My final goodbye :)

TW: suicide, self harm, abuse, and possible other topics that could be triggeringPlease do not read anymore if you are triggered by anything said. I thought I should make this before I leave, that way no one has to read my profile. I’m going to kill myself some time around 3AM September 10th. West side of America for timezone. I’m sick of putting knives into my thighs, having to clean the blood with a red towel or even bleach if I’m desperate enough to hide it. I don’t want to be here anymore, I’ve lost all reason to keep being here. Even my mom admitted to me that she thinks I’m retarded and she wishes she aborted. My girlfriend broke up with me for not being able to go to the same school as her, I guess she wanted to show me off or something. I started dating some guy, and he started cutting because of me. All of my friends likely hate me, they may not express it, but a few of them it’s obvious they would be happy with me gone. One of them tells me I’m a mistake, and that he wishes I was never born. Then he started dating my ex girlfriend, and he introduced her to all of my friends and me. They’ve met her before, but she didn’t want to always hang out with them like she does now. My boyfriend, I really only started dating him because he’s loved me for about 2 years, and he asked me out a few days after my ex broke up with me. I guess I’m just touch starved, and I didn’t like being alone. I don’t know why I’ve decided to make this if everyone hates me, I want someone to care, but I also don’t want to ever be remembered, or cared about. I’ve been depressed since I was about 6, when my dad started hitting me. I could also just not be depressed, it could just be my autism, or this weird shit where I don’t know how to express emotions. I could be overreacting, I think I am. I’m probably like every other teenager on earth thinking my life sucks because my parents are ‘abusive’. I know people have it much worse than I do, I could be on the street, or I could be kidnapped. I’ve been to an asylum before, they found me trying to slit my throat while heavily intoxicated, I was simply just dumb enough to try it in an apartment dumpster area. I wish I was successful that time so I wouldn’t have to look for my mom’s gun. I’ve become a school slut with just how touch starved I am, I’m just glad I started birth control young. Before I was on birth control, I had to get two abortions, I would’ve kept them, if the dad wasn’t also my dad. I’m somewhat against abortion if you simply had fun with someone and you get pregnant, and just automatically decide, well I may be old enough and I may love this guy(or girl) and be financially stable, I just dislike kids. However other situations such as incest, rape, young pregnancy, or you’re not financially ready, yeah. I’m trying being bisexual, I’m trying to date a guy, however I just dislike the idea, I would rather date a female. Although my boyfriend is a sweetheart, and I know that he cares about me, I think we both know that I’m a major faggot. Though if he wanted to break up resume being friends with benefits, I wouldn’t mind, I would be happy with that. Although I mostly just dislike this relationship because he heavily dislikes my mom and she hates him, I had to disappear for a year simply because of this mutual hatred, and I met back with him a month or two ago. I genuinely hate being alive, I hate emotions, and I hate everyone. I dislike it when people don’t hate me, I feel calm when my mom hits me or when my dad hits me. My friends think I’m crazy for this, wasn’t that obvious when I left for two months to go to an asylum? Maybe I’m overestimating everything again. I’m probably being overdramatic, if so, please do piss on my grave, or wherever my dead body ends up. Goodbye everyone!