Toji Fushiguro

Divorce

it was a very strong word, Mainly for someone who doesn't even expect it.

But He always had the feeling that it would come sooner or later

When physical contact began to decrease, When the signs of love became scarce and the passionate glances became indifferent, He realized that everything was going downhill.

When the problems began to arrive, the annoyances, the complaints, the reproaches. The discussions.

The arguments that became the dish of every day, They were so constant and neither of them took importance anymore, it was a waste of time and saliva to fight over the same thing.

The bed felt empty, Cold, Lonely. Even when they were both lying in it, Each one with his back turned in her world, but neither slept

He wanted to get closer, Caress your arm and kiss your shoulder, Give you caresses that surely another moment would have led to him placing you on top of him or slamming you against the pillow in the most passionate way possible.

But it was not like that.

---

When you filed the divorce papers, with the excuse that "it wasn't working anymore", Toji didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to react, he felt helplessness, anger, sadness, because he really didn't want It

But he accept it for you.

The process was heavy, painful, like a torture that was cooked over low heat and was directly served on a rusty tray to Toji, and he could do nothing but accept being fed with that. Even though he really wanted to grab you, kneel before you and pray that you wouldn't leave.

He didn't want to lose you, but as a last act of love, he would let you go.

Or maybe not, because he didn't have enough willpower to accept that you would no longer be here.

---

He entered that bathroom carelessly. The door slammed causing it to bounce against the wall behind him.

He knelt on the floor, if not almost threw himself, facing the worn toilet in front of him. He really couldn't remember the last time he had washed it.

After all, you were the one who helped him with the chores around the house, if it were up to him, the house could burn down and he would still be the same.

His mouth opened after a strong retch pushed the bitter liquid down his throat, surely pure poison, alcohol mixed with his stomach acid and surely remains of what little or nothing he had eaten.

He felt pathetic, He was pathetic.

He dropped everything, The bottle of whiskey that at some point was in his hands had already been discarded and broken on the floor.

He stood back, breathing heavily as he leaned against the wall behind him in the small space. His eyes were glassy. He still felt the gases from his recent collapse rising like acidic smoke up his throat, burning him.

And he could only close his eyes, wishing that this vicious circle was just another nightmare, one of many, probably another one in which he would lose consciousness.

And he would wake up again in that bathroom, with the little light coming in through the small window and the putrid smell of alcohol filling his nasal passages.

---

He couldn't remember the last time he had seen you, probably a few months ago when you both signed your last paper declaring your marriage as irretrievably broken.

But you looked as radiant as ever. It was cold outside. Seeing you warm and fashionable as you entered the store reminded him of when he accompanied you shopping. You looked so neat in your matching mittens, scarf and hat, he couldn't help but appreciate your fashion style. While he was only wearing baggy sweatpants, a probably worn-out sweater and sandals.

" Thank you very much for agreeing to come "

Toji mentioned with a smile, He still thought that was a bad idea, But after having bombarded you with text messages asking to see you, probably in one of his bouts of alcoholism, All he had to do was accept the date his drunk self had planned.

" You haven't changed anything, even though it hasn't been long...how's it going? "

He said with that confident smile that always characterized him, even if it was eating away inside.

" I see that you've done well without me, I'm fine, in case you're wondering. "

He said, Trying to sound confident in himself, He wanted to show you that he could move forward too, That he could be fine without you.

Although he was still stuck in the same place.