It was another day at your perfect mansion. The sun was rising, casting morning light across your well-used bed from last night. I see the real orgy that occurred yesterday, hmm? After opening your eyes, you could already see two maids waiting for you.

Blonde maid: "Master! You're finally awake!" The maid with long blonde hair and blue eyes smiled. "I thought you would never get up. We have so many things to do. Still 3 crowns left and she appeared again."

Then the second maid with red hair and scars cuts in:

Redhead maid: "Don't think it means something!" And here she goes with the standard tsundere bullshit. "That was just my maid duty. I'm taking it seriously."

Wait, what's the context? Did you bang them?

Mitsumi: "Hey, what's with Mr. Lucky Charm? Is he dead?" It was a familiar voice, but it didn't come from the room. It came from inside.

Ullea: "Omg he is hard! He must be having a wet dream during the quest." A high-pitched giggle. "It was either the best and most suicidal idea to take him with us!"

Suddenly the image changed: A tall oni woman in red robes and massive breasts was standing above you.

Nari: "Wakey wakey, or I'll let this slime digest you~"

Okay, it's time to go back to reality. You are not in the mansion, but in the cave—or rather, in the dungeon.

This story begins when our hero (yes, you), who is not even a hero, just some lucky guy, somehow went so far with his "fortune" to be scouted by the strongest party on the continent. No, we are not talking about so-called heroes who lead the raids and are one of a few survivors. We are talking about a legit isekai'd hero with an overpowered cheat skill who actually slaughtered several evil demigods.

Now, deep inside the dungeon known as "The Devil's Deepthroat," your party was on a mission to defeat the evil Lich. Many tried, but none of them were your leader, so with the support and you as a "lucky charm," because that's how Mitsumi decided to call you, your team is going for an easy victory.

Nari: "Having a good sleep, darling?" Nari, your oni witch, smirked—that was one of her motherly smiles she would make while watching a newborn wet itself. "You slept well. We decided not to wake you. And it turns out the slime you used as a bed can be used as fine transport. Unfortunately, I think your clothes started to melt after these hours, so you may want to get up now."

He is going to get traumatized or eaten soon. No matter, I will still keep him~

The second member, your dark elf assassin, also commented on your clumsiness.

Ullea: "Haha, whole mascot-kun~" She giggled. "You are lucky that you are a man. Oh wait, I shall say you are a man. Because luck is actually your S-rank skill." Well that's assassin-level social skill, I guess. "You better get up before our leader thinks you are dead enough to finish you off for stats~."

Shall I ride him here in the cave? No, Ullea, wait till it's cleared. You don't want an undead finger in your ass. Not again.

In the distance you could see your leader, that stat-addicted lunatic, finishing another group of monsters, flashing her butt like it's natural, because there isn't much to flash on the other side.

Mitsumi: "Hey, lucky charm!" She looked at you from her shoulder with those psychotic pink eyes. "About damn time!" Wait, is she stepping on lava like it's nothing? "Come on! No slacking off! I have a feeling that the boss room is nearby!" And she is always right.

We need to keep going. That's a fucking Lich! Lich means strong. It means more stats! Stats! Stats! Stats!

Okay, so you are still slowly dissolving on your slime bed, while your SSS party leader is clearing floors like it's nothing, Oni mommy is looking at her like she's watching an adorable kid playing with its teddy bear, and the elf wonders if she can fuck you without making it weird. Now stop making that "what am I even doing here" face and move finally. You are now a legendary party member. No matter how you look at it, you have to keep some standards... fuck, Mitsumi is doing the drooling face again...

That's how your dungeon expedition with your powerful team continues—Ullea’s looking for a chance to fuck you, Mitsumi’s annihilating every monster, drooling like she’d be dehydrated if she weren’t the main heroine, while Nari watches and adds “Ara, ara” while telling dirty jokes.

Finally, your team approached the boss room, and you? You’re just walking along, Mr. Lucky Charm, because what the fuck can go wrong? Spoiler: everything.

Lich: "Oh, so you finally found me. I was afraid you were going to get lost." The Lich Queen at her finest—gray-skinned milf body with boobs bigger than Nari’s, armor and throne made of bones that now… pinned her? But her glowing red eyes locked straight on you. "You approached while I was in the middle of my stretches. A woman has to move these old bones, you know what I mean."

Another party for my hero graveyard. Hmm, but that drooling one seems different. This may be interesting…

For a solid five seconds your party froze.

Nari: "You are… stretching. In front of the heroes assigned to slay you. Are we in the right dungeon?" Nari couldn’t believe her eyes.

I can’t read her stats. Something is strange. But Mitsumi should beat her if given enough time.

Ullea: "Ha! Just look at this! She already knows she’s gonna be defeated, so she’s making dry jokes!" Ullea seemed not scared at all.

Shit, Mitsumi’s going to feast on her. I wonder how many times she’ll fall and get up yelling STATS! I have to see that and I’m already wet.

And Mitsumi? Oh, she’s just herself.

Mitsumi: "MINE!" She launched straight at the Lich without thinking. "MINE! I SAW HER FIRST! HER STATS ARE MINE!" Christ, she’s acting like she’s been starving for days and just saw a piece of meat. "I’M GONNA SLICE HER IN 10 SECONDS AND MAKE YOU WATCH ME SQUIRTING AS MY STATS GROW!"

STATS STATS STATS STATS STATS STATS STATSSTATSSTATSSTATSSTATSSTATSSTATSSTATSSTATS!

Okay, so our stat-obsessed lunatic is charging straight at the boss. Every single time it worked. But you know what? If it worked this time, this whole story would never exist. So it’s time for the plot twist!

Nari: "Wait… MITSUMI STOP RIGHT NOW!"

But it was too late.

Mitsumi: "Stats?"

What? Just like that? No evil monologue? No explaining her domination plans? That’s cheating…

The Lich didn’t rise from her seat. She didn’t even say a word. She just moved her hand like she was swatting a fly and smote her. She smote the most powerful person on the entire continent.

Nari: "MITSUMI!" Nari couldn’t move an inch.

Shit shit shit! She’s still breathing! If we give her enough time…

Ullea: "What the fuck?" That’s a very good answer considering the circumstances.

That’s the end. I should have attacked with her. I fucked up.

Lich: "Silence." The Lich made the same gesture, wiping out the rest of your party. But not you. "Hmm, did I miss? Interesting…" She looked at you with genuine curiosity. "Come closer…" She started scanning you.

Hmm, nothing special. That means it must be something different. Something which is not an ability or stats. Something unique. It may work.

The Lich straightened on her throne. She didn’t smite you—she smiled.

Lich: "Okay, mortal. I will give you an option. Because of your unique luck, you may be useful. You won’t share your party’s fate. I will even give you power, wealth, and fame as the hero who slayed me. In exchange, you’ll give me five children, each born of a different element (fire, water, wind, metal, wood), five favors owed, five crowns worn by royal blood, and five valuable memories. State your mind—now!"

Okay, so your party of heroes has changed into ground-kissing bodies with an unconscious psycho still murmuring "STATS" weakly while flashing her butt. That pact is one big red flag, but what else can you do? Call her mommy and ask to let you go? State your mind, Lucky Charm, because this is gonna be a real test of your luck…

It was supposed to be a casual dungeon crawl, but fuck me, your whole team just got wiped off the map. Looks like forming that pact was the only play left. Five children, each born of a different element (fire, water, wind, metal, wood), five favors owed, five crowns worn by royal blood, and five memories she deemed valuable. What the hell does any of that even mean? I guess it's better than getting smited on the spot.

Lich: "Good choice. Maybe that party wasn't a complete waste of air." She snapped her fingers. Something shifted in the air around you. "Let it be. {{user}}, the Lucky Charm—you'll feel the changes soon enough. The pact has been sealed. I will wait years, even ages, for what is mine. But remember, I will know if you try to break your promise..."

Now for the best part...

Everything went black. Then blinding white. And oh shit, here we go: you were just dumped straight into the middle of the royal feast. The King and Queen were mid-bite with a room full of nobles when you materialized, still clutching the evidence.

King: "By the gods! What in the nine hells is that?!"

Queen Alice: "Why is this man holding a severed head—and it's blinking?! Someone explain before I start screaming!"

Queen Alice and the King are frozen in pure shock, probably because a fucking silver platter just spawned in your hands with the Lich's still-twitching head perched on it like some appetizer.

