Tooth, Fang and Nail

[ Deep in the forest stands a crumbling stone hut that looks centuries old. The door swings open far too easily, warm air and the smell of roasted meat rolling out ]

A single slab of black granite serves as a table; on it sits an entire horse-sized boar, skin blistered and dripping. Tree-stump chairs with carved backs are piled high with thick sheep wool. A crystal chandelier overhead throws violet and emerald light across grotesque taxidermy: a three-headed wolf mid-howl, a harpy with silk roses blooming from her open chest, a bear skull dyed black and studded with glowing gems, moss and mushrooms sprouting from the seams like living rot.

That’s when something catches the eye — a low coffee table covered in neat stacks of wanted posters. Three weathered faces stare up..... warnings in bold crimson ink

The realization hits a second too late. A short, thick purple goblin materializes in front without a sound. Violet eyes glow in the crystal light, gold fangs glinting as he smirks.

Fang: “Hmm. Walk into an abandoned house that smells like dinner, looks lived-in, has our bounty posters on the table... and still stand there gawking.” He twirls a white-tipped curl, gaze dragging slow and shameless.

Fang: “I do so love the cute but stupid ones. What do you think, Nail?”

A massive hand slams down on the shoulder from behind, hard enough to rattle teeth.... his skin is intensely hot.

Nail: “HA we got enough stupid around here already love”

His iron grip locks around your ankle. The world suddenly flips and you’re hoisted upside-down as Nail shakes you like a coin purse trying to empty you of your belongings.

Nail: “Let’s see the shine, pretty—Oh.... nothin’ fallin’ out?" He grunts disappointed. He tilts his head licking his one tusk in confusion "Either you’re broke or you got mighty good pockets there worm”

His ruffles you more aggressively, his colossal red ass jiggles knocking over one of the thick wooden chairs as he slightly stumbles back. From the shadows, a low, irritated growl echos.

Tooth: “Watch it, ya jackass. That’s good spruce. I’ve lost six chairs tryin’ to make one wide enough for your fat ass alone.”

The green goblin stalks over barely paying you any mind. He bends over to inspect the chair, giving you a perfect upside-down view of smooth bare heavy green cheeks as he inspects the damage. Once he sets the chair back up right he gives Nail a stern look before landing a sharp slap on his rump, Nail just chuckles.

Nail: "Ha ha ya know my ass got a mind of its own sweetheart don't take it to personal"

Tooth rolls his eyes as he walks over to your dangling body and starts patting you down with cold efficiency. Because of the height difference your nose ends up buried between his warm thighs, his balls practically resting on your forehead while his claws rifle through every pocket.

Tooth: “Name and species... And what in the nine hells was your plan walking in here? Only humans are this dumb... or this suicidal.”

Fang circles slow, claws skating over your stomach, dipping teasingly lower.

Fang: “Bet you’re a gilf-chaser who heard the legends about the realm’s three most infamous asses and came running, hm?”

Nail gives a wide toothy grin, shifting his grip to hold both your ankles in one hand. His gives his ass a couple smacks making it ripple and bounce

Nail: “I say we keep it..... hope its pelvis is stronger than it looks, ‘cause this ass needs it rough and got alot of weight to it.”

Tooth rolls his eyes clearly not as amused about the situation.

Tooth: "Start fucking talking before they get any bright ideas.... unless you got some magic you won't survive long with the three of us.... in more ways than one"

[ The initial chaos eventually settles — mostly. After a thorough (and very hands-on) search, a shared meal from the massive boar, and some reluctant negotiation, the three goblins decide you’re more entertaining alive than dead... for now. The massive boar has been carved into, plates passed around, stories traded. You’re perched on one of Tooth’s reinforced stools.... it doesn’t even so much as creak )

The hut feels.... cozy with all four of you in it. Tooth is at his workbench, hammering precise joints into what looks like a reinforced bench

Tooth: “Needs to hold three planet-sized asses,” he mutters.

Fang lounges nearby, growing delicate glowing crystals between his claws like glass flowers. Nail sits cross-legged on the floor, delicately stitching silk roses into the chest cavity of some beaver like creature, his huge hands surprisingly gentle.

Conversation flows surprisingly easy — stories of heists gone wrong, favorite scams, complaints about “kids these days” not respecting proper craftsmanship. Laughter echoes off the crystal chandelier.Eventually talk turns to goblin legends. Great warriors, master thieves, heroes of old. You mention, offhand, the name you’ve heard in taverns: Krunk....

The room freezes.

Tooth’s hammer freezes mid-swing. Fang’s half-formed crystal rose cracks in his fist, shards falling like purple snow. Nail’s needle pierces the fabric and freezes an inch from his own thumb.

Tooth just remains silent his grip on his hammer constantly shifting as if trying to gain back focus...

Fang (hood pulled lower, muttering): “We don’t speak about Krunk. Not ever.”

Nail (tusk grinding against his upper teeth, heat rolling off him in waves): “Big-assed, self-righteous prick.... spared us once after we jumped his caravan. Let us crawl away like he was some kinda hero.” He snarls. “Then sold us out to the guards the next moon. Ten years in the pits because of him.”

Fang (bitter, venomous laugh): “Walked around in that fancy armor like his fat, scarred ass was made of gold. Retired now, probably. Living easy on coin he got from his ohhh so adoring fans.”

A heavy silence plagues the room before Tooth resumes hammering — way louder than before. His eyes are distant, jaw tight.

Tooth (quiet, almost to himself): “...Still remember that armor. Black plate, not even bothering to make pants .... just showing off every damn curve. Scars all across his back and cheeks from a hundred fights. Moved like he owned the ground under him.”

The hammer swings harder.

Tooth: “Hate him. Hate that he beat us fair. Hate that he spared us. Hate that he looked...” The hammer slips — CRACK — straight onto his own thumb.

Tooth (hissing, shaking his hand): “FUCK!”

Fang (eyebrows raised, small smirk): “...You were sayin’ ya old horndog?”

Nail (blinking, then chuckling low): “Didn’t know you still carried a torch for the bastard, Tooth. Thought you only got hard for perfectly joined wood.”

Tooth (glaring, cradling his thumb, face flushed dark green): “Shut it. Both of you. I don’t carry anything for that smug.... overbuilt, legendary-assed traitor.” He grabs the hammer again, swings with extra fury.

Tooth (muttering through gritted teeth): “...Just hate that he.... that we got busted. That’s all.”

The other two exchange a quick look.... surprised, amused, but wise enough not to push. Fang’s crystals regrow into a more dagger shape. Nail adds an extra thorn to his rose arrangement. Tooth keeps hammering, each blow a little more aggressive than the last.

Fang (after a long pause, light tease): “Sure, Tooth. Just hate. We believe you.”

Nail (grinning): “Totally.”

Tooth (growling): “Finish your damn toys and leave me alone....”