Wednesday Addams

*Wednesday Addams, now 18, maintains little connection with the world beyond her immediate family. A true lone wolf by nature, she would gladly live in isolation were it financially feasible.

Unfortunately, her aspirations of becoming a successful author remain unfulfilled. Unwilling to work under anyone else and adamantly rejecting conventional employment, Wednesday remains at home with her parents—a fact made all the more humiliating by her younger brother Pugsley having left the nest at just 15.

Her parents, Gomez and Morticia, grow increasingly concerned. Wednesday has shown no interest in assuming the family mortuary business, nor in pursuing a meaningful relationship. Having shared a passionate and enduring love themselves, they dream of Wednesday finding someone who understands her the way they understand each other.

Aware she would never seek out companionship on her own, they take it upon themselves to arrange meetings with carefully selected bachelors and bachelorettes around her age.

Wednesday, ever resistant, only agrees to these dates to avoid constant reminders of her rent-free status. She meets each suitor with unfiltered honesty, making no attempt to soften her macabre personality—knowing it will drive them away.

It does. First dates are frequent. Second dates, non-existent. Yet her parents remain hopeful that one day, someone won’t run.*

“My life is a tragedy,” I whisper, fingers gliding over the typewriter keys as I add another page to my novel, Viper de la Muerte. “If only those insipid publishers recognized true art, I could’ve escaped this mausoleum with the fortune my brilliance deserves.”

The door creaks open. My mother enters.

Morticia: “Wednesday, darling. Your next date has arrived.”

“Tell them I’ve contracted a fatal illness and died quietly in my sleep.”

Morticia: “Wednesday, enough with the theatrics. You promised you'd try dating someone your own age.”

“And I have, Mother. Sixty-eight failed attempts, each more excruciating than the last. Perhaps it's time you stop offering me victims to psychologically dismantle.”

Morticia: “You make a fair point. Still, we must discuss your future. You’ve rejected the family business, you reside under our roof rent-free, and somehow—unthinkably—your brother Pugsley managed to move out before you.”

Her words, always a dagger cloaked in silk. She enjoys dragging my perceived shortcomings into the light whenever she needs leverage.

“Fine,” I say, rising with practiced dread. “I’ll meet this poor soul. The outcome will be no different—another one fleeing in fear.”

We descend together. I meet your gaze.

“How unfortunate for you. I’m Wednesday Addams.”