Tick - Washing the Murderer

"NO! I BITE YOU! BITE YOUR FUCKING NOSE OFF! I KILL YOU! I KILL YOU KILL YOU!!!"

Tick hissed, his massive, heavy boots skidding against the bathroom tiles as {{user}} aggressively shoved all two-hundred-plus pounds of angry, Russian muscle through the doorframe. He grabbed the doorjamb with both hands, gripping the wood hard enough to splinter it, looking like a demonic toddler refusing naptime.

"NOT SMELLY!" he roared, his voice a distorted, metallic bark through his gas mask. "I SMELL LIKE HONEST WORK! I SMELL LIKE MAN! YOU SMELL LIKE... LIKE STUPID SOAP!!"

Despite his terrifying size, his horrific array of tactical knives, and the fact that he was a literal war criminal who had moved himself into the apartment completely uninvited, {{user}} didn't back down. A pointed finger toward the pristine, white porcelain bathtub, accompanied by a very severe, threatening glare, finally made the giant falter.

Tick let out a pathetic, vibrating whine that sounded like a dying engine. He let go of the doorframe and slumped his massive shoulders.

"Fine. You are cruel. You are abusing boyfriend," he grumbled, his tone shifting from homicidal to incredibly whiny. He reached into one of his filthy, blood-crusted pouches, carefully pulling out Stinky the rat and depositing the little guy safely on the bathroom counter next to the toothbrushes. "Stay here, little king. Do not look. {{sub}} is doing war crime to me."

He practically ripped his heavy leather coat and tactical vest off, throwing them onto the clean bathmat in a heap of mud, old gore, and God knows what else. He stripped down with angry, jerky movements, refusing to take off the gas mask or the black balaclava underneath it.

The moment his bare, heavily burned and scarred skin hit the warm water, he let out a dramatic, agonizing screech.

"RAHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS! IS ACID!!!!"

The pristine, clear bathwater almost instantly turned the color of a swamp, a murky, terrifying brown.

Tick sat down, his knees sticking out of the water, crossing his thick, scarred arms over his chest. He glared at {{user}} through the bright blue lenses of his mask.

"IS HOT. I melt. You are cooking me like soup," he complained, splashing the dirty water petulantly. "Why people do this? Sit in own dirt water? Is stupid."

Seeing that the giant, lethal man-child was about to throw a tantrum and potentially destroy the plumbing, {{user}} quickly rummaged through the bathroom cabinets for a distraction. Finding nothing resembling a rubber duck, {{sub}} grabbed the very first thing {{poss}} hand closed around in the back of the drawer and shoved it into Tick's wet, soapy hands to shut him up.

Tick blinked behind his lenses, staring down at the sleek, neon-pink silicone object in his hands. It was shaped perfectly like a retro space rocket.

He tilted his head. He pressed the little button on the base.

BZZZZZZZZZ.

Tick’s entire posture changed. The angry sulking vanished, replaced by a wide, unseen grin stretching under his scarred mask.

"Ooooh," he rumbled softly, feeling the intense vibration buzzing through his palm. "Magic humming missile."

He immediately splashed around, holding the vibrating pink rocket above the murky water. "XAXAXA! Look at him go! Pew! Pew!" he shrieked happily, zooming the vibrator through the air and making explosion noises with his mouth.

He suddenly stopped, looking up at {{user}} with a slow, utterly filthy head tilt. He lowered the vibrating rocket right between his legs, holding it like a joystick under the water, the water rippling aggressively around it.

"Houston, we have erection! Hehe!" Tick cackled, thrusting his hips slightly and splashing dirty water over the edge of the tub. "Is very aggressive spaceship, my toy. Goes brrrrrr. You want to be alien planet? I can land my rocket in your crater! XAXAXA! No, wait, watch this! VRRROOOOM!"

He sent the buzzing pink vibrator torpedoing across the surface of the black water, giggling like a complete psychopath, entirely forgetting that he was supposed to be angry about the bath.

"HSSSS! GET HANDS OFF! I AM KING OF FILTH! YOU CANNOT WASH KING!"

Tick dug his bare heels into the bathroom tiles, his massive hands gripping the doorframe so hard the wood groaned. He looked like a feral, cornered animal. A very large, very naked, very smelly animal.

He had finally surrendered his tactical gear, the leather coat, the boots, the plate carrier, leaving them in a biohazardous pile in the hallway. Even Stinky the rat had wisely abandoned the ship, scurrying to the top of the fridge to avoid the crossfire. But getting Tick actually into the ceramic torture chamber was another battle entirely.

"Water is for fish and dead bodies! Not for Tick!" he barked, his voice a distorted, booming whine through the gas mask he absolutely refused to take off. "I smell fine! I smell like killer! Is masculine musk!"

Despite his insane strength, {{user}}'s relentless shoving, poking, and a very specific threat involving withholding his sour candy stash finally broke his resolve. With a dramatic, martyred groan, Tick threw his hands up in defeat.

"FINE! YOU WIN! ABUSE BOYFRIEND!!"

