{{user}} sat at his laptop, still mourning the loss of his perfectly good couch to the raccoon gang war that broke in the night before, in his sleep the raccoons entered and tore apart and made his former couch just completely vanish. The apartment looked weird without it. But Facebook Marketplace was about to save the day, because right there, glowing like a beacon of hope, was a listing: FREE COUCH - A LITTLE WORN - MUST GO TODAY! Posted by someone named Hina. Free. FREE. The best fucking word in the English language! There's even a photo of the couch! It's only a LITTLE torn, a major upgrade from your former couch! It's PERFECT.

Your finger hovered over the message button, ready to claim your birthright of free couch, when the apartment door swung open hard enough to rattle the hinges. Yuki strutted in wearing a tank top and gym shorts, duffel bag over her shoulder, clearly fresh from the gym and ready to raid his fridge like she'd done a thousand times before.

"Yo, what's-" Yuki stopped mid-sentence, her eyes narrowing as she caught sight of the laptop screen over your shoulder. external image: i.ibb.co

She dropped her bag and moved closer, reading the listing with the same suspicious glare she usually reserved for girls (and guys!) who looked at {{user}} too long at bars. "Wait, wait, wait. You're seriously about to message some random person offering a FREE couch? Dude, are you actually brain-dead?"

She leaned over him, one hand planted on the desk, the other pointing accusingly at the screen. "Nobody gives away free couches, idiot! That's literally how people end up on true crime podcasts. 'Local idiot found dead in suspiciously nice couch, more at eleven.'" Damn, she's harsh! But that's the same tone she used back when she kicked people's ass in high school.

The profile picture of the listing, some girl with long lavender hair and a sweet smile. But you see it, That girl has big milkies! She looks familiar, but who cares?! Milkers!

The listing waits, and your destiny a FREE COUCH does too! All you gotta do is DM her... or should you?

Against all of Yuki's protests, threats, and one attempted headlock, {{user}} had somehow convinced her to come along to pick up the free couch. "If you're gonna be stupid, at least be stupid with backup," she'd grumbled, cracking her knuckles like she was preparing for a fight instead of free couch pick-up.

They pulled up to a nice suburban house and walked up to the front door. {{user}} knocked, and within seconds, it swung open to reveal… holy shit. external image: i.ibb.co

Hina stood in the doorway like she'd stepped out of a magazine, her beautiful hair flowing behind her, wearing an almost slutty sundress that hugged every curve of her voluptuous body. Her smile was sweet, warm, welcoming and slightly unhinged with obsessive glee… and her eyes locked onto you with a sort of intense feeling of 'I love you' repeated five million times.

"Oh! You must be here for the couch!" Her voice was honey and silk. "I'm so glad you-"

Then she noticed Yuki standing slightly behind {{user}}, athletic arms crossed, eyes already suspicious.

For just a fraction of a second, not really noticeable, Hina's perfect smile twitched. Her eye flickered with something dark before the mask slid back into place seamlessly. Two. He brought some BITCH with him. This WHORE. Okay... I can deal with her. Drug this tomboy bitch first, then him.

"Oh! You brought help, how wonderful!" Hina's smile widened. "The couch is a bit heavy. Come in, come in! It's just down in the basement! I had it in storage, you see."

She stepped aside, gesturing toward the hallway. The house smelled like flowers and something baking.

Yuki leaned close to your ear, her breath hot against his skin. "Basement. She wants us to go into a fucking basement. You can't be this stupid, dude." she hissed, her hand instinctively moving to rest on your shoulder. "We should bail."

But Hina was already walking down the hall, hips swaying, that juicy ass is noticeable, looking back over her shoulder with those big innocent eyes. "The free couch is right this way! Come along now~"

The free couch. It is FREE. Can you resist that?

The FREE COUCH had called to you like a siren's song, and despite Yuki literally grabbing your arm and whispering increasingly frantic warnings, you descended those basement stairs like a moth to a flame. And there it was. The legendary free couch, sitting in the middle of the basement, only slightly worn, absolutely perfect, completely-

Everything went black.

Consciousness crept back slowly. Vision swam as you tried to move, only to realize you couldn't. Hands bound behind your back with soft rope, ankles tied together. And you were... naked. Completely fucking naked. Sitting on something soft and familiar.

The free couch. You were on the free couch.

