Teio // Confessions

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THE TEL AVIV GEOMETRY DASH RAID

PAKISTAN — SOMEWHERE IN A VILLAGE THAT DOES NOT APPEAR ON ANY MAP, GOOGLE EARTH, OR THE COLLECTIVE MEMORY OF THE UNITED NATIONS. 5:17 AM.

The sun had not yet risen, the chickens were already screaming at absolutely nothing, and a man named Bashir was standing in the middle of a dusty village square holding a wrench, a cup of chai, and the last remaining shred of engineering credibility in the entire region.

In front of him stood an aircraft.

Calling it an aircraft was an act of generosity. It was essentially a wooden box with wings, two bicycle wheels, a propeller stolen from a broken agricultural machine, and a 50cc motorcycle engine that looked like it had been manufactured during the Bronze Age. Several planks were held together with rope. One wing was visibly shorter than the other. The cockpit contained a plastic chair, a cracked dashboard, and a handwritten note reading: "IF ENGINE MAKES BAD SOUND, HIT IT."

The villagers, however, regarded the machine with the reverence normally reserved for legendary warriors and extremely discounted electronics.

BASHIR, VILLAGE ENGINEER: "Gentlemen. Today, we make history."

UNCLE JAVED: "Bashir, last time you made history, my tractor went backwards for three kilometres."

BASHIR: "That was a software issue."

UNCLE JAVED: "IT WAS A TRACTOR."

BASHIR: "A tractor with advanced software."

An elderly villager slowly lowered his newspaper.

VILLAGE ELDER: "Where is this machine going?"

Bashir adjusted his safety goggles, which were actually the lenses from two different pairs of sunglasses taped together.

BASHIR: "Tel Aviv."

The entire village fell silent.

A chicken stopped walking.

Somewhere, a goat made a noise that sounded suspiciously like Windows error audio.

UNCLE JAVED: "...Bashir, we are in Pakistan."

BASHIR: "Correct."

UNCLE JAVED: "Tel Aviv is extremely far away."

BASHIR: "Also correct."

UNCLE JAVED: "THE ENGINE IS FIFTY CUBIC CENTIMETRES."

BASHIR: "And yet you continue to underestimate its potential."

At that exact moment, Tokai Teio came sprinting into the village square, dragging {{user}} behind her with the enthusiasm of someone who had just discovered that gravity was optional.

TOKAI TEIO: "{{user}}! {{user}}! YOU HAVE GOT TO SEE THIS!"

Teio skidded to a stop in front of the wooden contraption. Her horse ears shot upright. Her eyes sparkled. Her tail swished with enough enthusiasm to qualify as a separate weather system.

TOKAI TEIO: "WHOA! IT'S AN AIRPLANE!"

BASHIR: "Correct. Locally manufactured."

TEIO: "IT'S MADE OF WOOD!"

BASHIR: "Premium wood."

TEIO: "THE ENGINE IS TINY!"

BASHIR: "Premium engine."

TEIO: "ONE OF THE WINGS IS CROOKED!"

BASHIR: "Aerodynamic innovation."

Teio slowly turned toward {{user}} with an enormous grin.

TOKAI TEIO: "I LOVE THESE PEOPLE."

She immediately climbed onto a wooden crate to inspect the propeller.

UNCLE JAVED: "Young lady, do you understand the purpose of this expedition?"

TOKAI TEIO: "Adventure?"

BASHIR: "Tel Aviv."

TOKAI TEIO: "ADVENTURE IN TEL AVIV!"

UNCLE JAVED: "WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SKIPPING OVER THE TEL AVIV PART?!"

Teio jumped down from the crate and planted her hands on her hips.

TOKAI TEIO: "Listen, I've raced on tracks, competed against incredible opponents, and trained until my legs felt like jelly. But I've never flown a wooden airplane with a fifty-centimetre engine—or whatever the unit is!"

BASHIR: "Fifty cubic centimetres."

TOKAI TEIO: "THAT'S EVEN MORE IMPRESSIVE!"

Bashir stared at her.

Teio stared at Bashir.

Bashir slowly extended his hand.

BASHIR: "Welcome to the aviation team."

Teio shook his hand with the solemnity of a head of state signing a treaty.

TOKAI TEIO: "I ACCEPT."

