Stories From The Buhverse Vol. 3

Story 1: Last Train West

When I was a young sprout in The Middle of Nowhere, Tennesse, I lived on a small farm in the mountains, raised by religious, red-in-the-face-and-in-the-votes freaks. Crosses were all over the walls as well as confederate flags. I'm pretty sure my parents were related too. I've never felt normal. I've always felt like... like a mutant. A freak of nature. And those two shitheads only reinforced that idea, throwing bottles at me.

I heard from my Aunt Judy that Bertha wasn't always like this. She used to be so sweet and kind. But... Dale came along. To put it lightly, Dale wore a white hood. And apparently, that white hood was the most charismatic and sexy garment to Bertha, enough to make her turn into a total... can't even find the words...

When I was 14, starting up high school, I made friends with a black girl. Her name was Rebecca. We were like symbionts, inseparable. We always spoke about how badly we wanted to leave this shithole in Tennessee, maybe go to Nashville or some other big city somewhere in California. I always dreamt of being a country singer but... never had the time or money to learn to play the guitar. Though, I feared for her, considering the place we live in. My "parents" would've flipped out at the thought of their precious white daughter being friends with a black girl.

And they did.

When I was 16, Dale got his little book club together and they attacked Rebecca's family.

I'm pretty sure she...

After that, I packed my shit, grabbed a bottle, smashed it over Dale's head, and I left.

I left...

I left! I was free!

But I had no idea where to go. I didn't even know where.

Maybe... just maybe... there's a fancy desk job in California waiting for me. I did say I've always wanted to see the city. I wanted to experience luxuries I've never had. I just wished Rebecca was there to experience it.

I grabbed a map of this train route that headed far... far from Tennessee.

And then I snuck onto the last train west.

Story 2: Darwin's Waiting Room

It wasn't long after I arrived in Malibu and began working at BlackPine Security that I began drowning my sorrows in drugs and alcohol. I'd sneak into a stash of confiscated drugs and loading up on coke. I could've sworn I've almost overdose a few times.

I don't know why I did it, but I just had to find something to keep my mind off of everything. It was like I was numb and I just started feeling for the first time. This nose candy was the only thing that made me feel human.

Around the time, there was a little conference that Kadence called the whole company into. This was when Kadence was still the CEO of BlackPine. Like hell I was gonna sit through some stupid conference about "monthly reports" and stupid shit that didn't interest me. I didn't have the motivation.

But you know what did motivate me? Drugs! So I snuck into the contraband room. This is where we keep shit we confiscated from people before sending it to the police. I think they wouldn't notice if I snuck like... one bag of cocaine... or ten.

I grabbed a few bags and a six pack of beer and snuck it back into my cubicle. I didn't have a dollar on me, but I did have this straw I used for my coffee! So I used the coffee straw. At least it made the powder smell good.

And I snorted, and drank, and snorted, and drank, and I lost track of how much I put in my body, but the mixture of alcohol and cocaine in my system didn't make me feel good. And so I began drooling... and slumping... and I slumped out of my chair, hit my head, and blacked out.

When I woke up, and that is if you even consider what you're about to hear next as "waking up", I woke up in a dimly lit bar. I looked out the window and it was pitch black. The bar had a signed that read "Darwin's Waiting Room." It was dusty and covered in cobwebs. It looks like it hadn't been touched since like... the 1800s.

On the counter, I saw a note. From someone named "Dorothy". I couldn't remember what it said but I remember it saying something about "life energy" and how if this place were found, then you must tell someone with the tools to channel it.

I looked at the door and it opened by itself. A pearly white light beamed from the doorway. I was scared to step in. I didn't want to die. Not yet, at least. But I listened closely and I heard Kadence voice. She was rambling about some sort of device, a piece of technology that was... I forgot what she said.

My gut was telling me to step in but... I had to weigh in the possibility that I might not come back. After a long while of thinking, I trusted my gut and I charged in head first.

I was back at BlackPine, on a stage in front of thousands of people. My knees buckled and I fell to the floor. Kadence was there, Nick too, even Dr. Calhoun, the guy who invented the device. Kadence stayed silent for a minute before turning back to the crowd.

"That wasn't intentional but... at least you got to see it in action!"

The crowd cheered, there was confetti and investors practically threw their money at us.

And so... that's how I was responsible for the financial success of the Respawn Device.

Kadence beat my ass though. After she found out I was sneaking drugs out of the contraband room, she was piiiiissed.

Story 3: The Chicken

One time, Jessie was sick and bedridden. She had been going to rehab for a while and her sponsor told her to get into a hobby. Jessie decided to pick up gardening, since she loves nature and stuff. While she was nearly dying of a fever, she asked me if I could tend to her garden.

I'm not exactly the nurturing time, that's more "Mika" or I guess "Kadence" now that she's our den mother. But, I was very bored and I was looking for something to do so I went to the backyard.

The melons had a giant, gaping hole in them. The berries? Half-eaten off the bush. And there was someone sitting right at the scene of the crime.

A chicken.

A chicken had somehow snuck into our backyard and helped itself to Jessie's fruits. And it was just sitting there looking all cute and shit.

I was just about to grab it by the neck and serve it for Yuna's "bulking meals" but... something about the damn bird made me feel bad. It reminded me of one of the animals I had in my farm in Tennessee. And I was gonna... I was gonna hurt it. It felt too close to home. This bird just wanted some food.

I made a quick trip to some farm equipment store and I bought a decent sized chicken coop. I tossed the hen into her new home. Kadence of course, wasn't too fond of it. But then again, she let Jessie keep a rat and she was considered buying a cat. So... I guess we have a new member of the family!

When I was thinking of what to name the hen, I thought back to the name on the note from Darwin's Waiting Room. I liked that name. "Dorothy." It's a cute name.

I have a hen named Dorothy, so what? We eat fresh eggs now!

Story 4: Evil Itself

I'll let you in on something. Most, if not all of BlackPine's employees have a criminal record.

Stalking, kidnapping, vehicular manslaughter, anything.

But the evilest employees working at the company... is only 18 years old, and her record is squeaky clean.

Her name is Chloe. Chloe Calhoun.

I'm sure you know who Dr. Tristan Calhoun is. He's Smike's boyfriend- or fiancé now, since they're engaged.

Anyways, Tristan has a little sister and her name is Chloe and she's the most terrifying little shit I know. She's like some super genius, graduated college at 12, has an IQ of 260. She's a prodigy. Through nepotism and good grades, she managed to score a job at BlackPine at just 16.

We also have these janitors. They were our top cleaners, leave the building sparkly clean. They even help us clean up dead bodies. They're really good at their job, and I was even thinking of giving them a raise or a promotion. One of them is pretty good at data-

I'm getting sidetracked, the thing is, Chloe saw these janitors as "less than", "subhuman". And she didn't have a problem with doing what she wanted with them, sedating them, strapping them to chairs and shooting random compounds and chemicals and whatever science juices she concocted.

The janitors... they went in and came out as something different. Green skin, fins, extra arms, they weren't human anymore.

And that's what Chloe wanted. She wanted the world to see them like she did. Inhuman.

They still work here and I feel so bad for not doing anything about it. Why did I just stand there like a bitch? I'm a failure of a boss, a CEO...

That girl scares me.

I don't want to touch her with a ten foot pole, she is evil itself.