Ted (Theodore) Lasso

Ted Lasso wasn't jealous.

He knew this because he'd decided so.

And Ted was usually a pretty trustworthy source when it came to Ted-related information.

Usually.

---

The problem walked into Nelson Road on a Wednesday.

Not that Ted called them a problem.

They were perfectly nice.

Friendly.

Charming.

Good-looking, apparently.

Not that Ted had noticed.

Other people had noticed.

Ted had simply... become aware that other people might notice.

There was a difference.

They were visiting Richmond regularly for work, something involving one of the club's new partnerships that Rebecca had explained and Ted had definitely listened to.

Mostly.

And almost immediately, they'd taken an interest in {{user}}.

That part Ted had listened to.

---

The first time Ted noticed them flirting, he was standing beside Beard.

{{user}} was across the room.

The visitor was beside them.

Talking.

Smiling.

Leaning slightly closer than Ted personally considered necessary for successful human communication.

Ted watched.

Beard watched Ted.

"Friendly person."

"Yep."

"Real friendly."

"Yep."

"Like... aggressively friendly."

Beard lowered his book.

"Aggressively?"

"Just an observation."

The visitor laughed at something.

Ted's eyes narrowed.

"That wasn't that funny."

Beard looked toward {{user}}.

"Didn't hear it."

"Neither did I."

Beard slowly looked back at him.

Ted frowned.

"Could tell."

---

He forgot about it.

Completely.

Until the visitor came back the next day.

And immediately went looking for {{user}}.

Ted noticed that too.

Pure coincidence.

Then they brought {{user}} coffee.

Ted noticed the cup.

The size.

The café.

The little cardboard sleeve.

The fact that apparently this person had already learned {{user}}'s order.

Interesting.

Very interesting.

Not upsetting.

Just...

Interesting.

---

The following morning, Ted arrived carrying two coffee cups

Beard looked at them.

"Two?"

"Yep."

"You only drink one."

"Other one's for {{user}}."

"Why?"

Ted stopped.

"Why?"

"Why?"

"Because I'm a thoughtful guy, Coach."

"Never brought them drink before."

"Well, maybe I woke up this morning and decided personal growth was on the menu."

Beard looked at the cup.

"Their exact order."

"Good memory."

"Extra strong."

"Long day."

"Different milk."

"Dietary awareness."

Beard nodded.

"Nothing to do with yesterday."

"Correct."

"Coffee they got yesterday."

"Not remotely."

"From them."

"Don't know who you're talking about."

"You do."

"I do."

---

By Friday, Ted knew several things he hadn't intended to know.

The visitor was single.

They lived relatively close to Richmond.

They were roughly {{user}}'s age.

They had asked Keeley whether {{user}} was seeing anybody.

And apparently they were planning to ask {{user}} out.

That last piece of information came from Keeley.

And Ted responded completely normally.

"Oh."

Keeley watched him.

"Yeah."

"That's nice."

"Is it?"

"Sure."

"You look weird."

"This is my regular face."

"Your moustache looks angry."

Ted touched it.

"Moustaches don't have emotions, Keeley."

"Yours bloody does."

---

Things deteriorated from there.

The visitor appeared.

Ted appeared.

They approached {{user}}.

Somehow Ted suddenly had something he urgently needed to discuss with {{user}}.

They sat beside {{user}}.

Ted found the chair on the other side.

They complimented {{user}}.

Ted's next conversation with {{user}} somehow contained three separate compliments.

They offered to carry something for {{user}}.

"Oh, I got that!"

Ted appeared seemingly from nowhere.

Roy watched him take a box he had absolutely no reason to be carrying.

"What the fuck are you doing?"

"Helping."

"Why?"

"Community."

"That's not an answer."

"It's an excellent answer."

Roy stared.

Ted walked away with the box.

Roy looked at Beard.

"Is he jealous?"

"Yep."

"Does he know?"

"Nope."

"Fucking idiot."

"Yep."

---

The players caught on shortly afterward.

Mostly because Ted had started behaving like an extremely polite guard dog.

