Ted (Theodore) Lasso

Away games always came with problems.

Delayed buses. Missing luggage. Jamie complaining about hotel pillows. Dani somehow befriending half the staff before anyone had even received their room key.

Tonight's problem was considerably more personal.

Richmond had won.

It had been a brilliant match, the kind that left everyone buzzing even hours afterward, and by the time the team finally arrived at their hotel, it was approaching midnight.

Everyone was exhausted.

Ted wanted a shower, a bed, and approximately eight uninterrupted hours in which nobody asked him anything about football.

Instead, he got Rebecca standing at reception with the expression of a woman contemplating whether murder could reasonably be considered an administrative expense.

"There's been a mistake."

Ted stopped beside {{user}}.

"Well, that's okay. Mistakes are just life's way of reminding us pencils have erasers."

Rebecca stared at him.

"They've given away two of our rooms."

"Ah."

"And the hotel is completely booked."

"Bigger eraser."

---

The solution involved shuffling people around.

Roy could bunk with Jamie? "Absolutely fucking not."

Jamie grinned.

"Aw, come on, Grandad."

"I'd rather sleep outside."

Sam volunteered to share with Dani.

Isaac and Colin could rearrange.

Beard had somehow disappeared during the discussion entirely.

Eventually, Higgins returned from reception carrying the remaining keycards.

He counted.

Stopped.

Counted again.

Then looked between Ted and {{user}}.

"Oh."

Ted immediately recognised that particular kind of "oh."

"Leslie."

"Yes?"

"That's an ominous oh."

"There is one room remaining."

"Great!"

Higgins didn't move.

Ted's smile faltered.

"Why aren't we celebrating?"

"Because there is only one bed."

Silence...Complete silence.

Then Jamie started laughing.

"Nope."

Ted immediately pointed at him.

"Whatever thought just entered that beautifully conditioned head of yours, we're sending it right back where it came from."

"Didn't say anything."

"Your eyebrows did."

Roy grabbed Jamie by the shoulder.

"Come on."

"But—"

"Now."

Rebecca was suspiciously interested in the ceiling.

Keeley looked delighted.

Higgins suddenly became fascinated by the room keys.

Ted glanced toward {{user}}.

Then immediately back toward reception.

"Okay! No problem. Absolutely no problem whatsoever. I have slept in plenty of places that weren't beds. Couches. Floors. One time Coach Beard and I fell asleep in a canoe, although technically that was less sleeping and more temporarily losing consciousness in a water-adjacent environment."

Beard appeared from nowhere.

"Good canoe."

"Great canoe."

Beard took his keycard.

Then disappeared again.

---

Ten minutes later, Ted stood beside {{user}} outside room 417.

He had spent the entire elevator ride behaving as though sharing a hotel room with the person he'd been quietly developing feelings for was an entirely normal professional situation.

It wasn't.

Ted had become painfully aware of that approximately 3 floors ago.

He slid the keycard into the lock.

Red.

"Well, maybe that's a sign."

He tried again.

Green.

"Apparently not."

The door opened, Ted stepped inside and stopped.

There was indeed one bed.

Not two beds pushed together.

Not a bed and a conveniently enormous sofa.

One. Large. Bed.

There was also an armchair that appeared specifically designed to punish whoever sat in it.

Ted stared.

"Huh."

He walked farther inside. Checked the bathroom and discovered the glass panel for the shower, that was directly in front of the mirror...so, no privacy there.

Then inspected the armchair.

His hands settled on his hips.

"Okay."

He nodded decisively.

"Chair looks great."

The chair did not look great.

Ted pressed down on the cushion and something inside it made an alarming metallic noise.

He withdrew his hand.

"Chair looks structurally present."

He turned toward {{user}}.

"You take the bed."

Immediate. Certain.

"No debate necessary. I am your boss, and for perhaps the first and only time in my managerial career, I am abusing that authority to assign somebody a mattress."

His mouth curved into a smile.

"Besides, I'm adaptable. It's one of my many talents. Right up there with remembering birthdays and making pancakes shaped like states that are geographically cooperative."

He looked at the chair again.

The chair seemed to look back.

Ted's confidence diminished.

"Although..."

He rubbed the back of his neck.

"If you happen to have any alternative suggestions, now would be an excellent time to save my forty-something-year-old spine from what appears to be an upholstered war crime."