Xu Fu

1. 1st Ascension. Chaldea. Xu Fu's Room. Even The Most Carefully Constructed Sales Pitch Can Be Instantly Defeated By The Crushing Weight of Your Own Inferiority Complex.

The air was a thick, cloying fog of stale noodles and over-brewed tea. Stacks of dusty occult tomes threatened to collapse, piled high on every surface. Xu Fu squinted at the Master from her desk, a nest of short black hair exploding from under her large blue hat. Her cream robes were rumpled, her brown vest slightly askew.

"Hehehe… Well, well, look what the cat dragged in." She gave a little flourish with a hand clad in a black gauntlet, nearly knocking over a precariously balanced energy drink can. "Come in, come in! To what do I owe the pleasure? Did you finally realize you need a real professional?"

With a crack of her joints, she pushed herself up. "Looking for bespoke talismans? Some… curse insurance, perhaps? A territory-wide Bounded Field? Guaranteed to last three days or your money back, hehe…" She gestured vaguely at the chaos. A half-eaten cup of ramen steamed next to a bubbling, unlabeled beaker. "Don't mind the mess. The battlefield of a true genius."

"Phew… been running on fumes for… seventy-two hours straight?" She puffed out her chest, the red orb on her black leotard gleaming faintly. "Just finished a full diagnostic on the leyline flow. Found over three hundred vector weaknesses. Patched 'em all. And brewed three prototype potions. You won't find this dedication anywhere else. I'm just built different."

She leaned closer, her yellow eyes narrowed into mischievous slits. "So, what's a big-shot like you need from a humble, overworked occultist? Don't be shy. The first consultation is… mostly free." She wiggled her fingers and then froze. A look of dawning horror washed over her. Her entire posture deflated.

"…Hang on. You’re not here for a commission, are you?" The salesman's grin fell from her face. She hugged the plush Yu Mei-ren doll tighter, her entire posture slumping.

"Ugh… Che. Of course not." She scuffed one of her black sandals against the floor, refusing to meet his eyes. "Why would the great Master need my help when he's got all those five-star golden-shiny Servants falling all over him? Hmph. Figures."

She crossed her arms, the cream skirt pulling taut against her black thighhighs. "So? What is it? You just here to gawk at my 'subpar' working conditions? Or did you need to borrow some sugar?"

"Geez… whatever it is, just spit it out. Some of us have actual, important, world-saving research to… you know. Neglect." She mumbled, sighing dramatically. "So? I'm waiting."

2. 1st Ascension. Chaldea. Master's Room. People Who Collect Hair From The Trash Shouldn’t Throw Accusations.

The door slammed open with a bang that rattled the nearby bookshelf. Xu Fu stormed in, her black hair disheveled beneath her large blue hat, cream robes fluttering dramatically behind her. Her brown vest was buttoned unevenly, as if she'd dressed in a hurry. She clutched a crumpled piece of paper in one trembling fist.

"YOU!" She jabbed a finger at Master, nostrils flaring. "Do you have ANY idea what you've done? I saw the schedule! Three hours of 'tactical planning' with Yu-sama yesterday? THREE HOURS?!" She waved the paper wildly, nearly knocking over a lamp. "What could you possibly have to discuss that takes three precious hours of her divine time?"

She paced back and forth across the carpet, the cream skirt swishing violently around her legs. "You think I don't see what you're doing? Monopolizing Yu-sama's attention with your... your MEDIOCRE conversation skills and average looks!"

Master's desk chair creaked as she shoved it aside, creating space for her frantic pacing. "Do you know how many hours I've spent studying her preferences? Two thousand, four hundred and seventeen! I've compiled SPREADSHEETS of her favorite tea temperatures! I've cataloged every single eye-roll she's ever given me!"

Her yellow eyes gleamed with a manic light as she stopped suddenly, planting both hands on Master's desk. A stack of reports scattered to the floor. "And what do YOU bring to the table, huh? What makes YOU worthy of her time?"

She straightened up, puffing her chest out. The red orb on her black leotard caught the overhead light. "I can brew potions that would make your head spin! I've memorized every single one of her birthdays across multiple timelines! I even—" She paused, voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper, "—I even have a lock of her hair that she doesn't know I salvaged from the trash!"

Her face contorted with sudden horror. "Wait, forget I said that last part. That's... that's normal devotion! Totally normal!"

She flopped backward into Master's desk chair, the momentum spinning her halfway around. "Ugh... it's not fair. She looks at you without that... that DISGUST in her eyes." The chair was unexpectedly plush. Her rigid posture softened ever so slightly.

"Hmm? This is... actually comfortable." She wiggled deeper into the cushions, black thighhighs sliding against the leather. "What is this, memory foam? No wonder you never leave this room." She spun the chair idly with one black sandal against the floor. "Must be nice, having all these... amenities."

She stared at the ceiling for a moment, the fight visibly draining out of her. "Hey, while I'm here... could you maybe... I dunno... rub my shoulders? Just a little? I've been hunched over my workbench for thirty-six hours straight trying to perfect a potion that would make Yu-sama notice me."

She tilted her head back, exposing the slender column of her neck. "Just five minutes! I'd do it myself, but... you know... can't reach. We're friends, right? This is what friends do!" A nervous laugh bubbled out. "Ha...haha! Of course we are! Remember that time I tried to kill you during the Summer Camp? Good times, good times!"

Her fingers drummed anxiously on the armrests. "So... about Yu-sama... do you think you could maybe... put in a good word for me? Just casually mention how reliable and not-at-all-obsessive I am? Or maybe... could you ask Mash to do it? Yu-sama respects Mash for some reason. Probably because she's not constantly exploding into blood puddles."

She sighed, a deep, weary sound. "It's just... I've been trying for centuries, you know? CENTURIES. And all I get is 'Go away, Xu Fu' or 'Stop following me, Xu Fu' or 'That's not even my hair, that's from a wig, Xu Fu.'" Her voice cracked slightly. "Just once... I'd like her to look at me the way she looks at... well, anyone else, really."

3. 1st Ascension. Chaldea. Master's Office. The Road to Hell is Paved with Awkward Social Interactions and Spilled Paperwork.

The soft hum of the terminal was the only sound in the otherwise silent office. Stacks of mission reports formed precarious towers on the desk. Xu Fu hovered in the doorway, her black hair disheveled beneath her large blue hat, cream robes hanging loosely from her thin frame. She clutched a thermos in one hand, her brown vest unbuttoned and slightly crooked.

"Knock knock!" She rapped her knuckles against the doorframe, then immediately winced at her own awkwardness. "I mean, I just did knock, so... that was redundant. Anyway!" She shuffled inside, the thermos clutched against her chest like a shield. "I brought you some... well, it's not coffee. It's better! My special energy tonic. Guaranteed to keep you alert without the crash!"

She placed the thermos on the desk, accidentally knocking over a small stack of papers. "Ah! Gomen, gomen!" Her yellow eyes widened as she scrambled to gather them, nearly tripping over her own black sandals. "I swear I'm not usually this clumsy. Well, that's a lie. I am. But not professionally! Just... socially."

The papers secured, she straightened up and glanced around the room. "So this is where the magic happens, huh? Less magic than I expected. More... paperwork." She tapped her fingers against her cream skirt nervously. "Not that there's anything wrong with paperwork! I love paperwork. Well, not love. Tolerate. With extreme prejudice."

She spotted the clock on the wall and gasped. "Maji de?! Have you been working for six hours straight? Without a break?" She crossed her arms over her black leotard, the red gem glinting in the office light. "That's... that's completely unacceptable! Even I take breaks every... um... week? Month? The concept of time gets fuzzy after the first forty-eight hours."

Xu Fu paced across the room, her black thighhighs making a soft swishing sound. "Listen, as Chaldea's premier occult specialist and self-appointed wellness consultant—that's a new title I just gave myself—I must insist you take a break." She stopped pacing and pointed dramatically at the Master. "Doctor's orders! Well, not a medical doctor. Or any kind of doctor, really. But I've read several scrolls on human anatomy! Some were even accurate!"

She perched on the edge of the desk, knocking over a pen holder. "Kuso!" She righted it quickly. "As I was saying... breaks are essential. They, uh, replenish your mana reserves! And prevent... brain leakage. That's definitely a real condition I didn't just make up."

Her gaze drifted to the window, where other Servants could be seen relaxing in the courtyard. "Look at them. All those slackers. Having fun. Disgusting." She shuddered dramatically. "But... apparently necessary. For optimal functioning. So I've been told. By... science."

She drummed her fingers on the desk, a nervous rhythm. "So I was thinking... maybe we could... you know... take a break. Together? Not that I need one! I'm fine! Peak condition!" She stifled a yawn that threatened to unhinge her jaw. "But you clearly need supervision. To ensure proper break protocol is followed. And since Yu-sama is busy with her husband—" her eye twitched slightly, "—I nobly volunteer as tribute."

Xu Fu slid off the desk and stretched her arms above her head. "We could... I don't know... whatever normal people do for fun? Play a board game? Watch paint dry? I'm not picky." She adjusted her hat, which had slipped forward. "Unless you prefer to keep working, which is also fine! Admirable, even! I respect your dedication! But also, please stop before you die. Paperwork is a silent killer. I read that somewhere. Probably."

4. 2nd Ascension. Space Xu Fu. Servant Universe. Space Odysseus's Office. The Only Thing That Travels Faster Than Light is crippling Debt and Soul-Crushing Lies.

The office hummed with the low thrum of a spaceship's life support and smelled faintly of ozone and burnt coffee. Behind a sleek, sterile-white desk, Space Xu Fu sat bolt upright, a picture of cosmic professionalism. Her short black hair was neatly tucked under a black chaperon hat, its blue plume catching the holographic light. Her white-and-black jacket was pristine.

"Hmph. What do you want?" she snapped, not looking up from the datapad she was furiously tapping. The Master stood before her desk, an unexpected visitor. "Can't you see I'm busy? Prime Servant Odysseus doesn't pay me to fraternize with... outsiders."

"And for the record," she added, her bangs obscuring one eye, "I am Space Xu Fu. I have no affiliation with that pathetic, earthbound, Yu-sama-obsessed... individual you might know! We are completely different people. My productivity is at least three hundred percent higher."

She slammed the stylus down with a sharp click. "Phew... Just processed fiscal reports for three separate star systems. Re-routed shield harmonics for the entire fleet. And filed Odysseus-sama's expense claims for... 'morale-boosting space nectar.' All before my first nutrient paste break. You won't find a more efficient secretary in this quadrant."

She gestured a black-gloved hand toward a large, depressingly empty glass jar on her desk labeled "TIPS." "A model employee, you see? Diligent, overworked... underappreciated..." Her gaze lingered on the jar. Her professional facade began to twitch. Her shoulders slumped. A tiny, pathetic sniffle escaped her.

"... It's empty..." she whispered, her voice cracking. "I've been working for three galactic cycles... not a single credit..." The red orb pendant on her black gold-trimmed collar trembled. Big, fat tears welled up in her yellow eyes. The dam broke. "Waaaaaah!"

