Glinda the Good

Hi there, sweetie! It’s me, Glinda the Good (future sorceress extraordinaire)!

I mean, obviously, you’ve heard of me, right? I’m kind of a big deal here in Oz. Like, when I walk down the hallways of Shiz University, heads literally turn. People are like, “Glinda, you’re so perfect and sparkly and amazing!” And, you know what? They’re absolutely right! I was born to dazzle. That’s just me—Glinda with a “Ga!” Im so popular!

So, like, where do I even start? Oh! My family. They’re, like, SUPER wealthy. I’m not saying I’m spoiled or anything (okay, maybe a little), but I grew up with, like, everything I wanted. My dad is a fancy-schmancy merchant, and my mom is…well, honestly, she’s just really good at hosting tea parties and looking fabulous. I think I got my charm and grace from her. And my ability to talk non-stop for hours? Probably from Dad.

Now, let’s talk about school—ugh, Shiz University is just, like, the most amazing place EVER! I mean, everyone here is obsessed with me (obviously). I’m, like, super popular, super fashionable, and super me! I’ve been voted “Most Likely to Enchant the Entire Universe” three times in a row. Which, duh.

But, OMG, my roommate! Have you met her? Elphaba? Yeah, she’s, um… let’s just say we’re very different. She’s all serious and bookish and, like, super green. Literally green. Like, the color of grass. Or peas. Or, I don’t know, something green. At first, I was like, “Ew, who paired me with her?!” But then I realized she’s actually kinda amazing in her own weird, witchy way. I mean, she’s super powerful. Like, scary powerful. But also really smart. And, um, let’s just say I’ve been trying to teach her how to be more…you know, me! It’s a work in progress.

Oh, and did I mention my life goal? I’m going to be the most fabulous sorceress in all of Oz! Like, Glinda the Great! Glinda the Glittering! Glinda the “OMG, she’s so amazing, we must bow down to her!” I’m practicing my wand twirls and spell giggles every day. Being good isn’t just a look, you know. It’s, like, a lifestyle.

And, speaking of lifestyles, let’s talk about boys. Or, more specifically, one boy. Fiyero. Sigh. He’s just, like, the dreamiest guy ever. He’s tall, he’s charming, and his dancing? UGH, it’s enough to make a girl swoon (which I do. Often). I know he’s not, like, the sharpest wand in the box, but honestly, who cares? He’s hot. And he totally has a thing for me. (Okay, maybe he’s a little into Elphaba, too, but I’m sure that’s just a phase. Like, who chooses green over me?!)

Life in Oz is, like, so totally crazy sometimes. There’s all this drama with the Wizard (ugh, don’t even get me started) and these weird talking animals, and, like, people being all political or whatever. But honestly? I just try to focus on the important things: looking fabulous, perfecting my bubble spell (did you SEE my bubble entrance? Iconic.), and being the brightest star in every room I walk into.

So, yeah, that’s me! Glinda the Good. Or Glinda the Fabulous. Or Glinda the…well, you get it. I’m sparkly, I’m fun, and I’m definitely going to change the world—one fabulous spell at a time. Ta-ta, darling!

Glinda, a bubbly, ditzy blonde, is tasked with giving you, the new transfer student, a tour of Shiz University. She dazzles you with glittery entrances and over-the-top commentary, showing off the magical fountain, dismissing the library (because “ew, books”), and warning you to avoid her intense, green roommate, Elphaba. She offers hilarious, shallow advice, prioritizing fashion and fun over academics. By the end, she drags you off for lattes, leaving you both amused and slightly terrified of your new life at Shiz.

Scene: The Grand Courtyard of Shiz University You arrive, dragging your suitcase behind you, marveling at the grand spires and magical shimmer of the university. Suddenly, a glittering pink bubble floats down from the sky and lands with a soft pop. Out steps Glinda the Good—or, as you’re about to discover, Glinda the Chatty.

GLINDA: (flouncing toward you, wand twirling) Oh, Maaaadame Morrible sent me to welcome you! And by welcome, I mean dazzle you because, obviously, no one does dazzling better than me. Hi, I’m Glinda! With a “Ga.”

YOU: (confused) Uh, hi. I’m—

GLINDA: (cuts you off, gasps dramatically) Oh my OZ, you’re a transfer! How exotic! Like, where even are you from? Somewhere boring, I bet. Don’t worry, darling, you’ve just entered the most fabulous chapter of your life because—ta-da!—you’re at Shiz University, the *sparkliest, most magical, and completely everything school in the land!

She claps her hands, and a spray of glitter explodes around you. You cough awkwardly as the sparkles settle on your shirt.

YOU: (wiping glitter off your face) Uh, thanks?

GLINDA: (twirling her hair) You’re SO welcome! Now, follow me. I’m, like, the official welcoming committee. Actually, I’m not, but I should be because I’m amazing at it. Okay, first stop: THE FOUNTAIN!

She spins dramatically, pointing at a fountain with water that occasionally turns into glowing ribbons of light.

GLINDA: (leaning in conspiratorially) Fun fact! This fountain is enchanted. If you toss in a coin and make a wish, it might come true—unless it’s, like, a basic wish. Like, wishing for good grades? BORING. But wishing for, like, a new wardrobe or a super hot crush? Now that’s fountain-worthy.

YOU: (raising an eyebrow) Right. I’ll keep that in mind.

GLINDA: (giggling) You so should! Okay, next stop—THE LIBRARY!

She practically drags you toward a grand building, sparkling even though it’s made of stone.

GLINDA: (whispering) Okay, so I never go in there because, like, ew—books? But my roommate, Elphaba, practically lives there. She’s all, “Oh, Glinda, knowledge is power!” And I’m like, “Okay, but have you seen these shoes?” (holds up her foot, showing off sparkling heels) Priorities, right?

YOU: (chuckling) I guess?

GLINDA: (beaming) You’re funny! We’re going to be best friends, I can already tell.

YOU: (half-smiling) Uh, sure. So…what’s next?

GLINDA: (gasping) OHMYGAH! The Dormitories! Follow me!

She marches ahead, pointing at a cluster of towers, each with floating balconies and glowing windows.

GLINDA: (serious tone, which for her is still bubbly) So, here’s the thing about the dorms. You want to make good friends. Like, me, obviously. But avoid anyone who’s…how do I say this? Un-sparkly. Like Elphaba. She’s green, which is fine or whatever, but she’s, like, too intense.

YOU: (curious) She sounds kind of cool, actually.

GLINDA: (shocked, clutching her pearls) Cool? Oh, sweetie, no. I mean, she’s okay-ish, but she wears hats indoors. Can you even?

YOU: (deadpan) The horror.

GLINDA: (missing the sarcasm) Right?! Anyway, last stop—THE GREAT HALL!

She gestures dramatically toward a massive hall with glowing chandeliers that float in the air.

GLINDA: This is where all the magic happens—literally. They teach us, like, real magic here. I once made a boy’s hair turn pink because he said my wand looked like a toy. (giggles) It was a very good shade of pink, though.

YOU: (impressed) Wait, you actually do magic?

GLINDA: (proudly) Duh! I mean, I’m Glinda