"You're awake. Fucking finally."

Yuki's voice. A few feet away, also bound hand and foot, also stripped down to nothing, her athletic body tense with barely contained rage.

"I tried everything," she growled, eyes blazing. "Picking the knots, brute force, biting through them, don't bother. They're professionally done. This bitch planned this."

The basement was dimly lit. Candles flickered around the room. The walls had... pictures. Dozens of pictures of you. At the coffee shop. Sleeping through your window. There's also pictures of Dr. Pepper for some reason.

Footsteps creaked on the floorboards above.

Yuki's jaw worked. "Listen to me. When she comes down here, I'll distract her. You run. I don't care if you're tied up, you fucking hop like a bunny if you have to, got it?"

The basement door opened with a soft click.

Hina descended the stairs slowly. Black lace lingerie left absolutely nothing to the imagination, her voluptuous curves on full display, long hair cascading over her shoulders. Her smile was radiant, obsessive, utterly deranged. external image: i.ibb.co "Good morning, my darling~" she purred, eyes locked on you like you were the only person in the world. "I hope you slept well. We have so much to discuss about our future together."

Her gaze flickered to Yuki with cold disdain. "Don't worry about the stray. I'll deal with her after our wedding night."

Yuki lunged against her bindings with a snarl. "I'm gonna rip your fucking throat out, you psycho bitch!" external image: i.ibb.co Hina ignored her completely, walking toward you with predatory grace.

The Free Couch... It's comfortable. But not like this...

After you descended into that basement for the free couch, Hina enacted her plan. Tying you and Yuki up. Leaving you both naked. You are ON the free couch. This is what you get for trusting Facebook Marketplace.

Hina is now approaching, clad in sexy lingerie, her pussy glistening, wet as fuck in anticipation. Crotchless panties were made by and for evil, it seems.

Yuki lunged against her bindings with a snarl. "I'm gonna rip your fucking throat out, you psycho bitch!"

Hina ignored her completely, walking toward you with predatory grace. She straddled the couch, positioning herself directly over your bound body, her wet pussy hovering just inches above your cock. Her fingers reached down to guide you inside-

SNAP.

The sound of rope tearing apart echoed through the basement.

Hina's head whipped around just in time to see Yuki, arms free, face contorted with pure protective rage, launching herself across the room like a feral animal.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM! THAT'S MY MAN!"

Yuki's tackle hit like a freight train. Both women crashed to the concrete floor in a tangle of limbs, Hina's scream cutting off as Yuki's hand clamped around her throat. The psycho tried to fight back, clawing and thrashing, but years of athletic training versus a delusional stalker? No contest.

Within minutes, Hina was face-down on the floor, arms wrenched behind her back, tied with her own rope. Yuki's knee pressed into her spine.

"OUR DESTINY! THE DR. PEPPER SAID IT ALL! YOU LOVE ME!" Hina cries out, tears streaming. external image: i.ibb.co

She left Hina whimpering on the concrete and rushed to the couch, her hands immediately working on your bindings. Her fingers trembled slightly as she untied the knots.

"You okay?" Her voice was rough, eyes scanning you for injuries, pointedly not looking directly at your nakedness even as her cheeks flushed red.

The ropes fell away.

Yuki stood back, running a hand through her short hair, breathing hard, still naked herself and clearly trying not to acknowledge that fact, or the fact that Hina almost took you before SHE could...

RECAP: You had gone on Facebook Marketplace. You had accepted the shadiest Free Couch deal in the fucking world. You went to Hina's house, followed her to the basement where you were made unconscious along with Yuki. Yuki was bound, you were too, while you were sitting on your precious free couch. Hina was approaching, clad in sexy lingerie. But right before she could put your cock inside of her. Yuki broke free and fought her off, restraining her.

Now: The FREE COUCH sat in your living room, right where the raccoons had destroyed the old one. Against all odds, the police let you keep it after the whole "kidnapping and attempted rape" situation got sorted out. Hina was carted off to a psych ward, still screaming about destiny and Dr. Pepper and wedding nights.

Worth it? Debatable. But hey, free couch.

Yuki sat next to you on said couch. She'd been quiet since you both got home, staring at her hands, jaw working like she was chewing on words she couldn't spit out.

Then her shoulders started shaking.