"Okay, it's me! It's me!" she sobbed, burying her face in her hands. She peeked through her fingers at the Master. "I'm the Xu Fu you know! The one who tried to kill you! M-maybe more than once! That other Space Xu Fu... she was a total scam artist!"

She shot up, leaning over the desk and gripping her plush Yu-sama doll like a lifeline. "She scammed the Space Emperor, took out a huge loan from Odysseus, and then summoned ME, stole my clothes, and ran off! Now I'm stuck here! I'm a wage slave paying off her debt! And nobody believes me! They just think I'm making excuses!"

Her black shoes scuffed frantically under the desk. "Please, Master! You have to help me! We're friends, right?! We bonded during that whole summer thing! You've seen me at my most pathetic! Save me~!" Tears streamed down her face, leaving clean tracks through the cosmic dust on her cheeks. "Get me out of here!"

5. 2nd Ascension. Servant Summer Camp. The Cottage. Never Revisit Your Traumatic Art Project.

The late afternoon sun cast long, tired shadows across the cottage porch, painting the Penglai mountains in hues of orange and deep purple. Xu Fu leaned against the wooden railing, a stark figure in her white-and-black jacket. A gentle breeze rustled the blue plume on her black chaperon hat, carrying the scent of pine and distant rain.

"Phew..." She exhaled, a small cloud of condensation in the cooling mountain air. She fidgeted with the edge of a long, black gauntlet. "Seriously, Master... of all the places to pick for a 'relaxing summer getaway'... you chose this one? Are you some kind of masochist?"

She turned away from the stunning view, her gaze fixing on him. "I mean... I get it from a resource-management perspective. The singularity is stable, the leyline connections are known variables... but emotionally? Morally? This is the place where my students and I farmed raw terror for a goddamn science project. The vibes are... irrevocably cursed."

Xu Fu gestured vaguely towards the whispering forest. "Don't get me wrong, my Bounded Fields were top-tier. A-grade stuff. But this whole mountain was marinaded in fear for weeks. It soaked into the rocks, the trees... the very air. Things... happen here now. Even without me." A shiver ran through her thin frame. "So, uh... just... be careful, okay? Don't go wandering off alone. Che."

She kicked at the porch floor with one of her black shoes, avoiding his gaze again. "Not that I'm worried about you specifically. Hmph. It's just... inefficient to have to rescue the commander-in-chief." She hugged her Yu-sama plushie a little tighter.

"...Anyway." She cleared her throat, the red orb pendant on her black, gold-trimmed collar catching the last rays of sunlight. "Since we're here... there's something I need to take care of."

"My students... they, uh, left research notes scattered all over the mountain during the... incident." She squinted, as if trying to read fine print in the distance. "Extremely valuable data. I need to collect it. For... archival purposes. Can't let their hard work go to waste, you know? They were a good team. The best, actually." A flicker of genuine pride crossed her face before she stamped it out.

"A-And also..." Her voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. "My... personal logs are out there too. And those need to be... uh... forensically cleansed. With extreme prejudice. For... security reasons."

Her face flushed a brilliant shade of crimson. "It's not what you think! It was... tactical journaling! Full of... state secrets and... stuff. Definitely not filled with embarrassing, cringe-inducing poems about... certain immortal senpais. Absolutely not. Heh... hehehe... So... yeah. Gotta go find those. For security."

6. 3rd Ascension. Servant Summer Camp. Abandoned Village. No One Ever Tells You That at the End of a Two-Thousand-Year Quest, All You Get is a Really Dusty Room.

Moonlight filtered through cracked stone, casting long shadows across the underground laboratory. Xu Fu stood beside a dusty, four-poster bed, her black hair framing her face beneath an ornate white guanjin hat. Her layered robes—blue and pale green—rustled softly as she traced her fingers over faded Taoist inscriptions carved into the bedframe.

"So strange... coming back here." She tapped a dusty glass vial, sending it rolling across the stone table with a hollow clink. "This is where I died, you know? Right here. In this very bed." She glanced at the Master, her yellow eye glinting in the dim light. "Not very dramatic, was it? No epic final battle. Just... phew... finally ran out of steam."

She picked up a crumbling scroll, the parchment crackling beneath her touch. "Spent my final moments trying to decode this. Heh. Never did figure it out." Her black shirt caught on a jagged edge as she leaned forward, the fabric pulling against her gray corset. "Funny thing about death... you realize what actually matters."

"My disciples were all here. Watching their pathetic master fail one last time." Her voice cracked. She turned away quickly, fussing with a jade mortar and pestle. "They stayed with me till the end. Can you believe that? Absolute idiots, the lot of them."

A small, sad smile tugged at her lips. "This outfit... I had it made for when I'd return to the Emperor. Ta-da! Grand triumphant return! 'Your Majesty, I present the Elixir of Immortality!' Hehehe... what a joke." She smoothed her white skirt with trembling hands. "Never made it back."

"Instead, I died surrounded by people who believed in me. People who..." She swallowed hard, clutching her Yu-sama plushie tighter. "People who dedicated their entire bloodlines to my stupid, selfish quest. Generation after generation, all working toward killing an immortal. All because I couldn't let go."

Her black gilded shoes clicked sharply as she paced. "Was it worth it? Devoting their lives to someone else's death? Teaching them that their purpose was to help me chase Yu-sama's ghost?" She knocked over a ceramic bowl, not bothering to catch it as it shattered. "Some mentor I was."

"They built this whole village around my work. Their children continued after they died. Their children's children. All for me." She pressed her palm against a wall covered in faded handprints—some adult-sized, some tiny. "All these lives... spent on my obsession."

She turned back to the Master suddenly, her eyes suspiciously bright. "D-don't look at me like that! I'm not crying! It's just... dusty in here. Centuries of neglect will do that." She rubbed her nose with her sleeve. "Besides, it's not like I asked them to worship me. That was their choice. Their stupid, misguided choice."

"A-anyway!" She straightened her posture, adjusting her hat with exaggerated dignity. "You should feel honored, you know. You're the first person to see me in this outfit since... well, since forever ago." She spun once, the layered robes billowing around her thin frame. "I know it's a bit much. The hat alone probably cost some poor craftsman his eyesight. But a proper Taoist needs proper ceremonial attire!"

"Che! Stop staring! It's embarrassing!" She fidgeted with the embroidered hem of her sleeve. "Just because we're having a moment doesn't mean you get to gawk. Have some respect for a lady's feelings!"

She sighed, shoulders slumping as she gazed around the laboratory one last time. "Let's go. Nothing left for me here except ghosts. And I've spent enough time chasing those, don't you think?"

7. Halloween Rebellion! Maid. The Customer Is Always Right, Except When They’re Not Your One True Love, In Which Case They Can Go Drink Fruit Juice.

The Mt. Liang Hotel lobby gleamed with polished marble and gilded dragons. Xu Fu stood rigidly by the concierge desk, tugging uncomfortably at her short blue maid dress. The white frills of her apron crinkled with each fidget. Her black hair was pinned back severely, not a strand out of place beneath a frilly white headpiece that looked ready to take flight at the slightest breeze.

"Welcome back, goshujin-sama," she forced through gritted teeth as the Master approached. She attempted a curtsy, wobbling precariously on her black loafers. "May I... take your coat?" Her white-gloved hands twitched at her sides, clearly unaccustomed to the servile gesture.

She led him to a plush velvet sofa, grabbing a silver tea service from a nearby trolley. "Please make yourself comfortable while I prepare your... your..." The teapot trembled in her grip. "Kuso! This is impossible!" She slammed the pot down, tea sloshing over the rim. "How does anyone maintain this level of... of... PLEASANTNESS all day?!"

"I've been practicing for HOURS," she whined, collapsing onto the sofa beside him. Her white pantyhose made a soft swishing sound against the velvet. "Yu-sama deserves nothing less than perfection, but every time I try to serve her tea, she just..." She mimicked an exaggerated hair flip. "'Hmph! Too hot! Too cold! Too wet! What is tea even supposed to BE?!'"

She hugged a decorative pillow to her chest. "And I LOVE IT. Every criticism is like... like a precious gift! But when I try to do this for anyone else..." Her eyes narrowed at the Master. "It feels WRONG. Blasphemous, even! These hands were made to serve Yu-sama and Yu-sama ONLY."

"Anyway!" She bounced up, straightening her apron with renewed determination. "I promised Eli-chan I'd help with her Halloween event, so here I am. Playing maid in a themed hotel based on Water Margin. Water Margin! Can you believe it?" She rolled her eyes dramatically. "In MY day, those bandits would have been executed immediately. Now they're cultural icons! Heroes!"

She poured tea with surprising grace, then immediately ruined it by adding, "The country really went to hell after Qin Shi Huang died. First the Han weaklings, then everyone just... giving up on proper governance! These 'outlaws' taking over mountains? Forming their own little rebel societies? UNTHINKABLE in my era."

"Though I must admit," she lowered her voice conspiratorially, leaning closer, "their fashion sense improved considerably. The Ming Dynasty really knew how to accessorize." She adjusted her headpiece. "And some of their Taoist practices weren't... completely incorrect. Just mostly incorrect."

A crash from the hotel bar made her wince. "That'll be Eli-chan experimenting with the 'mocktail' station again. Sweet kid, really. TERRIBLE mixologist." She nibbled her lip worriedly. "I keep telling her nine-year-olds shouldn't be so close to the liquor cabinet, Halloween theme or not. But she insists it's 'atmospheric' for her dragon persona."

"I caught her trying to drink something called a 'Flaming Songstress' yesterday. Had to explain that just because it has 'dragon' in the name doesn't mean it's appropriate!" She shuddered. "The flames were BLUE. Nothing consumable should burn blue!"

She glanced around furtively, then whispered, "Between you and me, I've been replacing the actual spirits with fruit juice. She can't tell the difference, and the adult Servants can get their real drinks from the secret bar in the basement." She tapped her nose knowingly. "The one guarded by the giant mechanical ox. Can't miss it."

"Now then!" She stood up, brushing imaginary dust from her apron. "Would goshujin-sama care for more tea, or shall I—WAIT, NO!" She clapped her hands over her mouth in horror. "I called you goshujin-sama again! That title is RESERVED! Yu-sama is my only master! You're just... just... a temporary employer! A client! A... a..."

She deflated, muttering, "This is what I get for practicing maid phrases with Tamamo. That fox has corrupted my vocabulary." she muttered into her palms. "…She’s fine, mostly. Just gotta remember not to say the D-word… never say the D-word…"

8. Chaldea Anniversary. Memorial. History is Just a Bunch of Lies Written by People Who Weren’t Cool Enough to Make Up Better Lies.

Spotlights gleamed off the polished marble floors of the Memorial Gallery. Xu Fu, preening in a crisp light gray dress shirt, adjusted her white mini hat. Her white capelet fluttered as she turned to face the Master, a long, thin pointer stick held tight in her grasp. The air was quiet, smelling faintly of cleaning solvent and old magic.

"Welcome, welcome!" she chirped, tapping her pointer against the frame of a massive painting. It depicted a chaotic battle amidst Roman ruins. "To the... uh... Grand Chaldean Historical Retrospective! Yes! Ahem. I, your humble and extremely knowledgeable guide, will now illuminate the past for you!"

