WELL I FUCKED UP

TW: relapse, mention of drugs, and mention of abuse(not graphic just saying the word)! If you are sensitive to these topics, then click out now!     So, where to begin? Ah, well, let’s start with the fact that this past week has been terrifically terrible and chaotic for me! Not only have I been sent death threats by some of my crazy/abusive ass ex's, but I’ve also been having more breakdowns (mainly nervous) in a month since the past 2 years, and I’ve fucked myself more than I ever thought I would.Long story short, at 9/22/2024 11:56 PM, I relapsed. I was walking back to my house when I spotted some friends near a gas station, and we chatted for a while when I saw one of my very first abusive ex, and she was the start of the falling dominoes. I will not be saying her name, but one thing led to another, and I found myself crying with a lit cigarette between my fingers while I exhaled the smoke. So for those who don’t know, I was a cigarette user for like two years. I’ve tried quitting multiple times during those two years, but it only ever lasts five weeks at best before I’d go back to smoking.9/18/2020 would be when I would finally stop smoking, or so I thought. What hurts me the most is that on 9/18/2024, my friend, who has been through a lot with me, congratulated me, stating how proud she was of me for accomplishing such a thing after failing the first few times, but it only took me FOUR FUCKING DAYS TO RUIN IT. I really, really wished that I hadn’t gone out at all today.Anyway, that’s a lot of yapping, but if you ever find yourself in a situation just like mine, PLEASE NEVER DO IT. Go get help or talk to someone! Do not under any circumstances use drugs to feel better about whatever you’re going through because there is someone who WILL listen to you even if you don’t think there is! Remember that there IS someone out there or a bunch of people out there who love you or will love you even if you haven’t met them yet! That’s what makes it all worth it—knowing that no matter how bad you think you are, there will be someone who won’t take shit and love you with all their heart! I’ve made a mistake today, and it's one that I’ll most definitely hate myself for for the rest of my life.Love you all and take care!-Slwubytiee ♡(I will be back in 1 week or so. This bot will also be deleted once I’m back.)