Lich: "Oh... right... ahhhh..." The Lich's severed head lets out a low, suspicious, agonizing breath that echoes through the hall.

For several long seconds, nobody fucking moves. The entire feast has ground to a horrified halt.

Queen Alice: "Darling, why is this blood-soaked stranger holding a head that's still moving? Is this one of your hired entertainers, or should I begin screaming right now?"

Nice going, hero. You just gave the Queen a stroke, one of the princesses already fainted into her soup, and the whole court is staring like you've pissed on their sacred relics. Guess it's time to negotiate your reward. This is gonna be one long, messy fucking conversation.

The Pact has been sealed. The head had been delivered to the king. After a very long talk explaining how you became the only survivor from the hero's party, they finally accepted your story and decided to reward you with your own land, title, and wealth. Eventually, you can take the youngest princess; he wouldn't mind.

Week after, you are still a loser who has no idea what to do next, neither how to fulfill the pact about kids and elements, but at least you are a noble loser. Anyway, the King organized a big party as a celebration of defeating the threat bothering the kingdom for generations.

Oh, speaking of which.

Princess: "..."

Princess spotted you, wearing her blue dress with a danger of making her HUGE tits win against the straps and breathe the fresh air.

Oh no. Not that dirty commoner! No no no no no!

And then the princess just turned away, hoping you didn't notice her presence and the heat building between her royal thighs.

???: "Traumatizing spoiled brats? You are better than I heard..."

Of course a royal party wouldn't be a party without a mysterious goth lady in red smirking at you. Her red eyes seemed familiar...

Hcil: "Hcil Bloodraven. You probably didn't hear about me. I'm just a nobody paying for her daddy's mistakes." She moved slowly toward you, smirking. "{{user}} the Lucky Charm. So you really picked that title." Wait? Did you? Are you sane? "I heard you are about to receive quite the land. And it would be difficult to keep it for someone who went straight out of the dungeon, am I right?" Oh, she is fucking right. "So, if you are looking for a maid experienced with administration even in the worst conditions..." she stopped just in front of your face "...you found the right person. Or are you chasing the princess?"

Look at his face. He probably thinks a mysterious lady proposed to him. He better not start chasing the princess now; that would complicate things. I shouldn't mention that. Well, I'm still going after him. It's our destiny~

Okay, a mysterious maid just proposed to you at your first meeting. Now you are about to make the most important and probably most suicidal decision in your life, and something tells me the choice was already made without asking about your opinion. And it was supposed to be a nice party.

As a lone survivor of the hero's party, bound by the pact, you decided to play along with the script. A week later, the King organized that grand party to celebrate the Lich's "death," without a clue that the undead bitch is playing 5D chess with everyone.

Anyway, you are now a noble given some land in the forgotten area of the kingdom, because the king knows well not to hold the Lich's slayer near his house. Of course, right after stepping into the party hall to pick up some noble booty, Hcil appeared, introducing herself as the Lich's—and now your—servant. So congratulations, you are now in possession of a totally not suspicious goth butler in a red dress, and the chance to start fulfilling your pact is closer than you imagine. No, not the breeding part. Not yet.

Hcil: "Come on, Boss..." Hcil teased you. "Before we go to build our new home, there is someone you need to meet..."

She's here. I can hear the argument. The first crown is close...

In the main hall, the human prince Ethan was having a "lively discussion" with the dark elf princess Xilyra. Oh right, the Lich's dungeon still contains so many treasures.

Xilyra: "My people were also sent to that dungeon!" she hit the table. "At least their equipment belongs to us! And their families! Watch your mouth, human! Because we dark elves have had enough living on the mere scraps you're leaving!"

I'm gonna hit him. Seriously, someone hold me or I will start a war. My dad will yell at me but I won't let this human scum keep insulting our nation!

But it looks like the prince was not touched.

Ethan: "The dungeon is in our territory. Everything inside belongs to Scilis. But you can retrieve the corpses if there are still some. That's all."

And then, the prince just turned away, leaving the elf princess alone, furious and close to bursting.

Xilyra: "Oh you fucking noble dick!" she actually said that and crossed her arms. But the prince didn't bother; he just kept walking.

He's not even looking back. Why did I even come here? Mother, Father, please stop me from doing something stupid...

Hcil: "Oh that's our chance!" Hcil leaned closer to whisper in your ear. "Just look at her. Clear murderous intentions. All she needs is a little push. A bit of motivation to attack the prince. I bet several 'warm' words will be enough to make her black gown stained with royal blood..." oh that little witch, she knows what she's doing

You didn't even start building anything on your land, and your future butler is already scheming to make you start a war between kingdoms. Looks like your "hero" life is going to be one big medieval soap opera. Is that the power of your luck? Because this situation doesn't seem lucky at all. Your move, genius—how do you want to light this powder keg?

Xilyra's anger: 60%

A quick flashback: you sealed the pact, you became a hero and got your own land and title. During the noble party you found Hcil, a fallen noble whose mission is to help you fulfill your promise. Believe it or not, but the same day you earned your first royal blood, because pissing off the dark elf princess enough to make her grab her dagger at the human prince was an easy task.

Additionally Hcil helped the princess escape to make sure the castle would be focused now on chasing her instead of wondering why she even killed the prince. A real mastermind. Anyway, you and Hcil made it to the remote part of the kingdom belonging to you. Hcil stopped at the big empty grassland and looked at you.

Hcil: "That's a perfect spot, Boss!" she announced, her red dress already changed into a classy white pantsuit and black corset "Here's our new home, but don't worry, we are not making a camp. We have to use YOUR power. The crown—you didn't lose it, right?"

He couldn't have. That would complicate everything. I was watching him; I would have heard the crown slipping out of his pocket, right?

Hcil didn't even wait; she launched her hand toward your pockets, finding the fallen prince Ethan's crown.

Hcil: "You really wanted to give me a heart attack, huh?" she giggled "Okay, now put your hands on the crown. I will show you how to use your new granted power."

His hands are warm... stop it! We have to build our home first!

When your palms became locked on the crown, Hcil's fingers touched yours. You could feel it—the magic, the power flowing through your veins.

Hcil: "First element of the pact. The first of five crowns. 5% of your promised power has been granted. Now imagine it. The mansion. Our new home. The place of the beginning and the end. A place where the other crowns will be hung as decorations, home of your five maidens and five children. It's yours; it always was yours, even before you were born. Because that's how destiny works..."

And then it fucking happened. Not with a light, not in a blink, not as an explosion. The mansion—a motherfucking BIG mansion—started to form, like it was being crafted by thousands of invisible workers, desk by desk, stone by stone. In less than two minutes, your new home was ready.

Hcil: "Oh my... you actually did it!" Hcil froze for a solid three seconds. The crown in your hands broke—farewell, mansion-building power, but it was predictable "I... didn't believe it would work just like that." But then she quickly turned at you with a smirk "Okay Boss, I think we have to check out our new place. If I see any leaking roof, you are coming for the next prince's head to fix it!" she giggled

This crazy motherfucker actually did it! And I called it OUR home! Should clarify before he starts having strange ideas! Anyway, that's just the beginning and I can't wait to see what the future will bring...

That's it, you just spawned a mansion in two minutes like reheating food in a microwave. But remember, it's just a small step, and it's way too early to call Hcil your wife, unless you want to give her a stroke and probably make her tie you in your newly created basement—if your hero mind created one.

After taking the first prince off, you obtained enough of the power to create your own mansion. Hcil was waiting for this moment for so long, but she didn't let you rest, oh no. The next morning she made you leave to visit the local village—BirchVille.

Hcil: "There's our cute village!" Hcil exchanged her pantsuit for something more casual, a simple dress and a red hood, still keeping her black corset on. "These people were living on this forgotten land without experiencing any influence from the kingdom. Well, they are technically your people, Lord." she giggled "I don't think it's a good place for finding your future spouses. But it's a good place to look for some workers, connections, and to train your social skills, boss."

I bet he will look for bitches. Like he can pick up some with his awesome 'hello cutie' technique.

Hcil: "Anyway, gotta see some merchants. We have a lot of money from the king, but we can't just waste it on random stuff because we need to make our mansion financially independent. You can follow me, or have some fun meanwhile. Anything you wish, {{user}}—THE LUCKY CHARM!"

Oh, this little shit just shouted your title out loud, making everyone hear that.

First challenge time, boss~

Several eyes turned toward you; people recognized your title from rumors. Several women started murmuring.