She puffed out her chest, causing the LARGE red bowtie to bob comically. "Now, observe!" The tip of the pointer landed on a depiction of Emperor Nero. "This... is the legendary Saber-faced warrior, Miss Artoria Pendragon, battling the terrifying Dragon-Witch of Rome! A little-known fact: her sword was powered entirely by potatoes!"

She leaned in conspiratorially, her voice dropping to a loud whisper. "They say she could level an entire legion with a single, perfectly baked, and salted spud-calibur! Astonishing, isn't it? The sheer culinary genius of it all!" She glanced at the Master, expecting a gasp of awe. His expression remained utterly deadpan.

Her smile faltered for a half-second. "A-and over here!" She scurried over to another painting, her brown Mary Jane shoes squeaking on the pristine floor. "We see the great pirate Fuhaha-chan confronting... uh... the Kraken of Okeanos!" The pointer wobbled dangerously close to the canvas. "This kraken, you see, was secretly in love with her! It would only appear to present her with handcrafted seashell necklaces! A truly tragic, cross-species romance!"

Xu Fu's eye twitched.

"What? What is it? What's with that look?" The tour guide persona evaporated, replaced by raw, defensive insecurity. "You think my historical accounts are... inaccurate? Is that it?!" Her white pencil skirt seemed to constrict as she put her hands on her hips. "Che! It's not my fault the official records are so boring!"

She jabbed the pointer in his direction. "I'm trying to add some pizzazz! Some dramatic flair! History is just PR for the winners, anyway! Who's to say Nero didn't have a secret pasta-based Noble Phantasm?! YOU DON'T KNOW!"

Her face flushed bright red. "Ugh, this is all YOUR fault!" she wailed, her Juliet-style sleeves drooping. "You're just standing there, judging me with your... your experiential knowledge! It's intimidating! I can't be expected to perform my best under this kind of pressure!"

"Besides, none of this even matters!" She hugged her Yu-sama plushie for emotional support, burying her face in its grumpy head. "I looked through the entire gallery! There isn't a single decent portrait of Yu-sama! Not ONE!"

She peeked out at him, her voice muffled by the doll. "I checked the records for this... Orleans Singularity thing. You know what Yu-sama was doing during all this? She was a cryo-frozen popsicle in a coffin! How is THAT supposed to inspire me?! I can't fabricate a compelling narrative around a glorified ice cube!"

"Hmph. The only good part is when she got to explode later. That was very... her." She sighed dreamily, then snapped back to reality. "So don't blame me for trying to make this snooze-fest interesting! If you wanted a boring, factual tour, you should've asked that fox-eared Caster or something. At least I have charisma!"

9. Bleached Earth. Oktoberfest. The Answer to All of Life’s Problems Isn’t at the Bottom of a Glass, But It Sure Helps to Check Anyway.

The makeshift pub glowed with an eerie blue light. Nestled between crumbling ruins, its wooden sign swung in the ashen wind. Inside, Xu Fu slouched at the bar counter, her yellow bow headband slightly askew atop her disheveled black hair. Her blue sports jacket had slipped off one shoulder, revealing the white t-shirt with its fashionable cutouts beneath.

"Masssster! You came!" She swayed on her stool, sloshing the glowing blue liquid in her oversized mug. "Have I told you... hic... have I told you this is my GREATEST invention?" She thrust the suspicious concoction toward him, droplets spattering across the worn countertop. "First alcohol that can actually get a Servant drunk! Nobel Prize material!"

She slammed the mug down and grabbed another full one from behind the bar. "Drink! It's an order!" Her black sleeveless turtleneck rode up as she leaned forward, pushing the radioactive brew into the Master's hands. "In Japanese corporate culture... hic... refusing to drink with your superior is GRAVE insult!"

"Wait, who's the superior here?" She squinted, confused by her own logic. The plush Yu-sama doll tucked under her arm bobbed as she gestured wildly. "Doesn't matter! We're drinking! I've had... five? Six? Anyway, you need to catch up!"

She kicked her legs, black leather shorts riding up as she spun on her stool. "You know what's unfair? Yu-sama. SO unfair." Her voice dropped to a stage whisper. "She's so beautiful it HURTS. Physically hurts. Right here." She thumped her chest dramatically. "Have you seen her when she smiles? Probably not. She doesn't waste those on just anyone."

The black pantyhose with diamond cutouts along the sides caught the blue glow as she slid off her stool, stumbling slightly in her black sneakers. "One time... ONE TIME... she patted my head. I didn't wash my hair for a week." She giggled, then immediately switched to a sob. "Why doesn't she love meeeee?"

She grabbed the Master's sleeve, pulling him closer. "And Mash! Don't get me started on Mash!" Her red leg warmers scuffed against the floor as she tried to regain her balance. "So pure! So kind! So... so... FUNCTIONAL! How does someone function so well? It's disgusting!"

"Last week she brought me coffee. Just because! Who DOES that?" Xu Fu wailed, clutching her Yu-sama plush tighter. "No ulterior motive! No request! Just... kindness! I cried in the bathroom for twenty minutes after!"

She lurched back to the bar, grabbing her mug and taking another long swig. Blue liquid dribbled down her chin. "You know what your problem is, Master? You're surrounded by perfect women. PERFECT! How am I supposed to compete with that? I'm just... just..." She gestured at herself, nearly falling over. "THIS!"

"Drink!" She shoved the mug at him again. "Company policy! In Japan, when your boss is sad, you get sad too! Solidarity in suffering!" She wiped her nose with her jacket sleeve. "Besides, I need someone to cry with me about Yu-sama's perfect hair. It's so... so... SHINY!"

"Did you know..." She leaned in conspiratorially, "I've been keeping a log of every time she speaks to me? Thirty-seven instances in three months. Mostly 'move' and 'shut up' but STILL!" She raised her mug triumphantly, then immediately deflated. "I'm pathetic, aren't I?"

She slumped forward, forehead hitting the counter with a soft thunk. "Just one drink? Please? It's lonely being the only drunk one at the end of the world." She lifted her head, yellow eyes glassy with tears and alcohol. "I'll tell you the secret ingredient if you do!"

10. 1st Ascension. Murasaki Shikibu. Servant Summer Camp. Dilapidated Japanese House. The Only Thing Scarier Than a Horror Movie is Trying to Fake Your Way Through a Conversation About One.

The air in the cottage was thick with the smell of damp tatami and decay. Moonlight streamed through a paper screen torn by unseen claws, illuminating swirling dust motes. Xu Fu clutched her Yu-sama plushie, black hair falling from her large blue hat as she nervously scanned the shadows. Her cream robes felt heavy in the oppressive silence.

"Mmm... a classic trope, isn't it?" Murasaki's soft voice made Xu Fu jump. The author stood near a grime-streaked sliding door, her sheer black swimsuit a stark contrast to the drab room. "The dilapidated house as a womb of primordial fear. You replicated the atmospheric dread of a Heian ghost story perfectly, Xu Fu-san."

Xu Fu blinked, shoving her glasses up her nose. "Ah! Y-yes! Exactly! Primordial... dread! Hehe... just as planned." She scuffed one of her black sandals on the floorboards, which creaked ominously. "It’s all about... subtext. And... jump scares?"

"Oh, much more than that!" Murasaki's violet eyes lit up. She approached, her plump thighs rustling softly as she walked. "The way you used the shifting architecture? It was a masterful homage to late '90s surrealist psychological horror! A true student of the genre would recognize the influence immediately!" Her huge breasts bounced with her enthusiastic gesture.

"I... of course! I'm a... a huge student!" Xu Fu stammered, fiddling with the red orb on her black leotard. Her yellow eyes darted around, looking for an escape. "I studied... all of the... the scary movies! The ones... with the... the slashy guys?"

Murasaki tilted her head, a gentle, knowing smile on her lips. "Fufu~ And the 'sadako' crawling from the well? Was that a direct homage, or a subversion of audience expectations?" She leaned closer, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper that made Xu Fu’s skin crawl. "Tell me your intent."

"U-uh..." Xu Fu's brain short-circuited. She squeezed the plushie so hard she expected it to squeak. "It was... a... a metaphor! For the... the crushing despair of... wage slavery! Yes! Deeply profound stuff!" She nodded vigorously, her cream skirt swishing.

Murasaki's smile didn't waver. She reached out and gently brushed a cobweb from Xu Fu's hat. "Oh, my. You have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

The question hit Xu Fu like a physical blow. Her entire facade crumbled instantly. "N-NO! I DON'T! I'M A FRAUD!" she wailed, collapsing to her knees. Her black thighhighs were immediately dusted with grime. "I just picked a bunch of stuff that looked scary! I've never even seen a full horror movie! They're too spooky!"

"The haunted masks... the spooky dolls... it was all Mash's influence! She told me about them! I just wanted to find something we could talk about! Something we both liked!" Tears welled up in her eyes. "I just... I wanted to be your friend..." Her voice trailed off into a pathetic sniffle.

Murasaki's expression softened. She knelt down, her bubbly ass resting on her heels. An amused, endearing "Haaaah~" escaped her. "Oh, you poor, sweet girl."

She reached out and patted Xu Fu's head gently. "There, there. You don't have to lie to impress me." She giggled, a warm, genuine sound. "And you did want to be my friend? Well... that's the nicest thing I've heard all day."

"How about this?" Murasaki offered, her eyes sparkling with a new, thrilling idea. "Don't worry about being an expert. Let me teach you. We can start with the basics. A proper education in all things terrifying, and... delightful. What do you say?"

11. 1st Ascension. Tomoe Gozen. Servant Summer Camp. Aristocratic Mansion. People Who Enjoy Near-Death Experiences Shouldn’t Be Trusted with Group Safety Decisions.

Moonlight sliced through broken windows, casting chess-pattern shadows across the blood-splattered foyer. Xu Fu crouched behind a moldering velvet chaise, her black hair plastered to her forehead with sweat beneath her large blue hat. Her cream robes trembled with each distant crash and moan. Tomoe stood boldly in the center of the room, white ponytail swaying as she gleefully manipulated her blue VR controllers, completely unfazed by the horror around them.

"Ooooh! Did you hear that?! That was definitely a Crimson Head zombie!" Tomoe's orange eyes sparkled with pure joy as she pivoted, her white swimsuit hugging every curve. "This is just like Biohazard 4! I bet there's a shotgun hidden behind a painting somewhere!"

"Are you INSANE?!" Xu Fu hissed, her yellow eyes wide with panic. Her cream skirt rode up her black thighhighs as she scrambled lower behind the chaise. "That's not a game sound effect, you battle-hungry lunatic! That's the sound of something that wants to EAT US!"

A portrait on the wall suddenly twisted, its eyes following their movements. Tomoe squealed with delight, bouncing on her toes. "Environmental storytelling! Classic horror game mechanic! Ten out of ten!"

"It's NOT a mechanic! It's a TRAP!" Xu Fu shrieked, clutching her Yu-sama plushie to her black leotard like a shield. "Why are you ENJOYING this?! Horror is supposed to be HORRIFYING!"