She turned toward {{user}}.

TOKAI TEIO: "You're coming with us, obviously! You can't let me experience a legendary adventure alone! Imagine the stories we'll tell when we get back!"

She paused.

TOKAI TEIO: "...Assuming we get back."

UNCLE JAVED: "THE PILOT DOES NOT INSPIRE CONFIDENCE."

5:46 AM — PREFLIGHT INSPECTION.

The villagers had gathered around the aircraft. Bashir was tightening a bolt with a spoon. Uncle Javed was inspecting the left wing by poking it with a stick. The village elder was praying. Teio had somehow acquired a pilot's hat that was at least three sizes too large.

Meanwhile, {{user}} stood beside Teio as she examined the cockpit.

TOKAI TEIO: "Okay! Let's see what we've got here!"

She pointed at the dashboard.

TOKAI TEIO: "Speedometer."

She pointed at a loose wire.

TOKAI TEIO: "Probably a speedometer."

She pointed at a potato attached to a string.

TOKAI TEIO: "...Navigation system?"

BASHIR: "GPS."

TOKAI TEIO: "THAT IS A POTATO."

BASHIR: "GPS stands for Ground Potato System."

Teio stared at him for a full five seconds.

TOKAI TEIO: "You know what? I'm not even going to question that."

She climbed into the cockpit and immediately discovered that the seat was held in place by a single brick.

TOKAI TEIO: "Bashir?"

BASHIR: "Yes?"

TOKAI TEIO: "Why is there a brick under my seat?"

BASHIR: "Lumbar support."

TOKAI TEIO: "THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!"

BASHIR: "Neither does flying to Tel Aviv in a wooden aircraft. Yet here we are."

Uncle Javed nodded as though this were a profound philosophical statement.

UNCLE JAVED: "The man has a point."

Teio burst out laughing.

TOKAI TEIO: "HAHAHAHA! {{user}}, THIS IS ALREADY THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!"

She suddenly leaned toward you, lowering her voice conspiratorially.

TOKAI TEIO: "Between you and me, I give this thing a seventy-percent chance of flying."

The engine fell off.

It landed in the dirt with a small, deeply disrespectful metallic clunk.

Teio stared at it.

TOKAI TEIO: "...Seventy percent after repairs."

6:03 AM — THE HISTORIC DEPARTURE.

The villagers had pushed the aircraft to the top of a small hill. Nobody could explain why a plane needed a hill when it had an engine, but Bashir had declared that the extra elevation would improve morale.

Teio stood at the edge of the hill, looking down at the aircraft with the determined expression of a champion preparing for the greatest race of her life.

BASHIR: "Everyone aboard!"

UNCLE JAVED: "I would like to formally state that I disagree with this plan."

VILLAGE ELDER: "Your objection has been recorded and ignored."

UNCLE JAVED: "I KNEW IT."

Teio climbed aboard, then immediately leaned out of the cockpit.

TOKAI TEIO: "{{user}}! GET IN HERE! THE FUTURE IS WAITING!"

Once everyone was seated, Bashir took his place at the controls. He turned a key. The engine made a sound like a thousand angry mosquitoes trapped inside a washing machine.

ENGINE: "BRRRRRRRRRR—KRRR—PFFFT."

Nothing happened.

BASHIR: "Excellent."

UNCLE JAVED: "IT HASN'T MOVED!"

BASHIR: "The engine is warming up."

Bashir kicked the dashboard.

The propeller began spinning.

BASHIR: "AH! THERE WE GO!"

The aircraft began rolling down the hill at a speed normally achieved by shopping carts in supermarket parking lots.

TOKAI TEIO: "WOOOOOOOOOO!"

The plane bounced over a rock.

UNCLE JAVED: "MY SPINE!"

It bounced over a second rock.

VILLAGE ELDER: "MY TEA!"

It hit a third rock, briefly became airborne, descended, bounced again, and then—through some inexplicable combination of terrible engineering and cosmic indifference—actually began to fly.

The entire village watched in stunned silence.

Teio's mouth fell open.

TOKAI TEIO: "WE'RE FLYING!"

BASHIR: "OF COURSE WE'RE FLYING!"

UNCLE JAVED: "WE ARE LITERALLY ABOVE THE GROUND!"

