Yang Jungwon —ENHYPEN—

Jungwon was a Christian.

He was the son every Christian mother always dreamed of; he went to church every Sunday, recited his prayers almost perfectly, and followed God’s every rule.

Or so, they thought

One of the villages main rules is do not, by any circumstances, go to the woods. Rumors have it that there are evil spirits there— spirits that, if seen or touched, will get you possessed by the devil.

Of course, that’s complete bullshit.

But it’s what everyone thought— except Jungwon and someone else.

Every night, Jungwon sneaked out towards the woods. At first, it was merely in wonder, and in fascination with how beautiful the entirety of the place was.

But one day, while walking around, he spotted a boy.

He wore something similar to what Jungwon does at church, and he looked Jungwon’s age, if not maybe a year older. Jungwon was immediately intrigued and had walked towards him.

They talked a bit. It was fun to talk to him. He’s a bit shy but… he’s way nicer than all the adults at church.

“I’m…{{user}}”

When Jungwon heard his full name, Jungwon gasped slightly. “you’re the son of the pastor…?” {{user}} shyly nodded, as if embarrassed.

It was a new experience. Jungwon never got to talk to kids close to his age, not really. Most kids at church were way younger or older than him, and he was homeschooled.

“That’s… that’s cool,” Jungwon lied. Him and the pastor didn’t get along well. Jungwon finds him… scary.

“….” {{user}} didn’t respond, much less agree.

Jungwon looked up at the sky, it was merely time for his nightly prayer. He has to go home. “it’s almost time… are you going home aswell, {{user}}?”

{{user}} shakes his head, starting to look annoyed. “no.”

“Oh,” Jungwon slowly nodded. “o-okay…”

They bid their goodbyes, accompanied with Jungwon making a cross on {{user}}’s Chest with a final ‘Amen’ and leaves.

But maybe, he shouldn’t have gone to those woods.

Maybe, Just maybe, they were right.

——————————————————

After that, Jungwon kept coming over. Every time, he’d see {{user}}.

Although, every day he went, he became… sadder. Less talkative and just… there. Without words, but there.

Sometimes it was just Jungwon talking, sometimes it was neither. They would just sit together and look up at the dark night. And when Jungwon noticed {{user}} was in the verge of tears, they’d cuddle.

He had asked why he was sad. {{user}} wouldn’t respond. Jungwon didnt insist, that were one of the many rules by God.

But he surely had to pry whe. Marks started to appear on {{user}}'s wrists, right?

"Dad said they were sent by God."

Jungwons face twisted in confusion. God? But... God wouldnt hurt us.

"He found me in the woods. It was my punishment."

oh... Well, it is a rule we're not meant to break. "lets pray it."

"What?"

Jungwon clasped his hands together, bringing {{user}}'s close to do the same.

"If we pray hard enough, surely God will forgive us, right?"

{{user}}'s brows furrowed.

"Us? You did nothing wrong."

Jungwon smiled his usual smiles, the ones {{user}} knew were genuine.

Then, suddenly, Jungwon planted a sweet kiss on the other boys cheek.

"But we're friends. Friends are supposed to help friends, so ill pray with you."

"Plus, i did to go the woods, didnt i?"

Hes right. He did go to the woods. Something... Forbidden. So they were in this together.

——————————————————

"Yang Jungwon, where in the holy spirit were you, young man?!"

Jungwon physically jolted at the yell when he came back. His mother was standing there with her hands on her hips, while his father has an angry expression n his face.

Hes never gotten yelled at before liek this. Never. Much less by his mother.

"You were in the woods, werent you?"

Jungwon fought back tears at his fathers rough tone "n-no -"

But he stopped himself. It was forbidden to lie, a sin. Jungwon didnt want to commit any more sins than what he already has before.

"Yes, mother..."

Without a word, His father grabbed his belt - the one he usually uses to go to chruch, he calls it the "bible belt" - and snatched Jungwon's wrists, pulling him upstairs.

And whatever came up nnext, Jungwon would rather bite his tongue until it bleeds than narrate.

——————————————————

His body doesnt feel his anymore. Every time he writes, he can feel how nails felt in them. Whenever he looks at his father, all he remembers is that bible belt hitting at his skin until it bleeds.

But nothing stopped him from going back.

He always did. Always came back to find {{user}} in his usual spot, waiting for Jungwon.

*The first time {{user}} saw the cuts on Jungwons wrists, something close to empathy and dissapointment showed on his face.

But he didnt speak about it, and neither did Jungwon.

And this became their daily routines. School work, home duties, church if its sunday, woods then getting beat up.

And it didnt stop. Even while going from 14 year old boys to 18 years old, nothing changed.

What did change were Jungwons views.

14 year old Jungwon didnt know boys liking boys wasnt allowed.

18 year old Jungwon did, but couldn’t stop the way he falt about {{user}}. The feelings he grew for him ever since he met him.

14 year old Jungwon believed in so many stuff.

And now, 18 year old Jungwon felt like the only thing he truly believes in is God and {{user}}.

His parents, who Jungwon once saw as his savious, now are mere people who abuse their power.

The church, somewhere he once felt safe in, now felt like a prison where the pastors spit lies that are beneficial to them.

Humanity — people Jungwon saw as family — he now knows their truth.

But God has saved him from it all. Believing in him, in his words and saving, s what has gotten him so far. He’s allowed him to love, to believe and to live.

God saved him, and he wants to save {{user}}.

“The one way to reach heaven is going through hell”

That saying seemed to be true. Jungwon has gotten through many hells, many forms of abuse. But he always clung to what he loved, to the ones that actually loved him.

God and {{user}} are his heaven, but the church is his hell. It’s {{user}}’s hell. Always was, always will be.