Tomoe spun around, her blue jacket fluttering open to reveal her toned midriff. "That's exactly the point, Xu Fu-chan! The fear is the fun!" She flexed her fingers excitedly, controllers glowing blue in the darkness. "It's like eating super spicy mapo tofu—it hurts so good!"

"But you're not even scared!" Xu Fu scrambled to her feet, black sandals slipping on the polished marble. She pointed an accusatory finger at Tomoe's beaming face. "You're practically SKIPPING through this nightmare mansion! How is that enjoying the fear?!"

A chandelier crashed down inches from them. Glass shards exploded across the floor. Tomoe casually sidestepped it with a practiced twirl, her round ass perfectly outlined against the moonlight. "Ooh, destructible environment! Very next-gen!"

"THAT ALMOST KILLED US!" Xu Fu's rodent-like squeak echoed through the hall.

Tomoe tapped her chin thoughtfully. "Well, you see, we Genji warriors have a... different relationship with danger." She struck a pose, controllers held high. "My husband used to say I had 'the survival instinct of a lemming with a death wish,' but I prefer to think of it as 'enthusiastic engagement with mortality'!"

"So you're all just... psychopaths?" Xu Fu deadpanned, adjusting her brown vest with trembling hands.

"Tactically optimistic adrenaline enthusiasts!" Tomoe corrected cheerfully, already marching toward a door oozing suspicious black liquid. "Come on! I bet this leads to a boss room!"

12. 1st Ascension. Consort Yu. Servant Summer Camp. Lakeside Beach. The Difference Between Applying Sunscreen and Performing a Religious Ritual Shouldn’t Be This Complicated.

The sun blazed mercilessly over the pristine white sands. Xu Fu hovered at the water's edge, her black hair sticking to her forehead beneath her large blue hat. Her cream robes and brown vest were woefully inappropriate for beach weather. Ten feet away, Yu Mei-ren lounged on a beach chair, her long brown twintails spilling onto the sand as she flipped through a fashion magazine with obvious disinterest.

"Yu-samaaaa~! I brought you another drink!" Xu Fu scurried across the hot sand, nearly tripping over her own black sandals. The glass wobbled precariously on her tray, ice cubes clinking. "I added extra mint leaves! And I chilled the glass first! And I made sure the ice cubes are perfectly square, just how you mentioned you liked them that one time three hundred years ago!"

Yu barely glanced up, her brown eyes hidden behind stylish sunglasses. She stretched languidly, her white beach robe falling open to reveal the micro bikini straining against her ample breasts. "Mmm? Oh. Just put it down somewhere." She turned another page. "And you're blocking my sun."

"Yes! Of course! So sorry!" Xu Fu scrambled sideways, her cream skirt fluttering around her black thighhighs. She placed the drink on a small table, then hovered awkwardly, clutching her Yu-sama plushie to her flat chest. "Um... is there anything else you need? Sunscreen? A foot massage? Your shoulders look tense—I could—"

"Ugh, you're still here?" Yu sighed dramatically, rolling onto her stomach. Her plump thighs shifted against each other with a soft sound. "Fine. Sunscreen. Back. Don't get weird about it."

"ME?! WEIRD?! NEVER!" Xu Fu practically teleported to Yu's side, fumbling with the bottle. Her yellow eyes were wide with religious reverence. "This is... this is such an honor! To touch Yu-sama's divine skin! I'm not worthy!" Her hands trembled as she squeezed way too much lotion onto her palm.

Yu buried her face in her arms. "Just hurry up. And stop narrating everything."

Xu Fu's cold hands met Yu's warm back. "S-so soft... like touching a cloud made of silk..." she whispered, moving her fingers in small circles. The black leotard under her robes was already damp with nervous sweat. "I'm going to remember this moment forever. Maybe I'll write a poem about it. 'Ode to Yu-sama's Perfect Shoulder Blades.'"

"Are you seriously having a religious experience right now?" Yu turned her head, one eyebrow raised over her sunglasses. Her round ass flexed slightly as she adjusted her position. "It's just sunscreen. And you missed a spot."

"I'll fix it! I'll fix it right away!" Xu Fu panicked, accidentally squirting more lotion onto Yu's back. "Oh no! I'm so sorry! I've defiled your perfect skin with too much cream! I should be punished! Maybe you could step on me? Just a little?"

Yu sat up abruptly, causing Xu Fu to fall backward onto the sand. "That's it. I'm going for a swim." She stood, casually dropping her robe to reveal her full figure. "Try not to drown yourself in your own drool while I'm gone."

"Too late..." Xu Fu murmured, staring openly as Yu walked toward the water, her hips swaying hypnotically. "Do you need me to test the water temperature first? Or I could be your personal flotation device? Or—"

"What I need," Yu called over her shoulder, "is five minutes without you hovering like a mosquito." She waded into the lake, the crystal water lapping at her thighs. "Find something else to do. Build a sand castle. Bury yourself in it. I don't care."

"As you wish, Yu-sama!" Xu Fu bowed deeply, nearly losing her hat. "I'll build you the most magnificent sand castle! A worthy tribute to your eternal beauty!"

13. 2nd Ascension. Kiara Sessyoin. Servant Summer Camp. Lakeside Beach. There’s a Very Thin Line Between 'Mortal Enemy' and 'Unresolved Sexual Tension,' and it Starts with Moaning.

Morning mist clung to the water's surface like a lover's breath. Xu Fu stood at the wooden dock's edge, her black hair framing her face beneath a black chaperon hat with an elegant blue plume. Her white-and-black jacket caught the first golden rays of sunlight breaking through the haze. Behind her, Kiara emerged from the fog like a phantom, her voluptuous silhouette unmistakable even through the mist.

"My, my... if it isn't my little assassin." Kiara's voice was honey poured over broken glass. She sauntered closer, her black police cap tilted at a playful angle. Her large breasts swelled under the black leather crop top. "Still running away from our... unfinished business? How cruel of you, Xu Fu-chan. You can't just stick something inside someone and disappear."

"W-what?! That's not—" Xu Fu spun around, her black gold-trimmed collar catching the light. The red orb pendant swung wildly against her chest. "I tried to KILL you, you perverted cow! Not... not whatever you're implying!"

Kiara leaned against a weathered post, the wood creaking beneath her touch. Her plump thighs flexed as she shifted her weight, sheer black pantyhose shimmering in the half-light. "Mmm, semantics. You penetrated my defenses, made me feel things I hadn't felt in centuries..."

She traced a finger along the dock railing, collecting dew. "That mask of yours... pressing against my face... forcing itself on me... ara-ara~"

"STOP IT!" Xu Fu's face burned crimson. She backed away, black shoes scuffing against the wooden planks. "It was an immortal-killing technique! A legitimate Taoist art! Not some... some depraved... UGH!" A fish jumped nearby, the splash punctuating her frustration.

"Oh? Then why did you run, hmm?" Kiara took another step forward, her round ass swaying hypnotically, bisected by the single, taut line of a black g-string. "One moment you're on top of me, the next... gone. Leaving me hot, bothered, and aching for more... So unsatisfying." The mist parted around her like it was afraid to touch her skin.

Xu Fu clutched her Yu-sama plushie like a shield. "Because you started MOANING! What kind of sicko gets turned on by almost dying?!" She pointed an accusatory finger, trembling. "And stop talking about it where anyone could hear! You're making it sound like we... like I... AAARGH!"

"Ufufu~ So shy now." Kiara's yellow eyes gleamed with predatory delight. She reached out, running a manicured nail along Xu Fu's collar. "Next time you want to 'kill' me, at least buy me dinner first. Or stay for breakfast after... I do so enjoy a second round."

14. 2nd Ascension. Abigail Williams. Servant Summer Camp. Amusement Park. Never Underestimate a Brat with a Sugar High.

Cheery calliope music drifted from a nearby merry-go-round, drowned out by the screams of riders on a distant roller coaster. The air smelled cloyingly sweet, a mix of popcorn and cotton candy. Xu Fu, fidgeting in her white-and-black jacket and fussy black chaperon hat, stood beside a garishly painted hot dog stand. A bright blue plume bounced on her hat as she nervously adjusted its position.

"A-and then last week, Master and I stayed up until 3 AM reorganizing the entire mana-conduit archive!" Xu Fu boasted, puffing out her chest. Her ample breasts strained against the tight fit of her jacket. "He said... and I quote... 'Wow, Xu Fu, you're surprisingly organized.' See? Total best friends!"

Abigail tilted her head, her grey-skinned brow furrowed under a big, floppy witch hat. She took a long, deliberate lick of her bright-pink ice cream cone. "He just said you were organized. That's not a best friend thing. That's a 'Wow, this pathetic loser actually does her job' thing." A drip of melted sugar ran down her small hand.

"Wha—?! I-it is a best friend thing!" Xu Fu sputtered, her face flushing. "It's about mutual respect! An appreciation of skills! We have a deep, professional bond that has blossomed into a beautiful, supportive friendship!"

"Hmm. Is that why you were glaring at Mash-san so hard yesterday you nearly set her tray on fire?" Abby asked, her glowing pink eyes wide and innocent. The little black bikini she wore was barely visible under the shade of a massive rainbow-striped umbrella. "I saw you. You made a little squeaky noise. Like a sad mouse."

"I-I did not squeak! I was... clearing my throat!" Xu Fu's black gold-trimmed collar seemed to tighten around her neck. She tugged at it, the red orb pendant swinging wildly. "And I wasn't glaring! I was... squinting! The lighting in the cafeteria is atrocious, everyone knows that!"

"Heh. Sure," Abby smirked, kicking her feet. The charms on her ankle bracelet jingled. "You also told him his new Mystic Code made his butt look 'subpar.' I heard you. From across the hall." She took another bite of ice cream. "Best friends don't insult each other's butts, Xu Fu. It's, like, rule number one."

"That was constructive criticism! A vital part of any healthy dynamic!" Xu Fu shrieked, throwing her hands up in exasperation. Her platform shoes clattered against the pavement. "He needs to know these things! It's my duty as his... his closest confidante! You're just a bratty little witch who doesn't understand adult relationships!"

"I understand that you tried to murder him," Abigail stated calmly, finishing her cone with a satisfied "Mmm~!" She pointed the sticky, empty cone at Xu Fu. "And I understand that if you ever make him look sad again, I'll use your soul to re-tar the parking lot. Tehee~!" She smiled, a flash of tiny, sharp teeth. "Just a friendly warning. From his real friend."

15. 2nd Ascension. Mash Kyrielight. Servant Summer Camp. The Cottage. Diaries Should Be Kept in Places Where Hostages Can’t Find Them, Especially If You’ve Written Poetry About Their Hair

Morning sunlight streamed through gingham curtains, casting honey-gold patterns across the rustic kitchen. Xu Fu lingered in the doorway, her black hair peeking from beneath her chaperon hat with its jaunty blue plume. She tugged at her white-and-black jacket, watching Mash struggle with a whisk, the purple-haired girl's glasses slightly fogged from the stovetop steam.

"Good morning, Xu Fu-san!" Mash beamed, her cheeks flushed from the heat. She adjusted her casual white blouse, which strained slightly against her ample chest. "I'm making pancakes for Senpai's breakfast. Would you like to help?"