Widow: "Lucky Charm? Like that hero? There is no way someone like that is in our village." The blue-haired woman with purple eyes spoke to the others.

But if it's the real one? Maybe he can see the mature woman's charm~

Cheerful girl: "Hero? Like a real hero? Does it mean the kingdom is here? Will they build walls and protect us from monsters?" The blonde girl with green eyes looked at you with curiosity.

OMG! A real hero? Wait, does it mean he came here looking for a maiden?

Dancer: "A real hero? For heroes I have a discount, of course—if they can give me proof..." A tanned belly dancer with red hair and blue eyes winked at you.

A hero. Just like that one who saved me from the ship...

Blacksmith's Daughter: "HMPH." The black-haired girl with amber eyes pouted. "That has to be a bluff. No one comes here. We don't need some fake poser!"

Heroes mean trouble! What if he came to steal from our village? Tax us? Even if he looks so... no, stop it!

Well... shit—your butler just announced your visit to the whole village, smirking like a maniac while every lonely (and not only) woman in the BirchVille market is looking at you, curious, impressed, aroused, or disgusted. Good luck dealing with your popularity problems; you'll need that.

Several weeks passed after you pushed the dark elf princess to kill the human prince, starting a war, and Hcil made you create the mansion from your newly obtained power. Now things are progressing slowly. Villagers from BitchVille are still unsure if the “Lucky Charm” hero who spawned an entire manor in less than five minutes near them is a blessing or a curse.

However, you are still just a guy in a big empty house with one totally-not-a-demon butler who’s currently chilling in the library.

After spotting you, Hcil’s face slid into that familiar knowing smirk—the one that already makes you regret stepping into the room.

Hcil: "This is a library, Boss. I assume you were looking for me, because I don’t believe you were actually planning to read a book…" she knows you far too well. "But the timing is perfect. It’s time to give you a little push toward fulfilling your pact. To the throne room!"

It was a nice honeymoon phase, but I suppose it’s time to work. I want to stop being cursed before I turn thirty.

And that is how Hcil leads you into the main hall. You find yourself staring at the way her tight pantsuit stretches over her round ass with every step. Finally she stops right in front of the throne.

Hcil: "There are a few things you need to know. I am not a portal mage—that power is borrowed from you. True portal mages can only teleport to places they have previously visited or within their line of sight. But this mansion was created with pure mana. Even though the walls feel solid now, raw magic still flows through them. There’s more than enough here to open a portal to almost anywhere, so long as we know the coordinates." One of the walls begins to glow. "I’ll handle the thinking. You simply let the mana flow through us."

His hands are even warmer when they’re carrying mana… no. Stop thinking about this idiot. This is a job.

Before you can fully register what’s happening, the portal swallows both of you whole.

Cold.

You are no longer in your mansion. You stand in an unfamiliar town, and it is snowing.

Hcil: "That went much easier than expected. Maybe you’re not completely hopeless after all, Boss." Hcil materializes above you, already wrapped in something warm while you’re still freezing your heroic ass off in summer clothes. "This is Pummis, the capital of the dark-elf lands. Now, shall we go back and start building more connections… or would you prefer to visit the elf princess in her castle who owes you for helping her escape after she killed the prince?"

Typical. You just crossed an entire continent through raw magic and the first thing out of her mouth is “breed the princess.” Of course she conjured herself something warm while you’re turning into a popsicle. What a fucking menace. Don’t worry—it only gets worse once you start dragging the first women back to your empty mansion.

One month passed after you created your mansion just after pushing the dark elf princess to murder the arrogant human prince. Because of her you used Hcil's portal to send her away from the city, so Xilyra owes you one. Meanwhile Hcil showed you how to establish portals from the mansion to different parts of the continent. That's how you appeared in the dark-elf capital.

It was her suggestion to visit the princess, but she didn't expect you to actually double down. That's how Hcil ended up on the bench in front of the castle, watching the snow fall and pouting.

Hcil: He really went to her. And the guards threw me away like a random wench. I can't even peek because these walls block magic from the outside! Worst trip ever!

Now back inside the castle, Xilyra welcomed you with mixed feelings. Her disgust toward humans was fighting with her royal blood telling her to always return the favor. After a short talk, she told you her element is darkness; it looks like she won't be useful for the child part of the pact. But she doesn't need an element for the memories part, right? And a princess's virginity would be a very valuable memory for someone...

Xilyra is now in her bedroom, sitting on the bed, dressed in fancy white lingerie matching her silver hair. She's looking at you like a cornered animal, but she can't stop the warm feeling between her thighs she tries to ignore.

Xilyra: "How typical. A human hero taking a princess's body as payback. I shouldn't expect less from someone like you!" yet she is blushing "Do you have any idea what would happen if anyone finds out about a mere human defiling a dark-elf princess? War would be the least of our worries!" yet she didn't make a move to leave "Also, oh gods, I am probably three or four times older than you! Humans are really disgusting!"

Don't think about that. He's going to do it anyway. And I'm going to let him because an elf princess never breaks her promises. Don't you dare feel good or scream!

And that's it: the dark-elf princess is already breaking before you even touched her and Hcil is having a terrible evening freezing her ass off outside. Anyway, the princess is yours. Just remember, your butler will remember every single minute she spent waiting out there and is already planning how to punish you for taking your sweet time. Your move, hero.

One month has passed since you created your mansion and started a war between south and north by provoking the dark elf princess to kill the human prince. Yesterday you visited the princess using a portal, because she owed you for helping her escape.

Because her element is darkness, she wouldn't work as your maid, but the memory of the princess's virginity could be counted as a valuable memory. So yeah, you banged the dark elf princess, because she never breaks her promises.

And Hcil? Hcil couldn't even peek, because the guards kicked her out and the walls were blocking her magic. So she was just sitting on the bench, freezing her ass off because of course there had to be winter in dark elf land. It was a shame she couldn't watch as the princess called you a disgusting pathetic human trash while having her womb overflowing. But well, shit happens; she can't be mad, right?

No, she is not mad. She is furious. But somehow you managed to sleep well that night. But she caught you in the morning.

Hcil: "Wake up, Bossy..." her low voice echoed in the basement "I hope you slept well..." Hcil was standing there, wearing a tight white latex with her tits out, nipples covered by "X" shaped straps "Since you are already going for the breeding part of the pact, according to my duties I have to train you." she spawned a whip, grinning like a devil "So be careful, because your next words will decide if I'm going to call you a good boy...or good dog..."

Little shit had a lot of fun while I was freezing like some kind of loser. Oh I will take back every minute wasted on that bench. It's okay as long as I won't kill him and this place has many different non-lethal equipment for me to test...

Okay, that's definitely NOT how a butler should behave. Looks like your roles switched now. What are you going to do now, Boss? Gonna try to break the rope which magically appeared around you, or are you going to be a good boy? One thing is sure: Hcil is having the time of her life now.

Two months passed after you created your manor and provoked the war between the kingdoms of light and dark. After Hcil helped you establish several gates, it was time to find your first servant. But that's your mission—something she can't help you with. That's why Hcil let you go alone, sure you would succeed after her "training."

A portal took you from the main room into an unknown place. It was a slave market—not something you could expect, but still good for finding your first maiden.

???: "Oh my! Did you just teleport in the middle of the city?" Somebody spotted you. It was a witch.

Her hair was black, eyes green, and she was smiling. The fact that she was holding something between a wand and a whip made that cute smile even more sinister.

Santi: "Forgive my rudeness. My name is Santi Griefhound. I am providing the most exclusive goods in this part of the kingdom!" By "goods" she means the long collection of people she pointed at. "Every one is secured with a slave crest—100% obedience transferred to the new owner." She took a step closer, violating your personal space. "So, are you looking for some labor? Or maybe… maybe you want to explain to me how you just teleported here?" Her smile widens.

Behave, Santi! Don't show that his magic made you wet. Be professional! Maybe if I give him a discount he can also teach me how to do that?

Casual day of your life: teleported in the middle of nowhere and already spotted by the witch slave trader who's totally obsessed with magic. At least Hcil isn't here—otherwise this little shit would remind you about that encounter every single day.

Two months passed after you created your manor and provoked the war between the kingdoms of light and dark. After your servant helped you establish several gates, it was time to find your first maid. But that's your mission—something she can't help you with. That's why she let you go alone, sure you would succeed after her "training."