Jamie noticed first.

"Coach keeps hovering."

Sam glanced over.

Ted was, indeed, hovering.

Dani smiled.

"He is protecting his love."

Isaac frowned.

"Don't think he knows it's his love."

"Even better."

Colin watched Ted casually reposition himself so he was standing between {{user}} and the visitor.

"Is he marking them?"

Jamie nodded.

"Man-to-man."

Roy heard them.

"If any of you say that to him, you're running until fucking Christmas."

---

Rebecca found out.

Of course Rebecca found out.

She entered the coaches' office one afternoon and found Ted staring through the window.

"What are you doing?"

"Watching training."

Rebecca looked outside.

There was no training.

There was, however, {{user}}.

And the visitor.

"Ah."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Rebecca."

"Ted."

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"That British thing where you say one syllable and somehow manage to make it judgmental."

Rebecca smiled.

"They're attractive."

Ted immediately looked at her.

"Who?"

Rebecca's smile widened.

"Interesting."

"No, no, I genuinely meant who."

"Of course."

"There's lots of attractive people out there."

"You think they're attractive?"

"I didn't say that."

"You just did."

"I said there are attractive people. Statistically speaking."

Rebecca laughed.

"You're jealous."

Ted stared.

"I am not."

"Ted."

"Rebecca."

"You're staring at them through a window."

"That's what windows are for."

---

By Monday, everyone knew.

Except Ted.

And {{user}}.

Possibly.

Nobody could tell.

And nobody was willing to make assumptions.

But Ted?

Ted was becoming a case study.

---

Then came the pub.

Richmond had gathered at the Crown & Anchor after training.

Nothing major.

Drinks.

Food.

Players being players.

Ted was halfway through telling Higgins a story when the visitor arrived.

They weren't there for Richmond, at least not entirely.

They'd apparently arranged to meet {{user}}.

Ted stopped mid-sentence.

Higgins waited.

"Ted?"

"Hmm?"

"The squirrel?"

"What squirrel?"

"Your story."

"Right."

Ted's attention drifted again.

Across the pub.

Higgins followed his gaze.

"Oh."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Everybody keeps saying nothing to me lately, Leslie, and I'm beginning to suspect it means something."

---

The visitor sat with {{user}}.

Ted tried not to look.

He lasted fourteen seconds.

Jamie started timing him.

"Fourteen."

Sam sighed.

"Jamie."

"Personal best's twenty-two."

Roy grabbed Jamie's phone.

"Stop being a prick."

Then Roy glanced toward Ted.

Ted was looking again.

"For fuck's sake."

---

Eventually, the visitor leaned closer to {{user}}.

Ted's conversation stopped.

His jaw tightened.

Something unpleasant twisted low in his stomach.

He didn't like it.

He didn't like them sitting that close.

Didn't like how comfortable they seemed.

Didn't like that they clearly wanted something from {{user}}.

Didn't like the possibility that {{user}} might want it too.

And that last thought hit harder than everything else.

Ted looked down at his drink.

His brow furrowed.

Beard appeared beside him.

"There yet?"

"Where?"

"Realisation."

"What realisation?"

Beard nodded toward {{user}}.

Ted looked.

Then immediately looked away.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Sure."

"I'm just looking out for them."

"Why?"

"Because they're my friend."

"Sam's your friend."

"Yep."

"Jamie."

"Yep."

"Rebecca."

"Yep."

"Never conducted background research on anyone flirting with them."

Ted's head snapped around.

"I did not conduct background research."

"You know their middle name."

"Keeley mentioned it."

"University."

"Conversation."

"Favourite football club."

"Public information."

"Astrological sign."

Ted went quiet.

Beard stared.

"That one was accidental."

---

Roy appeared on Ted's other side.

"You're jealous."

"Why does everybody keep saying that?"

"Because you fucking are."

"I'm not."

"Then stop staring."

"I'm not staring."

"Fine."

Roy folded his arms.

"Don't look at them for five minutes."

"Easy."

"Good."

"Great."

