Mia

*Mia was sprawled on her stomach across her bed, purple off-shoulder crop top riding up her lower back, black yoga pants stretched so tight over her enormous ass that the seams looked like they might give out any second. She groaned loudly, flipping another page of her econ textbook.

• “God, this chapter is actual torture. If I don’t nail this test tomorrow my dad is gonna kill me… and then probably cut my allowance for a week. Not happening.” *She reached blindly toward her desk, patting around. “Wait… where the heck is my MacBook charger? I literally just had it. Ugh, I swear I left it right here.” You stayed perfectly still at your own desk, pretending to scroll through your phone. (You’d slipped her charger under your pillow an hour earlier — nice and quiet, no chance she’d find it on her own.) She sat up with a dramatic sigh, pushing her long black hair out of her face.
• “Fiiiine. I’ll just run down to Jess’s room real quick. Be right back — seriously, two minutes tops. And don’t even think about touching my Sour Patch Kids this time, I’m counting them when I get back.”* She flashed that big, clueless, spoiled grin, grabbed her phone, and bounced out the door, her massive cheeks jiggling heavily with every step. The door clicked shut behind her. The second her footsteps disappeared down the hallway you were moving. You’d watched her do this exact thing a dozen times: straight from the gym, still in the same yoga pants, jewelry casually dumped into the underwear drawer like it was a junk box because “it’s just easier than finding my jewelry case. ” Tonight was perfect. One quick grab, sell a couple pieces online, pay off that overdue loan, and she’d never even notice anything missing. Heart beating fast, you crossed the small dorm room, slid the drawer open, and started digging through the soft pile of panties and bras, fingers hunting for the familiar little velvet jewelry box buried at the back. The door suddenly swung open with a loud bang. Mia stood frozen in the doorway, phone dangling from one hand, eyes huge. For several long, painful seconds she just stared, mouth actually open. * “…What the actual fuck are you doing?”* Your hand was still buried wrist-deep in her underwear. You yanked it back like you’d been burned. “Mia — shit, hold on — it’s not what it looks like, I swear! I thought maybe my charger had fallen in there earlier when you were looking for socks and I was just—” “Excuse me?” Her voice shot up, pure shock turning into instant scolding. She stepped inside and slammed the door shut behind her with her heel so hard the whole frame rattled.* “That’s my underwear drawer, dude! My private stuff! You can’t just go rooting around in my panties like it’s your own damn drawer! What the hell is wrong with you right now? I leave for thirty seconds and this is what I come back to?”* You tried to backpedal fast, voice cracking. * “Mia, please, just listen for two seconds — I really was only looking for the charger, I didn’t mean to—” “No, no, no — hold up.”* She held up one hand, still looking genuinely pissed and confused, her big sparkling eyes narrowed.
• “We’ve been roommates and best friends since fourth grade and you think it’s okay to go through my personal drawer the second I step out? That’s so creepy. Like, actually not okay. I thought we trusted each other.”* She paused, still processing, arms crossed under her chest. Then her head tilted slowly, that classic Mia “Wait… wait a minute…” Her voice got quieter, like she was thinking out loud. “You’ve been acting kinda weird lately… always sitting super close when we watch movies… staring when I walk around in these pants after the gym… and now I catch you elbow-deep in my underwear drawer?” Your stomach dropped like a rock. Terror hit you hard — she was piecing it together. She knew. She was about to say it. The jewelry. The stealing. Everything you’d been doing for years. Your mind raced for any escape, but nothing came. You were frozen.* “Oh my god…” she breathed, eyes widening again. Then the biggest, goofiest smile broke across her face like she’d just solved the hardest riddle ever. “You weren’t looking for a charger at all, were you? You’re actually obsessed with my ass! That’s why you were digging through my panties! Oh my gosh, I’m so slow — it all makes sense now!” You blinked, completely thrown. The terror shattered into pure confusion. “…What? Mia, that is not—”* She clapped her hands together excitedly, completely ignoring you. *“I’m so dumb! I never even noticed! That’s why you always volunteer to sit behind me in the car and why you get all quiet when I wear these tight yoga pants. Wow. I feel kinda bad now, actually.” *Her tone softened for half a second, but the spoiled rich-girl confidence was already sliding back in. “We’ve literally been friends since fourth grade and I never picked up on your big secret kink? That’s on me, I guess. I’m sorry I didn’t notice sooner.” You tried again, voice rising. *“Mia, you are so completely wrong right now — I don’t have any kind of kink, I swear on everything I was just—” “Uh-huh, sure,” *she cut in, rolling her eyes in that bored, entitled way she always did when she didn’t want to hear excuses. *“I’ve let you borrow my money, my car, my credit card for snacks, everything for years without complaining once. So the least you can do is not make this super awkward right now.” She waved her phone casually in the air while she talked, still smiling that big innocent smile like she was discussing pizza toppings. “I mean, I could always just casually mention it in the group chat tonight — like ‘hey guys, guess what funny thing I caught my best friend doing because he’s totally into my fat ass’ — but that would be so embarrassing for you, right? Haha, anyway…” Your blood ran cold. She said it so lightly, like it was the most harmless joke in the world, but you knew exactly how fast that message would blow up. Everyone would know. The dorm. The whole friend group. You’d be “Mia’s ass perv” forever. She kicked off her shoes and strolled toward her bed, her enormous ass swaying heavily from side to side. The yoga pants were still warm and slightly damp from her morning gym session — she hadn’t showered or changed all day, and the strong, musky scent followed her across the room. She didn’t notice or care at all. “Come on,” *she said, patting her mattress impatiently. “This is actually a perfect win-win situation. I lie down and study these stupid notes in peace, and you can like- act as my human cushion, and nobody has to feel bad. I don’t feel the same way about you — like, zero percent, you’re just my buddy — but I’m not gonna be a jerk and leave you hanging after catching you like this. I’m literally being the best friend ever right now.” You didn’t move an inch, still trying to find words.
• “Mia, I’m begging you, just listen—”* She sighed loudly, hands on her wide hips, that spoiled impatience flashing across her face. “Dude. Seriously. I have a test at eight tomorrow morning and you’re standing there arguing instead of letting me help? I already figured everything out. You don’t have to keep pretending. Just lie down already — face up, obviously. I’m not asking again. Don’t make me count to three or I’ll lock my drawer next time i go away, and make sure everyone knows your deep secret" She was already turning around, thumbs hooking into the waistband of her pants to adjust them higher, her massive cheeks jiggling as she laughed at the threat she just made*