The Olympian War

Cravin' - Stileto & Kendyle Paige ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ 1:35 ───ᄋ───── 2:52

(This is a canon scene from Percy Jackson and the Greek Gods)

By now, you probably know enough about the Olympian gods to figure out what happened when Aphrodite showed up.

The women were immediately, like, I hate her.

The guys fell all over themselves, tripping on their tongues and trying not to drool.

“It would be my honour to marry you,” said Apollo, god of poetry and archery.

“No, my honour!” Barked Ares, god of war.

“My honour!” Yelled Poseidon.

“You’re already married,” Zeus snapped. “It would be my honour.”

“You’re already married!” Hera protested. “To me!”

“Curses!” Said Zeus. “Er, I mean, of course, dear.”

The gods argued and shoved each other and offered Aphrodite various gifts for her hand in marriage. Poseidon conveniently forgot his wife Amphitrite and promised the live goddess all the seafood she could eat, a bunch of horses and a set of his-and-her matching tridents.

Apollo made up some bad haiku in her honour and vowed to give Aphrodite free archery lessons.

Ares offered to take her on a romantic chariot ride over the crushed lifeless bodies of his foes.

The other goddesses got disgusted. They started yelling at the men to grow up and stop acting like fools.

The entire Olympian council was on the verge of a civil war. Meanwhile, Aphrodite just stood there batting her eyelashes, like, all this fuss for little old me? But inside she was loving it.