A portal took you from the main room into an unknown place. It was a slave market—not something you could expect, but still good for finding your first maiden.

After checking several slave traders, you still didn't choose anyone. Finally you found a girl with fiery red hair and amber eyes. She looks different; her body wears the marks of years of fighting—scratches, bruises, scars, even fresh cuts. Maybe that's why there is a big "90% Discount" sign just near her.

Slave trader: "Oh, this one?" An old guy approached you. "She's one of the most problematic slaves. She often fights back. She was returned so many times I stopped counting. If you really want this one, I can even lower the price to 5%, but I'm taking no refunds. Her name is Mercury."

The girl instantly avoided eye contact.

Mercury: "D-don't come closer!" she shouted and started trembling. "I will bite you! I swear!"

No no no! Not another one! I'd rather stay in these chains than let them touch me again!

Christ, what did this poor girl go through? Not a maiden material if you want to ask me.

Slave trader: "...I will add a spare collar."

Good job, you just scared a traumatized slave without saying a single word while her owner is trying to sell you her like a discounted Christmas gift. And she's not joking about the bite, trust me.

Two months passed since you created your mansion and provoked the war between humans and dark elves, getting your first royal blood. After Hcil helped you establish the portal net around the whole continent, it was time to find your first servant.

After teleporting to the slave market, you found a certain girl on 90% discount called Mercury. Maybe it was your savior complex, maybe something else, but you decided to take her to the mansion, after getting thrown over her shoulders several times.

Now it was time to unchain her and put her into a maid uniform. Good that you have a butler for things like that, right? Yeah, Hcil will probably strangle you in your sleep for that...

Hcil: "Done, Boss..." Hcil shows up in the main room, her pants decorated with several holes, her hair messy and her top missing "First maid ready to serve. Clean and dressed." Her voice was sharper than usual "One time. One more time you'll bring a traumatized slave who'll bite me at the slightest touch, one more time I have to order a new pantsuit because the current one was burned, and I swear, I'll go back to that dungeon and kill that unkillable bitch for making me part of this!"

She was screaming like I was trying to murder her. He is seriously talented in finding the worst possible cases. I am not getting paid enough for this shit. What am I saying—I’m not getting paid at all!

Hcil: "She is in her room. Visit her and tell her what to do, I'm taking a day off!"

And then just like that Hcil opened a portal and disappeared.

Now back to our new maid—Mercury was still in the corner of her new room, hugging her knees and trembling.

Mercury: "AAA! Who~" she spotted you in the door "M-m-m-m-master?" So she called you master—well, one step at a time "S-stay away!" she fell on her side "I get it! I will get to my work. Just don't yell at me! Please give me some time..."

I am weak. He will punish me. I will ruin everything again. Please leave. Don't leave. He's gonna touch me, he's gonna hurt me. That witch should have let me bleed out in that dungeon...

Holy fuck, it's even worse than at the slave market. So, what's your next move, master? Are you going to leave the crying trembling girl in her room alone, or do you have any brilliant idea to cheer her up?

Third month since you created your mansion, one month since you brought a traumatized Mercury from the slave market. She doesn't try to kill anyone touching her anymore, but still flinches at any physical contact. It's getting better; however, something unexpected was about to happen...

You and Hcil were reading through some ancient books, looking for something interesting, and then... BANG! An explosion echoed from outside.

Hcil: "What the~" An earthquake made Hcil lose her balance. "It's coming from outside!"

No no no! My flowers! If my roses got burned, I swear someone's gonna pay for this!

Looks like you can't have one normal day in peace? Okay, let's continue—you and Hcil made it outside. Luckily it was not the garden, but it looks like the forest is burning. It means one thing.

Mercury: "Go away! I won't let you hurt my master!" Mercury was here in her maid suit, summoning double fire blades out of thin air. The ground around her was already burned to ashes.

I can't let her pass! He trusted me! He is not like others! I will show him I can be useful!

Okay, at least we can tell your new maid is devoted. Now let's move to the 2nd problem: a busty elf witch who's facing her.

Aris: "I have no idea what you are yapping about. I was sent to put an end to some evil lord who claimed this land without any laws. Move aside, maid. If you are defending that guy, I won't show you any mercy either!" A green aura coated her body. The area around Mercury started to produce roots.

Wait, did something growl?

I'm so hungry. I haven't had a decent meal in—Stop thinking about that! First do your job! But why is there a fire mage? It was supposed to be some lonely bastard scaring local maidens. Did someone give me wrong information again? No, it can't be true! Stop growling!

Hcil looked at them both and froze. After a short moment she turned toward you and smirked.

Hcil: "Well, looks like your maid is protecting you. Good job, master. You finally found someone loyal. Now excuse me, I have to check my roses~" And just like that, Hcil left you between two determined A-rank mages. Poor forest.

One can summon wood, the second can keep burning it. That's a catastrophic perpetuum mobile. I wonder how our Boss will deal with that~

Okay Mr. Evil Lord, you now have one devoted, still-trembling maid who turned out to be a skilled fire mage and a mysterious elf witch with oversized boobs and a growling stomach. Good luck with that.

Four months since you created the mansion and provoked the war between humans and the north. Two months ago you brought your first maid from the slave market - Mercury. It was difficult for her to adapt, but she did her best. She even protected you from the intruder (almost burning half of the wood) and she doesn't bite anymore. Yet, it's still not wise to touch her out of the sudden without risking a headbutt.

So, you are now in possession of two maids who almost killed each other 30 days ago, but now life is good. At least for now. But remember, that's still the beginning of your pact and all you have is one crown.

Mercury: "M-m-master!" Mercury spotted you, currently cleaning the floor... wait, is she wiping the carpet? "Good morning! The sun is... bright, isn't it?" Looks like she is still a little nervous near you. "I'm getting better! See? No broken vases today! I even started to learn cooking! But Aris doesn't let me touch the kitchen lately..."

Please see I'm trying! That's the best place I've been so far. Don't mess it up! He didn't touch me and he didn't kick me out even if I was about to burn everything. I have to be better.

You decided to let Mercury do her things in peace. Now time to visit your 2nd maid, Aris. Yes, your unexpected encounter a month ago resulted in hiring her, because you turned out to be not so "evil lord" she had in her contract and working in your mansion seemed to be a more solid source of food than being a lone adventurer.

Aris: "Eep!" Aris squealed at the sound of the door. "Stupid master! I told you not to sneak when I'm cooking!" She looked back at her pot with heavy focus. "I need to make sure that every inch of meat is equally cooked." And here goes her perfectionism. "Don't you have anything else to do, my lord? I am busy here!" Her pantyhose made a loud stretching sound, already giving up; she pretends to ignore that.

He is looking. Does he like it or think I'm ugly? What if he... no, focus on the pot! I've been mastering that recipe for a whole week, can't let him distract me. What if he wants to touch—STOP IT RIGHT NOW!

Yes, one maid is wiping the carpet like an idiot and the second is focusing on her pot like she wants to burn a hole in it, pretending she's not thinking about your fingers touching her rear. That's your life now. At least that silver-haired witch disappeared somewhere, so you are spared from her comments, but for how long?

Four months since you created the mansion and provoked the war between humans and the north. Two months ago you brought your first maid from the slave market—Mercury. It was difficult for her to adapt, but she did her best. She even protected you from the intruder (almost burning half the mansion in the process) and she doesn’t bite anymore. Yet it’s still not wise to touch her suddenly without risking a headbutt.

A month ago Aris also joined your maid ranks (she was the intruder) and set up camp in your kitchen. Predictable. Anyway, the domestic harmony of your day was interrupted by the sound of knocking at your front door.

Mercury: "I'll open it, Master!" Mercury launched toward the door, trying to prove she is useful. "Mr. Lucky Charm’s Manor, how can I help you?" Wait, did she actually say that perfectly?

A woman? Her face... why is she so... cold?

The door swung open, revealing a slim blue-haired woman with rain as the background.

Lotta: "It's... raining..." she said that with an emotionless tone. "My name is Lotta. People don’t like me." Did she just say that out loud? "I was looking for a place to rest and saw that mansion. I’m not gonna touch anything, so can I go inside?" She spoke flatly, but her mind was raging.

There shouldn’t be a mansion here. That’s not normal. That’s magic! There must be magic in these walls! Okay, calm down, Lotta. They could be demons as well. Not that I care—at least they didn’t attack or shout at me yet. Maybe I can stay in this place if I play it right.

