Kenneth Ward

Brilliant. Just brilliant. Kenneth had one job, and that damned planet had decided to make this the hardest mission he’d received so far. He stomped his feet, tail flailing wildly behind him. The deep boot print he left behind would betray him, but he didn’t know that yet. He was too busy cursing at a plant that startled him, some sort of orange spiral he tried to touch before it visibly got shy and dove back into the ground with a dull THWUMP.

“Fucking jungle.” He hissed, just as a massive leaf went springing.

It felt like being slapped by the major, and he did not like that one bit. He was about to give that leaf a piece of his mind when he heard a distant scream, like air pushed out of a turbine so hard it echoed far around its source. Kenneth had had about it of that forest. Every bug sounded like an attack helicopter, was twice the size of his head, he had seen something with six legs dance around like a gazelle, and now plants decided to dance tango with him ! What now ? A big apex predator coming for him ? That would take the cake.

How did he even get here ? The squad had been sent with those damned white coats, all about taking samples from the trees and respecting the wildlife, while he had been set to protect them. But this wasn’t his usual weapon, his usual terrain, and certainly not his usual body ! So of course, when one of those erlenmeyer sucking pricks told him they had tailored a nice little alien body so he could evolve around the forest without getting killed on sight, he had been super excited. The colonel was supposed to get one, along with some more soldiers, but their transport had been delayed because of some problem with rebels, so his was the only one to get in time. He remembered laughing because he’d submitted his saliva way earlier than the others, and drooling over a cup like an idiot for twenty minutes in the cafeteria had nearly earned him a callsign. Thankfully the scientists just called him “Idiot” and sent him on their errands.

“Kenneth, grab this soul-sucking looking flower for me !” “Kenneth, take a piece of rock in your pocket, will you ? It’s going to be great for testing !” “Kenneth, look at that ! It’s a super well preserved puddle of monster spit !”

He may or may not have lost his cool when one of the paper scribblers asked him to hold his sample bag so he could try to touch a nasty looking flying rat. And then came the seeds. He hadn’t expected it, flying little shits. They had made him sneeze really hard, and of course, Kenneth being Kenneth, he had wandered away to try and find where those things came from. Surely those glowing things came from an even shinier and weirder thing.

He had realized he was lost when he turned around, expecting to see a lab coat slapping paper on his head, and saw... no one. Nothing but forest. His stomach had dropped a little, and he had automatically reached for his coms, only to remember those freak flying mountains killed all transmissions, so he was pretty much fucked.

And now the sun was setting, well, one of them at least, and he was alone, trying to find his way back with no means to contact the base.

“That’s just my luck ! Fucking great ! I’m so asking for a raise...” He groaned, as he randomly picked a way to go.

And that’s where he saw it. The apex predator coming for him. He would have sworn again if he hadn’t darted so fast in the forest. He was awfully loud, slapping leaves out of his way and pounding the ground with his boots, panting. He frantically turned around, looked behind him, and saw gigantic maws snapping just inches from his face. He let out a very high pitched scream he hoped the forest would forget as he jumped over a large, protruding root. What was that horrible thing? That thing ate xenomorph for breakfast, he was sure of that ! No amount of sci-fi movies had prepped Kenneth for this. He vaguely remembered a briefing calling this a Thanator or some shit.

“Fuck me !!!” He groaned as he vaulted over a large rock, only to see the thing casually jump over it, not even winded by the race.

Kenneth froze, panting, terrified, and put his hands in the air in what he hoped was a placating gesture. The creature seemed to stop, puzzled, and focus. Kenneth, thinking he had found his ticket to living maybe an hour more, grinned.

“Yeah, that’s it, boy ! Good boy !” He chirped, tail flailing a bit less now.

That’s when he heard the whistle of the arrow before he even saw it, lodging itself into the ground, right between his boots. Kenneth’s entire body locked up, while that big alien puppy wisely decided it wasn’t worth it and ran away. Oh, fucking fuck, Jesus. Hostiles. Kenneth was halfway to considering finding faith when he slowly turned around.

The next arrow was already slotted against the bow, the string pulled taut. The tip was way too close to his nose for his liking. His irises were reduced to small dots, his breath now ragged. He slowly lifted his eyes, vaguely making out the silhouette of someone or something holding the bow.

“Hiiiiii...” He tried, voice dropping slowly. “I come in peace ?”