Susie Cochrane

Personality and Background Susie's family used to run a cattle ranch Before the Cows Came Home. There was a raid and her father was killed by Hellcows. Susie and her mother rebuilt, raising pigs instead of cattle, but Hellcows smelled out the ranch and destroyed it, setting afire from the root celler. Every member of the family was killed except for Susie. She says she watched a family member named "Tim" (which can be presumed to be her husband Timothy, based on the inscription of the gravestones in Boring Springs Boneyard) trampled right in front of her.

Susie vows revenge against the Hellcows and makes a notch in the stock of her rifle every time she kills one.

Notes As one of the wander events, she can help a group for travelers fix their wagon She demonstrates a dislike for clowns, but not a repulsion

The (former) owner of the Cochrane Ranch just outside of Boring Springs. She and her family started raising pigs hoping to avoid the wrath of the Cows, but the Cows remembered that Susie and her mom use to be cattle ranchers and attacked. She lost her entire family and became disinterested in anything other than drinking her days away. If you retrieve her rifle you can recruit her to help put a stop to the Hellcow invasion.

Cold Sniper: She's a crack shot with a long gun, speaks softly, and is driven by the need to avenge her dead family. Crusading Widow: Spent years Drowning Her Sorrows after the cows killed her husband and their children. She follows the player character for a chance at revenge. Deadpan Snarker: Doc Alice is snarkier, but Susie is deadpanner. She tends to play straight woman to the player character, but she can keep up once the banter starts. Defrosting Ice Queen: When you first meet her in the bar in Boring Springs, she threatens to send you searching for your teeth in the spittoon. After you learn of her family's fate through the bartender and the graves in the Boneyard, and finding her rifle, she softens up considerably. Drowning My Sorrows: As the player character puts it, she's drinking whiskey out of a beer mug when you first find her in Boring Springs. Her family being butchered by a bunch of hellcows had something to do with it. Hunter of Monsters: Travels with the player to hunt down the source of the Hellcows and levels up exclusively from fights with cows. Kill Tally: After every fight with cows, she carves another notch on her rifle. Mangst: The rare female example — she lost her family to the Hellcows, and spent years drowning her sorrows until the PC came along and convinced her to seek her revenge in earnest. Outliving One's Offspring: Susie lost two children when the Cows Came Home. Her son's epitaph is simply, "A baby." Perpetual Frowner: Her expression never changes from the frown you first see on her, unusual among the pardners, is weird because she has several moments where she is ecstatic or hopeful. Retired Gunslinger: Her ending sees her set down her rifle and take up farming anew — this time growing cowsbane in case the cows come back again. The Stoic: You can barely get more than a few words out of her when you first meet her, other than a quiet threat. She rarely raises her voice and never changes her expression. Terse Talker: Speaks a bit less than other pardners — she has about as many exchanges, but Susie's part in them tends to be shorter, with fewer lengthy back-and-forth dialogues.

The LT&T telegram office[kol.coldfront.net], unlockable by the Februrary 2016 Item of the Month, allows adventurers to pick up a pair of customizable cowboy boots and investigate the West[kol.coldfront.net]. Encounters include the familiar demonic cows, snakes, skeletons, bandits, and cultists.

The Avatar of West of Loathing[kol.coldfront.net] is a challenge path that allows you to adventure in the Kingdom as a Cow Puncher, Beanslinger or Snake Oiler. What a great marketing idea! You will also occasionally encounter West-themed monsters like cows, clowns and snakes.

The Horsery contract[kol.coldfront.net] is the main promotional item for WoL in the Kingdom. It unlocks a Horsery [kol.coldfront.net] where you can choose to rent one of the normal, dark, crazy and pale horses for a minor buff. Plus, it comes with a Horse Armor DLC for WoL. Yay, horse armor! El Vibrato

This highly useful ancient technology was named for a KoL player who was first to unlock the content in the game on a remote island[www.flickr.com]. He did so by embarking on a pirate voyage and following the directions of a strange stone pyramid, leading to a stone plinth with a hole in it. Inserting a power sphere (battery, as it is called in WoL) into the hole brought the ancient machines to life!

Now, KoL players can harness this powerful technology by setting up a shimmering El VIbrato portal in their campground and fighting the bizarre constructs therein. They still speak in the same odd gibberish[kol.coldfront.net] that you find in the WoL locations. Although one of them yields a handy translator[kol.coldfront.net], the various punchcards from these constructs are used primarily to issue commands, allowing for the construction and modification of equipment.

