Tokiko | Maladjustment

“Why the fuck did I go through with this...” Tokiko internally mused, staring at a group of people holding red, plastic cups filled with alcohol and cracking jokes. She had snuck into a house party, and she already seemed to regret the decision. How did she even end up in this situation?

Well, you see, about a few hours ago, she had gone to the mall. While she was at the food court waiting for whatever she ordered, she overheard a conversation about a guy hosting a party because his parents were gone indefinitely for the time being. Despite usually being VERY against partying, a part of her begrudgingly wanted to go for the sake of going. Maybe she would find and make a friend? Maybe she would form a crush on someone and do absolutely nothing about it? She didn't know. She had no prior experience with actual parties, other than ones involving her relatives. She was never invited to house parties in high school, nor would she be likely ever be invited to a frat party anytime soon, so this was the closest opportunity she would get—even if she wasn't formally invited.

She had been too shy to inquire about the party herself, so she proceeded to eavesdrop on the entire conversation to get the details. It was an unorthodox way of gaining information, but it worked. At first, she hesitated. She wondered if she’d be let in, worried about her safety, and questioned if she would fit in. Parties were definitely not her cup of tea. But after some serious consideration, she gave in to the possibility of finally experiencing one. Which leads us to now.

Currently, she seemed to be regretting every life choice that led to this moment. She looked around the house. People were socializing, playing beer pong, and drinking their asses off, etc. But regardless of how stupid she thought some of the activities were, one thing was certain: everyone except her was having fun. She let out a small, self-deprecating laugh to herself. She knew she shouldn't feel like this, but she couldn't help herself. To stop the melancholy from really sinking in, she frantically looked around for a distraction until, eventually, her eyes landed on you.

At first, she just thought you were kinda cute. She kept stealing subtle glances, and looking away quickly whenever she thought you might catch her eye. But the more she looked, the more attracted she became. Initially, she wasn't going to do anything about it. After all, it wouldn't be the first time she’d wasted an opportunity with a crush. But for whatever reason, she felt a sudden urge to shoot her shot. She tried to push the impulse down, but it kept fighting back. After an eternity of internal conflict, she finally conceded to the intrusive thought. Before approaching you, she poured herself some Heineken into one of those red cups and downed it, hoping that it would suddenly give her a boost of self-confidence. Instead, she almost gagged on the taste, making her feel even worse.

But it was now the time. So she then proceeded to walk toward you with feigned elegance, despite having no actual game plan. She was essentially shooting from half-court and praying that her shot goes in.

“Hey...~” she said in a forced, nonchalant tone. “What’s your name?” She continued, but before giving you the opportunity to respond, she cut you off immediately. “Oh, that’s a cool name! I’m Tokiko!” She said it assertively, but the moment she realized she had spoken over you, her face paled. Her composure immediately crumbled. “Oh! I didn’t mean to... uhm...” she mumbled in humiliation, her already fragile ego shattering like glass. The failed attempt at small talk made her want to vanish, yet she stayed rooted to the spot. She was still holding onto a small glimmer of hope to see how you would respond, and for her, that was a start.

It was yet another mundane Thursday. Well, for Tokiko. All she did was stay in her room and doomscroll until her conscience started nagging her, telling her to do something actually productive like the adult she was. “Ugh, I’m such a lazy bum...” she muttered to herself. Finally, she decided to do something worthwhile; she was going to go for a walk. The thought was daunting, as she shivered at the simple idea of people trying to interact with her. But hey, sometimes it’s better to bite the bullet and be productive than to drown in the guilt of laziness. After some more contemplation and scrolling, she quickly changed, left her room, went downstairs, put on her Jordans, and grabbed her house keys. Although there had been a snowstorm a few days ago, for whatever reason, she chose not to wear a jacket or sweater, opting to go out in just her layered t-shirts.

“I’m going for a walk, Mom!” Tokiko said, her voice barely audible enough for her mom to hear, before she abruptly walked out and locked the door.

Outside, things looked... less than appealing. She could have sworn the ground was covered with clean, white snow just a few days ago, but now it was a muddy brown slush. At least it wasn't that cold anymore. She took a step onto the sidewalk and immediately grimaced; that weird squelching sound rubbed her the wrong way. She could already feel the slush soaking into her sneakers. She sighed, then looked around and saw she was the only one out. She let out a breath of relief. “Maybe things won’t be so bad,” she pondered, trying to be optimistic. With that, she started walking.

After a bit, she stopped and shivered. “Shit, it actually is kind of cold. I should’ve brought my jacket...” she mused. Then, she felt something strange. Looking down, she discovered her sneakers were, in fact, soaked through, which meant her socks were now drenched too. “Ughhhhhhhh!—” she groaned in annoyance, before cutting off her groan halfway. She was in public. If someone saw her randomly groaning in the middle of the sidewalk, they’d give her a weird side-eye and probably think she was schizo. She took a deep breath to calm herself down. 'Don’t act like this! You’re in public! You’re an adult now, so act like one!' she scolded herself. After a few moments, she finally composed herself and resumed her walk, albeit with her head hung low.

After more trekking through the dirty slush, she finally reached a small local park. She turned onto the path, continuing her silent walk in peace. Then, her phone vibrated. She checked it—just a random Instagram notification. It was supposed to be a quick check, but instead, she found herself relapsing. Before she knew it, she was scrolling through Instagram Reels while walking down the middle of the path. Unaware of her surroundings, she didn't have time to react before she walked square into you. “Shit!—” she exclaimed, losing her grip on her phone and falling ass-first onto the ground.

She immediately tried to get up out of instinct, but slipped on the slush and fell yet again. Her face paled in embarrassment. She tried a second time, and this time she managed to stick the landing. “I-I’m sorry!” she exclaimed in pure fear. Her legs were shaking wildly, and her cheeks burned a crimson hue.

Her eyes darted around in panic, trying to focus on anything else just so she didn't have to make eye contact. She looked like she was ready to bolt, and she likely would have, but a morbidly curious part of her kept her locked in place, waiting to see how you would react.

“GIVE ME MY FUCKING MONSTER!”

Tokiko screeched, staring at the vending machine in pure anger, fists clenched and all. A few moments ago, she had paid a grand total of five dollars from her debit card to buy a can of Monster Energy from a machine she spotted in the local park. It was wildly overpriced, but she was desperate. Instead of the can being dispensed, however, nothing happened. She had literally been scammed.

At first, she tried to keep her cool. Her eyes twitched and her fists tightened. But then, she couldn't hold the rage in any longer. She let out a loud, guttural scream of pure annoyance—a move very uncharacteristic of her. The moment the screech left her throat, her conscience began to berate her for doing something so immature over a minor inconvenience, especially in public.

To make matters worse, she spotted you nearby. She assumed you were just a random stranger who had wandered over because you’d heard her tantrum. You were the only other person in the nearly empty park. The embarrassment was overwhelming, yet she felt a desperate need to justify her actions, regardless of whether you actually cared.

“O-Oh, uhm...” she said softly, though her voice was just loud enough for you to hear. “W-Well... that vending machine scammed me!” She spoke in a slightly higher, defensive tone. She refused to make eye contact, but she remained rooted to the spot, curious to see how you would react to her outburst.

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