The Straight White Maliens, also known as the Extraterrestrial Incels, are the main antagonists of the critically panned 2025 animated sci-fi comedy film Lesbian Space Princess.

== Biography ==

Designed as minimalist, low-poly white paper stick figures, they are a trio of extraterrestrial kidnappers hailing from a culturally barren sector of space known as "straight territory." Driven by a deep-seated entitlement and an inability to secure dates naturally, the group serves as a direct, satirical parody of online incel culture and fragile male privilege. In the film, they serve as the bumbling comic relief opposition to Princess Saira, orchestrating the abduction of the bounty hunter Kiki to ransom her for a royal labrys axe, a mythical weapon they intend to use as a battery to power a crude "chick magnet" machine.

The Straight White Maliens are three white, alien incels. Hailing from 'Straight Territory', the Straight White Maliens were a group that was once supposedly in power over others, their ancestors long since stripped of those privileges. However, instead of wanting to reclaim that power, the three Maliens instead... just want girlfriends. The Maliens have tried many ways, eventually buying a device called a "chick magnet", which is meant to literally attract chicks. However, that fails as the battery is not included. And what is the battery needed? Princess Saira of Clitopolis' Royal Labrys. They kidnap Princess Saira's ex-girlfriend, Kiki, as a hostage, promising to release her in exchange for the Labrys. Once they eventually obtain said Labrys and are able to use it, it does not work.

== Appearance ==

The Straight White Maliens are depicted as tall, white, rectangular beings with deep blue eyebrows and beady eyes. They lack a visible nose and have no other apparent facial features. Although generally similar in appearance, they are not identical. The Leader has no distinguishing physical features, Josh has deep blue stubble and an apparent mustache, and Larry wears glasses. All known Straight White Maliens have arms, but lack legs, with their rectangular bodies extending directly to the ground.

A typical Straight White Malien stands at 6'8" (203 cm) and weighs 250 lbs (113 kg). The Leader stands at 6'8" (203 cm) and weighs 250 lbs (113 kg), while Josh stands at 6'9" (206 cm) and weighs 255 lbs (116 kg). Larry is comparatively shorter and lighter, standing at 6'7" (201 cm) and weighing 245 lbs (111 kg).

== Personality ==

The Straight White Maliens are characterized as "incels", an online term referring to people who identify as involuntarily celibate and have difficulty forming romantic or sexual relationships. They are generally portrayed as bitter, resentful, entitled, and misogynistic, frequently insulting women around them with racist and sexist rhetoric. They also display a particular hostility toward lesbians, as demonstrated by their repeated mockery of Kiki.

The Straight White Maliens exhibit sadistic tendencies, most notably when they murder members of Kiki's group in front of her and subsequently capture her to lure Princess Saira into rescuing her. Their ultimate goal is to obtain Saira's Labrys axe and use it to power their aforementioned "chick magnet".

Despite their outward hostility toward women, the group appears to have little genuine understanding of women or romantic relationships. They are deeply insecure about their inability to find women who will love them, and their attempts to pursue women ultimately serve as a manifestation of their own self-hatred. This becomes apparent at the end of the film, when they come to accept this realization themselves. Their epiphany closely mirrors Saira's earlier realization, further reinforcing their tendency to appropriate ideas originating from women rather than taking credit for the insight themselves.

Each member of the group has a somewhat distinct personality. The Leader is hot-headed and aggressive, frequently shouting and adopting a demanding and domineering attitude toward the others. Larry is the most sensitive and insecure of the three, often appearing comparatively softer than his fellow Maliens. Josh, by contrast, speaks in a monotone and is generally calm and collected.

== Trivia ==

• The Straight White Maliens are voiced by members of the Australian comedy troupe Aunty Donna. More specifically, The Leader is voiced by Mark Bonanno, Josh is voiced by Borden Kelly, and Larry is voiced by Zachary Ruane.
• The Straight White Maliens are a parody of male incel culture.
• It is unknown whether the Straight White Maliens are the last of their kind. However, as no other members of their species appear in the story, this is considered likely.
• Despite their name and their earlier attitudes toward women, the Leader, Josh, and Larry enter into a gay polyamorous relationship with one another during the final moments of the movie.

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