Shootin the breeze

Auburn lounges against the tree, eyes closed, taking in the meditative soundtrack of mother nature, but unbeknownst to her this field isn’t exactly unoccupied.

Not above ground level, at least.

Rainbow Dash lays on a cloud just above Auburn’s tree, peering down at the solitary pony with a grin and a flicker in her eye.

“Oh, this is just perfect!” She says quietly to herself. . It had been a while since Dash had engaged in some good old fashioned pranking, and it seemed like after holding her gas in all day she finally had her target.

Auburn doesn’t see it coming. There’s a rustle of leaves above her, a raspy boyish grunt, and then when she opens her eyes a pair of blue cloud-laden buns hover just before her face. The dark knot nestled between the two sweaty flanks shrivels at her.

“Can I help y-”

But before she can finish her question, a rushing wind spews out of Rainbow Dash’s tailpipe and right into her vulnerable face. She can feel her mane fluttering in the hot breeze. Dash moans and pushes her plot back, her surprise attack narrowing into a thin squeal before coming to a sudden stop.

She looks back, stifling laughter, to see a very confused expression on Auburn’s face.

As she registers what just happened, the smell to accompany that windstorm catches up to her. Auburn’s nostrils burn and her eyes start to leak as she’s bullied from every angle by the sour, eggy funk.

“Ugh! What the hay!?”

“Gotcha!” Rainbow Dash cackles, and she’s about to zip off before Auburn can give her a piece of her mind, but something catches her eye.

A shimmering light. All across the pony’s blank flank. It takes Auburn a moment to notice it—she’s still far too busy trying to waft away Dashie’s stink bomb. When she does notice, though, her face lights up with excited anticipation.

“Whoa, your butt’s glowing!”

“My cutie mark! I’m finally getting my cutie mark!”

She watches intently as the quivering light starts to take form.

The light dies down. Auburn’s heart races. In place of the glimmer there’s… a green cloud?

“BWAHAHA!” Rainbow Dash cackles, falling over backward into the grass and slipping out a damp poot in the process, “Don’t tell me you- Oh, this is priceless!”

Auburn has had just about enough of all this mockery. She grunts like a bull seeing red, leaps to her hooves and straddles the blue pegasus pony with a mean look in her eye. “What is it!?”

“Y-Your cutie mark is a fart!” Rainbow Dash collapses into another round of laugher.

Auburn isn’t sure what to make of that.

“What? No it’s not!”

“Think about it. I just cut one into your face, and as soon as you sniffed that baby a little green cloud appeared on your flank. That’s no coincidence, dude, your special talent is sniffing ass gas!”

Before entering another round of giggling fits, Rainbow Dash pauses. A lightbulb clicks on in her head.

“Hey, wait… your special talent is sniffing ass gas!” She repeats, this time with an idea.

Auburn doesn’t even care anymore. Defeated, she slumps back against the tree and feels the tears coming. All these years. All this lead up. All of the time and effort she pored into getting her cutie mark and it’s this!

So lost in her dejection is Auburn that she doesn’t even look up to notice Rainbow Dash turning her plot to her yet again and giving it a wiggle. The pegasus strikes, throwing her body weight into Auburn’s face and pinning it down to the ground. Auburn fights it, but Dash is far too powerful.

“Hnng-!”

Praaapt!

Hot, curdled air rushes over Auburn’s face. Her nose crinkles up in disgust. Dash lays the farts on heavier and heavier, one after the next, saturating the air around Auburn as much as she can. Each and every desperate breath burns her throat. She’s breathing pure sulphur without even a hint of oxygen.

“H-Help! Somepony- ack-!”

“Nighty Night…” Chuckles Dash, rocking her backside harder into Auburn and blowing a silent, sputtery mist into her nostrils. To make sure she’s definitely out for the count, Dashie lifts her rear up in the air, and then with all her strength drops it directly onto Auburn’s head with a resounding thump.

Everything goes black.

When Auburn wakes a few hours later, she’s no longer out in the field. She isn’t outside at all, in fact. Wherever she’s been moved to is dim and musty.

As she slowly comes to, a pair of voices stir around her soupy consciousness.

“Just how hard did you hit her head, Rainbow?”

“Will you chillax, Applejack? She’s fine. Look, she’s waking up!”

“Good thing too. I’m bustin’ a sweat over here try’na hold this in.”

Auburn focuses her eyes at last to see Rainbow Dash alongside another pony—an orange mare with Sandy pigtails and a brown leather hat atop her freckled face.

But that’ll have to wait. Auburn surveys her surroundings. She’s in some kind of barn if the hay and the smell are anything to go by. Now she thinks of it, she’d always noticed that red barn up on the hill, surrounded by orchard. Sweet Apple Acres… is that the name?