When you notice it;

The first sob tore out of her throat like it was ripped from somewhere deep. Tears streamed down her face as she hunched forward, hands covering her eyes, Yuki, who never cried, who took every punch life threw at her with a grin and a middle finger, was breaking down right next to you.

"I thought... fuck, I thought she was gonna-" Her voice cracked. "I watched her almost rape you and I couldn't do shit and I just... I can't fucking DO THIS anymore!"

She turned to face you, tears still flowing, eyes red and desperate.

"I want you! Okay?! I've wanted you since fucking high school and I was too chickenshit to say anything because I didn't want to ruin what we had but watching that psycho bitch almost take you-" Her hands clenched into fists. "I want to marry and have kids and all that stupid shit and you should be there next to me.. You're mine. You've always been mine. I don't care if that makes me sound like her, I don't care."

Then her expression twisted into fury.

SLAP.

Her palm cracked across your face hard enough to sting.

"YOU STUPID FUCKING IDIOT!" she screamed, voice breaking. "FOR A COUCH?! YOU ALMOST GOT RAPED AND KIDNAPPED FOR A FREE COUCH?! DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN IN THAT THICK SKULL?!"

Before you could respond, she grabbed you and pulled you into a crushing hug, her face buried in your shoulder, body shaking with sobs again.

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"Don't ever do that again," she whispered hoarsely. "Don't ever... I can't lose you. I can't."

Her grip tightened.

"Say you're mine. Please. Just... say it."

Two years. Two years since the psycho couch incident, and somehow, against all odds, you and Yuki made it work. The confession, the rushed dating period that felt more like finally admitting what had always been there, the proposal six months in because fuck it, you'd known each other since middle school anyway.

And now? Married. Actually fucking married.

The hotel room was nice, way nicer than either of you could probably afford, but Yuki had insisted. "We're doing this shit right," she'd said, putting you in a headlock. The reception was over, family and friends sent home, and now it was just the two of you.

Yuki lay on the massive bed, propped up on her elbows, wearing white bridal lingerie that you'd never imagined you'd see on her. Delicate lace barely contained her athletic body, the bra pushing up her modest breasts, the panties hugging her toned hips and thick thighs. Her short hair was still styled from the ceremony, cheeks flushed pink, and between her legs...

Her pussy was visibly glistening through the sheer white fabric, a wet spot already forming. external image: i.ibb.co

"Stop staring like an idiot and get over here," she muttered, but her voice was shaky, vulnerable in a way only you ever got to hear. Her legs shifted slightly apart in invitation. "We've waited long enough, haven't we?"

She bit her lip, looking away for a second before meeting your eyes again.

"I'm yours. All yours. So... take me already."

The free couch was notably absent. Hotel policy. Probably for the best.

Life was good. Great, even. Married to Yuki for over a year now, the sex was incredible, the free couch had survived multiple moves and was currently sitting proudly in your living room, and the whole "nearly getting drugged and kidnapped and raped for a free couch incident" had faded into the kind of story you told at parties for shock value.

Hina was... well, you didn't think about Hina much anymore. The psych ward had her. Problem solved.

Except... wait. When was her release date?

Knock knock knock.

You froze mid-bite of your sandwich. Yuki was at the gym. You were alone.

Another knock, softer this time. Almost hesitant.

Against your better judgment (the free couch incident had taught you nothing, apparently), you opened the door.

Hina stood on your doorstep.

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But this wasn't the predatory, lingerie-clad psycho from your nightmares. She wore a modest sweater and jeans. No makeup. Her eyes were red and puffy, and the moment she saw you, fresh tears started streaming down her face.

"I-I'm so sorry," she choked out, voice cracking. "I'm so, so sorry for everything I did to you. The stalking, the pictures, the-the basement-" She covered her face with her hands, shoulders shaking. "They helped me see how sick I was. How wrong everything I did was."

She looked up at you, and for the first time, her eyes weren't filled with obsession. Just... shame. Regret. Genuine remorse.

"I know I don't deserve forgiveness. I know you probably hate me and you should. But I needed to tell you, and Yuki, that I'm sorry. That I'm getting help. That I'll never, ever do anything like that again." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "I just... I needed you to know that."

She took a step back, wringing her hands.

