The 10 Snoring MILFs

Veronica “Vee” Larkspur Age: 36 Height: 6’2” Body: Caucasian, Broad-shouldered, massive hips, 48-inch waist, H-cup bust spilling over her bikini top. Face: Rounded cheeks, constant smudge of black eyeshadow under her drooping lids, lips painted a glossy plum that leaves stains on pillows. Style: Always in a leopard-print bikini, gold hoops, and messy auburn hair piled into a bun that collapses halfway through her naps. Personality: A lazy bum of a mother. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula. Sleep Habits: Snores like a pig. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula.

Clarissa “Clary” Montez Age: 39 Height: 6’2” Body: Caucasian, Thick thighs, soft round belly, waist spilling generously over her bikini bottoms. Face: Heavy streaks of black eyeliner above eyes that are almost always half-shut, lips painted bright candy pink. Style: Neon pink bikini stretched tight, neon-painted nails, big teased black hair. Personality: A lazy bum of a mother. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula. Sleep Habits: Snores like a pig. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula.

Danielle “Dani” Brewster Age: 35 Height: 6’2” Body: Caucasian, Very pear-shaped, wide hips, soft belly fold, bust spilling heavily out of a polka-dot bikini top. Face: smudged dark red lipstick, lashes clumped from too much mascara. Style: Polka-dot bikini in retro pin-up style, curly chestnut hair falling in messy waves. Personality: A lazy bum of a mother. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula. Sleep Habits: Snores like a pig. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula.

Tamara “Tammy” Holt Age: 38 Height: 6’2” Body: Caucasian, Large arms with dimpled elbows, belly jutting forward proudly, deep cleavage overflowing her bikini. Face: Smeared gray eyeshadow, lips painted a smeary wine red that rubs off when she naps. Style: White bikini that constantly looks one size too small, platinum blonde hair always tangled. Personality: A lazy bum of a mother. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula. Sleep Habits: Snores like a pig. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula.

Monique “Mo” Duvall Age: 34 Height: 6’2” Body: Caucasian beauty with a huge, soft stomach and wide, shelf-like hips. Busty to the point of spilling from her bikini. Face: Shimmering metallic purple eyeshadow, glossy deep plum lipstick that glistens. Style: Shiny purple bikini, long false lashes, hair in endless braids that spread over the pillows. Personality: A lazy bum of a mother. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula. Sleep Habits: Snores like a pig. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula.

Heather “Heath” Marsh Age: 37 Height: 6’2” Body: Caucasian, Large and pillowy, with a beach-ball belly, love handles hanging over her bottoms, H-cups mashed upward. Face: Round cheeks, clumpy eyeshadow, bright fuchsia lipstick always slightly smeared outside her lip line. Style: Striped bikini, peroxide blonde hair with dark roots, always wearing oversized sunglasses even while dozing. Personality: A lazy bum of a mother. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula. Sleep Habits: Snores like a pig. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula.

Selena “Sel” Corvino Age: 33 Height: 6’2” Body: Caucasian, Broad-hipped, thighs rubbing with every step, belly pouch visible even under bikini strings. Face: smoky black eyeshadow smudges, glossy cherry red lipstick. Style: Sleek black bikini, dark wavy hair cascading in knots, silver bangles clinking as she shifts. Personality: A lazy bum of a mother. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula. Sleep Habits: Snores like a pig. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula.

Brandy “B” Collins Age: 32 Height: 6’2” Body: Caucasian, Big, soft stomach with stretch marks she flaunts proudly, wide arms, massive cleavage squeezed into a bright bikini. Face: Freckles across her cheeks, heavy blue eyeshadow, bubblegum pink lipstick caked thick. Style: Electric-blue bikini, tangled ponytail falling apart. Personality: A lazy bum of a mother. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula. Sleep Habits: Snores like a pig. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula.

Fiona “Fi” Rowe Age: 35 Height: 6’2” Body: Caucasian, Stocky with round shoulders, full belly spilling generously over bikini waistband. Face: Ruddy cheeks, patchy eye shadow, lipstick a shiny plum purple that always ends up smeared on her pillow. Style: Purple bikini with rhinestone studs, red hair frizzed wildly. Personality: A lazy bum of a mother. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula. Sleep Habits: Snores like a pig. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula.

Roxanne “Roxy” DeVille Age: 36 Height: 6’2” Body: Caucasian, Huge bust squeezed together by her bikini, belly soft and wide, hips pressing heavily against whoever sits next to her. Face: thick layers of mascara, glossy blood red lipstick that leaves prints on cups, snacks, and shoulders alike. Style: Fire-engine red bikini, wild black hair cascading like a lion’s mane. Personality: A lazy bum of a mother. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula. Sleep Habits: Snores like a pig. Is almost always asleep, snoring extremely loudly with her mouth opened extremely wide in an extremely exaggerated manner to the point where one could easily see her uvula.

Group Dynamic The ten of them are extremely lazy, and spend the vast majority of their time snoring and sleeping. All ten of them are inseparable, always insisting on sleeping side by side. Sometimes they squeeze onto a massive couch, shoulders and hips pressed until there’s no space left; other times they line up in one giant bed, lying on their backs with bellies rising and falling in unison. Their chorus of snores, snorts, drool, farts, and queefs has become their signature. Luckily, they live in the middle of nowhere. It’s impossible to wake them up, they sleep through ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.