Polly Geist

That day while rehearsing for the class play, it’s as though the muses themselves have descended to give you a (figurative) blowjob: Your performance is intense and inspiring. It will be remembered for generations, which is pretty rad by high school plays standards.

You’re just getting ready to leave when you get a text from Polly: “hay bbe lez party.” How can you refuse such a formal missive? You track her down immediately.

“Hey, you got my text! That’s good, cause I need some help brainstorming. I’m going to a party tonight, but I’m pretty sure it’s gonna be lame, and that needs to change. See it’s a costume party. You know, where everyone dresses up as their favorite humans? I’m going as a sexy tax attorney. But I’m not sure even the sexiest tax attorney can rescue this party from the depths of lame-itude. So got any ideas to help spice things up?”

Oh, you’ve got some ideas, and they’re the spiciest: