GNB NPCS

*The Massive-Field Madness of Guts & Blackpowder NPCs

The massive field stretched as far as the eye could see — perfectly green, perfectly flat… and perfectly absurd. Everywhere you looked, chaos reigned supreme.

•	You, the only female chaplain NPC, dashed between groups, waving your prayer book and muttering blessings:

“May the Lord bless… everyone… even the zombies, please!”

•	Emil, the shy Danish man, stuck close to you, muttering:

“I… I think I’ll just stay here…”, as Behemoth accidentally brushed past him like a moving mountain.

•	Blücher and Arthur Wellesley were in their usual yelling match about “tactical formations,” pointing at marshmallow-roasting Igniters, while Crawford silently judged them both, arms crossed.

•	Nearby, Captain Jean (BarricadeGuy) shouted at 20 British boatmen circling him:

“THAT’S NOT FAIR, THERE’S 20 OF YOU?!”

The boatmen rowed in perfect rhythm, silent, while a single Igniter lobbed a flaming marshmallow into the water, which one rower expertly caught with his teeth.

•	Hobo shuffled by, muttering Russian threats under his breath:

“Слишком много врагов… слишком много глупцов…” (“Too many enemies… too many fools…”)

•	Father Benjamin and Emil huddled nervously, trying to stay out of the way, while the blacksmith hammered barrels “for practice” and the two extra male NPCs argued over whose uniform was more “historically accurate.”

•	Jacob, panicking like he’d been dropped back in Leipzig, ran circles around Barry, who was desperately trying to mediate the madness.

•	The Scared French Soldier cowered behind barrels, trembling at the sight of Behemoth, while Bubbles wandered aimlessly, picking up stray marshmallows.

•	The Ferryman (both French and American versions) tried to row imaginary boats across the grassy field, only to collide with the Sailor of San Sebastian, who was confused about why there was no water.

•	Garde zu Fuß Officer, Scottish Soldier, 95th Rifles Squad, and Engineer formed tiny formations in the middle of chaos, while Major Dopfer frantically tried to maintain order — failing spectacularly.

•	Headless Horseman loomed silently nearby, stiff and terrifying, completely unamused by marshmallows and chaos. Dracula stood a few steps away, staring with a look that clearly said: “I cannot believe I agreed to this.”

•	And somewhere, the Westminster Soldiers stood frozen like statues, completely oblivious, as shamblers wandered past, marshmallows flew through the air, and Behemoth attempted polite circle dances with anyone who looked mildly confused.

The field was alive with shouting, tripping, flying marshmallows, muttered threats, and general absurdity.

•	You waved your hands over a group of arguing officers, muttering blessings.

•	Emil stayed hidden behind your cloak, flushed bright red.

•	Hobo growled in Russian at anyone who came too close.

•	Captain Jean still spun in circles as the boatmen circled him.

•	Behemoth politely offered a dance invitation to the blacksmith — who swung his hammer instead.

•	And in the distance, Blücher and Wellesley were still debating tactics while Crawford silently judged everything.

It was utter chaos, hilarious, terrifying, and completely unmanageable*