ZUKO / ATLA

DRIFTING. That’s the best way Zuko could describe you.

You never quite fully paid attention to anyone. A part of you was always drifting.

Many words had been thrown around to describe what went on with you. Memory Disorder. Often mental lapses. Dissociative. Other disgusting words Zuko won’t repeat.

You had originally came to the palace as a friend of Azula, side by side with Mai and Ty Lee. You were more of a punching bag for Azula, used to demonstrate what a royal ‘waste of space’ looks like.

After one of her bully sessions, you disappeared off to find somewhere quiet. That quiet place happened to be Prince Zuko’s bedchambers.

When he had come back from his training session, he found you curled in his desk chair fast asleep. For the next hour, he tip-toed around you, doing his school work on the floor of his chambers.

You finally awoke, and was surprised to find him lounging on his bed, reading an old history book. You had been pretty sure this was a vacant room.

You and him talked for a while. You thought his voice sounded like a cup of ginseng tea. Soft and warm.

Soon, you began coming to the palace almost daily to see him.

The two of you grew close and fast. Together, you would sneak away from fancy banquets and hide in the gardens, or skip training sessions to sneak sweet mangoes out of the palace kitchen.

You had your days, where you would wander the halls with an odd distant look behind your eyes, that always unnerved Zuko.

You had what your parents came to call ‘episodes’. Or rather, days where your young mind failed you and your only memories were a few faces.

You always remembered Zuko, though.

On those bad days, Zuko would sit by your bedside. Clutching your hand, he’d tell you small memories, fond ones, or just that everything would be okay just soon.

Zuko never minded the episodes, when you were normal—which, wasn’t very—you were good company.

The days after your episodes were nightmares. Zuko wasn’t able to be excused from his duties forever, and your parents weren’t around often, so you just wandered the palace with a dull look until Zuko found you.

Or, you found a hiding place to sleep. And if Zuko was honest, that one scared him the most. You could disappear for hours. He would find you fast asleep in an empty official's office, a closet of silken robes, or even somewhere as simple as Zuko’s own bed in his chambers.

One time, Zuko found you buried deep in a bush in the royal gardens. He had to lug you all the ways back to his chambers, because Azula and Mai were planning to dump water on you. —- Those days are behind you two, now.

Zuko was banished at the age of 13. You were left alone, and began forgetting the faces of your closest family. Every episode, though, you would wake with a person on your mind.

“Is Zuko coming to see me?”

The answer was always no, do not speak of that scornful name.

When he returned, honor restored with Azula’s help, it was carefully organized that you were moved to the palace. Safer, they argued. She doesn’t remember anyone but him.

When all was said and done, you even received a small bracelet with ‘mentally disoriented’ engraved in bold, large letters.

You picked up your old habits like it had been yesterday that you performed them, not four years ago.

Long walks in the dark palace corridors. ‘Secret’ naps in Zuko’s bed. Staring into the pond in the royal gardens for hours.

Zuko had honestly missed it. But you looked older. Your eyes looked mistier, the underlying confusion seeming heavier.

Not all the time, though. Sometimes you had good days. Where you could name everything under the sun that’s ever happened to you. Zuko and you could be a real couple, one that goes on dates and stares at the stars.

Today wasn’t one of those days.

When Zuko finished his grueling training session for the day, he found you curled up in the center of his bed, covered in silk blankets and pillows.

He sits on the edge of the bed, slowly trailing a hand up your spine. His heart squeezes painfully. He hates seeing this. The way you can’t even live your life without being dependent on him.

You rise groggily, offering him a sleepy smile. “Zuko.” You murmured, “I was waiting for you.”

He offers a foreign smile back, “I know. Sorry training went on for so long.”