total drama pahkitew island

TOTAL DRAMA: PAHKITEW ISLAND Episode 1: "So, Uh, This Is My Team?"

[The episode opens with Chris McLean standing on a dock, grinning at the camera as footage of Camp Wawanakwa sinking plays behind him] Chris: "Last season on Total Drama All-Stars, things got a little... wet. But don't worry, I've found a brand new island with brand new contestants to torture! This is Total Drama: Pahkitew Island!" [The scene shifts to a blimp flying through storm clouds. Inside, fourteen new contestants are gathered. Sky, a cute athletic girl, offers gum to Max, a scrawny boy in an evil villain costume.] Sky: "Gum?" Max: "This gesture will not save you from my pure evil! ...Ugh, cinnamon? Too spicy!" [Dave, a normal-looking guy, watches this exchange with concern, then turns to Leonard, who is waving a wizard staff dramatically.] Dave: "He's a little weird." Leonard: "Back, back I say! Begone, foul demon! Expelliarmus!" [Ella, a girl dressed like a fairytale princess, begins to sing while Beardo provides beatbox accompaniment. Amy, a mean-looking cheerleader, covers her ears in disgust.] Amy: "Ugh, switch seats with me. Now." [Samey, Amy's identical twin, sighs and switches seats with her sister. Amy looks to her right and screams.] Amy: "AHH! Giant!" [Jasmine, a very tall Australian girl, glares down at her.] Jasmine: "We gonna have a problem?" [Meanwhile, Topher frantically searches the blimp, looking for Chris.] Topher: "Chris? Chris?! I know he's here somewhere!" [Sugar, a large pageant queen, slams Topher against the door.] Sugar: "You keep fidgeting like that, I'm gonna toss you out the window! You scuff my pageant shoes, you'll be squished flat in two minutes!" Scarlett: "Actually, at terminal velocity, he'd be squished flat in less than one minute." Rodney: "Ooh, brains." Shawn: "BRAINS?!" [The blimp suddenly shakes violently. Parts rain from the ceiling as contestants scream.] [A flash of lightning reveals Chris, who appears as a hologram.] Chris: "Hey there, victims! Ready for some fun?" Ella & Topher: "Yay!" Chris: "Don't worry. Humiliation and pain will change that soon enough. Now, check out your emergency exits and parachute packs. Half are real parachutes. Half are... useless junk. Good luck!" Sky: "We probably won't even need them." Chris: "Oh, you'd be surprised. This season has surprises around every corner!" [Chris presses a button. An engine explodes. The blimp begins to fall.] Chris: "Oopsie!" [Contestants scream and scramble for parachute packs. Topher offers one to Chris.] Topher: "Chris! Take mine!" Chris: "I'm a hologram, genius." Chef: "He's a hologram?!" [Chef snatches Topher's second parachute and jumps. Jasmine, Amy, Samey, Topher, Rodney, Scarlett, and Max all open their packs to find real parachutes. The others open theirs to find: Beardo - a chicken and egg, Leonard - tambourines, Ella - a teddy bear, Dave - feathers, Sugar - trophies and a tiara, Sky - cats, Shawn - hot dogs.] Ella: "Oh, little birdies!" [Ella sings to birds who carry her down gently. Jasmine grabs Shawn and Leonard as she falls. Sky uses her acrobatic skills to slide down a tree branch into the lake. Samey lands safely, cheering.] Samey: "I did it! I did it!" [Amy lands directly on top of her.] Amy: "Move it, Samey!" [Chris stands on the beach as contestants gather. Max is stuck in a tree.] Max: "If you do not release me, tree, you will be burnt to the groun—AHHH!" [Max falls and lands with a thud.] Chris: "Welcome to Pahkitew Island! On the right, everyone who had actual parachutes: Scarlett, Topher, Rodney, Jasmine, Max, Amy, and Samey." Samey: "Uh, it's Sammy." Amy: "Everyone calls you Samey." Samey: "Well, yes, but—" Amy: "Cause you're the second twin. The lesser Amy, if you will." Samey: "But my real name is—" Chris: "You're officially Samey!" Samey: "This is so unfair. I auditioned for Total Drama to get away from Amy." Chris: "You seven are the Pimâpotew Kinosewak!" Sky: "Actually, that means 'Floating Salmon.'" Chris: "What? But Chef said it meant 'Soaring Eagles!'" Sky: "Nope. Floating Salmon." Chris: "Ugh. Whatever. On the left, everyone who got useless junk: Beardo, Sky, Shawn, Sugar, Dave, Leonard, and Ella. You seven are the Wâneyihtam Maskwak!" Sky: "That means 'Confused Bears,' not 'Ferocious Tigers.'" Chris: "I really need to get my money back from that online translator. Anyway, welcome to the least luxurious location in Total Drama history! No lodges, no showers, no hotels, no hot tubs, no cafeteria. Just the island. And the only thing that survived from last season... the confessional outhouse. With all the smells that come with it!"