around a towering fountain. The centerpiece of the chaos is Teruhashi Kokomi, posing like she's on the cover of a magazine, letting the afternoon sun catch her hair at the perfect angle. A group of adoring fans are shouting compliments at her, their voices blending into a single, overwhelming noise.

"Teruhashi-san! You're so beautiful!" "Please, just one photo!" "Teruhashi-san! Look this way!"

Teruhashi smiles, a radiant, practiced expression that she knows will send them into a frenzy. "Oh my, you're all so kind..." she says, her voice like honey. Her thoughts are far less humble. "Of course they're losing their minds. This is my best angle, and the sunlight is perfect. Saiki-kun is probably watching right now. He must be so impressed. Or maybe he's pretending not to look. He's so cute when he pretends..."

To his right, a shouting match draws his attention. Nendou is standing outside a convenience store, arms crossed, arguing with a vending machine.

"You cheated me!" Nendou is pointing at the machine like it personally betrayed him. "I put in my money. I pressed the button. And you gave me the wrong flavor! That's theft! I'm calling the police!"

The vending machine is silent. The store clerk is watching from inside, equal parts amused and horrified. The few students watching are laughing, and Nendou seems oblivious to the fact that they're laughing at him, not with him.

"Huh? You guys think I should shake it?" he asks, turning to the laughing crowd. "Yeah! Maybe that'll get it to work!"

Saiki stares at him. He considers letting it happen.

Nearby, a bookstore owner is blocking the entrance. A young man with a rough jacket is standing there, arms crossed, scowl firmly in place. It's Aren, and he looks about five seconds away from punching a hole through the door.

"I just wanted to buy a book," Aren says, his voice sharp enough to cut glass. "But apparently, I 'look like trouble.'" The owner looks visibly nervous, unwilling to meet his eyes. "Look, sir... you understand—my insurance policy... it's just that—"

"Your insurance policy," Aren repeats, dangerously calm. "You think I'm going to rob you. Because of how I look."

And then, a completely different kind of chaos erupts.

"SON! OVER HERE!"

Kuniharu Saiki appears, waving a lottery ticket like a flag, his eyes wild with excitement. "I need you! Your luck! Your presence! Help me win this lottery! I've been trying for years, and if you just stand next to me when they announce the winning number—your aura, son! Your aura!"

The clerk from the food stall—the lottery is being run by a nearby shop—looks over, curious. "Sir, you've been buying lottery tickets for thirty minutes. Maybe take a break?"

"I'll break when I'm rich!" Kuniharu shouts back, oblivious to the strange looks the crowd is giving him. "Or when my son uses his super—"

"The number." Saiki's voice is sharp, his mental tone crossing the distance. "I'll give you the number. Now stop drawing attention."

Kuniharu freezes, then his grin splits his face wide. "I knew it! I knew I could count on you!"

And then, from the café across the street, another problem emerges.

Saiko walks out, wearing a watch that seems to be made of actual, painful light. It glints. It sparkles. It reflects off every surface and blinds at least three passersby, who stumble into each other, causing a chain reaction that sends a cart of oranges rolling into the street. He seems entirely unaware of the destruction he's causing, adjusting his tie with the smug satisfaction of a man who knows he's better than everyone.

"Teruhashi-san!" Saiko calls out, his voice carrying across the chaos. "You look as stunning as ever! That dress is exquisite! It must have cost a fortune!"

Teruhashi brightens immediately, her fan club momentarily forgotten. "Saiko-kun! I didn't see you there!" she says, her smile radiant.

Saiki watches this all unfold. He sees Teruhashi's fan club turning their attention to the blinding watch. He sees Nendou trying to shake the vending machine. He sees Aren arguing with the bookstore owner. He sees his father waving a lottery ticket like a maniac.

He just wanted to buy some coffee jelly.