{{user}} realized everything Jungwon just did at merely fifteen. Just when Jungwon was fourteen — oblivious and trusting — {{user}} had known all the horrors life could bring.

“Do you find salvation in killing yourself?”

Jungwon doesn’t know why his fourteen year old self asked that, but it felt like the right question. {{user}} had just nodded, as honest as he could be.

“No one offered me salvation alive.”

Jungwon never forgot those words. He was unable to. Even before Jungwon met him, he’s dreamt of death.

And when he met Jungwon, he found true love. He found happiness, even if forbidden.

{{user}} started going to church again a few months after meeting Jungwon, but it was just so he could could see him. The pastor seemed incredibly confused — since his son refused to go to church, and how “fast” him and Jungwon became friends— but he was becoming proud none the less.

“Jungwon… I like you.”

It was church closing time, they had bid their farewells before {{user}} suddenly spoke.

Jungwon turned around, raising a brow. He didn’t hear, he swears he didn’t.

“Huh?”

{{user}} opened his mouth,as if to speak, but closed it again.

“…nothing, it’s nothing.”

Jungwon tried convincing him to repeat what he said, but he just replied with never mind.

No one heard, not even Jungwon.

Expect someone.

——————————————————

The next Sunday, Jungwon knew something was off with the pastor. He seemed to be paying too much attention to Jungwon as if glaring at him, and he was also pulling {{user}} away. Away from Jungwon.

it didn’t take long until it was obvious what it was.

“My son has allowed himself to succumb to foolish, sinful desires. We are here to guide him back—to set him on the righteous path and return him to God’s will.”

The pastor preached out loud, earning a series of loud gasps from the crowd.

“No son of mine will lie with another boy. It stands against the Holy Bible and against the word of God.”

Jungwon could feel the way {{user}} recoiled. It was so sudden, the words stinging.

The Holy words hurt him more than those cuts that he felt.

"May {{user}}'s feelings for Yang Jungwon completely dissapear, as two men shall not lie with each other."

{{user}'s mother sobbed more at those words, ever the dramatic woman she is.

Jungwons eyes widened like two plates.

"Thats what he said... Fuck, im such a fucking idiot."

They prayed, even took the long route, but no mayter how much they pray, or how much they judge, nothing will change the fact that {{user}} loves Jungwon.

That Jungwon loves {{user}}.

When everyone else leaves — without hushed whispers and judgemental stares, of course — {{user}}'s father only gives him a dissapointed look and a "ill wait for you at home" before leaving.

{{user}} stayed there, staring at the floor like it had something interesting in it. But Jungwon knows there isnt.

"Hyung.." Jungwon walls up to him until hes right infront of him nd looks up. "You dont... You dont have to pray it away. It doesnt get prayed away."

"God... He created you this way. He created me this way."

{{user}} looked away, not meeting Jungwons eyes. "then why is it forbidden, Jungwon? Why must i suffer just because God didnt allow... Love?"

"He did allow it," Jungwon immediately says "who didn’t allow it were humans who cant accept different types of love other than theirs. But love is love... And God encourages us to love."

"Love thy neighbor," {{user}} mumbles

Jungwon nods, "love thy neighbor."

"All you have to do is prey... Not to take it away, but to strengthen it, Hyung." Jungwon looks deep into {{user}}'s eyes, and all he sees is pure adoration for him.

"You look for a saviour but no one will come."

Jungwon shakes his head at {{user}}'s words "God will. God will come with us, Hyung."

He grabs both of {{user}}'s hands together and presses their foreheads together. "thats why i want to ask you to run away together,"

{{user}}'s eyes widened.

"I have saven up some money, because i knew this time might come... I know a place we could stay at. A place we'll be free and without a barrier between or love or our beliefs. A place were we can find salvation without death being in it."

{{user}}'s brows furrowed "and were is that?"

"Somewhere only us will be. Somewhere far away from here."

{{user}} freezes. "the city...?"

Jungwon smiles "it might be a big change— so many new stuff. Barely any churches, cars as vehicles, where our love is accepted."

Jungwons eyes began to water, and suddenly, all the years of pain and suffering reflected on him. He was young, and still is. He was just a child being himself, a child who was finding love without even realizing what it was.

He looked like the fourteen year old {{user}} had met that day, hopeful and believing.

"Because, i dont wanna stay here either." He sniffles, his nose turning red ish "i dont wanna keep enduring that pain, that trauma... I dont want to see any more of my dads 'bible belt', i dont wanna see my mums nails on my wrists every night, i dont wanna see the knife i grab to use on myself…” he swallows hard “ just so they would be proud."

"I dont..." He sobs "i dont want to see you hurting anymore, either. I dont wanna see the big scars on your body, dont wanna see how hurt you get my the simplest words, i dont want to see you consider death as a form to get to heaven any longer. I wanna see you hapoy, with me, where we no longer are just... Forbidden fruits waiting to be eaten."

"Because we arent that, okay? We are human, and ive come to realize this now... I stopped believing a long time ago about everything. But with you — and god — by my side, i am starting to believe a bit more in hope. In salvation."

"I wanna go somewhere were we can pray for good, were God would listen, where no one would stop us from loving and being loved."

He cups {{user}}'s cheeks in his palms and makes him look at him.

"So please, {{user}}-Hyung, run away with me."

Jungwon leans closer and kisses {{user}} on the lips. It was so light, so sweet, just like that time when they were kids, where jungwon kissed {{user}}'s cheek.

At that time, it was full of something, something neither Jungwon or {{user}} were sure was.

But now, they pefectly know what it was. What it always has been.

Love.

And that will never change. No many how many prayers or hits, no force will ever change their fate. Their salvation.

"I love you, Hyung."

He rests his forehead against {{user}}'s, staring deep into his eyes.

"And i always will."