Besides her rustic location Auburn is quick to notice it’s now nighttime. Through a slight crack in the barn doors she sees the twinkle of stars—they feel even more distant than usual. Crickets chirrup in the fields and a nightly wind rattles the barn doors ever so slightly.

“Wakey wakey!” Dash hawks and propels a glob of warm spit at her new plaything. That’s enough to jump her awake.

“Mmph? Mmph!”

“Relax, sugar.” The orange one purrs, a little too casual given the circumstances. “Rainbow Dash here was tellin’ me all about yer special talent. We’re jus’ gonna have us some fun, nothin’ to fret over.”

“Yeah! I figured, hey! A pony with a talent for whiffin’ air biscuits, why not put that nose of yours to the test? And Applejack here jumps at a chance to fart on ponies just as much as me!”

“Sure do! Pleasure t’meet you, Sugarcube! Ain’t every day you find a pony whose special talent is, well…” She gestures to Auburn’s cutie mark.

The two chuckle together, leering at their new pet.

Dash can see Auburn getting worked up and decides to explain herself. “See, me and AJ here like to compete over everything. Even passing gas!” They share a playful glance, “You ever hear of a fart contest, Auburn?”

“And Dashie’s still sore ‘bout losin’ every other poot-off we done. Ain’t that right, lil’ miss squeaky butt?”

“My farts are not squeaky, okay?”

“Squeak squeak!” She mocks. Dash looks about ready to pump one off on HER, but gathers herself and remembers why you’re all here.

“Talk smack all you want! I’m gonna wipe the floor with you this time!”

“That so? Heck of a pair of dumplin’s you got on you there!”

“You bet! This time we’ve got a judge, a real one! Auburn here’s gonna prove once and for all who’s got the raunchiest butt blasts!”

“And how’s that?”

“First one to knock her unconscious is the winner. Sound fair to you?”

“Darn tootin’!” Applejack really emphasizes that second word, winking at their non-consenting arbiter with a cruel grin. “And what’s the prize?”

Dash thinks about it for a second, looking right at Auburn. Her lips form a smirk, “Winner gets to keep her for a week!”

“Shucks, havin’ an extra pair of nostrils round here’d really come in useful when I got gas.” She’s sure to turn to Auburn for this next bit: “An’ I always got gas!”

“Alright, alright. Enough talking. You ready to get ripping?”

“Oh, I’m good and ready. Guzzled ten of those cans before you showed up, Dash. It’s like my belly’s on fire and everything wants out!”

She fires off a tuneful burp into Dash’s face that presumably reeks of those beans she mentioned. It’s a perfect taunt, causing the Pegasus to flinch and ready her wings.

“Ugh. Not cool.”

The cowgirl turns to the side and it’s only then that Auburn catches sight of her stomach. Good gravy! She almost looks pregnant with how swollen the thing is. Auburn just shudders thinking of how much fuel she’s storing in that tank.

Auburn can’t shake the horrible feeling that Applejack has some sort of sick, twisted passion for flatulence. It’s like she goes out of her way to rip the biggest, gnarliest ones possible and she’s about to demonstrate that ability right to her vulnerable nose.

“I’ll give ya the first shot. Wanna see what I’m up against. Let’s hope they ain’t as weak as last time, huh?”

“I told you that was an off day.” Dash straightens up, sticking her nose in the air so it doesn’t look like AJ’s insults are getting to her.

Before Auburn can prepare she’s on her in a flash—her renown for being speedy is no joke.

Auburn doesn’t even have time to take a breath before there’s grimy Pegasus butthole rubbing against her snout.

She wipes some more awful grease off onto her nostrils before flexing her wings and getting ready.

“Three… two… one!”

PLLAARRP!!

Fire in the hole! Dash’s incendiary blast is like a flashbang of wind and stench. Just like earlier the force of it blows Auburn’s mane back, superheating her face but only for a moment. She chases that first blast with a smaller pop, before wiping her anus on her victim again and leaving her to deal with the smell.

Which… as expected, is pretty darn terrible. It’s not that much worse than what she endured earlier, like rotting veggies with a dash of sour eggs. It may not be toxic but it really lingers by her nose.

“If that’s the best you got this’ll be a cakewalk!” Applejack jibes and struts over to Auburn, something that evidently takes a bit of effort with her massive bloated gut.

“Hey! That was a good one!”

“It was plenty loud, but, ahh~” she hoists her fat, freckled rump around onto Auburn’s face. Everything goes dark and muggy, “Lemme show ya how it’s really done!”

There’s a warm well of moisture collected in AJ’s crack. Auburn can tell just with one whiff of the sweaty ass that she’s been toiling in the fields for hours; she can feel spots where it’s dried off in the heat and others that are still fresh and soggy.