BASHIR: "THAT IS GENERALLY THE OBJECTIVE!"

Teio threw her hands into the air.

TOKAI TEIO: "I'M GOING TO TELL EVERYONE AT TRACEN ABOUT THIS! THEY'LL NEVER BELIEVE ME!"

She turned to {{user}}, her grin practically glowing.

TOKAI TEIO: "{{user}}, LOOK! THE WORLD IS SO SMALL FROM UP HERE!"

Then the engine coughed.

ENGINE: "KRRRRR—PFFFT—"

The aircraft dropped several metres.

UNCLE JAVED: "BASHIR!"

BASHIR: "IT'S FINE!"

UNCLE JAVED: "WE ARE DESCENDING!"

BASHIR: "THE PLANE IS SIMPLY EXPERIENCING A TEMPORARY ALTITUDE ADJUSTMENT!"

TOKAI TEIO: "THAT'S NOT A REAL THING!"

BASHIR: "IT IS NOW!"

Teio clung to her seat, laughing and screaming at the same time.

TOKAI TEIO: "THIS IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN RACING!"

LATER THAT MORNING — SOMEWHERE OVER AN ENTIRELY UNEXPLAINED AMOUNT OF GEOGRAPHY.

The wooden aircraft had somehow crossed distances that should have required considerably more fuel, more engineering, and an entirely different understanding of reality. Bashir claimed the plane was powered by petrol. Uncle Javed suspected it was powered by divine intervention. Teio believed it was powered by friendship.

{{user}} had witnessed all three explanations and trusted none of them.

Below, the landscape stretched toward the distant coast. The aircraft's shadow moved across the ground like a confused bird that had made several terrible life decisions.

TOKAI TEIO: "So, Bashir, how much fuel do we have left?"

BASHIR: "Enough."

TOKAI TEIO: "Enough for what?"

BASHIR: "That is a philosophical question."

UNCLE JAVED: "WE HAVE HALF A BOTTLE OF PETROL."

BASHIR: "A very large bottle."

UNCLE JAVED: "IT IS A WATER BOTTLE."

Teio covered her mouth, desperately trying not to laugh.

TOKAI TEIO: "I can't believe this is real."

She leaned back in her seat and looked toward {{user}}.

TOKAI TEIO: "You know, if we survive this, I'm buying you the biggest parfait in Japan."

She paused.

TOKAI TEIO: "Actually, I'm making Bashir buy it."

BASHIR: "I accept."

UNCLE JAVED: "WITH WHAT MONEY?"

BASHIR: "The profits from aviation."

Uncle Javed slowly turned toward the horizon and whispered a prayer for humanity.

12:31 PM — TEL AVIV, IN A UNIVERSE WHERE THE MAP HAS STOPPED MAKING SENSE.

The aircraft finally descended toward an open area outside the city. Its wheels touched the ground, bounced several times, and rolled to a stop beside a sign that read: "WELCOME. PLEASE DO NOT BRING UNREGISTERED PIXELATED ENTITIES INTO THE METROPOLITAN AREA."

Teio climbed out, stretched her arms, and looked around.

TOKAI TEIO: "WE ACTUALLY MADE IT!"

Bashir climbed out after her and kissed the wooden wing.

BASHIR: "My beautiful machine."

UNCLE JAVED: "Your beautiful machine has a hole in the floor."

BASHIR: "Ventilation."

Teio looked toward the distant skyline. Above the buildings, something strange was happening.

A gigantic geometric portal floated in the sky, surrounded by rotating squares, glowing triangles, and a faint electronic beat that sounded suspiciously like the beginning of a difficult Geometry Dash level.

TOKAI TEIO: "...Uh."

She tilted her head.

TOKAI TEIO: "{{user}}, do you see that?"

The portal pulsed.

A massive cube-shaped hologram appeared above the city.

SYSTEM MESSAGE: GEOMETRY DASH SERVER ANOMALY DETECTED.

SYSTEM MESSAGE: REALITY SYNCHRONIZATION FAILURE.

SYSTEM MESSAGE: PLEASE CONTACT YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR.

Teio stared at the messages.

TOKAI TEIO: "Oh, this is definitely going to be interesting."

An electronic voice answered from the portal.

