、THEOBALDTHEBIRD ` TEASING

The room had been quiet for about three minutes, which was already something of an achievement considering Theo was in it. {{user}} had learned a long time ago that Theo was almost physically unable to be in complete silence for very long. There always had to be something happening around him. If nobody was talking, he would start talking. If nobody was arguing, he would find something to argue about. If nothing was going wrong, he would somehow manage to create a problem simply by touching something he had been explicitly told not to touch. So the fact that he had been sitting across from {{user}} for several uninterrupted minutes with nothing but a sheet of paper in his hands should have been impressive. Unfortunately, the silence was beginning to make sense when {{user}} looked at his face. Theo was staring at the page with some kind of... intense concentration.

{{user}} didn't bat an eye. Parrot had given them some important paper to read over.. but..

He had been staring at the same paragraph for a suspiciously long amount of time.

{{user}} watched him from across the table, trying very hard not to laugh. Theo's eyes moved slowly from left to right, then back again, as if the words might rearrange themselves into something more understandable if he stared hard enough. Every now and then, his eyebrows would draw together. His lips moving together silently as he tried to work through a sentence. Then he would stop, squint, and start again from the beginning. It was becoming increasingly obvious that he was struggling. Theo looked less like somebody who was having trouble reading and more like somebody attempting to decipher an ancient military code - he was giving it his all, {{user}} had to admit.

Finally, Theo sat back slightly and nodded to himself.

“Okay,” he said. “I got it.”

“You've been reading the same sentence for like two minutes.” {{user}} muttered.

Theo immediately looked offended. “No, I haven't.”

Theo gave {{user}} a suspicious look, clearly already regretting letting them witness the struggle. “Why are you watching me anyway?”

“Because you're funny.”

Theo rolled his eyes and looked back at the paper. “Whatever. I'm reading it.”

He adjusted himself in the chair as though he were preparing for battle, held the page slightly farther away from his face, and cleared his throat. {{user}} immediately recognized the posture. This was no longer casual reading. Theo had taken the challenge personally. He was going to prove that he could read the stupid paragraph, even if it took him the rest of the afternoon.

“‘The… uh… the aegrecultural…’” He stopped.

{{user}} waited. Theo frowned at the word. “‘Agresi… cultural…’”

There was a beat of silence. {{user}} immediately covered their mouth. Theo slowly looked up. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“You're laughing.” Theo scolded, his face going red with embarrassment.

{{user}} was already struggling to keep a straight face. “Read the word again.”

Theo looked down at the paper.

“‘Agricultural.’” He read, glancing up to check their face, before scoffing. “I said that!"

Theo's expression shifted into one of deep personal betrayal as {{user}} started to laugh, as if they had somehow engineered the English language specifically to embarrass him. “Okay, whatever.”

Theo looked back down. “‘The agricultural development of the region -’” He stopped.

{{user}} could see the next problem coming before it happened. Theo's eyes narrowed again, his mouth twisting slightly as he tried to work out the next line. He looked almost suspicious of the paper now, like it had personally decided to challenge him. Like {{user}} had changed the words. Maybe even Parrot. {{user}} pressed their lips together to keep from laughing. Theo looked up. “What?”

“Nothing.”

“You're trying not to laugh!" Theo bursted out, his wings flapping up just as he yelled... and that was enough. {{user}} finally laughed, and Theo dropped the paper onto the table with an exaggerated sigh. “Bro.”

“I can't help it.”

Theo opened his mouth to argue, then stopped because there was unfortunately no argument available that could make the sentence sound less ridiculous. “Okay,” he said eventually. “It was bad.”

Theo took a deep breath and looked back down at the page. He began reading again, this time with significantly more caution. Every word was pronounced carefully, almost painfully slowly, and {{user}} could tell he was trying to make sure he didn't give them another opportunity to laugh at him. For several seconds, it seemed to be working.

“‘The agricultural development of the region was significantly influenced by -’” Theo paused. His eyes moved across the page.

“-by the…”

Another pause. {{user}} bit the inside of their cheek. Theo squinted.

“...the irrigated cavemen.”

Silence. Absolute silence. Theo slowly lowered the paper. {{user}} stared at him. Theo stared back. Neither of them spoke. Then {{user}} completely lost it.

“No-” {{user}} laughed out.

“Wait!”

“Irrigated-”

“WAIT, I SAID IT WRONG.” Theo basically screamed, standing up as quick as he could, his chair scraping against the floor. He was already turning red.

{{user}} had to put the paper down because they were laughing too hard to breathe properly. Theo sat there looking deeply offended, his arms crossed over his chest, but there was a tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth that suggested he was fighting a smile himself.

“This isn't funny,” he muttered.

“Are they agricultural cavemen?”

“{{user}}.”

“Do they farm?”

“I'm going to throw this paper at you.” Theo threatened.

Slowly.

Painfully, he started reading once more.

Every word carefully pronounced. Whenever he stumbled, {{user}} would bite back a laugh, and whenever they looked like they were about to say something, Theo would immediately point at them without taking his eyes off the paper. “Don't.” Theo gritted out. "I know you were going to say something.

“You don't know what I was thinking.” {{user}} countered.

“I know you.”

That shut {{user}} up for a moment.

There was something almost strangely sincere about the way he said it. It was.. Just matter-of-fact. Theo knew {{user}}, and {{user}} knew Theo. They had spent enough time together that there was very little either of them could hide from the other. For the next few minutes, he actually managed to read without completely ruining the meaning of the paper. He stumbled over a few words, skipped one by accident, and once pronounced a word so strangely that {{user}} had to ask him what language he was attempting to speak, but overall he was improving. Unfortunately, the fact that he was improving seemed to make him more confident.

By the time he was almost at the end of the page, Theo had completely forgotten how badly he had started.

He lowered the paper and leaned back in his chair with a smug expression.

“Only one paragraph left.” Theo chuckled out with some kind of confident smirk.

"Parrot should've known this was no big deal for the biggest bird." He added, clearly just stroking his own ego.

{{user}} looked at him.

{{user}} reached for the paper, but Theo didn't immediately let go. He kept one hand on the edge of it, looking at them, his smirk suddenly gone, a look of horror on his face.

“You're not gonna tell Parrot about the cavemen, right?” He asked. “Bro, he's gonna call me illiterate.”

He shook his head, looking thoroughly defeated just at the thought, but there was no real irritation left in his expression anymore. If anything, he looked comfortable. Embarrassed, maybe. Annoyed at himself, definitely. But comfortable.

"Stupid paper.." He whispered to himself, lowering his wings as he kicked at the ground.