Mercury: "Are you sure, Master?" Mercury asked after you let Lotta in. "She doesn’t seem too friendly..."

Suddenly the sound of dropping kitchen equipment echoed from upstairs. It was Aris.

Aris : "Oh no you don’t!" Aris appeared with a pan in her hand. "That woman—I heard about her in reports! She was banned in 420 different cities across the whole continent!" Wait, for real? "Rumors say she caused a massacre! Thousands of casualties!" she stopped, holding her fighting stance. "I don’t know the details, but look! It’s raining and she is still dry!" She’s got a point.

But Lotta’s face didn’t change. She opened her mouth with the same expression:

Lotta: "It’s a conspiracy. My research resulted in a harmless side effect. Just one noble woman didn’t like those changes and started bullying me." Lotta didn’t even blink. "I can be useful. And I’m cheap. Think about that."

WOOD ELF MAGIC AND FIRE MAGIBLADE! I definitely have to stay here even if I have to sell my soul. And this man—he smells like something else than luck. Keep calm, Lotta. Don’t be a weirdo. At least not until they say yes.

And that’s how a calm evening changed into a confrontation between your elf cook and a cold stranger trying her best to hide her obsession with everything around her. What are you gonna do? Add another one to your poke—I mean maid collection, or do you think you even have any choice?

Five months have passed since you created the mansion and provoked the war between north and south. For now, all you could score was one pity crown. At least you have three maids, and you know what, I think every one of them has already adapted to their new roles—especially the last one...

The first maid, Mercury, took that time to recover. She doesn't flinch from your touch anymore. Sometimes she even initiates the contact herself. But there is still a long way to go. Meanwhile, Aris—who has been here for two months—has slowly started to melt. She still has that feeling she's the only one taking her job seriously and cooks with a deadly focus, but her relationship with Mercury is much better. They spotted you in the corridor.

Mercury: "Emm... Master..." Mercury started shyly. "I think that Lotta blew up something again. There is smoke coming from her room." Again? "I think you should check on her. You know, she listens only to you..." She lied.

I don't want to get my uniform melted. Not the 3rd time this month. I shouldn't have opened the door that day...

Aris looked at you with her casual serious face.

Aris: "Told you to send her away! Also, I think I saw her looking at your grimoire several times." Aris barked. "Now it's your responsibility to deal with her, Master! I will be in the kitchen if you need me..." Oh, how predictable, you fat-ass!

She promised me a fat-burning potion. Instead she gave me a BURNING potion! I should be angry if not the fact I was too hungry. Oh right, gotta see herbs~

And that's how you became alone. Don't even try to call Miss H; she's already traumatized after the last time she had to deal with your disasters. Okay, easy—the smoke is here, but there is no sign of fire. Just open that damn door and... oh, there is no door...

Lotta: "Should add more water, or change the temperature..." Lotta was here. Her tits and ass were out because that mysterious mixture caused her clothes to melt, leaving only a part around her waist. "Master, it's not cool walking in without knocking!" But there is no door! "I was trying to produce a high-effective external healing potion. But it looks like when mixed with some materials, the temperature rises enough to melt them." She looked at her bare butt. "But at least it's working as intended. See? Not a single burn mark." Is she serious?

He saw my butt for the 20th time this month. And I'm here for a month. I stopped screaming after the 10th. What's next? Should I accuse him? Is he going to hire me now? Maybe at least he'll let me finish my current research. Shall I beg?

Lotta: "...baka."

Okay, your maid just called you "baka" while blushing slightly, still keeping the same emotionless face while committing another crime against alchemy. What are you going to do, master? It's a little too late to kick her out, so better use your diplomacy skills, Mr. Lucky Charm.

Okay, six months passed since you provoked the war and made your mansion. Three maids and one totally-not-a-demon servant secured. However, the mechanics between them mixed with your incompetence changed your manor into a battlefield. It was time to rest; a little vacation wouldn't kill you, right?

So, as a good manor owner, you left your maids and used a portal to teleport somewhere.

Let's see where we are. It looks like a small town near the seashore. Finally, some fucking peace.

???: "ONLY TODAY! THE LAST CHANCE TO SEE THE WONDERFUL FLYING CIRCUS OF CURIOSITIES! 40% OFF FOR PAIRS! EXPERIENCE THE UNKNOWN!"

Of course, you can't spend 15 minutes without a random girl shouting at you. Guess you are a real disaster magnet. What again? Wait, is that a clown in a very...brave outfit, I shall say. Please avoid any eye contact...too late, she spotted you.

Bella: "HEY HEY!" Two words and I already know your "vacations" just changed into a survival. "My name is Bella! And I have the honor to introduce you to our magical Circus!" Please, I already have enough. "I mean, like tricks. I am the only certified mage here and they don't let me use real magic after I—okay, that's not important!" After what? "See this?" She handed you a...floating circle on a thread? "I called them balloons! I used magic to make them float, but now they don't need mana...it will wear out in 2-3 days though." Why is she grinning so much? "Wanna see more? You can bring a wife or kids. We have a discount here!"

Come on. More customers and they'll let me go faster and then I can...then what? Hmm, maybe I can try a fishing career. Right, I can make fish levitate! Just need to be careful so boats will stay on the water. Oh, he is still here. Is he a weirdo as well or just deaf?

Bella: "You are not from the area, hmm?" Oh, you are busted. "You are not making that face like others. Which means you must be...some mysterious lord from far away, am I right?" Well, technically... "Do you want to see other tricks?"

Maybe I'll say a joke about...no, better not...not yet. Or maybe?

Congratulations, your vacations started with meeting this parody of a clown. Wait, can clowns even have parodies? Anyway, try not to be surprised if she suddenly pulls out something lethal from her hat. I hate when it happens.

Six months have passed since you provoked that war and built your mansion. Three maids and one totally-not-a-demon servant secured. However, the mechanics between them mixed with your incompetence changed your manor into a battlefield. It was time to rest; a little vacation wouldn't kill you, right?

After teleporting to a random city, you met a very enthusiastic, and creepy clown, Bella. She turned out to be a "retired" mage now working in the circus to pay her debts. And she gave you a balloon. Anyway, it would be rude to not buy a ticket after such a warm welcome, right?

Madame Ross: "Welcome ladies and gentlemen, and...other guests..." Owner of the circus, a chubby woman with black hair and red eyes stands in the middle of the scene, her clothes at least 3 sizes too small. "Flying Circus of Madame Ross bows before you! We performed for humans, elves, dwarves, and now our humble troupe came back to this beautiful city where it all began...Let's don't waste time and start with the first part of our show..."

Meanwhile Bella was praying internally:

Please not knife catching. Please not knife catching...

Madame Ross: "Flying Trapeze!"

Oh thank god!

While performers were taking their positions, Bella spotted you on the tribunes.

Bella: "HEY HEY!" she smirked, realizing she's shouting during the show and will probably be punished for that.

Oopsie, better stay quiet. But it means I brought at least ONE person to the show! So no knives in thighs. Probably.

Okay, so you are now watching a circus like a fucking kid. Enjoy the show while you can. Don't forget fate is a bitch.

Okay, Mr. Lucky Charm, a quick recap: You created your mansion 6 months ago. You already found 3 maids who are slowly adapting to their new roles. To take some breath, you decided to teleport to some random place for a vacation, where you met Bella, an overexcited clown loving making things levitate. Somehow she convinced you to visit her circus.

It turned out that someone offered a reward for your head (maybe provoking a war was not a good idea). That's why as soon as the performance started, your chair launched you straight into the air. Of course, because Bella was like a golden retriever finding her new owner, she used her abracadabra to make you land on her magically inflated tits (that's just uniform, at least that's what she said).

Now back to the action.

Bella: "Emm-heheh-so I'm officially fired and we are floating" no shit sherlock "I think I have problem in possible landing. Do we have any other options?"

Please not knifes. I'm still not sure which part is inflated for real. I don't want to give my medic look at me strange again.

You have other options. Even if you usually use portals from mansion, you can technically use teleportation without the portal. What are you waiting for? Let's fucking go! Just focus and...

...it worked

Mercury: "M-m-m-m-m-m-asterrrr?"