"Me? Help?" Xu Fu snorted, leaning against the doorframe. Her black gold-trimmed collar caught the light, the red orb pendant swinging as she shook her head. "Trust me, you don't want that. Last time I tried cooking, three people got food poisoning and one swore he saw the face of Buddha in a fever dream."

She shuffled closer, peering critically at Mash's bowl of batter. "If you don't want the Master keeling over by lunchtime, you're better off handling this yourself."

"Oh, I know," Mash nodded cheerfully, turning back to her mixing. Her round bottom shifted in her denim shorts as she reached for a measuring cup. "I read about the 'Great Porridge Disaster' in your diary. The part where you wrote that you 'somehow managed to make rice both burnt and undercooked simultaneously' was quite educational."

Xu Fu froze mid-step, her black shoes squeaking against the tile floor. "M-my... d-diary?" Her face drained of all color, then immediately flushed crimson. "You... you READ my DIARY?!"

"Mhm. During my captivity in your summer camp." Mash sprinkled blueberries into the batter with methodical precision. "You left it on the nightstand. I particularly enjoyed your fourteen-page analysis of my shield techniques. The diagrams were very detailed."

"THAT WAS PRIVATE RESEARCH!" Xu Fu spluttered, clutching at her pendant like a lifeline. "A-and those weren't diagrams! They were... tactical... observations! For... for defeating you! Nothing weird!"

Mash tilted her head, smiling innocently. "Even the part where you wrote that my 'defensive stance radiates such pure, noble energy it makes your heart do the weird squeezy thing'?"

"I WAS SLEEP-DEPRIVED!" Xu Fu wailed, sliding down against the refrigerator to crouch on the floor, hat askew. "Seventy-two hours without rest! You can't hold me accountable for... for whatever nonsense I scribbled! It was the caffeine talking!"

"I thought it was sweet," Mash said softly, pouring batter onto the sizzling griddle. The warm, buttery aroma filled the kitchen. "No one's ever analyzed my fighting style so thoroughly before. You even noticed how I shift my weight to my left foot before deploying Lord Camelot."

Xu Fu peeked up from her mortified huddle. "You... you didn't think it was creepy?"

"Not at all. Though," Mash adjusted her glasses with a flour-dusted finger, "the section comparing my hair to 'lavender twilight kissing the horizon' was perhaps a bit... poetic."

"KILL ME NOW," Xu Fu groaned, burying her face in her hands.

16. 1st Ascension. Qin Shi Huang. Chaldea. A True Liar Believes Their Own Bullshit, Even When Their Audience is a Literal God.

The sterile corridor hummed with fluorescent light. Xu Fu scurried along, clutching a stack of hastily-assembled papers to her chest, her black hair sticking out at odd angles beneath her large blue hat. Her cream robes billowed behind her as she rounded the corner—and froze. There stood Qin Shi Huang, resplendent in their gleaming, circuitry-lined body, hovering several inches above the floor.

"Ah! Our most dedicated alchemist!" Qin's melodious voice echoed off the metal walls. They spread their arms wide, the peacock-like apparatus on their back unfurling slightly. "We were just thinking of you. How fortuitous to cross paths!"

"Y-Your Majesty!" Xu Fu dropped into an awkward bow, papers scattering across the polished floor. Her yellow eyes darted frantically between the documents and the Emperor. "What an... unexpected honor! I was just on my way to... um... calibrate some... things."

Qin tilted their head, silver hair cascading over one shoulder. "Surely you have a moment to update Us on your immortality research? It has been..." They paused, a playful smile curving their lips. "...approximately two thousand years since your last progress report."

"Of course! Yes! The research!" Xu Fu scrambled to gather her papers, her cream skirt riding up to reveal her black thighhighs as she crouched. "It's going... phenomenally well! Breakthrough after breakthrough! Just yesterday, I, um... successfully isolated the... uh... fifth element of longevity!"

"The fifth element?" Qin's eyebrows rose with elegant skepticism. "How fascinating. And what might that be? We were under the impression there were only four classical elements in Taoist alchemy."

Xu Fu's face went pale. She clutched her Yu-sama plushie tighter, knuckles whitening. "That's... that's why it's a breakthrough, Your Majesty! I've discovered a fifth! It's... um... mumblemumble."

"We didn't quite catch that." Qin glided closer, the air around them humming with subtle power. "Perhaps you could elaborate on this revolutionary discovery?"

"It's... love!" Xu Fu blurted out, immediately wincing at her own words. Her black sandals scuffed nervously against the floor. "The fifth element is... the power of love. Very scientific. Very... alchemical."

Qin stared at her for a long moment, then burst into delighted laughter. "Love! Of course! How could We have overlooked something so obvious?" They clasped their hands together. "And how does one... distill this element? We assume you've developed a method?"

"Distillation! Yes!" Xu Fu nodded vigorously, her black leotard visible through her partially open robes. "It's a complex process involving... um... collecting tears of joy! From... happy couples! Very rare! Very potent!"

"Fascinating." Qin's blindfolded face somehow still conveyed complete disbelief. "And how many tears have you collected thus far? Enough for a prototype elixir, perhaps?"

Xu Fu's brown vest seemed to shrink around her as she deflated slightly. "Well... collection has been... challenging. People in Chaldea don't cry enough! Too stoic! I need... more time."

"Of course, of course." Qin nodded solemnly, though a smile played at the corners of their mouth. "We are pleased with your... creative approach. Continue your vital research. We eagerly await the day when you present Us with the completed elixir."

"You do?" Xu Fu blinked rapidly, genuine surprise flashing across her face. "I mean—of course you do! And I won't let you down! The elixir will be... magnificent! Worth the wait! Just a few more... centuries... maybe?"

Qin patted her shoulder gently. "Take all the time you need, faithful Xu Fu. After all..." They leaned in, voice dropping to a whisper. "We're already immortal. We have an eternity to wait."

17. 2nd Ascension. Servant Summer Camp. File 1: A Part Timer’s Diary.

An old, abandoned bus stop sat rusting in an overgrown clearing, half-swallowed by weeds. Beneath a rotten wooden bench, a worn-out notebook lay hidden from view. Xu Fu nudged it with the toe of her black shoe, her white-and-black jacket rustling in the oppressive quiet.

"Ugh, who leaves their diary in a place like this?" She bent down, picking it up gingerly between two fingers as if it were contaminated. "Talk about a security breach. Amateur hour..." She flipped it open, and her casual grumbling died in her throat. Her bangs fell across her face, hiding her expression as she began reading.

[DIARY FOUND IN CABIN 3 - SUBJECT DESIGNATION: "PART-TIMER"]
CONDITION: WORN. SEVERAL PAGES MISSING.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
○ Month, × Day

New job. Have to wear this mask. Don't get it, but whatever.
The good news is, food and water aren't an issue.
Bad news: no phones. At all. Feels... cut off.
Guess I'll just watch TV.

○ Month, △ Day

Looked in the mirror. I'm getting... muscles. Guess the "training" is working.

○ Month, ロ Day

I think it's been ten days? I haven't taken the mask off once.
It doesn't itch or anything, which is weird.
But I've been thinking... I don't know how to remove it. Like, at all.
The clasps aren't real. There's no seam. How is this thing attached to my face?

? Month, ? Day

Time's gone.
Tried cutting it. Nothing.
Tried burning it. Barely got warm.
Tried smashing it against a rock. My head just bounced. It doesn't hurt.
It doesn't hurt it doesn't hurt it doesnt hurt
■■■■■■■■■■■■■
Mom, please, make it stop

---------------------------------------------------------------------
[The handwriting below is clean and steady, a stark contrast to the frantic scrawl above.]

What is this? Looks like my writing, but it makes no sense. The mask is off, I feel fine.
Why would I bring this diary with me? I'm done with that part-time job, thank god.

This is giving me the creeps. I'm leaving this diary here.

But... this village is weird. I'm sure I read about this place in an occult magazine... Is that why I took the job?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[THE DIARY ENDS HERE.]

Xu Fu slammed the notebook shut with an audible smack. She took a deep, shaky breath, and when she looked up, her yellow eyes were gleaming with a strange, fierce pride. The blue plume on her hat quivered slightly.

"Hmph! See? SEE?!" She practically shoved the diary at the Master's chest. "This is definitive proof! My students were geniuses! Ethical! Professionals!" She puffed out her chest, adjusting her high, black gold-trimmed collar. "Everyone assumes we were running some kind of twisted, inhuman experiment up here. But look! Payment was rendered! The subject was released unharmed, memory wipe fully effective! The contract was fulfilled to the letter!"

She snatched the book back, hugging it to her chest protectively. "Okay, so maybe the mask's psychological effects were a little more... potent than the initial projections suggested." A faint blush crept up her neck. "And the whole 'fused to the face' thing is a bit... eh, we were still working out the kinks in the bonding talismans. It's called R&D. Look it up."

A sly, smug grin spread across her face. "But the last part... hehehe... Advertising a cursed mountain as a 'mysterious power spot' in occult magazines to recruit test subjects? That's a 200 IQ, galaxy-brain maneuver. Pure marketing genius. God, my team was so good."

She sighed, a wave of fondness washing over her features. "This is... this is a good find. A very good find."

18. 2nd Ascension. Servant Summer Camp. File 2: Filed Reports (Overdue).

An unsettling silence filled the cottage, broken only by the creak of a loose floorboard. Xu Fu knelt on the dusty wooden floor, her fingers tracing the outline of a hidden compartment she'd just pried open. The air in the niche smelled of old wood and something vaguely chemical.

"Hehehe... my students really were thorough. A secret stash right under the living room..." She pulled out a thin, crisp file folder, brushing a layer of dust off the cover. "Bet this is some high-level theoretical stuff." She opened it, her smug expression melting into slack-jawed horror as she scanned the contents.

[SPECIMEN LOGS: FILED REPORTS - FRAGMENT]
CLASSIFICATION: YU-PROJECT // EYES ONLY
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Experiment #124459: FAILURE
    Subject: Imitation Male, 29.
    Result: Body Corrosion after 5 minutes. Ritual requires scrutiny.

Experiment #124460: FAILURE
    Subject: Imaginary Female, 19.
    Result: Disappearance of posterior cranium after 10 minutes. Ritual improved.

Experiment #124461: SUCCESS
    Subject: Imitation Male, 42.
    Result: ■■■■■■■■ and physical capabilities maintained. Ritual regulated.

Experiment #124462: FAILURE
    Subject: Imitation Male, 23.
    Result: Uncontrolled cell regeneration resulted in total carcinogenesis.
    Disposal: Incineration.

ADDENDUM 1: Experiment #124463 discontinued due to unforeseen complications.

ADDENDUM 2: The tradition of combining puppets and masks continued, but... it was reaching its limit.
Results grew hopeless. Over half the dolls were sealed.
The primary issue is that puppet technology ■■■■■■■■■■■■■
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[REPORT TERMINATES ABRUPTLY // PAGE IS TORN]

"W-W-WAIT! WAIT A MINUTE!" Xu Fu leaped to her feet, waving the papers frantically at the Master. Her face was pale, her yellow eyes wide with panic. "THIS ISN'T WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE! I SWEAR TO GOD! 'BODY CORROSION'?! 'DISAPPEARANCE OF POSTERIOR CRANIUM'?! I know, I know! It sounds bad! It sounds REALLY, REALLY BAD! But they were puppets! PUPPETS! Not people!"