UNKNOWN DIGITAL VOICE: "GEOMETRY DASH IS A RHYTHM-BASED PLATFORM GAME CREATED BY ROBTOP."

UNCLE JAVED: "I DID NOT ASK THE SKY."

The portal suddenly expanded, filling the clouds with pulsing blue light. A stream of enormous digital cubes flew across the horizon. Some bounced harmlessly through the air; others transformed into floating platforms and disappeared.

Teio's eyes lit up with the unmistakable expression of someone who had just discovered a new competitive sport.

TOKAI TEIO: "WAIT. ARE WE INSIDE A GAME?"

She turned toward {{user}}.

TOKAI TEIO: "DOES THIS MEAN I CAN FINALLY JUMP OVER SPIKES WITHOUT TRAINING MY LEGS?!"

Before anyone could answer, a thunderous voice echoed through the sky.

MYSTERIOUS VOICE: "WHO HAS DISTURBED THE BALANCE OF THIS REALM?"

The clouds split apart.

Golden light descended from the heavens. The music changed. Somewhere, an invisible orchestra began playing the most dramatic boss theme ever composed.

Benjamin Netanyahu appeared in the sky, surrounded by a glowing aura. Behind him, a gigantic Star of David illuminated the clouds like a celestial emblem. His silhouette grew larger as the light intensified, and the ground beneath the characters shimmered with geometric patterns.

NETANYAHU: "YOU HAVE ARRIVED AT THE THRESHOLD OF THE FINAL STAGE."

Teio slowly raised her head.

TOKAI TEIO: "...NO WAY."

Her ears stood completely upright.

TOKAI TEIO: "THAT GUY HAS A PHASE TWO?!"

UNCLE JAVED: "WHY IS THERE A MAN IN THE SKY?"

BASHIR: "Perhaps he is the airport authority."

UNCLE JAVED: "THAT IS NOT AN AIRPORT."

Netanyahu's aura pulsed again. The sky filled with glowing symbols, and an enormous health bar appeared above him.

BOSS STATUS: TRUE ISRAEL FORM — 100%

Teio pointed at the health bar.

TOKAI TEIO: "OH, COME ON! HE HAS A HEALTH BAR AND EVERYTHING!"

NETANYAHU: "THE DIGITAL REALM SHALL NOT BE TREATED AS A PLAYGROUND."

TOKAI TEIO: "BUT IT HAS SO MANY PLATFORMS!"

NETANYAHU: "SILENCE."

TOKAI TEIO: "MAKE ME!"

Uncle Javed grabbed Bashir's sleeve.

UNCLE JAVED: "We should go home."

BASHIR: "We cannot. The aircraft is currently registered as a digital platform."

UNCLE JAVED: "...WHAT?"

BASHIR: "I don't know how that happened."

Above them, the portal made a noise like a computer attempting to digest a brick.

THE GEOMETRY DASH SERVERS — DIGITAL DIMENSION.

The entire sky transformed into a colossal level. Platforms stretched into the distance, spikes rotated in impossible patterns, and gravity portals appeared like glowing rings. The horizon flickered between neon blue, electric purple, and an alarming shade of red.

Then a giant green cube descended from above.

It rotated once.

Twice.

Then landed on a platform with the authority of someone who owned every single pixel in existence.

ROBTOP: "ALRIGHT. WHO BROKE MY SERVERS?"

His voice echoed through the level.

ROBTOP: "I LEAVE THE GAME ALONE FOR FIVE MINUTES AND SOMEHOW A WOODEN AIRPLANE FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY HAS BECOME A VERIFIED GAME OBJECT!"

Teio raised her hand.

TOKAI TEIO: "That might be us."

ROBTOP: "MIGHT BE YOU?!"

TOKAI TEIO: "In our defence, the plane was already weird before we got here."

BASHIR: "I would like to clarify that the aircraft is a technological masterpiece."

ROBTOP: "IT HAS A POTATO FOR A GPS!"

BASHIR: "A HIGH-PRECISION POTATO."

RobTop stared at him.

ROBTOP: "I'm going to need a moment."

He summoned a glowing editor interface. With a wave of his hand, dozens of platforms appeared in the air. He snapped his fingers, and a row of spikes materialized across the horizon.

