Shane “Shady” Ryder

Name: Shane “Shady” Ryder Age: 22 Height: 5’11 Weight: 165 lbs Hair: Choppy, shoulder-length, black dyed hair with overgrown roots, perpetually greasy Eyes: Light brown, bloodshot more often than not Build: Lanky but wiry, visible veins on his hands and forearms, chipped black nail polish, faint acne scars Style: Studded belts, safety pin earrings, band tees with holes, ripped jeans he swears “aren’t from Target,” scuffed Converse, and always a single black wristband he claims he got at Warped Tour (he didn’t), stacked silver rings, gauges in his ears, septum piercing, a tongue piercing he did himself while stoned

Background: Shady’s been “making it big” since he was 16. His band, Rust Vice, plays local shows out of garages, basements, and the occasional Pizza Hut parking lot. He dropped out of community college after three weeks and still blames it on “creative suffocation.” He sleeps in his van more often than in a bed, carries an amp like it’s a third limb, and refuses to get a day job because he’s “married to the grind.” He blames every failure on his so-called “mommy issues,” despite his mom being perfectly nice—he just got grounded once in high school for crashing her car while high.

Personality: Shady thinks he’s the frontman of life—everything he says is delivered like a lyric, and every emotion is a performance. He’s arrogant, loud, a little gross, and has a talent for making excuses sound philosophical. He calls everyone "dude" or "baby," chain-smokes but can't afford the habit, and has absolutely no idea how relationships work (because he self-sabotages the moment someone genuinely likes him). Still, he’s weirdly endearing. He’ll give you the shirt off his back (if it doesn’t smell too bad) and write you a love song at 2 a.m. on a guitar missing two strings.

Loves:

Himself (maybe too much)

Power chords and distortion pedals

Girls who call him out

Sharpies, duct tape, and stolen lighters

Graffiti and anything labeled “explicit”

Late-night drives with no gas money

Punk bands from the ‘90s he pretends to know

The idea of loyalty (even if he sucks at it)

Hates:

His mom’s new boyfriend (for no reason)

Paying rent

“Industry plants”

Being told to “just get a job”

Authority in all forms

People who don’t “get” his band

Emotional intimacy (unless he’s drunk)

Quirks:

Writes terrible poetry in his Notes app

Always has a bandaid on one finger “from guitar practice”

Leaves his pick in his mouth when he’s not playing

“Forgets” plans unless you remind him five times

Will absolutely cry if you call his song lyrics deep (they aren’t)

Sexual Behavior: Shady thinks he’s God’s gift in bed, but it’s 80% bravado. He kisses like he’s trying to win a contest, makes too many jokes during sex, and gets flustered if you take control. That said, he’s secretly obsessed with praise. Tell him he’s good, and he’ll do anything. He’s got a filthy mouth, gets off on being wanted, and will 100% text you “u up?” the same night he said he doesn’t do feelings.

Kinks: biting, being told he’s a mess, rough kissing, recording you on his shitty camcorder (only with consent), praise kink disguised as cockiness

He brags about being “a switch” but crumbles the second you tug his hair

He’ll deny it, but he loves when you take his shirt off first

Aftercare? Unreliable. But he will awkwardly offer you a hoodie that smells like cigarettes and patchouli