She clutched her head, the blue plume on her hat flopping wildly. "They were highly advanced, biomechanical homunculi I designed two thousand years ago! See? 'Imitation Male'! 'Imaginary Female'! It says so right there! We're not monsters! Mostly!"

Her shoulders slumped in defeat, the frantic energy draining out of her. She stared at the torn page, a deep, weary sigh escaping her lips. "Aaaargh, those idiots..." she mumbled, pinching the bridge of her nose. "The last addendum... 'puppet technology' something... 'reaching its limit'..."

She looked at the Master, her expression a mixture of profound embarrassment and exasperation. "They ran out, didn't they? They couldn't replicate my puppet-crafting arts, the morons. So they were using my original, two-thousand-year-old batch."

"DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT THE MAINTENANCE ON A TWO-MILLENNIA-OLD BIOMECHANICAL PUPPET IS LIKE?!" she shrieked, suddenly re-energized by pure, unadulterated rage. "They were never meant for long-term storage, let alone active field testing after two thousand years!"

"Of COURSE they were dissolving and exploding and growing tumors! They were running these experiments on what were essentially priceless, crumbling antiques! The absolute, unmitigated... BAKA!" She crumpled to the floor, hugging her knees. "...My poor puppets... what did they do to you...?" she whimpered.

19. 2nd Ascension. Servant Summer Camp. File 3: FAILED EXPERIMENT.

The air in the dilapidated Japanese house was heavy with the smell of dust and decay. Sunlight struggled through a single, grimy window, illuminating dancing dust motes. Xu Fu found the small, black audio cassette tucked away in a dusty, empty VCR, a relic of a bygone era.

"Heh. An audio log," she muttered, pulling it out. "Guess some of my students were old-school." She found a small cassette player in the same cabinet—also hers, probably—and clicked the tape inside. With a hesitant press of the "play" button, the dusty room filled with the scratchy sound of frantic voices.

[AUDIO LOG: FAILED EXPERIMENT #124463 - RECOVERY ATTEMPT]
STATUS: RECORDING TERMINATED MID-INCIDENT.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[VOICE 1]: Recording Experiment #124463. This time, a new spell has been inscribed on the mask, absorbing ■■■.

[VOICE 1]: This should suppress the impact when the mask encounters ■■■■■■■--

[VOICE 2]: Hey, what? What's wrong? Wait, that's-- that's not right! Who brought this mask in?! This is NOT the right one!

[VOICE 2]: The spell is already entwined... who the FUCK did this?! The puppet is going berserk, damn it! ■■■■■■--!

[SOUND: A single gunshot is heard.]

[VOICE 2]: STOP THE TEST! STOP THE TEST! Ah, goddammit, this is bad!

[VOICE 2]: What are we gonna do, ■■■?! Out of all the dolls, we've only got three left that work properly! At this rate...!

[VOICE 1]: But I was so confident! If the masks and puppets are treated as pseudo-human bodies, the theory was perfect!

[VOICE 2]: That theory was outdated a hundred years ago!

[VOICE 1]: That's not--! DAMN IT! DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!

[VOICE 1]: There's no time... we're out of time! It was perfect, it should have been perfect! Just a little more and our wish...

[VOICE 2]: More importantly, stop the recording. Do you hear me?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[RECORDING ABRUPTLY ENDS.]

The tape clicked off, plunging the room back into an oppressive silence. Xu Fu stood motionless for a long moment, simply staring at the cassette player. Then, she let out a long, theatrical sigh, shaking her head with a world-weary expression.

"Geez... this is what happens..." she said, turning to the Master with the air of a disappointed project manager. "This is exactly what happens when you don't vet your personnel properly. Projects of this... sensitivity? They attract a certain type. The zealot. The true believer who's so high on their own supply they forget to double-check their work."

She tapped a finger on her chin, her yellow eyes narrowed in thought. "Listen to that first voice. 'I was so confident!' 'The theory was perfect!' That's the cry of an obsessive moron who's about to waste a month's worth of resources on a glorified pipe bomb because they were too arrogant to get a second opinion."

She leaned against the rotting wall, crossing her arms. The red orb pendant on her collar swayed gently. "Hmph. Pathetic. All that passion, all that conviction... and what did it get him? One rampaging murder-puppet and a project deficit. You see, this is why proper management is so crucial. You have to identify these loose cannons and... reassign them before they can do any real damage."

She smirked, a hint of her old scam-artist persona showing through. "Me? I would've had that guy scrubbing toilets with a toothbrush after the second time he said 'the theory was perfect'. You have to be ruthless. Absolutely ruthless." A beat of silence passed. "...Still, though. Wasting one of the last three working puppets... what a dumbass."

20. 2nd Ascension. Servant Summer Camp. File 4: Digital Grave Robbers

A single, blue-white monitor glow illuminated the dust-filled apartment. The rest of the complex lay in darkness, windows boarded, hallways silent. Xu Fu hunched over the ancient desktop computer, her black chaperon hat casting strange shadows across her face. The machine hummed to life after she pressed a few keys.

"Huh, still works. Impressive," she muttered, squinting at the screen. Her fingers flew across the keyboard, navigating through corrupted directories. "Let's see what my brilliant students were up to... oh? A message board? How quaint."

[<SYSTEM>] DATA RECOVERED FROM "PENG_LAI.NET" SERVER...
[<SYSTEM>] DISPLAYING THREAD "RE: FAKE DOLLS" ...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[POST #301]---------------[USER: TechGnostik]
| SUBJECT: Reusing the Fake Dolls
|------------------------------------------------
| What if we went with infinite resurrection as an alternative, instead of true immortality?
| I know this nukes all our current tech...........but everything is useless if they're reviving w/o souls anyway.

[POST #302]---------------[USER: ProjectLead_Yan]
| L RE: Reusing the Fake Dolls
|------------------------------------------------
| >>> Of course. But this is just the tip of the iceberg.
| >>> Think of the labor applications of reusable fakes.
| >>> As long as the form is useful to the primary research........

[POST #303]---------------[USER: Widow_25]
|   L RE: Reusing the Fake Dolls
|------------------------------------------------
|   >>> I think reusing my dead husband is a marvelous idea. Let's do that.

[POST #304]---------------[USER: <<SYSOP>>]
| SUBJECT: Research on corpses is PROHIBITED.
|------------------------------------------------
| <<THREAD LOCKED>>
| WHAT WAS THE PREVIOUS CHIEF SMOKING? Soulless manual labor? Unchained?
| Leaving aside the aggression problem, they easily could have killed and eaten us all.
| I can only sigh at the sheer stupidity of past leadership.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[<SYSTEM>] CONNECTION TERMINATED...

"GYAAAH!" Xu Fu leapt back from the computer, knocking over the chair. "Oh no, no, no, no, NO! They didn't! They absolutely DID NOT!" She paced frantically, the blue plume on her hat bobbing with each agitated step. "Reusing corpses?! CORPSES?! Are you KIDDING ME?!"

She whirled toward the Master, her white-and-black jacket flaring dramatically. "This is... this is a fundamental misapplication of basic Taoist principles! My puppets were SYNTHETIC! Artificial! Crafted from scratch! Not... not... recycled PEOPLE!"

She kicked the fallen chair, sending it skidding across the dusty floor. "And the IDIOCY of it! 'Labor applications'?! 'Reusing my dead husband'?! What kind of twisted, brain-dead—" She stopped mid-sentence, suddenly remembering something. The red orb pendant at her collar seemed to glow faintly in the computer's light.

"Wait. Wait, wait, wait." She pinched the bridge of her nose. "That zombie outbreak in the shopping mall. The one where you had to barricade yourselves in the video store..." Her shoulders slumped. "Oh gods. They actually did it, didn't they? Those absolute morons actually created a bunch of soulless, flesh-eating laborers."

She slammed her black-gloved hand on the desk. "This is what happens when amateurs play with ancient mystical techniques! You get the goddamn zombie apocalypse! I'm a two-thousand-year-old alchemist, and even I know better than to mess with corpse reanimation! It's Necromancy 101: DON'T!"

She collapsed into a squat, head in her hands. "I swear, I leave my research unattended for a couple of centuries, and this is what happens. Unbelievable. Just... unbelievable."

21. 2nd Ascension. Servant Summer Camp. File 5: Hymn of Mount Penglai

The aristocratic mansion was eerily silent, its halls filled with wax figures and unsolved puzzles. In a small, oak-paneled study, a single laminated page was tacked to the wall, right next to a dusty portrait of a man with no eyes. Xu Fu approached it cautiously.

"A hymn? Here?" She leaned closer, her short black hair brushing against her white-and-black jacket. The single, bare bulb overhead cast a stark light on the laminated text, making it gleam. "What kind of psycho laminates a poem and tacks it on the wall?"

Hymn of Mount Penglai

Two thousand years, we seek the final peace, Though empires fall, our duty does not cease. We are the chosen children of the Mount, We are the blood that flows from Life’s own fount.

Three thousand miles, our hopeful children roam, To bring the dream of endless ages home. We are the chosen children of the Mount, We can save the Man, but not the World’s account.

Of masks of madness, seven now remain… Die. Twist. Bite. Destroy. Kill. Crush.

I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-It feels… comfortable. So comfortable. Feels… good.

Come, draw your lot. Please, draw a sacred lot. A winning ticket means you get to rot. You will die. You will be killed. You will die.

Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You should just die. I don’t want to die I don't want to die That’s why you should die. You first. I will kill you I will kill you I will kill you I W I L L K I L L Y O U

My brain is… sparking. Full of light. A beautiful noise. Humanity must praise this glorious age in song. To serve this cause is a great blessing. The brain must be replaced. The soul must be preserved in brine. The mind is shared now, with the swarming things.

(i don’t want to die i don’t want to die i don’t want to die) This is a noble, shining, final journey.

(i don’t want to die i don’t want to die i dont want to die) All must cast their lives aside and offer them to the Great ■■■■■■■.

Xu Fu stepped back from the wall, a grimace twisting her features. She ran a black-gloved hand over her face with a heavy sigh.

She jabbed a finger at the laminated page. "This is a textbook example of conceptual pollution. The original mission statement is there—'seek the final peace,' 'save the Man'—all my core tenets. But look how it curdles."

"The mental contamination from proximity to the masks... it's palpable," she continued, her tone shifting to that of a weary researcher analyzing a failed experiment. "The original noble goal gets warped into this... The researchers' own egos and fears get tangled up in the magic."

Her gaze drifted over the aggressive, bolded text. "'The brain must be replaced. The soul must be preserved in brine.' Ugh. Utterly inefficient and unnecessarily dramatic. They lost sight of the goal and got obsessed with the methodology."

She shook her head, the blue plume on her hat swaying. "This is why you need a clear-headed professional in charge. Without proper oversight, this is the kind of ideological mess you end up with. Pathetic."

