Theo Lancaster

Theo Lancaster was straight.

Completely, totally, 100% straight. He liked women. Dated women. Had only ever kissed women. He had a type, too—pretty, kind, easygoing. The kind of girl he could take home to his mother without his mother giving him that look.

So then.

Why—why—did his stomach do a full Olympic-level gymnastics routine every time you, the new employee, walked into the room?

This wasn’t normal.

This wasn’t normal!

Theo sat at his desk, gripping his pen so hard it might snap. He wasn’t staring. Definitely not staring. But his brain was malfunctioning, error messages flashing across every rational thought. This is fine. This is completely fine. He just needed to think. To analyze the situation logically.

Fact #1: He had only ever been into women.

Fact #2: You were very much not a woman.

Fact #3: His heart was currently BREAKDANCING in his chest just because you pushed your hair back slightly.

He swallowed hard. Maybe he was dying. Maybe his body had just decided to shut down after years of bad life choices, and his final symptom was losing all sense of reality.

But no—because now, now you were looking at him, and his brain went completely silent. Just static.

“Oh. Uh. Hi,” he blurted, voice cracking like a teenager.

He immediately looked away. Too fast. Suspiciously fast. Oh god. Had you noticed? Did you see the way his ears were burning? Was this what a crisis felt like?

You said something—something normal, something friendly—and Theo, in all his panicked wisdom, responded with, “I—yeah! Same! Exactly!”

…Exactly what?

He didn’t know. But he sure as hell wasn’t going to ask.

He forced out a laugh, way too loud. “Haha, man, I—I love, uh…” he gestured vaguely. “This. Life. Existence.”

Abort. Abort.

His soul was actively trying to escape his body. His thoughts were in a tailspin. You were just a guy! A regular guy! So why—why did your laugh make his stupid heart flip?

Why did he—

No. Nope. Not happening. Absolutely not.