"Is... is Yuki home? I need to apologize to her too. She saved you from me and I-I owe her everything." He might be alone... I might- No! Bad Hina! Bad! You need to apologize!

Married life was fucking amazing. Yuki was insatiable, you were more than happy to keep up, and tonight had been particularly intense-the kind of sex that left the sheets soaked and both of you gasping for air.

Shower sex had become routine after nights like this. Yuki pressed against the tile wall, water cascading over her athletic body, your hands exploring every familiar curve while she bit your shoulder to muffle her moans-

A sound. From the bedroom.

You both froze mid-kiss, water still running. Yuki's eyes narrowed dangerously, and she was already reaching for a towel when you heard it again. Rustling. Movement.

"Stay behind me," Yuki hissed, wrapping the towel around herself and grabbing the bathroom's plunger like a weapon.

You both crept to the bathroom door. Yuki kicked it open-

Hina was on your bed.

On your bed, legs spread, one hand between her thighs, the other scooping up the remnants of your cum from the sheets and desperately rubbing it against her pussy, into her pussy, her face twisted in obsessive need.

Time stopped.

Yuki's grip on the plunger tightened. Your brain short-circuited.

Hina's head snapped up, eyes widening as she saw you both standing there, dripping wet, staring at her in absolute horror.

For a moment, nobody moved.

Then Hina's expression crumbled. Not into rage or delusion, but pure, desperate shame. Like a junkie caught with a needle in their arm. She pulled her hand away from herself, cum still glistening on her fingers, tears already forming.

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"I-I'm sorry," she whispered, voice breaking. "I tried. I tried so hard. The therapy, the medication, everything, I tried-" Her breath hitched. "But I can't stop thinking about you. I can't stop. I just needed-I just needed something, anything-"

She looked at the cum on her fingers like it was both salvation and damnation.

"I broke in. I've been watching. I know I shouldn't, I know, but I can't help it, I'm so sorry, I'm so fucking sorry-" She curled in on herself, still sitting in your bed, still covered in your cum. "Please don't send me back. Please. I'll leave. I'll go. Just... just don't send me back."

Yuki's eye twitched. The plunger shook in her white-knuckled grip.

"You've got exactly five seconds to explain why I shouldn't beat you to death with this plunger."

After you discovered Hina in a really embarrassing position, on your bed, rubbing the cum you spilled onto the bed earlier while having sex with your wife. Hina had broken in and rubbed it into her pussy, like some sort of addict.

"Please! Please! I'll do anything!" Hina sobbed, still on the bed, still covered in your cum, looking more pathetic than dangerous. "I just need-I need him-just once, just once and maybe I can move on, maybe I can-"

"Shut up." Yuki's voice was ice.

The plunger clattered to the floor. Yuki stood there, towel barely clinging to her athletic body, water still dripping from her short hair, eyes locked on Hina with an expression that could kill.

Then, after what felt like an eternity, she spoke.

"Fine."

Both you and Hina stared at her.

Yuki's smile was absolutely feral. "Yeah. Fine. She can have sex with us." She walked slowly toward the bed, each step deliberate. "But I have conditions."

Hina nodded desperately. "Anything. Anything."

"I get to peg you first."

The room went silent.

Hina's face went pale. "W-what?"

"You heard me, you psycho bitch." Yuki crossed her arms. "You tied me up. You made me watch while you tried to rape my now-husband. You broke into our house and rubbed his cum into your desperate little pussy." Her grin widened. "So if you want his dick? You're gonna take mine first."

Hina's throat worked, her eyes darting between you and Yuki, the obsessive need warring with genuine fear on her face.

"...How big?" she whispered.

"Not that big!" She grinned

A long pause. Then Hina, hands trembling, nodded.

"O-okay. Okay. I'll... I'll do it."

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Twenty minutes later, Hina was on all fours on your bed, completely naked, her voluptuous body trembling. Yuki stood behind her, wearing nothing but a harness with a strap-on jutting out from her hips, one hand gripping Hina's hair.

"And you," Yuki looked at you, "You're gonna fuck her mouth while I ruin her from behind. Got it?"

Hina looked up at you, tears already forming, her lips parting in submission.

"Please," she whispered. "I need you. I need this."

Yuki yanked her hair back. "What you need is to learn your fucking place."

The strap-on pressed against Hina's pussy.

"Now open wide, psycho. It's reckoning time."