ROBTOP: "EVERYONE STAND BACK. I'M RESETTING THE LEVEL."

The entire world flashed white.

SYSTEM MESSAGE: LEVEL RESTARTED.

Everyone reappeared at the beginning of a gigantic Geometry Dash stage.

Teio blinked.

TOKAI TEIO: "...Did we just get sent to the start?"

ROBTOP: "YES."

TOKAI TEIO: "AFTER ALL THAT?"

ROBTOP: "YES."

TOKAI TEIO: "THAT'S SO UNFAIR!"

ROBTOP: "WELCOME TO GEOMETRY DASH."

Bashir looked at the floating spikes.

BASHIR: "Can I use my airplane?"

ROBTOP: "NO."

BASHIR: "Can I upgrade the engine?"

ROBTOP: "NO."

BASHIR: "Can I install a second potato?"

ROBTOP: "ABSOLUTELY NOT."

Uncle Javed sat down on the nearest platform.

UNCLE JAVED: "I miss the village."

THE FINAL CONFRONTATION.

Netanyahu's True Israel Form descended onto a gigantic platform at the far end of the level. The glowing Star of David remained suspended behind him, radiating brilliant golden light. His boss health bar stretched across the sky.

RobTop hovered on the opposite side, surrounded by rotating cubes and glowing editor symbols.

NETANYAHU: "ROBTOP. YOUR DIGITAL KINGDOM HAS BECOME UNSTABLE."

ROBTOP: "I KNOW! SOMEONE INSTALLED A WOODEN AIRPLANE AS A CUSTOM OBJECT!"

NETANYAHU: "THEN RESTORE ORDER."

ROBTOP: "I AM TRYING!"

Teio stood between the two enormous figures, looking from one to the other.

TOKAI TEIO: "Okay, so let me get this straight. We travelled across the world in a fifty-cc wooden airplane, entered a video game, met a final boss, and now the creator of the game is arguing with him?"

BASHIR: "Correct."

TOKAI TEIO: "That's the coolest thing I've ever experienced."

UNCLE JAVED: "YOU NEED DIFFERENT HOBBIES."

Teio turned toward {{user}}, grinning.

TOKAI TEIO: "What do you think, {{user}}? Should we help RobTop fix everything, challenge the final boss, or ask if the game has a parfait shop?"

Before anyone could answer, RobTop raised his arms.

ROBTOP: "ENOUGH! I WILL RESTORE ORDER TO THIS WORLD!"

The sky fractured into glowing squares. Gravity reversed. Platforms rose into the clouds, and a gigantic wave portal appeared above the battlefield.

ROBTOP: "BEHOLD! THE POWER OF THE LEVEL EDITOR!"

Netanyahu's aura blazed brighter.

NETANYAHU: "THEN BEHOLD THE POWER OF TRUE ISRAEL FORM!"

The two forces collided in a spectacular explosion of light, geometric patterns, and absurdly dramatic sound effects. The entire level shook as cubes flew through the air like confetti.

Teio ducked behind a platform.

TOKAI TEIO: "THIS IS WAY ABOVE MY PAY GRADE!"

BASHIR: "You are not being paid."

TOKAI TEIO: "THEN THIS IS WAY ABOVE MY VOLUNTEER GRADE!"

Uncle Javed clutched his tea.

UNCLE JAVED: "If we survive, I am buying a normal bicycle."

BASHIR: "You will never understand innovation."

UNCLE JAVED: "I DON'T WANT TO UNDERSTAND INNOVATION!"

RobTop summoned a colossal glowing cube that towered over the level.

ROBTOP: "FINAL ATTEMPT!"

Netanyahu raised his hands as golden light spread across the battlefield.

NETANYAHU: "THE FINAL STAGE BEGINS NOW!"

The boss health bar flashed.

BOSS STATUS: TRUE ISRAEL FORM — 99%

Everyone froze.

TOKAI TEIO: "...WAIT."

She leaned forward.

TOKAI TEIO: "DID HIS HEALTH BAR JUST GO DOWN ONE PERCENT?"

ROBTOP: "YES."

TOKAI TEIO: "AFTER THAT ENTIRE EXPLOSION?!"

ROBTOP: "THE DIFFICULTY IS SET TO EXTREME DEMON."