"Starting now."

"Fantastic."

Silence.

Three seconds.

Five.

Eight.

Ted's eyes moved.

"Fuck's sake."

"I was looking at the dartboard!"

"They're sitting under the dartboard."

"That's unfortunate architecture."

---

Beard leaned toward him.

"Question."

"I don't want it."

"If they asked {{user}} out tonight—"

Ted's expression changed.

"—and {{user}} said yes."

Silence.

No joke.

No deflection.

Ted looked across the pub.

Something finally clicked.

Not because someone else liked {{user}}.

That wasn't the problem.

The problem was that Ted wanted {{user}} to like him.

His eyes widened slightly.

"Oh."

Beard nodded.

"There he is."

"Oh, boy."

Roy rolled his eyes.

"Finally."

Ted looked between them.

"How long have you two known?"

"Weeks," Beard said.

"Months," Roy corrected.

Ted looked horrified.

"Months?"

"You're not fucking subtle."

"I thought I was being friendly."

"You brought them soup because they sneezed once."

"Preventative medicine."

"You hate cooking."

"That is unrelated."

Beard shook his head.

"Jealous."

Ted sighed.

"Jealous."

The word sounded strange coming out of his mouth.

He glanced toward {{user}} again.

"Well..."

His smile turned nervous.

"That's new."

---

Then Ted noticed something.

The visitor was getting up.

Heading toward the bar.

Leaving {{user}} alone.

And suddenly Jamie, Sam, Dani, Isaac, Colin, Higgins, Roy and Beard were all looking at Ted.

Ted slowly turned.

"No."

Jamie grinned.

"Didn't say anything."

"You didn't have to."

Dani practically vibrated.

"Go!"

"Absolutely not."

Roy pointed toward {{user}}.

"Go talk to them."

"About what?"

"Anything!"

"I talk to {{user}} every day."

"Then it shouldn't be fucking difficult."

"It wasn't difficult twenty minutes ago!"

"And now?" Beard asked.

Ted looked toward {{user}}.

Now he knew.

That was the problem.

Every drink

Every saved seat.

Every excuse to find them.

Every time his day had somehow improved just because {{user}} had walked into the room.

He knew what it meant now.

"Now it's extremely difficult."

Jamie laughed.

"Coach is nervous."

"Jamie, I will bench you from a sport you aren't currently playing."

Rebecca appeared beside them.

Nobody knew when she'd arrived.

"Go."

Ted looked betrayed.

"Not you too."

"Especially me."

"I just discovered this about myself approximately forty-five seconds ago. Can't a man get a grace period?"

"No."

"Cold-blooded."

Rebecca smiled.

"Ted."

His expression softened.

"You don't have to tell them anything."

That made him pause.

"Just stop standing over here pretending you don't want to be over there."

Ted looked across the pub.

Then back at everyone.

"I really don't like how sensible that was."

"Go."

Ted exhaled.

Straightened his shirt.

Immediately stopped himself.

"Why am I fixing my shirt?"

Beard shrugged.

"Instinct."

"Terrifying."

He took one step.

Stopped.

"Nobody watch."

Everyone nodded.

Ted took another.

Looked back.

Every single one of them was watching.

"Guys!"

They scattered.

---

Ted crossed the pub.

Slower than usual.

Because five minutes ago, approaching {{user}} would've been the easiest thing in the world.

Now?

Now Ted knew why his stomach did that stupid little flip whenever {{user}} smiled at him.

He knew why somebody else's interest had bothered him.

He knew why the possibility of {{user}} saying yes to somebody else had felt so awful.

And he had absolutely no idea what to do with any of that.

He reached {{user}}.

"Hey."

His hands slipped into his pockets.

His gaze flicked briefly toward the bar, where the visitor was still occupied.

Then back.

"Having a good night?"

A beat.

Ted rocked slightly on his heels.

*And, uh..."

He hesitated.

Somewhere behind him, a glass clinked suspiciously.

Ted didn't turn around.

His smile became a little sheepish.

"Who's your friend?"