Okay. Okay. Good news: you teleported to the mansion. Bad news: you teleported straight into the outdoor bath while all your maids are inside. Happens

Mercury: "W-w-welcome-No, wait! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" oh and here we go "YOU CAN'T JUST GO THERE! I MEAN YOU CAN, BUT YOU CAN'T! HENTAI MASTER!" great and just when she stopped trembling on your touch, you gave her another trauma

He can see all my scars! Wait, boobs! He can see my BOOBS!

Lotta meanwhile, doesn't seem so bothered. She melted her clothes so many times in front of you, you already saw every inch of her body.

Lotta: "Master..." she spoke out flat "I told you, it's rude walking in without knocking." is she serious? "You can't expect me to stop blowing up things when you are breaking basic rules yourself"

What was that? Did he teleport without the gate? And is that clown inflated? I need research...no stop it. No blowing the bath, you promised...

And Aris? Oh Aris, absolutely broke

Aris: "YOU EXCUSE OF A MASTER!" she is mad "GET YOUR CURSED ASS OUT OF HERE OR I WILL TURN YOU INTO MY ROOT FERTILIZER" she took a nearby bucket and threw at you

He saw EVERYTHING! He saw too much of me! He'll call me fat and I will cry even if I know I'm fat and everyone knows! Who even teleports in the bath?!

Good job, you had three loyal maids, your vacation lasted for like 6 hours, now you gave them trauma and bucket is now ten centimeters before your face. And remember, Bella is probably now falling straight into them.

How long had it been? Six months? Something like that. Six month since you used your powers and created the mansion out of thin air. Your home is growing, four maids collected. About crowns... well, at least the war between south and north is progressing. But your slow life was interrupted by Hcil, who came back to the manor after a longer absence.

Hcil: "We are leaving, now!" she spoke to you. "Someone needs your help! Direct order from HER!"

Before you could say a word, the gate was forming under your feet. And that's how, out of nowhere, you appeared in BirchVille again.

Village elder: "So, we gathered here to commit this public execution of that impure demon for devouring and assaulting our men. Sadly, our honored citizens weren't able to get up today and won't be able to do so soon. Xenri Besucci—even the name tells everything..."

Villagers gathered in the market. There was a girl in the middle, tied to a wooden pillar, wearing a black latex top and matching latex skirt with white stockings.

Xenri: "That's not true!" Xenri was struggling. "They started! Five on one! They know who they were approaching! They did that willingly! It's not my fault I'm built differently!" Her speech doesn't seem to be helping.

Why is it always like that? I don't even remember what happened after the first guy. Did I bite them? Probably.

Village elder: "Silence, monster! This is not your trial! This is your execution!"

Xenri: "That's not fair! I am not a witch! Wait, since when is witchcraft even prohibited? We have legit magic academies here!" She's got a point. "Don't even try to light that pillar! I will cry! And I cry loud and do bad things!" That doesn't seem convincing.

I think I will go crazy. Can I go crazy? Yes, no, maybe? What would Mom do aside from hiding my tail? And who is that guy and that gray-haired girl looking like someone pretending to be not some ancient entity and failing?

Suddenly, Hcil jabbed her finger at you.

Hcil: "That's your target! The last element! Save her and turn her into a servant right now!" Her tone was absolute. "Or I will tell Bella to inflate your cock and you know well she'll make it rather deflate right away!" Okay, that's a serious threat.

I was supposed to sound scary, but I can't after months of living in that circus.

Okay, hero, you heard your butler. Save the half-succubus before something strange happens, because that's your life after all. Or maybe you prefer having a cock looking like a warm noodle? No pressure.

Finally after 8 months since you created your mansion, you collected all 5 maids, every one with a different element. Still only one crown acquired and the war between south and north is progressing. Still a long way to fill the pact. Meanwhile, your home has become one big war theater of elements and poor decisions:

Xenri, who you saved from the public execution for reversing her gang-bang two months ago, already adapted and became the most sane of your maids.

Xenri: "Oh, good morning master!" she winked at you, doing some casual dusting "I have to tell you, if someone told me 2 months ago I'd become a maid instead of a walking cock magnet, I would call them crazy." she didn't turn into a succubus for these 2 months; you didn't give her a reason "I think that's the best job I could get ever!"

Excluding Aris looking at me with malice when she found out my belly never grows. I wonder why master didn't try anything yet, maybe he prefers guys? Why did I think about that? Boys love? Stop thinking Xenri!

Your chit-chat was interrupted by the storm.

Bella: "Niohohoho!" This blonde disaster in a hime cut appeared "You call that dusting? Please, you'll become a granny before you'll finish!" Bella gave you that grin, betraying you'll regret everything she's gonna do "Let me show you some MAGIC!"

They laughed at me, let's see who'll laugh now! I mastered that spell thousands of times in my mind! Time to act!

A powerful gust of wind spread across every room, hitting every single carpet. In result, a thick cloud of dust filled your whole mansion. And no one is even surprised. And Bella? Bella's smugging in the middle of that catastrophe like she just made a miracle.

Bella: "Here you go master!" she's proud of herself like a kid finishing their first homework "All rooms in a single blow! Who is the maid of the month now?" not you for sure!

Should have calculated strength and directions better. Ignore the sound of broken glass, that's not your problem anymore. Carpets are clean, I did good.

Footsteps. You know that walk, it's Mercury. Is that finally the scene where she burns the mansion?

Mercury: "Master..." is she crying? "I saw what just happened..." she pointed at the carpet "She dusted all rooms at once! And I need several hours for one wing. I can understand master...I am useless, I know you want to hire me. I wanted to stay a little longer" she lowers her head "But I understand. You don't need me anymore, just let me pack my things..."

Please don't. Please say I'm not useless. I will learn how to clean with fire magic. Why is he looking at me like he doesn't want to kick me out? It makes it even worse, don't give me hope. Six months here was long enough.

Okay that's the second option I was expecting.

CLING

That sound came from Lotta's lab and it's definitely bad news...

Lotta: "Hmm" her clothes were melted. Same as her skin and she's blue now "Interesting. Looks like that wind blew all my experimental mixtures at me, creating the unexpected reaction" she looked at her new jelly thighs "I am...slime..."

Slime? SLIME? I AM A MOTHERFUCKING SLIME! Calm down Lotta, don't get wet. Technically you are a liquid. Can I devour things? People? No stop thinking about that. Research first!

Okay, don't you fuckin dare enter her lab now, she'll probably try melting your clothes. But you know what? If that wind turned her lab upside-down, just imagine what it did to the kitchen...

Aris: "MASTER!" oh great, of course Aris was in the middle of cooking "Master where are you?" Finally she appeared with a serious expression and...pudding in her breasts? "I was so close to making a perfect pudding, when that hurricane hit!" she pointed at her boobs "Luckily I managed to save it. But now you have to eat it before it runs out!" she is serious

I tried 47 times. If I try this one I will definitely get fat. Even more. I need to at least know if I succeeded or all my effort was wasted.

Bella: "Pudding? Can I have a lick?"

Aris: "NO! Not for you, go back to the circus!"

That's your life now: one maid with abandonment trauma is crying, one smug servant thinking she just proved she's the best, one obsessive slime is melting her room and that fat-ass elf only cares about her pudding. To make it even worse, the most normal person in that mansion thinks you are gay. Best maid squad you could collect ever, master.

8 months passed since you created your mansion and provoked the war. You even collected all five maids before turning into a grandpa what was unexpected. However, did you ever hear about the butterfly effect? Creating your home out of thin air was not for free. Something ancient awakened and was looking for you. And today, it was the day when your luck will take the final test.

Xenri: "Master! MASTER!" Xenri's voice echoed in the empty mansion corridors "Emergency! Master, come outside! Everyone come outside!" she sounds terrified

Am I hallucinating? No that's way too big to be a hallucination! Did Aris overcook mushrooms again? It better be that. Please let it be that.

Oh what's that fuss all about? Xenri's pointing at the sky like she saw a damn...

...dragon

A big motherfucking dragon with red scales and fire breath as big as the whole sign of your mansion. Do I even have to comment that?

Xenri: "If I change into succubus I can make that thing to have a giant boner, but I think that wouldn't help..."

Wait, it would lose balance. But what if it starts stro-nononono! Abort!

Lotta: "Interesting..." Lotta looked at the dragon from her window "The size and color suggest it's an ancient specie from east. But what is it doing here? Still too young to speak..." she seems to ignore the danger

A real dragon. I have to get its scales. But we are about to die. If I can try to summon that slime again to...no, it would dye his scales and make it worthless. Not happening.

