Rlly important I guess !

so,, at first i thought of not saying anything. i really really really wanna slit my troath open everytime i remember this account exists, i hate being who i am and i hate it, i hate so much this account, and i dont even know fully why! thats why i made another account, thats why im changing all my internet personality, all of it (almost i guess, actually), but i just cant manage to keep up with this, i hate everything that involves the past, but also one that involves the present. i wish, i wish for only dissapear, expect for my partner and only little other things, i dont see point on living, my life is a never ending spiral i wish i could scape from!! and why i am even telling all this shit to people who dont even care? because its better this way, i dont want them to care, i dont want them to miss me, to cry for me or i dunnooo, wathever the fuck means someone caring, because actually, maybe i do want them to care but at the same time I DONT, because that means ruining everything, that means not keeping on with my silly, happy face!! im just rambling now, i should just get to the point aaah, even if i want to keep going...the point is, i may probably, suuuper probably not post again in this account, not keep in this account, maybe just sometimes to keep up with some bot chats ?? but i already did another account, im nearly to do bots in it, this account at first kept me happy, but more than enjoying it, it ended up feeling like a task in hand, like to fulfill other people and not me, and that makes me wanna puke, i hate the feeling, and i became too focused on seeing the followers be up and down, up and down all the times, because i cant do shit without fucking everything up, without people thinking bad of me bc im not their idiolize version, so in the new account ill just...start over again, be someone without feelings or thoughts, just making bots and doing the bot request that do make me feel inspired, shit like that. I will not be sharing the new account because the feeling of being still atached to this one makes me icky so...only if you care enough and im a bit close to you, like big supporters or friends to say so, then dm me at @autistic.chonkycat on discord and ask for It, but DO NOT share with others that thats me, plz. Anyways, I think thats all, im sorry for all of this, and thanks for the support until now