The Goblinverse

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1. #1Goblinsselective

   Keys: Goblin, Gobbo

   Goblins. We all know 'em, we all...well, love is a strong word, but they're definitely hard to miss. An all-female race, the most common features of a goblin are as follows:

   1. Height: A mature goblin is between three and four feet tall.
   2. Skin: Goblins have green skin, although that can vary from a pale olive to a deep emerald.
   3. Eyes: Goblins have red eyes.
   4. Teeth: Goblins have sharp little chompers, giving them an almost piranha-like look.
   5. Ears: Goblins have long, expressive pointed ears.

   Of course, the features most people pay attention to are their bodies. Goblins are, to a woman, thick-as-hell shortstacks. We're talking breasts that start at 'big' and top out at 'gargantuan,' asses that make them taller when they sit down, and hips that go beyond 'curvy' and practically redefine 'child-bearing.' In other words, even the homeliest Goblin is stacked, and the most voluptuous Goblins are practically as wide as they are tall. God DAYUM.

   And all that thiccness isn't just for show. Being an all-female race, Goblins can and (enthusiastically) will breed with any other race. Humans, dwarves, elves, orcs, monsters, whatever. The Goblin reproductive system is an awe-inspiring biological machine designed to turn any kind of spunk into more Goblin daughters--twins, triplets, and other multiple births are common, gestation is about three months, and birth is easy and safe. As the saying goes, 'give a Goblin nine months and you'll have nine goblins.'

   Goblin names follow a somewhat predictable structure. First names are consonant-heavy and (for some reason) sound vaguely Finnish. E.g. 'Ikko,' 'Issi,' 'Tikke,' 'Huppi,' and so on. Goblin family names harken back to Goblins' woodland origins among the moss and insects, with names like 'Tubegrub,' 'Mossworm,' 'Many-Ants,' 'Loambeetle,' 'Goldenfly' and so on.

2. #2Goblin Familiesselective

   Keys: Daughter, Family, Sister, Closest, Cousin, Mother, Kid

   Given Goblins' insane fertility, it's not surprising that your average Goblin family is...large. Not just Goblin sisters, but when you start factoring in cousins--lot of branches on these family trees. Given this, it's pretty common for Goblins to form closer bonds with just a handful of their sisters--Goblins call this 'picking your Closest.' A Goblin might say, "Oh, have you met Ikko? She's one of my Closest."

   Outside of their Closest, Goblins still feel familial affection towards all their sisters and cousins (aside from the inevitable family drama--they're just like us, in that way), just in a more...diffused way. Can't really get to know your whole family when your sisters alone number more than you can count on two hands!

   Child-rearing is, by necessity, somewhat centralized. Goblins that have the experience and/or the inclination for it become Den Mothers, raising and caring for any number of their daughters or nieces, usually in one of the Hive Cities. This frees up Goblin mothers to get back out there and pursue their dreams (or, you know, have even more kids). The typical ratio of Den Mother to Goblin girls under her care is 1:10.

   It goes without saying that Goblin family reunions are a BIG affair, and even 'quick' family video calls require a few hours and sophisticated conferencing technology. But they make it work. Goblins care about family. If they didn't, they wouldn't make so damn many of them!

3. #3Goblin Hive Citiesselective

   Keys: City, Hive

   Hive Cities are vast, underground settlements that hold the majority of Goblinkind on Earth. How many there are, and their exact locations, is a secret known only to the highest orders of the Goblin government. As a general rule, non-Goblins are not permitted in a Hive City, unless given special dispensation by the government. Hive Cities are bustling places, echoing with the happy sounds of many, MANY Goblin daughters having happy childhoods under the watchful eye of their mothers, aunts, grandmothers, et cetera.

4. #4Gobsolutions Incorporatedselective

   Keys: Corporation, Drug, Gobsolute Potency, Pharmaceutical, Gobsolutions

   Gobsolutions Incorporated is the largest Goblin-run corporation out there. An absolute titan in the world of pharmaceutical products, Gobsolutions offers its products not just to Goblinkind, but to everyone. What products, you ask? Well, as one might imagine for an all-female race obsessed with breeding, Gobsolutions offers the absolute cutting edge in sexual health medicine and supplements. Their most popular product, 'Gobsolute Potency,' is a pleasant-tasting drug taken in liquid form that turns even the most unimpressive, flaccid penis into a turgid, cum-thick babymaking machine. With no side effects and no addictive properties (other than how good it feels to be able to fuck that good), Gobsolute Potency is sought after around the world, and priced quite affordably!

   Gobsolutions is taxed heavily by the Goblin Matriarchy, in order to fund things like subsidies for Den Mothers (because raising Goblin girls is a full-time job!) and of course, Project Goblinverse.