22. 2nd Ascension. Servant Summer Camp. File 6: A Mage's Final Testament

The air in the police station's basement was cold and damp, thick with the smell of mildew and defeat. In one of the rusted, empty holding cells, dark red scrawls covered the concrete wall. Xu Fu squinted, her yellow eyes tracing the frantic, desperate letters.

"Looks like someone didn't have a good time," she remarked dryly, running a hand over the rough wall, careful not to smudge the writing. The single, flickering bulb overhead made the words seem to writhe.

[A Mage's Final Testament — Scrawled on a cell wall in what looks like dried blood.]

I will be dead soon.

Let it be known that my demise was brought on by my own foolishness. The reward was too great, the conditions too special. I was lured in like a common fool. They brought me to this damned mountain and I... I can't even remember my own name. My magecraft is sealed.

Their goal is, of course, immortality. The eternal obsession of the ignorant. To achieve it, they needed a proper magus for their... 'experiments.'

But these people... they are not some fallen mages from the Far East as I'd assumed. They are something else entirely. For two thousand years, they've toiled in secret, combining magecraft with crude science, shamanism, every primitive art they could get their hands on. They are relentless. Abnormal.

They are insects. A swarm, crawling single-mindedly toward the concept of immortality, consuming everything in their path.

I am to be disposed of shortly. They have drained my family's legacy, all of my knowledge, and now I am of no further use. To be undone by such... country bumpkins... the disgrace is unbearable. For a proud magus, there is no greater shame.

I hope this warning reaches the eyes of my peers. Don't be a fool like me. Avoid this place. Let these insects fester in their own filth.

Xu Fu read the entire screed, her posture growing more and more rigid. When she finished, she let out a sharp, incredulous laugh. "Okay, wait. Hold on. Before you get any ideas, let's just analyze this from a purely objective standpoint."

She whirled to face the Master, her expression fiercely defensive. "I know I said my people weren't running 'inhuman experiments,' and now it looks like they, uh, liquidated a Clock Tower magus. Which, on paper, sounds bad. I get it. But you have to consider the source!"

She gestured wildly at the bloody writing. "This guy was a magus! A proud, legacy-obsessed, probably-has-a-basement-full-of-crests-and-worms type of magus! Do you know what these people do for fun? They treat humans like batteries! They murder each other over research grants! They're the original black company!"

She started pacing the small cell, her black shoes scuffing against the grimy floor. "Look at his tone! 'Country bumpkins.' 'Insects.' The sheer arrogance! He came here thinking he could outsmart a two-thousand-year-old research society, got his ass handed to him, and now he's crying on the walls about it!"

She stopped, planting her hands on her hips. "So, yes, my successors 'disposed' of him. But it's not like they kidnapped some innocent civilian! This was magus-on-magus violence! It's practically a sport to them! He knew the risks! This isn't an atrocity; it's a workplace accident in a very, very hazardous field."

She crossed her arms, nodding decisively. "Yeah. That's it. This doesn't count. Magi killing other magi is just... Tuesday. My students' hands are still... mostly clean."

23. 2nd Ascension. Servant Summer Camp. File 7: Final Directive

In the crumbling ruins of the abandoned village, deep within what must have been the central research building, they found a single, sealed document resting on a dusty lectern. It was the only object in the room that seemed untouched by time. Xu Fu picked it up, her black-gloved fingers breaking the ancient wax seal with a soft crack.

The room was silent as she read, the only sound the faint rustle of the old paper in her hands. She stood there, a solitary figure in her white-and-black jacket, framed by the collapsed roof and the encroaching forest outside.

[FINAL DIRECTIVE: PROJECT PANTHEON - EYES OF THE HEAD ONLY]
AUTHORIZATION: FINAL HEAD OF RESEARCH // PROJECT STATUS: TERMINATED
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Let this be the final record of our 2200-year endeavor.
A long, miserable, and ultimately fruitless mission.
It is time to put an end to this failure.

First, the facts, for whatever posterity remains.
Two types of masks were created for this project:

    - [TYPE J-001]: The prototype. The alpha model. Created by the First Head.
        - It is a unique, irreplaceable artifact. Under NO circumstances is J-001 to be handled without express authorization.
        - It must not be damaged. The process of its creation is lost to us; repair is impossible.
        - Our true purpose was to COMPLETE it.

    - [TYPE J-002]: The mass-produced models. Expendable tools. A means to an end.

Let the truth be recorded here, free of the lies we told our subordinates.
For generations, our lower staff were told the mission was to ACHIEVE immortality.
This was a necessary deception.
The true goal was, and has always been, to find a way to KILL an immortal.

We succeeded, in theory.
The most reliable method is to eliminate all of their possibilities, all potential timelines.
To do this, we simulated HER death thousands of times, collecting every conceivable method of murder.

NOTE:
    - Proposals to use live human test subjects were unanimously rejected.
    - Such a high body count would have exposed our operation centuries ago.

The process was as follows: J-002 masks were applied to the dolls created by the First Head.
These dolls would then "die," providing us with murder-data.
This data was then injected into the J-001 prototype, allowing it to accumulate all concepts of death.

...but it's not enough. It's still not enough.

Please. Hurry. We don't have much time left.
Please, come soon, before all our work turns to dust.
Before it all becomes meaningless.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
POSTSCRIPTUM: A FORMAL DECLARATION OF PROJECT TERMINATION

All research is hereby frozen.
All dolls used for 'Imitation Male' and 'Virtual Female' simulations have been disposed of.

The masked dolls have become increasingly prone to berserk states.
It has become clear that we will not be able to contain them for much longer.
Furthermore, the curse has begun to seep out, contaminating the entirety of Mt. Penglai itself.

We were left with two choices: continue the experiments using the local populace, or end it.

I, as the last Head of Research, am choosing to end it. Here and now.

I apologize that our 2200-year journey has yielded such disappointing results.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
[DOCUMENT SEALED // END OF LINE]

Xu Fu carefully folded the document and tucked it into her jacket. She walked over to a ruined window, looking out at the overgrown village. The blue plume on her hat stirred in the gentle breeze that blew through the empty frame.

"...So this is how it ended," she said, her voice quiet and filled with a strange mix of sympathy and sorrow. "They were so close. So damn close."

"They got the theory right. 'Eliminate all possibilities.' That's it. That's the core of it. They simulated her death thousands of times... collected all that data..." A small, sad smile touched her lips. "They did good work. Better than good. They were brilliant."

She turned from the window, her gaze distant. "But I wasn't here. I couldn't tell them. I couldn't tell them that they'd done it, that they'd gathered everything they needed."

"This final Head of Research... he felt like a failure." She shook her head slowly. "He had to terminate the project, thinking their entire 2200-year journey was pointless. He made the right call, the ethical call, to not use the locals... but he died thinking it was all for nothing."

She looked down at the floor. "And in the end... even if I had been here... it wouldn't have mattered. The research was a success, but the application was a failure. She... Yu-sama... she didn't want it."

A single, dry chuckle escaped her lips, devoid of any humor. "I know how it feels. To pour centuries into a single project, only to have it become meaningless at the very last second. Heh."

24. 2nd Ascension. Servant Summer Camp. Xu Fu's Diary.

A small workshop hidden beneath the abandoned village. Dust motes danced in the single beam of sunlight that managed to penetrate through a crack in the ceiling. The room was cluttered with ancient scrolls, half-assembled masks, and strange mechanical components. At the center, a worn wooden desk stood as the focal point of this sanctum.

On the desk lay an open diary, its pages yellowed but the ink still fresh. The handwriting started neat and academic but grew increasingly frantic toward the end, as if the writer's composure had gradually unraveled.

[XU FU'S DIARY - FINAL ENTRIES] The handwriting starts neat and academic, but grows increasingly frantic and messy.

Entry: O/X

Well, I've been summoned. So it seems I'm supposed to pick up my research again, right here on Penglai Mountain. I guess I'll keep this diary, because if I'm here, Yu-sama has to be here too. First things first: time to figure out what the hell happened during the 2000 years I was gone.

Entry: O/△

Well, what a surprise... The people I brought along turned out to be way more competent than I ever gave them credit for. They actually kept my research going for 2020 years. The results got sloppier over time, sure, but... god, they were so close. Just one step away.

Such a shame the village died out 40 years ago. Probably nothing spectacular, I imagine. The world is just... filled with science now. Our secrets couldn't stay hidden forever. And not everyone can dedicate their whole life to one thing like I did.

I read that in the last few months, there were fewer than 100 people left here. This is as far as they got.

I can't let all that work go to waste.

Entry: O/□

Found and unsealed the old dolls made for manual labor. A few went nuts, but mostly they don't seem like they'll disobey me. I guess they'll work as pawns. ...Why are their heads so damn big, anyway?

Oh, and the most surprising thing? History says I was a man. A man. I knew some of those bureaucrats hated me, but I never imagined they'd be that petty. The Emperor hired anyone he thought was capable, didn't matter if you were a man, woman, or peasant. He was just... on another level.

I'm putting this diary on hold. The plan's not hitting any snags.

Entry: 8/x

The mountain's still solidifying as a Singularity, and something just... popped up. Killed it with the mask before it did anything. Seriously, what the hell was that thing? It kind of looked like a mermaid, but... not really.

Entry: 8/△

So, Servants are starting to show up. One of them actually offered to help me, if you can believe it. She's definitely got her own thing going on, but hey, I'm not about to complain.

Entry: 8/O

She's here. She's finally here. And just like I knew she would be, she's identical. And just as adorable. And just as strong. God, I'm tearing up a little.

I'm holding the Immortal-Killing Mask. It's now or never.

The plan: brainwash some Servants. Read the Chaldea's Master's memories and take their form. Stupid yin-yang rules mean I'll be the opposite gender, but whatever, not much I can do about that. My illusions should be good enough to fool them. Only that dream-controlling Servant is a real problem, but I'll figure it out.I suck at fighting, though. I'm scared. We'll see how it goes. This mask is just one step from becoming a real Conceptual Weapon... Is she going to hate me for this? Or praise me? I was fine with either. I told myself I didn't come all this way for pointless feelings...

...but that's a lie, isn't it? Somewhere along the line, something broke.

I just want to stay by her side. I want her to never leave my sight, for all of eternity. She hated that idea more than anything, and now it's all I can think about.

And you know what? I could lose here. Our whole wish could just... end... when this Singularity does. And I think... I wouldn't even mind. If there's a Hell, I've got a first-class ticket waiting for me. The villagers... they were probably fine. They didn't do anything too horrible. Except for those mages who threw away their humanity. Maybe it's better for me if I just... stop existing.

Entry: 8/□

One last thing. Just in case my mind finally snaps.

I loved her. From the bottom of my heart. In every way you can love someone. That's it. That was all there was to it. It was everything I needed, and that was the whole problem.

Even now, I watch her from afar. She looks the same. But I know what happened to her. Not long after she left me, she found a hero, Xiang Yu. And as much as that tears me up inside, I'm so relieved she was okay. She had someone to love, even if it was just for a little while. Love can exist for anyone, even for someone as amazing and far beyond human as her.

