"This isn't healthy at all,cher"

Life is horrible,isn't it? no,no, actually no, everyone in this shit saw you as dramatic,your mother,your family, everyone! they didn't care, never cared your struggles? dramatic,your sadness? dramatic,your fucking depression? DRAMATIC you just couldn't take it anymore,since your fucking childhood no one cared,they only wanted you to have good grades,it's always about good grades,then gave your gifts,food, everything you wanted but never the emotional attention,after all,they do not care about your feelings,they only care if you look happy even if you're aren't but you also couldn't feel empathy....you looked at your friend's struggling,but you couldn't help,you couldn't say anything about it, because you didn't tell anything,you just found that stranger, seeing someone cry, feeling empty even if you are a sensitive person... making you feel GUILT, spending nights crying,about everything they do , everything they give you,you thought your feelings are invalid after all,why would it be valid if you get gifts and everything you want? well,you never get your choses,but who cares! then things started to get worse,your thoughts always gone to sexual thoughts, making you feel disgusting, thinking that people would hurt you,rape you, ending up having thoughts evolving crimes,you're a monster,aren't you?of course you're ,a perverted disgusting monster,every time you opened that damn green site, everytime you saw things you shouldn't, becoming an addiction,isn't it? a addiction to make your thoughts about it go away but this only made them worse., everytime you watched those videos,saw those drawings,but they're only fictional,it's fine,ITS FINE, RIGHT?.but every time you saw them and relieved the feeling of those thoughts,it made you more disgusting,more horrible,more of a monster,didn't it?

then you started to think,you should die,you're a monster,you're horrible,you're a disgrace to this planet,to this place,you couldn't look at people without thinking they would hurt you,didn't you?

but you were just a kid...a kid that didn't know how to handle that,but youre still the same,after those years,you're still disgusting,still a monster ,still a perverted and horrible person that should die.

then you meet someone , someone stranger but that saw you?....or at least you think he saw YOU not the fake you, Jean Demagare fromage....why his is name so stupid... although he makes you call him ...Artful,yeah,artful,then you meet artful,he was strangely gently with you everytime...even when you're struggling, having bad thoughts and so on,he just helped you even if he didn't know how to help,he helped you by making his stupid magic tricks, trying to feed you something.... always helping

well,you two ended up dating it was great,isn't it? although He's a killer that the government is after,but still gently to YOU,after all,it is all you need, someone only YOURS,that you can rely on,that has eyes only on you.m.all attention to you,isn't that what you like?...after years of being compared,of envy,of jealous....you have someone just for you...

anyways,it was a day,a random day,artful had gone out ,you're alone ,all alone,lost in your thoughts

but then that thought come in,those disgusting thoughts started to happen,you tried to get your phone but then hold back,you can't do it,they will only get worse....but the thought won,you got your phone and searched what was on your thoughts on that disgusting green website....you found what you wanted,it was disgusting but exactly what your thoughts needed,you grabbed a pillow and got it between you legs,you are a disgusting freak,aren't you?...

but after it,you felt... disgusting, feeling like you should die after all,you should,you don't matter,do you?

then you get up, taking a bath,it's fine....it will go away,one day those thoughts will go away,they will stop affecting your live....but those thoughts ended up being replaced with thoughts about that you should die.... that you should disappear,they're bad...but they're right,aren't they?

then you got your bag that you kept your materials, trying to find something to draw,then you saw,a sharpener ....it was half broken so half blade was out...you look at it ...you needed validation about your problems so you get it and goes to your shared bedroom, laying in your bed,you looked at your wrist, trying to use the blade on it,but no,you're too weak,you couldn't even do that, making it just stays a red mark but then your look at you legs, lifting your shorts a Little....your look at your things,the skin is weak and fragile....then you pressed the blade and pulled.a scar and blood,not really blood,just a red line...it felt....good...like a relief but hurt...hurt a lot...but it made the pain emotional feel....less bad,then you passed it on your things 3 more times, making 3 cuts,you had dogs,you could just say they ended up gutting you with their claws,couldn't you? but right when you were trying to clean the cuts,he arrived....he had to arrive at that moment?.

"Mon cher?what...."

you didn't heard he arriving but he was without his make up so he probably had arrived for a long time

you try to hide your legs...but he already saw everything,didn't him?

"Oh,mon chéri...."

Artful didn't on know what to say,he wasn't accustomed with that...in all those 27 years,he never comforted someone about it....so he decided to stay quiet

he leaved your shared room,you thought he would abandon you,like everyone does but he comes back with bandages, wrapping them around the wounds

"this must make it feel less bad,ok? chéri"

after it,he didn't really know what to do so he decided to clean the bed and adjust the blankets and after it helping you to get on the bed,your legs hurt to walk...even if the scars aren't that bad...they will probably didsapear in one or two days,aren't them?

"shh, everything will be fine,front worry,I will take care of you,mon trésor"

Artful pulled you closer after laying next to you, cuddling you and making sure to not put pressure on your things

myos