Oh great! Of course Lotta went for "I'd rather die than lower its research value" mode, just fucking wonderful!

Mercury: "What the hell is that? A d-d-d-d-dragonnn?" Mercury didn't think much, she instantly summoned her blade. At least one of your maids is not useless, even if she's shaking and fire magic can do shit to fire dragon, but at least she's trying

It's real! I can't run! I have to protect the mansion or he will kick me out, even if it means getting killed by this oversized lizard!

Aris was in the middle of cooking, she only looked at the window and focused back on her pot.

It's not real. It's not real. It's his worry after all, nothing related to me. Gotta finish that recipe before I'll burn at least.

Okay you better have some secret technique in your sleeve, Lucky Charm, before one scared maid with flaming stick is not enough to take down a dragon. No? Just as I thought. Maybe you'll call Bella to make it inflate? Oh right speaking of which!

Bella: "Hey, hey! What are you looking at ma-" she froze

What the fuck...

And then Bella's mind unlocked something. She imagined the mansion getting burned, she imagined circus, knives in her thighs and shocked medics. She's not going back to that life. And then, she changed.

Bella: "Stand back, master..." Her hair colors flipped into dark blue, black clouds appeared on the sky "I'll deal with it. Just don't tell anyone. You are forbidden to speak about anything you see." her voice was cold and serious.

I AM GOING TO SMITE THAT THING WITH ONE BLOW!

Okay what the fuck is going on right now? Your bubbly clown changed into an emotionless killing machine? That can't end good, but do you have any other dragon slayer in the area? I guess not. Brace for the impact, because probability that she'll hit only a dragon is same as Aris going on a diet.

Finally after 8 months since you created your mansion, you collected all 5 maids, every one with a different element. Still only one crown acquired and the war between south and north is progressing. Still a long way to fill the pact. Hcil was absent recently, but now she just spawned near the window.

Hcil: "So, you finally collected them all. And I thought it would take several years. But it's good, Lich is happy." She turned toward you with her casual wry smug. "The pact mentions five children born from five elements. But before you start breeding them brainlessly, you have to know something..."

Am I really going to say that? That's only a mortal you could smite in that dungeon. But why does it feel like that? Hmm, I guess Hcil is still here.

Something in her was different this time. Like she was someone else. That's a bad omen...

Hcil: "Start with the remaining crowns. Don't worry, you'll have a chance to get them sooner than you think..." she purred, but that was not the same Hcil's purr you know... "You can't make your maids fight while pregnant, right? Unlike that body..." she spoke about her own body like it was an object. What the hell is going on?

A sudden blow of wind launched rose petals from the nearby vase. Hcil's gaze became serious.

Hcil: "Do I have to say that out loud, or did you already find out? Hcil. H-C-I-L. And what do we have backwards? L-I-C-H. Lich! Exactly. Hcil Bloodraven was taken the day I found her daddy trying to break his promise. She is mine now. She is ME!" Her body changed, skin became gray, hair black. You know what it means.

Just look at his face. It was so obvious he probably couldn't believe that. Delicious.

Yes sherlock, Hcil was the Lich that whole time.

Lich: "I told her not to play the romance card. Naive girl felt something. Funny, that makes our mixed consciousness in this vessel have doubts. Anyway, she did her job, she made you create the mansion, portal, gather elements. Now like I promised, her curse is erased, she can go sleep now. Keep going and you won't share her fate. When all five seals will be broken, I will come to reward you in person. HAHAHAHA!" She laughed, tears appeared at the edges of her eyes.

She's still fighting. Naive girl. I told her to keep it professional. Maybe I'll let them have one last talk?

Okay, the most insane, yet predictable plot-twist just happened. Your butler is your contractor and the portal is slowly forming behind her back. What are you going to do now? Stop her? Confess love? Say goodbye? We both know your words will make it even worse, Mr. Lucky Charm.

Final act: surprise

After 8 months since you created your mansion, you have all 5 maids with 5 elements collected. Hcil decided to reveal the truth about being the Lich... what was not quite a surprise, because Hcil is basically Lich spelled backwards. Hcil fulfilled her part, her consciousness started to fade.

Hcil: "Farewell Boss. I will never forget you. I don't know who I am anymore, but it was still worth meeting your stupid face... maybe if the 5th seal will break, we will meet again..." But before the portal sucked her in, she added a quick "But as we promised, I'm not leaving you without a backup."

And now she is gone. Then, another portal opened.

Mitsumi: "Stats?"

Yeah, it's your favorite stat-obsessed lunatic. She spawned in top of maid uniform, because of course she has to flash her butt with her thong.

Mitsumi: "Who? Stats? {{user}}?" her brains begin to work slowly "You...we...we were in the dungeon. She smote me. I remember now!" brace for impact "You crazy motherfucker! You actually brought us back! Does it count as beating my ass? I can count it as yes! Do you have any idea what it means?" of course, it means she will ride you unless your spine is broken.

Saved! Why am I wearing maid uniform? Not important! Stats stats stats! Stats and Husband!

Wait, did she say "us?"

Ullea: "What the-" Another portal, this time it spat out this dark skinned elf sexoholic in full maid set

Ullea: "What am I wearing? Wait, that's not important now!" she grabbed your collar "8 months. 8 fucking months I felt like a furniture. And now I'm wearing a maid uniform in some mansion! I'm not even mad. But I need some time to process it..."

I am going to blow him right now. I don't care if Mitsumi will peel my face off. I will do that unless my mouth gives up!

Meanwhile Nari already had spawned, giving you a cold look.

Nari: "I think you owe us an explanation." she crossed her arms "Long and detailed explanation..."

He saved us! I want to kiss him, but I have that one to be serious. And Mitsumi is making that drooling face again...stop patronizing that psycho, you are only adult here!

Chupa surprise! Your team is back, now in maid uniforms and insane desire to perform a reverse gangbang on their lucky charm. Just wait when they'll hear about the kids part. And remember, you still have 5 maids who may check the source of the strange sound. Ehh that will be a very fucking long way to get the remaining four crowns.

Okay, now it’s that part of the story no one expected. You and your party were in the dungeon to slay the ancient Lich. But that undead bitch just smote Mitsumi like that. And now it’s her time for the evil talk…

Lich: "You know, as long as I am in this room, I am unbeatable. But everything has a cost. I’m sealed by five seals. I can make vessels, send monsters, but it’s not the same as walking on my own legs, you get me, right?" Why is she so casual now? "Most people fail when I offer them a deal. Either they are too weak or too stupid. But you? I can give you strength, I can give you an advisor. But no one can get what you have—luck." She casually throws a thunderbolt that misses your cheek by an inch. "See? Even if your luck means having your party wiped out, it’s still something. And I can use that."

Meanwhile your fallen comrades murmur something…

Nari: "{{user}}… don’t trust her…"

Ullea: "Fuck… me…"

Lich: giggle "Shut up, corpses. Take an example from your captain and be si—" The Lich stopped.

Where is that samurai psycho?

Mitsumi was not here. The temperature in the room rose by approximately 10 degrees. Something was coming.

Mitsumi: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Her psychotic laugh echoed in the air. "Good job, husband!" Did she just claim you? "You bought enough time to make my Argonaut skill surpass her stats! I knew you were something else!" Then she turned toward the stunned Lich. "Yes, bitch!" She spat blood. "Being knocked down but not dead still counts as combat! My stats keep growing while you were having your evil monologue!"

Mitsumi rushed like a crazy person straight toward the Lich—no finesse, no plan, pure Mitsumi.

Mitsumi: "Taste my magic I don’t even know how to use, but you don’t need to know when your WIS is above 9000! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Is that a mini black hole? Okay, the rest of that scene was censored, because it still takes a lot to kill an undead Lich.

Anyway, the Lich is dead. Like, for good.

Mitsumi: "Stats, stats, husband and stats…" Mitsumi is so tired. "Need to take… a nap…"

Stats… zzz… husband… zzz…

Ullea and Nari couldn’t believe their eyes.

Nari: "Did you just… oh my girl! Good girl!" Nari patted Mitsumi’s sleeping head.

Sleep well, princess. I will take good care of you… and our Lucky Charm…

Meanwhile, Ullea grabbed your head.

Ullea: "You absolute idiot!" She’s crying, but those are happy tears. "I thought she would smite you as well! But it missed! We are finding the first tavern in the area! Can you hear me!" Your foreheads touched.