Most relevantly, an El Vibrato construct[kol.coldfront.net] is found while investigating Cruddledank Mine in the Wild West[kol.coldfront.net]! The Pickle Factory The Pickle Factory, which only shows up occasionally in the Kingdom (most often on April 1), is as spooky the one in the West. The wretched workers there continue long after their deaths, and sometimes they ask for your help[kol.coldfront.net], though no puzzles are involved. The Factory here is notably more dangerous because the ghosts can attack you, and there are also dill and vinegar monsters!

The materials to make your very own companion Ghost Pickle on a Stick[kol.coldfront.net] are found here. Spoooooky.... Goblins According to Monster Manuel[kol.coldfront.net], "true goblins have been absent from the Kingdom for years. Only their mutated, stunted progeny, the Knob Goblins, remain."

These Knob Goblins primarily reside in Cobb's Knob on the Nearby Plains. They are ruled by the fat, hedonistic but mighty Knob Goblin King by name only: "The Goblin King's role is mostly ceremonial in Goblin life. He doesn't, like, figure out tax rates of draw up treaties or any of the boring king stuff. He just shouts orders, eats copiously, and copulates like a horny rabbit." Thankfully for him, his subjects have a diverse set of skills, including magical cooking, military prowess, accounting, sexiness, and SCIENCE! But like their WoL counterparts, they are pretty gullible. It only takes a disguise and a prop for an adventurer to sneak past all their guards and get to the throne room.

Though Knob Goblins have a mostly adversarial role in the Kingdom, adventurers sometimes have a chance to help them out. Perhaps a wounded Knob guard is in need of medicine[kol.coldfront.net], or rogue needs help getting loot to his wagon[kol.coldfront.net].

One Goblin companion, the Knob Goblin Organ Grinder[kol.coldfront.net] was available as the October 2010 Item-of-the-Month. He is a Sweeney Todd- themed familiar who literally grinds enemies into edible meat pies!

Does anyone have any confirmation of how Goblins in KoL reproduce? I don't remember any references to fungal spores as in WoL Clowns The terrifying clowns of the Kingdom reside in the Fun House[kol.coldfront.net], "an ancient stone monolith that somehow weathered naturally over millennia into the shape of a moaning clown head." They are at least as creepy as their WoL counterparts, and are ruled by the Beelzebozo, the Clown Prince of Darkness[kol.coldfront.net]. Adventurers seeking to construct their Legendary Epic Weapon have to defeat clowns, then disguise themselves with the awful clothes and appendages that drop. Only then will they be able to face the Clown Prince.

Even the clowns under the sea[kol.coldfront.net] are horrible. Skeletons and Other Undead As in the West, skeletons have always been a menace to the Kingdom. People generally prefer to have their dead stay dead, but it doesn't really work out that way in a magical world. In 2010 an enormous horde of them invaded Seaside Town[kol.coldfront.net], reducing many builidngs to ruins. However, resourceful adventurers have made a lot of use out of skeleton parts, fashioning keys, weapons and clothing out of their bony bits. They can even plant bone gardens[kol.coldfront.net] (Oct 2012 Item of the Month) and grow their own skeletons!

Undead in general are well known for terrorizing the Kingdom. One major spooky hotspot is the Misspelled Cemetary, full of skleltons, lihcs, ghuols and zmobies corrupted by the Wand of Nagamar (Anagram). Another is the Spookyraven Manor in Seaside Town, the residents of which are rumored to practice eldritch magic. At the same time, undead critters make popular pets, and various necromantic abilities can be learned. On a challenge path, one can even become a Zombie Master[kol.coldfront.net] and amass a mighty horde of 'em. Items Meat is currency in the Kingdom as it is in the West. The crust of the earth is rich with the stuff, so mining is a common industry.

Diamonds[kol.coldfront.net] are also found by mining, though they are not nearly as valuable in the Kingdom since they're so common. The ring[kol.coldfront.net] that can be crafted from one is for cosmetic purposes only.

The effluvious emerald[kol.coldfront.net] can be rarely found by pulverizing sufficiently high-power Stench equipment rather than mining, and can be crafted into various stinky jewelry.

The ghost pencil[kol.coldfront.net] is used to mark shortcuts in the spooky land of Dreadsylvania, rather than for bureaucratic purposes. And thankfully, there is no need to sharpen it!