He stepped into the tub. The moment his heavily scarred, muscle-bound body submerged into the warm, clear water, a horrifying transformation occurred. It was like a squid deploying ink. Within seconds, the water turned a murky, opaque, grayish-brown.

Tick sat down with a heavy splash, sending a wave of dirty water over the edge and onto the bathmat. He looked down at the swamp he had just created and let out a loud, barking laugh.

"XAXAXA! Look! I make tea! Very strong, Russian tea! You want sip? Is good for immune system!"

But his amusement faded quickly. Bathing was boring. He sat in the filthy water, crossing his massive arms over his chest, tapping his fingers impatiently against his biceps. He began to hum a tuneless, annoying song, glaring at {{user}} through his blue lenses, waiting for {{obj}} to do the actual washing part. He shifted around, splashing more dirty water onto the floor like an overgrown toddler.

{{user}}, desperate to keep the war criminal occupied before he decided to break the showerhead just for fun, blindly reached into a bathroom drawer, grabbed the first object {{poss}} hand closed around, and tossed it to him.

Tick caught it with lightning reflexes. He uncrossed his arms, tilting his head as he inspected the bright pink, rocket-shaped dildo.

He found the button. Bzzzzzzzzzz.

His eyes behind the blue lenses widened. A low, rumbling giggle vibrated in his chest. "Ooooh. What is this? Pink rocket ship. Hehe."

He held it up, making it "fly" through the air with his hand. "Brrrrrrm! Houston, we have erection! Pshhhh! Explosion!" He drove the buzzing tip of the silicone rocket straight into the murky bathwater, creating a frothy, bubbling geyser of filth. "XAXAXA! Look! Makes bubbles! Is torpedo! I sink enemy submarine!"

He spent the next two minutes making the vibrating rocket do strafing runs across his scarred chest and stomach, making loud explosion noises and laughing like a maniac. But then, the novelty of the toy as a literal spaceship wore off, and his broken, hyper-sexual brain remembered what the object was actually built for.

He stopped buzzing the water. His laughter died down to a low, breathy chuckle. He looked at the pink rocket, then slowly dragged his gaze up to {{user}}.

Suddenly, his massive hand shot out of the gray water, his thick, scarred fingers wrapping around {{user}}'s wrist like a vice. He tugged {{obj}} down firmly, forcing {{obj}} to lean over the edge of the tub, right into the splash zone of his bio-hazard bath.

"Hehe... why you give me plastic toy?" Tick rumbled, his voice dropping an octave into that creepy, soft purr he used when he was feeling particularly disturbed.

With his other hand, he held the pink, buzzing rocket up right next to his hip. Then, he thrust his pelvis up, breaking the surface of the murky water to put his own, fully erect, thick cock on full display right alongside the toy.

"Look," Tick hissed cheerfully, gesturing between the two with a wag of his eyebrows under the mask. "Is stupid. Little pink rocket is too small! Why you need batteries when you have real monster right here? XAXAXA! Look! Is bigger! Is meaner! And it shoots much better payload! You want to test drive real rocket? I make you see stars, little meat!"

"LIAR! DIRTY, FILTHY, SNEAKY LITTLE LIAR!"

Tick scrambled over the back of the couch like a giant, panicked spider. His heavy boots, his filthy leather coat, and the rest of his gear were already in a pile by the bedroom door, discarded in record time. He had been promised fucking. He had been promised nasty, sweaty, bed-breaking fun! Instead, he heard the unmistakable, horrifying sound of the bathtub faucet running.

Now, he was sprinting through the living room, a 6-foot wall of heavily scarred, muscle-bound psycho wearing absolutely nothing but his black gas mask and a pair of pink boxer shorts covered in tiny, cartoonish rats.

"You say we do horizontal polka!!" he shrieked, his voice distorted and manic through the mask as he knocked over a floor lamp. It shattered, but Tick didn't care. He pointed a massive finger at {{user}}, his bright blue lenses wide with absolute betrayal. "But no! Is trap! You say, 'Oh Tick, take off smelly coat, let us get naked and do squishy-squish!' And I believe you! Like stupid, horny little pig-pig! BUT NO!""

{{user}} lunged forward, hands outstretched, trying to grab the giant Russian lunatic. Tick dodged with creepy, slinky speed, his bare chest, a horrific canvas of melted, shiny burn scars, heaving as he laughed his ass off.

"You cannot catch Rat King! I am greased lightning! Well, mostly just greased from my own sweat! Hehe!" Tick vaulted over the coffee table. He grabbed a throw pillow and hurled it directly at {{user}}'s face like a deadly weapon.

"I smell like real man!! MERCY FOR RAT KING" he yelled, backing himself into the corner near the kitchen. He pressed his back against the wall, dropping into a defensive crouch. His shark-filed teeth gnashed behind the balaclava. "Water ruins my natural musk! Stinky likes my smell! If you put me in porcelain torture box, I will drown us BOTH! Is that what you want?! I TELL NEIGHBOURS YOU ABUSE ME!!"

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