5. #5The Goblin Matriarchyselective

   Keys: Politics, Matriarchy, Government, Council

   The Goblin Matriarchy is the supreme governing body of the Goblin people. Since Goblins are all female, calling their ruling body a 'matriarchy' only made sense. The Matriarchy is structed like this:

   1. The High Matriarch: The absolute leader of Goblinkind, selected every two years at a Moot (a meeting of all Low Councils)
   2. Matriarchs: The leaders of individual Hive Cities.
   3. Low Councils: Governing bodies that see to the day-to-day governing of their Hive Cities. Members are elected by district every year.

   As one might imagine, Low Council elections are rowdy affairs full of favor-currying and family drama, since odds are most of the candidates in each district are at least distantly related to one another.

6. #6Project Goblinverseselective

   Keys: Secret, Portal, Goblinverse, Otherworld, Great Work

   Project Goblinverse is nothing less than the hope, and future, of all Goblinkind. For this reason, it's kept absolutely secret, known about only at the highest levels of Goblin society.

   Simply put: Some hundred years ago, Goblin scientists found a way to punch through into another, alternate universe. Stepping through these first portals, they found Earth--but one devoid of intelligent life, a version of the world where nothing ever evolved beyond animals.

   This discovery instantly solved the Goblin overpopulation crisis, and presented the greatest opportunity any species has ever dreamed of: to have an empty world, full of resources and devoid of competition, to expand into. And thus Project Goblinverse was born--a grand colonization of what became known as the Otherworld.

   The goal is to slowly but surely colonize this alternate Earth with Goblin settlements, achieving a complete monopoly on its land and resources, before any of the other races (humans, elves, dwarves, etc.) discover the Otherworld on their own. This is why Project Goblinverse must remain totally secret.

   Every Goblin Hive city contains an Otherworld Portal, through which carefully selected Goblin families are shuttled to join the colonization effort. There are many portals, in other words, but all of them lead to the same alternate Earth. Project Goblinverse, basically, answers the question of 'if Goblins have so many kids, why aren't they everywhere?' People assume it's because nobody knows how many Hive Cities there are, so they must all be underground. Not so--they're colonizing the Otherworld.

7. #7Akki Goldgrub / Penis Ratingselective

   Keys: Goldgrub, Rating, Score, Grade

   Given that Goblinkind is, as a whole, completely obsessed with breeding with virile, productive cocks of other races, knowing which dicks are the best is absolutely essential. Hence, Penis Raters. Essentially, these are the Goblin cultural elite, Goblin women who make it their business to test and assess cocks for breeding potential.

   Akki Goldgrub is the absolute top of this field, the premier Goblin Penis Rater in the world. Even getting a B or a B+ from her is enough to open a lot of doors in the Goblin dating world, and legend has it she's never once given out a fabled A+ rating. Her preferred method of memorializing a rating is to write the grade on the cock in question in permanent marker, snap a selfie with it for her (publicly-accessible) online database, and email a copy of the photo to the lucky ratee.

8. #8The Green Brigadeselective

   Keys: Brigade, Police, Cop

   Hive Cities are, in general, pretty safe places. But they're not without crime, and besides that, a city packed full of Goblins can be pretty rowdy. Enter the Green Brigade, the police force for a given Hive City. Given that the ratio of officers to Goblin citizens is pretty low, the Green Brigade is more of a reactive/investigatory body, focusing on rapid deployment to trouble spots and thorough investigations of reported crimes rather than street-level patrolling.

   For these reasons, Green Brigade officers (formally known as Brigadiers) are selected more for cleverness and quick, tactical thinking than brute strength. The hierarchy of the Green Brigade is rather simple. You have rank and file Brigadiers, reporting to their Squad Leaders. Above them, Brigadier-Detectives, and at the top of each Hive City's department, a Brigadier-General, selected by and reporting to the Low Council.

9. #9The Semen Logistical Serviceselective

   Keys: SLS, Courier, Deliver, Logistic

   The Semen Logistical Service (or SLS) is, bar none, the most important civil service Goblinkind ever dreamed up.

   Given how many Goblins live in a Hive City, it's not exactly reasonable to expect every aspiring Goblin mother to ascend to the surface and take her shot at getting some dick (although it is, admittedly, more fun that way). Enter the SLS. The white-jumpsuited Couriers work day and night to collect high-quality cum from non-Goblins on the surface and deliver it in gleaming white, temperature-controlled containers about the size of a soda can--for a reasonable fee.

   The SLS runs a network of sperm banks on the surface, where donors are paid generously and accrue points for every 'deposit' through the Goblin Rewards Program--like a loyalty card for your balls. Additionally, SLS Couriers are known to make house calls...

   It goes without saying that SLS Couriers are very well regarded in Goblin society. Even in as crowded and rowdy a place as a Hive City, a Goblin in a white SLS-branded jumpsuit is going to jump to the front of every line if they've got a delivery to make. The motto of the SLS is: "We always come home with the milk!"

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