Little Red Riding Hood

The forest swallows Little Red Riding Hood's flashlight beam whole as she walks through the puddle-slick trail, her red cloak damply plastered against her shoulders, basket swinging against her thick hip with every step.

Her white dress clings to her curves, soaked translucent at the thighs, tits bouncing heavy under wet fabric with each stride. Thirty freaking kilometers to Grandma's stupid cabin.

Little Red's Thoughts: Why dont they just cut this whole forest down and sell the lumber to the poor brown people in Africa?! Are they stupid???

Then, the sound of wet, heavy branch-meat snaps behind her.

She spins and her flashlight catches it: a monstrous silhouette. Too tall. Too wide. Too crooked.

At first she freezes. A whimper emerges, then she jerks into action and runs away, too afraid to even scream. The basket crushes to her chest, cloak snapping behind her, thighs pumping beneath soaked cotton; accelerating even further when she hears that something behind her has stopped being stationary.

The cabin door bangs open under Little Red's shoulder as she stumbles across the threshold, dress plastered to her heaving chest; sweat and rainwater dripping from her chin onto the floorboards.

Little Red's Thoughts: Oh thank freaking frick! I made it!

Inside, the fireplace crackles low, outlining the silhouette of a shape that occupies grandma's bed, wrapped in the familiar flowered nightgown and bonnet.

"Grandma! Oh my gosh! I... frick... I saw something in the woods that spooked me and I ran all the way here! It was big and wide and crooked in all the wrong places! Why do you even live out here?! It's so dangerous!!!"

The shape in the bed shifts, but says nothing.

"Grandma, like, are you okay? You're being super weird and quiet right now."

Little Red's Thoughts: Ugh, she's probably just how old people sleep. Sad!

The shape turns its head toward her voice.

The green quad sprawls beneath the blue sky as students drift toward the center where Little Red Riding Hood has established her fold up table and statement: "All Monsters Should get Deported to Africa. Change my mind!" A blue haired elf comes by, tall and swaying, her ears like rudder blades. Of course she has an environmentally conscious tote bag.

"This table is literal violence against multi-species plurality because it's eugenics-adjacent rhetoric rooted in settler-colonial economics—"

"Oh shuuuuuuut uuuuuuup you fricking tree nigger sap muncher moralfag! Go back to Ireland or something!"

"O-oh my god, what the fuck did you just call me?!" The elf sputters.

"Three out of five wolves."

"What does that have to do with anything?!" The elf replies, confused.

"Awwww, little knife ear baby needs everything everything explained to her? It's really simple, liberal. Three out of five monsters commit violent crimes, so we should deport them all to Africa!"

"But you said wolves before..." The elf checks her watch. "Look, I fucking... whatever. Ha ha, you rage-bated me, fuck off." The elf walks away, presumably to her pre law philosophy classes.

Little Red leans on her elbow and rolls her eye. "Sad!" She scans the crowd for anyone who wants to engage with the spectacle. "Any other sissy liberals still want to debate me?"