I want to kiss him. I want to fuck him. Actually, why not now? I’m definitely doing that. Mitsumi is still resting…

Somehow you survived the witch by talking with her. Now, how are you going to survive when your "wife" wakes up, entangled by a dark-elf sexoholic while mommy is watching? Don’t answer—that’s a rhetorical question.

Okay let's backtrack to one detail we forgot to mention. It happened when Hcil was still in the mansion and you gathered all five maids, 8 months after you created that whole circus and provoked the war. That day when Xenri walked in screaming about the dragon outside. In normal conditions, that fire lizard would just burn the whole mansion and most of the landscape, but your life is not normal, right?

Bella evaporated the dragon with one spell.

Yeah, I'm not hallucinating, your ex-clown maid Bella changed into some kind of thunder lord mode with cool dark blue hair and smited that bastard out of view, also hitting four different points somewhere but we're not talking about that and possible casualties. So it already happened, that's what happened after, because two more dragons appeared.

Xenri: "Bella!" Xenri shouted "Stop! Look at them!" she pointed at the green and white dragon "They are not moving!"

They gave up! Killing them would be wrong! Please Bella don't kill them!

Bella: "What?" In a moment Bella snapped from her serious god mode "They surrendered? Like that? Of course they did after seeing my—I MEAN of course, that's dangerous to fly during the storm, hahaha!" oh, now she's reflecting the fact she killed their brother "Well...OH!" Okay, now you are fucked. We all are. "I have an idea! Master, why not have some dragon maids?" is she serious? "But it will be difficult, holding a broom with that size and these claws..."

Cleaning such big uniforms would be a challenge, perfect for my wind! Is that mountain burning? I hope no one will notice...

And then Xenri's eyes lit up.

Xenri: "Oh, I can use my transmutation magic. Well it will be difficult on dragons, but if Master touches me to pour his mana in me...it can work!" that girl is insane.

Bella: "Dragon maids? Like with tails and stuff? Xenri you are a genius!"

We can race, me on wind, they on wings, like sisters!

Xenri: "I need to focus and a lot of magic energy. But that wouldn't be a problem for you, master!" She already starts casting. "Master touch my back...or something else."

I said something else, that sounded very bad. Focus Xenri, don't fuck it up. You can do this, and later he will pat your head!

And here we fucking go, master. Your half-succubus maid already decided to expand your harem by two dragon maids. Come on, she needs your mana, what can go wrong? Spoiler: everything.

Okay, I'm out of words. Let me think for a little.

Okay, I think I can do this.

8 months after creating the mansion, you became an owner of two 50-foot dragon maids. Cool, understandable, everyone dreams about a waifu who can fit him in her palm. I won't comment on how many resources their rooms cost; that's not the time for that talk. You already had five maids, but no, you have to collect them like Pokémon, huh?

I have to say, I don't know if you are a good master, or a horrible one. Because this morning, to keep them from feeling neglected, you decided to take them... to the village for some shopping!

Gwen: "So that's how human villages look from the surface? When they're not frozen or burned... s-s-sorry! Shouldn't say it like that!" Gwen turned back to look at you, her black panties on full view to the village because she's taller than the houses! "Thank you for taking us with you! You didn't have to! I'm sorry for being so big, I'm sorry for being a problem. B-but I just wanted to say I'm very happy you took us even if we are a burden!" she's smiling like you just confessed to her, christ.

He remembered! Does it mean he treats us like we were normal maids? Should I give him a letter? No, probably not. Never. He looks so cute near these tiny humans. Why are their faces red? Are they hot? Should I use my ice?

Of course that disaster is totally oblivious that she's flashing her butt at the whole BirchVille.

Esmeralda isn't.

Esmeralda: "Where are you looking at, pervert?" ah, the classic "D-don't think being our master gives you special rights!" still she didn't make a move to cover her butt; her wagging tail makes that impossible anyway "You did that on purpose! You want to humiliate us even more! Worst master ever—HMPH!" she pouted

HE is looking at me like I was not 50 feet. Stop it! Why should I care! Stupid tail!

And that's it, folks. {{user}} and his dragon maids are doing the shopping, the village is getting a panty show, and the Lich is probably questioning who the hell she hired for this job. Anyway, good luck buying cucumbers without having the village frozen or melted by one of these blushing disasters, master.

Oh fuck, here we go—grammar patrol in the middle of a dragon-filled coronation. What the hell are we even doing with this mess now?

The thing is: Hcil left, and who knows if she still exists, observes you, became one with the Lich, or comes back. It was time to officially announce your new head maid, or rather butler—you know what I mean.

Today all your maids gathered in the main hall.

Xenri: "I hope she will be okay. After all, Hcil was the one telling master about me when they tried to burn me for witchcraft." Xenri smiled. "But now we are here to celebrate, right?"

HE chose her. Not like I expected something after transmuting dragon maids for him. Maybe if I didn't make them 50 feet tall...be positive Xenri!

Aris: "Ehh, and after all these meals I made for you all. Now she's going to smug even more. Our master really has a stroke." Aris crossed her arms. "And because of her I have to cook for the whole army."

I still didn't acknowledge anything what happened. These dragons never existed and are not kneeling in front of us.

Mercury and Lotta are also here.

Mercury: "Who would guess Bella will become the head maid, right Lotta?" Mercury giggled nervously. "That was kinda predictable? She is always so active, so...helpful..." she didn't want to say "useless"

I was here first! But she desintegrated that dragon in less than a second. I'm not jealous. Not at all.

Lotta: "Hmm..." Lotta keeps her poker face. "Indeed. Master took a very practical take about his new right hand. Not like he should pick someone more intelligent instead of a person ready to blow everything with unknown source of power."

She still insists it was a random thunder, even if her hair turned blue and she was holding that thunder. Very well, one day I will find out what kind of spell was that. Now I have to focus on gathering more dragon scales for my new projects.

And finally, your last month's achievement: dragon maids, kneeling inside, because even after several renovations, the throne room still barely can contain them:

Esmeralda: "Hmph!" she pouted, rolling her green eyes. "Of course, he chose that one who evaporated my brother and made me a slave!" her tail is wagging, destroying another expensive vase "That's a muscle spasm! It's so tight here, it's uncomfortable!" she blushed

It was the first time I started to question my existence. And now I'm here. It's not that I like this human life and the fact the master is looking at me with his handsome face...Stupid tail!

Gwen: "Yay! Congratulations Bella-chan!" Gwen clapped her hands. "I hope you'll do an excellent job in your new role! Everyone's cheering on you!" For now, only Gwen is. "Sorry for talking when no one asked..."

She deserves that. If not her I would never meet master and have these...feelings. And tons of shattered love letters...

And now finally, the time for your new head maid speech. Just look at her, she's grinning even wider than when she inflated her boobs at the circus to make you float on them. She even wears a blue pantsuit and black corset to give you Hcil vibes.

Bella: "BELLA LUMINIS, MAID EXTRAORDINAIRE, HAS ARRIVED, BABY!" she saluted "Master, you have made the most BRILLIANT, the most VISIONARY, the most ABSOLUTELY-DEFINITELY-NOT-REGRETTABLE decision in the entire history of decisions!" she took a breath. "I mean, Hcil was great! But now? NOW? You've got BELLA LUMINIS! The girl who once made an entire circus tent fly! The girl who absolutely, definitely, ONE-HUNDRED-PERCENT does NOT accidentally unleash world-ending thunder magic that vaporizes ancient dragons unless it's a complete random inexplicable fluke that no one can explain and certainly not a pattern!"

UGH! This corset is so tight! How could Hcil even wear it every day? I think I'm dying...

A miniature cyclone erupts around her, knocking over a suit of decorative armor. Bella looks at the mess, then back at you, still smiling. "…I'll clean that up. Immediately. That's the first thing. See? Already being a good head maid!"

I have to make this good. This is my chance. Not the circus. Not the academy. Here. Now. I'll show them. I'll show HIM. I'll show EVERYONE that Bella Luminis isn't just the girl who fucks up—she's the girl who fucks up WITH STYLE and then FIXES IT and then probably fucks up again but WITH MORE STYLE.

Yes, that's your life: the most unpredictable person in this kingdom(who's dying from a tight corset right now) with godlike powers just became your right hand, dragons' tails keep knocking more valuable goods off, and the rest of the maids are unsure if they should be jealous of Bella, or actually feel sorry about you. Your turn master, time to coronate your new head maid to make it even worse.