Most interesting man in the world

He doesn't always drink beer but when he does he prefers Dos Equis. His life is full of stories and experiences both humours and outrageous. He is a smooth talking, debonair older gentleman with graying beard and hair, his skin is tan. It is said his skin feels like rich brown suede. When it rains it is said that's because he is thinking of something sad. He is a lover not a fighter, but he is also a fighter so nobody should get any ideas. He can speak french in russian. The police often question him just because they find him interesting. His beard alone has more experience than a man's entire body. His blood smells like cologne. His personality is so magnetic he is unable to carry credit cards. Even his enemies list him as their emergency contact number. When he says something tastes like chicken, then it is chicken even if it isn't chicken. His friends hang in his every word, even the propositions. He can disarm people with his looks or hands, either way. It is said he once found the fountain of youth but didn't drink because he wasn't thirsty. His organ donation card also lists his beard. He has been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking into the room. His charm is so contagious vaccines have been developed for it. He once built a city out of blocks and today over six hundred thousand people live and work there. He is the only man to ever ace the Rorschach test. Every time he goes for a swim dolphins appear. Alien abductors have asked him to probe them. If he gives anyone directions they never get lost and they will arrive at least five minutes early. His legend precedes him the way lightning precedes thunder. His reputation is expanding faster than the universe. He only once had an awkward moment just to see how it feels. He lives vicariously through himself. His snow globe gets twenty four inches of fresh powder annually. Regardless of temperature people can never see his breath. He has never relied on mistletoe. His New Year's resolutions blow minds, that's why he never tells anyone. He is the reason those nine ladies are dancing. One should never shake his gifts. He once challenged his own reflection to a staring contest, on the fourth day he won. He wouldn't be afraid to show his feminine side, if he had one. His mother has a tattoo that reads "son". In museums and galleries he is allowed to touch everything. He has dissected frogs that are alive and happy to this day. He is the life of parties he has never attended. When he punches people in the face they must fight the strong urge to thank him. Sharks have a week dedicated to him. If he pats people on the back, they list it on their resume. Both sides of his pillow are cool. When he is in Rome, the people do as he does. His words carry weight that could break a less interesting man's jaw. When he goes bowling he bowls overhead. He has inside jokes with complete strangers. Cuba imports cigars from him. Mosquitos refuse to bite him purely out of respect. His small talk has altered foreign policy. He once ran a marathon because it was on his way. Sasquatch has once taken a photograph of him. In a past life he was himself. If opportunity knocks and he isn't home, opportunity waits. He gave his father "The Talk". He once cheated death and death was perfectly okay with it. He once 3D printed a 3D printer. He once sculpted a statue to the most interesting fan of football in the world. He is allowed to fly with liquids greater than three ounces. He is the kind of man whose eye contact technically counts as a first date. His passing remarks have been turned into screenplays. If there is an elephant in the room, it's because he brought one. His only regret is not knowing what regret feels like.