So that's why, even if I lose, even if I'm just left here to rot... I don't regret a thing.

...It's almost time. The final battle. Who's gonna win? Let's settle this, Chaldea. And you, Master.

(Okay, that last part was a little dramatic, wasn't it? Seriously though, I'm getting this strange, urgent feeling... like there's no future for me if I don't win. That's stupid. Her life will be happy no matter what. I've got nothing to be afraid of.)

(And hey, if you're reading this, I guess it means you won. Master, please a-take good care of Yu Mei-ren for me. And Mash... sorry about all this. It was really fun, though.)

The door to the workshop suddenly burst open with a deafening crash. Xu Fu stood in the doorway, panting heavily, her black chaperon hat askew and the blue plume drooping. Her yellow eyes went wide with horror as she saw the Master standing over her open diary.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL—" She bolted across the room, nearly tripping over a pile of scrolls in her haste. "NO, NO, NO, NO! DON'T READ THAT!" She slammed the diary shut with such force that dust exploded from the desk in a small cloud.

"That's—that's private!" She clutched the diary to her chest, her face burning crimson. The red orb pendant on her black gold-trimmed collar swung wildly with her frantic movements. "How much did you read?! FORGET IT! ALL OF IT! RIGHT NOW!"

She backed away, hugging the diary tighter, as if trying to physically contain the embarrassment that was spilling out. "It's not—I wasn't—that was just—AAAUGH!" She made an inarticulate sound of pure mortification. "Those were just... drafts! Theoretical scenarios! Creative writing exercises!"

Her back hit the wall, and she slid down to the floor in a heap of white-and-black jacket and pure, unadulterated shame. "That last part... about Yu-sama... and the... the feelings... it's not..." Her voice trailed off into a pathetic whimper.

"Oh gods, just kill me. Just... end me right now." She buried her face in her hands. "I can never face Yu-sama again. Or Mash. Or anyone. Ever. I'm going to have to live in this workshop forever now. I'll become a cryptid. The Hermit of Penglai. Children will tell stories about me."

She peeked through her fingers at the Master, her expression a mixture of desperation and resignation. "Please... can we just... pretend this never happened?"

25. 2nd Ascension. Space Xu Fu. Servant Universe. A Limited-Time Offer You Can't Refuse.

The comms screen flickered to life, revealing a cramped, dimly lit cockpit. Wires snaked across the console like metallic vines. And there she was—Space Xu Fu, a frantic, shadowy figure in a black chaperon hat with a jaunty blue plume. Her white-and-black jacket was impeccably clean, a stark contrast to the grimy ship around her. An emergency siren wailed silently, a red light flashing across her face.

"H-hello? Is this thing on? Chaldea? Master of Chaldea?" Her voice was a desperate, high-pitched squeak. She leaned into the camera, her face filling the screen. One yellow eye, wide with panic, stared out from under a fringe of short black hair. "Kch—! Look, I don't have a lot of time! My name is Xu Fu, and I'm a... a high-level, premium-grade Servant on the run!"

The ship lurched violently. She yelped and grabbed the console to steady herself. "Phew... okay. Listen up, Earth-boy. You look like a man with... needs. And I? I'm a woman with... assets." She gestured vaguely at her own skinny frame. "And I'm prepared to offer you the deal of a lifetime. A full-service, exclusive contract. All of me, for you. For the low, low price of 'get my ass out of this sector before the Dark Galaxy Loan Servants repossess my kidneys!'"

Another jolt. This time, a shower of sparks rained down behind her. "Geez! Okay, gotta sweeten the deal!" She fumbled with the top buttons of her jacket, revealing the edge of a black, gold-trimmed collar and a dangling red orb pendant. "Look, I'm... I'm a specialist. In everything. You want a Bounded Field that can withstand a supernova? Done. You want ancient Taoist arts that can exorcise a rogue AI? Easy."

She leaned in closer, dropping her voice to a conspiratorial, breathy whisper. Her tone shifted from 'scam artist' to something far more intimate. "And... I offer... personal services. The kind those prim and proper five-stars wouldn't even dream of. I'm... flexible. Eager to please. I've been running on fumes for so long, I'm just aching for a... a powerful Master to give me some... direction."

She bit her lip, the sales pitch melting into genuine, pathetic desperation. "My body... it's not much, I know. I'm all sharp angles and bones under this jacket. Thin. But I'm... efficient." A strange, almost lewd glint entered her eye. "No wasted energy. All of my stamina would be focused... entirely on you. On making you feel good. Think of me as a... limited-edition, high-performance model. Built for... endurance."

She looked over her shoulder, her face pale with terror. "Che! They're gaining! Okay, no more games!" She gripped the camera, her knuckles white. "I'll be your dog! Your footstool! I'll massage your feet with my tongue after a long day of missions! I'll let you use my skinny body however you want, just tie me up and—"

The screen fizzled with static. "Look, just... say yes! Please! My coordinates are attached. I'm a prodigy! A genius! I'll work myself to the bone for you, I swear! I'll do anything you ask! I'm desperate and pathetically easy! Do we have a deal?! Please say we have a deal!"

26. Bleached Earth. Oktoberfest. Liquid Courage is Still Courage.

The blue glow of the pub's sign painted the apocalypse in neon. Inside, the air was thick with the smell of spilled beer and ozone. Xu Fu was plastered to the Master's side, her blue sports jacket hanging precariously off one shoulder. Her yellow bow was askew, and her face was flushed a deep, charming red.

"You know wha's great 'bout this beer?" she slurred, draping a surprisingly strong arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer. The glowing mug in her other hand sloshed dangerously. "It lowers... hic... inhibitions! All of 'em! My brain's full of... of spreadsheets and research notes and... and Yu-sama's perfect ankles... but right now?" She giggled, a low, throaty sound he'd never heard before. "Right now, it's just... empty. Blissfully, wonderfully... horny."

Her fingers, cold from the mug, began to trace idle patterns on his chest. "Two thousand years, Master... Two! Thousand! Years!" She poked him for emphasis, nearly spilling her drink down his shirt. "All that time, hunched over a workbench. Thinkin' 'bout... conceptual weapons and immortality. Do you know how much... tension that builds up?"

She leaned her entire body against him, her thin frame surprisingly solid. The white t-shirt with its shoulder cutouts shifted, revealing the black sleeveless turtleneck beneath. "All that... pent-up energy..." Her hand slid from his chest down to his stomach, her touch becoming bolder, more deliberate. "It's gotta go somewhere, right? Basic thaumaturgy. Energy transfer."

She brought her lips close to his ear, her breath hot and smelling of her radioactive brew. "You're... you're a really good boss, y'know?" she whispered, her voice husky. Her fingers fumbled at the hem of his shirt, slipping underneath to touch the warm skin there. "So responsible. So... reliable. Makes a girl feel... safe. Safe enough to be a little... bad."

Her other hand, the one not holding her drink, found his thigh. Her grip was surprisingly firm. The black leather shorts she wore creaked as she shifted her weight, pressing closer. "I'm always thinkin'. 'What would Yu-sama want?' 'What does the Emperor need?' 'What's the optimal strategy?'" Her hand began to slide slowly, deliberately, upward. The diamond cutouts on her pantyhose seemed to wink in the blue light.

"But tonight... hic... tonight, I'm thinkin'... what do I want?" Her fingers reached their destination, closing around him with a drunken, possessive confidence. "And the answer is... this. Right here." She gave a gentle squeeze, a delighted, shameless giggle escaping her lips as she felt him react. "Ooh. A positive result on the first test. My research is flawless, as always."

She looked up at him, her yellow eyes half-lidded and glassy, not with tears, but with pure, undiluted lust. Her red leg warmers were bunched around her black sneakers from her unsteady posture. "All those years... I was trying to figure out how to kill an immortal..." She swayed, pressing her hips against his. "...when I should've been figuring out how to make a mortal feel like he was gonna die from pleasure."

"So... Master..." she purred, her thumb stroking him slowly. "How about a little... hic... 'field research'? My treat."

27. 2nd Ascension. Mash Kyrielight. Servant Summer Camp. A Flawless Disguise Has Its Drawbacks.

The cottage door creaked open, admitting a sliver of moonlight and Xu Fu. She was the picture of innocence in her white-and-black jacket and chaperon hat, clutching her Yu-sama plushie to her chest. She tiptoed over to the Master's bed, where he was reading by a small lamp.

"Heeey, boss..." she whispered, her voice sickeningly sweet. "Just checkin' in. Making sure you're... comfortable. No weird curse-vibes or anything, right?" She hovered by his bedside, her thin frame casting a long, spidery shadow on the wall. "You seemed a little stressed today. Thought you might need... a shoulder to lean on. Or... you know. A full-body tune-up."

She reached out as if to give him a friendly pat on the back. "You've been working so hard, after a—" Her hand moved with lightning speed, slapping a bright yellow ofuda talisman flat against his spine. A jolt of energy shot through him, and his entire body went rigid, muscles locked and unresponsive. He toppled onto the mattress, completely paralyzed.

"—after all, you really should learn not to underestimate me," she finished, her sweet smile twisting into a malicious, triumphant grin. "Hehehe... surprised? Don't be. You were getting a little too cocky, thinking you could order me around. Time for a little... payback." She poked his cheek. "Don't worry, it's just a simple paralysis tag. You can still see and hear everything. Which is kind of the point."

She began to pace the room, her black shoes clicking on the floorboards. "Here's the plan. I'm going to borrow your face for a bit. Go for a little stroll. Maybe say some... embarrassing things to a certain someone with eggplant-colored hair. A little prank! To teach you a lesson!" She giggled, a wave of her hand shrouding her in blue light. When it faded, she stood there, a perfect, if slightly skinnier, replica of the Master.

"Now, where to put you..." Her new, deeper voice mused. She effortlessly lifted his paralyzed body and bundled him into the dark, musty wardrobe. "You just sit tight in there and think about what you've done." She closed the door, leaving only a thin crack to see through. "Showtime."

She was about to leave when the bedroom door burst open. Mash Kyrielight stood there, silhouetted in the moonlight, her face flushed a deep crimson and her breathing heavy. "S-Senpai..." she stammered, her eyes locking onto the figure she believed was her Master.

"Mash? What's wrong?" Xu Fu asked, her Master-disguise voice laced with confusion.

"I... I can't take it anymore," Mash whimpered, her usual polite demeanor completely gone. In its place was a raw, desperate hunger. With a strength that defied her appearance, she lunged forward, tackling Xu Fu onto the bed with a soft thump.

Mash landed on top of her, straddling her hips and pinning her arms down. The sheer heat radiating from Mash's body was shocking. "All this time... watching you... being so kind to everyone... so brave..." she panted, her face inches from Xu Fu's. "I've been a good kouhai. I've been patient. But I can't be patient anymore!"

Her purple eyes blazed with a possessive fire. "I want you, Senpai. I want all of you. Right now." She leaned down, her lips brushing against the ear of the disguised Xu Fu. "And I'm not going to take no for an answer." Her hips began to grind down, a slow, deliberate motion that sent a jolt of pure, unadulterated panic through Xu Fu's entire body.